Covid on the Cruise
Friday, July 15, 2022
I tested positive for Covid this morning.
I took one of the rapid tests we brought, because I had a scratchy throat.
We are disembarking from the ship as planned within the hour.
View from our cabin window on the cruise.
My sore throat is slight and and I do not have a runny nose as yet.
I don’t have a fever.
I don’t really have aches and pains.
What I do feel is regret. I’ve been so careful, wearing a mask on the long flight here, wearing a mask back home in the grocery store.
But I confess I didn’t wear a mask on the tour bus. And it’s impossible to wear a mask when one is eating, is it not?
I am grateful that my symptoms are mild so far. I am grateful that my husband tested negative. I am glad we are getting off the ship today in Edinburgh and headed home after two nights here.
I am grateful that I have been vaccinated and boosted to the max.
I am not going to the breakfast on the ship. My husband is bringing me hot tea to drink before we leave.
I’ve been judgemental, I confess, of others who have taken risks during these past two and a half years. Now here I am. I’m discerning what to do the next few days.
Later in the day…
I sat in the back of the bus with my mask on and away from other passengers as the bus took us from the cruise ship to a taxi stand where we could transfer to our hotel, via a tour of the castle.
The castle was interesting, but it was hard to think about anything except the fact that I have covid!
After the tour ended and we arrived at the hotel, we checked in and then my husband and our two friends went on the walk of the Royal Mile that we had planned, while I stayed in the hotel and slept.
Here I am in front of the War Memorial Garden, part of the Castle Complex. I’m staying away from people! After the tour, the bus takes us to the train station, where we can find a taxi to our hotel. I’ll stay in the room while my husband and friends go out and about. The foggy morning is giving way to sunshine.
Saturday, July 16, 2022
What a day. The guys went to play golf, the thing to do in Scotland, apparently, and we girls went out walking the Royal Mile. I kept my mask on and we were outdoors. We found a pharmacy where I picked up some Sudafed, which always makes me “hyper.” So I was. I walked the entire day. I’d be tired on such a day if I wasn’t sick, but here I am, sitting in an outdoor Cafe in the place which inspired a certain alleyway in the Harry Potter books. I am grateful that my symptoms continue to be mild and anxious about traveling home tomorrow. I plan to sleep on the plane, with my mask on, and with as little interaction with other people as possible.
Sunday, July 17, 2022
I slept well. I took two (expired!) benadryl capsules. They made me sleepy, and they also increased my heart rate, so I may not take them again. I’m looking forward to getting home and consulting my doctor about what I should do this week.
I am anxious about traveling while sick. Because restrictions have been lifted, no one will ask me about my symptoms and no one will require a negative test. I don’t think it is good that restrictions have been lifted, but it sure is benefiting me right now in that I can get home and recover there.
Yesterday, before the guys played golf, the four of us walked around the Museum of Scotland. It was not crowded, we wore our masks, and I stayed away from other visitors. The museum opens into an atrium which is several stories high. There are exhibits on weaving wool threads into the tartan patterns. The cloned sheep “Dolly” has been preserved and is on display, the pedestal beneath her turning round and round. The conflicts between the clans, the relationship betweeen England, Scotland, and Wales, geneological charts of the monarchies and the founding of the Presbyterian Church, which I have served for nearly 40 years, all on display. Ornate wooden pulpits. The footstool a woman named Jenny threw as a protest during a church service. Engraved sterling silver platters for communion. A take away for me was: Wow, we are so prone to infighting, judgement and finding ways to create an “us” vs. “them” dynamic. We seem to be most united when we find a common enemy. I have a lot to ponder.
I am grateful that I do not have a fever and that I am able to return home today. I am grateful that my knowledge of the world has been expanded during this trip. In each human conflict, there are always those who work toward peace and reconciliation, justice and compassion. There is where I want to be, Lord. Make me an instrument of your peace.
Back on the continent of my birth, we are home and I can relax and rest. Still I have no fever. I have my sense of taste and smell, but I am tired. Breathing is a slight effort. I am grateful to be home.
