Pandemic Diary, The First Two Years

Coronavirus 2020, from Molecular Landscapes by David S. Goodsell,

March 2020- December 2021

On Friday, March 20, 2020, I began my Pandemic Diary. I had started changing my behavior 14 days before that, when there were 3050 worldwide deaths. I stopped hugging others, but inconsistently. On Monday, March 16, I started to tally in my calendar the death toll in the world, in the U.S. and in the state in which I live. That day I cancelled an upcoming trip to see a friend in Austin, Texas. I felt compelled to write. It was dawning on me that this was historic, and a record should be kept. I wanted to give you, readers, an account of what I felt and noticed happening in the world and leave a record of my experience in these uncharted days. I began to speak of the Before Times, preceding virus spread.

Will you share with me how you are doing? So that we remember what this time is like?

Jump to a month in the Pandemic Diary:

December 2021

November 2021

October 2021

September 2021

August 2021

July 2021

June 2021

May 2021

April 2021

March 2021

February 2021

January 2021

December 2020

November 2020

October 2020

September 2020

August 2020

July 2020

June 2020

May 2020

April 2020

March 2020

Pandemic Diary: December 2021

Friday, December 17, 2021

1. On Thursday, September 30, I had my phone turned off to save battery power while my husband drove around the island of Kauai in Hawaii on vacation. We pulled our rental car into the parking spot at our hotel and I turned my phone back on and saw a text message: Mom, call me no matter what time you get this. We are fine. It is about Aunt Pam. Then my brother Bob called. Pam is dead. I was stunned, frozen, unable to get out of the car. I’m still stunned.

2. On Sunday, October 3, my husband and I arrived back in Richmond at 3 p.m. in the afternoon. The next morning at 5:30 a.m. my brother and sister in law and their two puppies picked me up at 5:30 a.m. and we traveled to Florida, to be with our youngest brother, and his son. His daughter had just given birth on September 17, and could not travel with a two week old baby. Pam never got to hold her granddaughter.

3. Nearing 3 months hence, we still do not have the results of the autopsy. I find myself researching deaths in Florida during 2020 and 2021. What good is my on line research doing?

4. I want to know whether Pam died of Covid or long haul Covid. She was not vaccinated. She and her husband, my brother, were very ill in December of 2019 as we all returned from a trip to California, and they came home by way of Sacramento. He now tests positive for Covid-19 antibodies. Most likely they both had it. Covid-19 can cause long term health effects. In 2021 my brother had a severe stroke and had to have a feeding tube for a number of months. Pam died suddenly. Very suddenly, instantaneously, it appears, and alone. Covid can go straight to heart, I have read. What is the answer?

5. Oh, God, I have questions. What happened to Pam? I have anger. Why can’t we find out sooner what happened to Pam? I sigh, a big exahale. Pam was being stored in a refrigerated truck at the funeral home. Because. There. Have. Been. So. Many. Deaths. In Florida. I will not know what happened, but I do know she is in your presence. She now knows what we can only trust and imagine. I cannot connect clear dots, specific cause and effect between the pandemic, my brother and sister-in-law’s case of Covid-19, and his stroke and her possible heart attack. I can, however, take a deep breath and do what I can to spread compassion, light and love, and knowledge of this disease, which still rampages. It seems no one is looking or caring or talking about 824,520 deaths here in the U.S., 5,356,914 in the world. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Lord have mercy.

Pandemic Diary: November 2021

Monday, November 1, 2021

1. Covid-19 has now taken the lives of 5 million people around the world, as reported by Jaclyn Diaz in this NPR article:

2. The U.S. leads the world in the number of confirmed deaths from the virus with more than 745,800 people dead from COVID-19. Brazil (with more than 607,000 deaths) and India (with more than 450,000 deaths) follow the U.S. in the number of lives lost since the start of the pandemic.

3. This official global tally only accounts for confirmed cases around the world, Amber D'Souza, professor of epidemiology at the university's Bloomberg School of Public Health, reminds us in this interview with National Geographic, "It's quite possible that the number of deaths is double what we see. But 5 million is such a staggering number on its own. No country has been able to escape it."

