Book Review: He/She/They: How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters
He/She/They: How We Talk About Gender and Why It Matters
Hardcover – October 17, 2023
Paperback release on November 12, 2024
My stepdaughter and her wife gifted me the audio version of He/She/They by Schuyler Bailar, along with a note, “We thought you would enjoy this listen, we really did!” I was grateful and ready to listen and learn from the author, a Harvard graduate and swimmer who is the first openly transgender athlete to compete in any sport on an NCAA Division 1 men’s team, participating in the highest level of intercollegiate athletics in the U.S.
I set up the audio book on my phone and began to listen, sometimes through earbuds as I did housework, sometimes through my car speaker as I drove. Bailar leads us to a deeper understanding of gender as he shares his personal experience with raw honesty and vulnerability, and helps us understand that being transgender is not a choice, it is simply another variation of being human. I find his words particularly moving when he writes about his journey to self-acceptance and compassion for himself and others. He educates us about the gender binary in our culture and invites us into a broader understanding of gender, identity and, as the title indicates, the use of pronouns.
I have been following the bans impacting transgender athletes, part of a larger plan to promote partisan politics at the expense of transgender young people. Bailar carefully breaks down the flawed arguments for the bans as well as the harm they cause.
Over eleven hours, Bailar’s voice became familiar; I felt I had a new and wise friend. At the end of the book, he invites us to be advocates and lays out steps for us to take. He encourages us to think about broadening inclusivity in our lives and within our organizations and communities. As I continue my work as an advocate, I recommend his book and will be returning to it myself as a resource. I look forward to learning from him more as he continues his work as a transgender rights activist.
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