Monday, July 18, 2022
Today I slept in and did not join Dan for our usual morning walk.
He tested negative before he left for work.
I said goodbye without our morning kiss.
I slept much of the morning and afternoon. I realized today that I was much more fatigued after my fourth vaccine booster than I have been after testing positive.
I am grateful that I am not very sick thus far and mindful that the virus is still a threat and danger.
Tuesday, July 19, 2022
Today I stayed home and rested. The World Health Organization announced that Covid cases have tripled across Europe during the past six weeks, account for nearly half of all global infections.
It is clear that cases are under reported. My case is not counted anywhere. People who test positive at home don’t show up in any statistical data.
I spoke with my doctor today. Because my case is mild and I don’t have certain risk factors, I’m not a candidate for the medication Paxlovid.
I sit alone in my house while my husband goes to work and I think about all those who have lost loved ones to Covid. I think about the ways in which the pandemic has changed our world forever. I consider the impact of climate change, the destruction it has caused in the global south, and the attention drawn now to Europe in the midst of a massive heat wave. I ponder political tensions and the backlash against women’s rights and the scapegoating of the LGBTQ community. I’m all alone, sitting with my laptop, and yet my words can go out and be accessed across the globe. How can I best use my voice? To lift up the plight of those who are suffering?
Today Martine would have turned 69. I wrote a reflection for her:
Today you would be 69 years old. What would you think of this world today? You left for San Francisco in early June, forty years ago. You turned 29 years old there in the city you loved, on July 19th. How did you spend your final birthday? You had five more months to live. We never heard from you after you left for California. All the other times you called or wrote. Not this time. And when you died in December of 1982, we didn't know. We didn't know. We didn't know until April of 1983.
What would you think of this world today? The pride, the strides made for the gay community, the rights and welcome, and now the loss, the push back and backlash, the hurt and pain that has not gone away. And yet, love wins in the end, and we are fighting and speaking out on behalf of all who died too soon, too young, of violence or despair or isolation or disease. We are speaking up and carrying on and working to right the wrongs, it's been too long, it's been too long.
You were a writer in San Francisco. I am searching for your words, your byline. I am telling your story, I am writing on your behalf and in your honor. You would be proud, I know. You would be proud, I am joining the fight for pride.
Wednesday, July 20, 2022
I am still testing positive. Not surprising.
While I continue to keep my Pandemic Diary, others have also been documenting these times. An elementary school principal in Jamaica, Queens recounts her experience during Covid, how it affected her school and her community. "I know this work can take you under if you let it, so I try not to let it take me,” says Pat Mitchell .
Yesterday, I heard that Dr. Fauci plans to retire at the end of Biden’s term. I admire this man so much.
I look at Twitter each day, doing some “social listening” to find out what doctors and medical professionals are saying about Covid. Many are disheartened by the lackadaisical attitude of many people about the virus, and the seeming lack of compassion or consideration for those who are at high risk of complications from the virus. I work on my writing. I send my Wordle each morning to my brother, Bob, after I solve it. I stay in touch by phone with friends and family. I pray for others.
Thursday, July 21, 2022
This morning my husband tested positive for Covid. He tested negative last night, but I suggested he test again.
He’s not feeling bad. He’s been on Zoom calls in the kitchen, and then he went outside to find projects to do.
Meanwhile, I am working on an essay.
Today my father would have been 92. What would he have thought about the the changes, just since he passed away in January of 2018? His father, who we called “Pop,” lived to be 93. But Dad did not live that long. I sigh. I have watched my friends care for and lose their parents during the pandemic. So hard. So heart breaking.
Dad, Daddy, where are you now? In that realm we can only trust and imagine?
Friday, July 22, 2022
Day two of my husband having Covid, home with me. It’s like a preview of retirement! Husband at home! Except he can’t go to Lowe’s, I joked with my sister in law.
Saturday, July 23, 2022
A regular Saturday at home. But with Covid. Both of us.