4. The World Health Organization recently reported a rise in cases in Europe during October.

5. Oh, God, I am experiencing a disconnect, as I see people who are living as if the pandemic is over, as I hear media of all sorts report on everything but the pandemic and the number of deaths, as if it is a forbidden topic, a taboo to mention, even as I know people who continue to take this pandemic very seriously, looking out for their own health and well-being as well as the lives of others, both those they love and neighbors near and far. Help us, we need an infusion, a vaccination of your love.

Pandemic Diary: October 2021

Tuesday, October 12, 2021

1. According to the web site worldometers, as of today there have been 4,878,599 confirmed deaths from coronavirus around the globe.

2. My country, the United States, is the third largest in the world, after China and India. On the worldometers website, China is listed as having 3 deaths per million of the population; India is listed as having 323 deaths per million of the population, and the U.S. is listed as having 2207 deaths per million of population.

3. The website Think Global Health, in an article by Christopher Troeger, reports that Covid-19 is the leading cause of death in most of Latin America and Western Europe, despite a likely undercount in many places.

4. He writes: Since the start of 2020, based on official counts, COVID-19 has killed more than 4.5 million people, including more than 630,000 in the United States, 570,000 in Brazil, and 430,000 in India….These tallies may substantially underestimate COVID-19's true death toll. In fact, some estimates suggest the total number of deaths could be more than twice as large as reported globally and up to ten times greater than reported in some countries. After accounting for unreported deaths, the total toll could be as high as the third leading cause of death, responsible for an estimated 10 million deaths, or one out of every ten deaths. About half of people globally live to 70 before they die, so causes of death that tend to kill older adults such as ischemic heart disease and stroke predominate among the most common causes of death. COVID-19 mortality is similar in that it kills very few young children or adolescents but becomes sharply more dangerous with age and disproportionately kills people over 70 years old.

5. Oh, God, I try to understand the toll, the tally, the extent of loss of life, the widespread grief and fear and sadness. An internet search won’t reveal the truth, your truth, the compassion is a matter of life and death. Compassion saves lives. Wearing a mask out of consideration for others is kind and gracious. Helping someone get the vaccine and getting it ourselves protects us and furthers public health. Using our anger to fuel acts of love for others, rather than increasing our rants against those who perpetuate destructive acts and speech, will spread your love and care. Oh, God, use me, for your good: my life, my anger, my circumstances. May your love flow through me.

Wednesday, October 6, 2021

1. I am here in the state of Florida, having come to comfort my youngest brother, whose wife died suddenly and unexpectedly less than a week ago.

2. In this state, there have been 55,662 confirmed deaths from covid.

3. But how many unconfirmed deaths from Covid? Who is tracking?

4. During the week of September 15, the state of Florida quietly began releasing current county COVID-19 death data again on a federal website, more than three months after state officials stopped publicly reporting the information. However, the state will not release information on how many people have died of COVID-19 since the pandemic began. Federal and state data disagree on Florida's county-level COVID-19 deaths. Florida has been accused of breaking public-records laws by refusing to release COVID-19 data, with a lawsuit having been filed.

5. Oh, God, in my grief over Pam’s death, I feel anger as well, as I worry that her death could have been prevented. Could it have been prevented God? I want to change the outcome, bargain with you. Yet in my prayer yesterday I acknowledged that she is in your divine presence, knows your resurrection love and power, and can see now what we can only trust and imagine. Oh, God, I direct my anger to those who have politicized public health and science. DeSantis, the current governor of Florida,  prohibited cities and counties from enforcing mask mandates, forgave fines against those who had flouted the mandates, banned school districts from requiring students to wear masks and threatened to impose fines in the millions against governments that require employees to get vaccinated. A DeSantis-inspired bill passed the Legislature that banned businesses, including cruise lines, from requiring proof of vaccinations. DeSantis also has stopped aggressively promoting vaccines and mistakenly stated that vaccines benefit the individual who gets one, but not the public at large. Perhaps worse, the governor indulged a speaker who repeated a false vaccine conspiracy. Lord have mercy. God, may my anger energize me to action and compassion, may my bitterness and rageful ranting dissolve into kindness and gracious, helpful speech.