My inbox contains an email from the AARP, entitled 5 Reasons You Should Beware The BA.5 Omicron Variant, which is what we both have.
BA.5 is a subvariant of omicron, which means that it is a branch on the omicron family tree, with several mutations that set it apart from other variants of the virus, including its parent on the family tree. Many of these mutations are on the part of the virus that binds to cells, which makes it easier for the virus to dodge frontline defenses put in place by either vaccination or a previous infection. The article says that even those who had COVID-19 this winter or spring, which would include many of my friends and family, are still susceptible to catching this subvariant. BA.5 transmits from person-to-person more easily than others in the omicron family, including the original omicron variant (BA.1), which appeared in late 2021 and which caused the largest spike in infections to date.
I’m glad to know that this variant that we have does not seem to causes more severe disease than its predecessors, according to a statement by Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Director Rochelle Walensky, M.D., on July 12. It’s not causing a loss of the sense of smell, which is the case for us. We have not lost our sense of taste and smell. My daughter did when she had that different strain last summer, more than a year ago.
This variant that we have is still making people seriously ill. Each day about 5,775 people, on average, are being admitted to the hospital for COVID-19, CDC data shows. Adults 70 and older are being hospitalized at a rate much higher than younger people.
There is a link to another article reminding us that, of the one million people in the U.S. that we have lost to Covid, most were older adults.
I may emerge from this illness with more gratitude. I feel a shift within. I finished the personal essay that I have been working on for weeks and weeks. Now, who will publish it? Where to send it?
Sitting here with Covid, I pray: may we never forget the magnitude of grief and loss that is ongoing from this disease. Lord have mercy. Hear our prayers.
Sunday, July 24, 2022
I feel like I a moving in slow motion.
Today is my younger brother David’s birthday. He is 58 years old today. He and his wife had Covid early on in 2020. Many months later, he had a severe stroke, from which he has recovered, after several months with a feeding tube. Last September his wife died suddenly, unexpectedly, of a massive heart attack. It is hard to believe she is gone. Because of the massive number of deaths in Florida, where she was at the time, the results of her autopsy took months to receive. Her body was stored in a refrigerated truck because the funeral home held so many bodies. One part of this tragedy is that she did not get to meet her infant granddaughter. She was making plans to see her when she died. I did the service for Pam. Several family members spoke. It was uplifting even in the midst of sadness.
We went to David’s home in Tennessee a few months later and helped him go through the many boxes he had from our parents. We found 8mm film from our Dad’s father, Pop, that we had never seen. I had it digitized and a friend created this video of David’s childhood. Happy Birthday, David!
Monday, July 25, 2022
Today I tested negative. I still have an odd congestion, different from any I’ve ever had, even if not severe. It seems to be localized right in a certain spot in my throat. Also, I have been feeling depressed. I think this is related to not leaving the house, even for the grocery store.
Covid brain. Covid fog. Isolation is sending me further down. I have gotten very little done.
Now that I have gotten this variant it is time for me to go to the YMCA. It is time to change my schedule.
I feel for everyone who has been isolated during the pandemic. I worry that because this variant is typically not as severe, that Covid will be taken less seriously. I am grateful to be getting slowly better.
Tuesday, July 26, 2022
Today is a big day. Yet I have not posted about it on social media. Fifty years ago today, my oldest sibling, Martine, left behind a letter and left the house. She had just turned 19. I was 13. The letter was entitled Running Away From Home Note, and is an incredible piece of writing. She left because she was looking for a place for herself and, as she wrote, Alabama was not the place. She named three cities, “Huntsville is not the place, nor Birmingham, nor Tuscaloosa.” Birmingham, where our parents grew up and where we visited our grandparents growing up. Huntsville, where we grew up. Tuscaloosa, where Martine enrolled in the University of Alabama in the fall of 1971.
I am working on an essay to commemorate fifty years since she left home, seeking her place and, I know now, seeking gender affirming care. I’ve been working on this essay all summer.
I’m not doing well. I will be kind to myself today. I’ve tested negative now. This takes time.