Tuesday, October 5, 2021

1. My sister-in-law passed away suddenly and unexpectedly while we were in Hawaii, toward the end of our trip.

2. We returned on Sunday at 3 p.m.; the following morning my older brother Bob and sister in law and their two puppies picked me up at 5:30 a.m. to travel to Florida to meet up with our younger brother.

3. We are about to go to the private family identification of her body. It is not a viewing or a visitation.

4. We will not know for several months what her cause of death was, as the report will not come back for many weeks. She at home and seemingly very quickly. This is a comfort of sorts. She appears not to have suffered in death. It is also devastating and we have all been in denial and shock, stunned.

5. Oh, God, help me be present for my now widowed brother. Oh, God, surround him with your love, and sustain their young adult children, and bring health to the newborn granddaughter who has just come into this world and who was never held in her grandmother’s arms. Now her grandmother is in your arms. May we remember the sure and certain hope of the power of your resurrection love.

Pandemic Diary: September 2021

Friday, September 24, 2021

1. We are in Honolulu.

2. I was ambivalent about coming, as the governor of Hawaii had asked visitors to postphone their trips.

3. I am very impressed with the procedures and policies the Hawaiian government has put in to place to screen visitors.

4. We were able to upload our vaccination information to a special site and show our status to each hotel and vendor. We were also screened for symptoms of Covid-19.

5. Oh, God, I have learned so much about these islands, your beautiful creation, as I read many books in order to prepare for this visit. I give thanks for the Hawaiian people and for those who work towards justice for the native people. Oh, God, may we be thoughtful and respector visitors to this exquisite place of beauty, where blue water and sky meet, black lava rocks give way to tropical forrests, and people with diverse ancestry come together.

Thursday, September 23, 2021

1. Today, my husband and I are traveling to Hawaii.

2. A vacation, the first we have taken, just the two of us, since September of 2018.

3. In 2019, we took trips with our daughters, and in early 2020, we went skiing with one of our daughters and her fiancee, just before Covid began to wisely spread.

4. Is this a good idea? We made the plan as it seemed safe to travel if one was vaccinated, before the spread of the Delta variant increased one’s chances of getting Covid-19, even if one received the vaccine. On August 24, the governor of Hawaii asked tourists to postpone their trips. Tourism surged when the islands reopened to visitors in October 2020, and my daughter and her husband traveled to Hawaii, after being vaccinated, as well as a dear young friend of mine on her honeymoon in May of 2021. That same month, this post appeared from Andrew Towers, co-founder of the Hawaiian audio tour company, Shaka Guide, encouraging travelers to be vaccinated and tested and to be responsible during their trip.

5. God, here we are, traveling to Hawaii just as experts eye more travel testing to contain Covid in Hawaii. I have been reading and listening to Hawaiian authors tell the story of their country and annexed state in preparation. May we be respectful travelers, safe and considerate, as we go.

Wednesday, September 22, 2021

1. Coronavirus is now deadlier than the influenza pandemic of 1918-1920.

2. The U.S. reported 675,444 total confirmed coronavirus on Monday according to a tally from Johns Hopkins University, surpassing the number of Americans believed to have died during the Flu of 1918 and making the coronavirus the most deadly pandemic in American history.

3. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, an estimated 675,000 Americans died between 1918 and 1919 of H1N1 virus that came to be called the Spanish Flu when Spanish media reported on it more than other countries that were fighting World War I.

4. It was the most deadly pandemic in U.S. history until Monday, when confirmed coronavirus deaths overtook the death toll for the Spanish Flu.

5. Oh, God, coronavirus deaths surpassed the 1918 influenza deaths despite the development and distribution of safe and effective vaccines, which did not exist for the previous pandemic. An estimated 50 million people around the world died of the Spanish Flu according to the CDC, while nearly 4.7 million coronavirus deaths were reported globally Monday. Oh, God, it breaks my heart that this grim milestone comes as the U.S. faces another wave of the pandemic. New coronavirus infections began picking up in early June after they had largely dropped earlier this year amid widespread vaccine distribution. Vaccination rates began falling in April. The CDC said last week that unvaccinated patients are 11 times more likely to die of coronavirus than people who are fully inoculated. Since the early days of the pandemic, the U.S. has been the hardest-hit country with more than 42 million confirmed coronavirus infections, more than any other nation. Experts believe the official count for coronavirus cases and deaths are an undercount and don’t reflect the true toll of the pandemic because coronavirus cases aren’t always correctly identified. Lord have mercy. Ignite our compassion with the power of your spirit.

Tuesday, September 21, 2021

1. I grew up in Alabama. From my birth in 1959 to 1975, Alabama was my home.

2. I weep as I consider how Covid-19 has impacted the state of my birth. As I grew up in Alabama, I aspired to be a teacher. Now, teachers in Alabama keep dying from Covid-19, leaving behind grief and frustration inside schools.

3. David Leonhardt of the New York Times writes that other countries are awash in Covid tests. The U.S. is not.

4. He points out that Covid isn’t disappearing anytime soon. So long as it continues to circulate and cause both serious illness and anxiety, rapid testing is arguably the only way society can return to something that resembles normal life.

5. Oh, God, I pray that compassion would rise, denial would break, and we would work toward the health and safety of your children.

Monday, September 20, 2021

1. David Leonhardt of the New York Times offers an update on the pandemic in four charts.

2. Leonardt points out that the current Covid situation remains terrible in much of the U.S. Hospitals in the Mountain West, Southeast and Appalachia are filled with Covid patients. Doctors and nurses are overwhelmed and exhausted. The number of nationwide Covid deaths — which typically lags the trends in new cases by a few weeks — has continued rising recently. About 2,000 Americans are dying every day.

3. The situation here is worse than in almost any other country. The U.S. death rate over the past two weeks, adjusted for population, is more than twice as high as Britain’s, more than seven times as high as Canada’s and more than 10 times as high as Germany’s. If Mississippi were its own country, it would have one of the world’s worst total death tolls per capita, CNN’s Jake Tapper noted yesterday.

4. The situation here is worse than in almost any other country. The U.S. death rate over the past two weeks, adjusted for population, is more than twice as high as Britain’s, more than seven times as high as Canada’s and more than 10 times as high as Germany’s. If Mississippi were its own country, it would have one of the world’s worst total death tolls per capita, CNN’s Jake Tapper noted yesterday.

5. Oh, God, my heart breaks as I read that our situation is worse than almost any other country. As I think of the suffering in the deep south, I am overcome with grief. Move your spirit in our midst, that we may rise with your compassion and act in ways that care for our neighbors, near and far.

Tuesday, September 19, 2021

1. Today, Hawaii records 12 new coronavirus related deaths and 474 additional infections.

2. Here are 9 signs of a delta variant infection, according to Dr. Fauci: fever, cough, muscle or body aches, loss of sense of smell or taste, shortness of breath, sore throat, GI symptoms, such as vomiting or diarrhea, and fatigue.

3. The Delta variant may bring long-haul Covid symptoms. "Long COVID is a constellation of signs and symptoms characterized particularly by extreme fatigue, unexplained shortness of breath, muscle aches, dysautonomia—which is temperature dysregulation, or unexplained tachycardia—sleep disturbances, depression and anxiety, and what referred to as brain fog or an inability to concentrate.

4. Dr. Fauci says "This is a bit of a confusing virus, because I've never seen one in which the protean manifestations are so extreme," Dr. Fauci said last year. You might have an asymptomatic infection—"they don't even know they're infected unless they get tested. Then you get some that get minor symptoms, moderate symptoms, severe symptoms, hospitalization and death." He said to everyone: "You've got to think not only out of your vacuum, and think of not only your personal responsibilities, but your societal responsibilities. Because although you may not get sick, almost certainly you're going to infect somebody else, who almost certainly infects somebody else. And then you will get a vulnerable person who will be sick, who will go to the hospital, who might die. So the best way to reopen the country and to get back to normal is to be very prudent in protecting yourself from getting infected." Get vaccinated.

5. Oh, God, may we act with compassion, take the advice of those to whom you have given knowledge and expertise, and care for your children, near and far.

Pandemic Diary: August 2021

Wednesday, August 11, 2021

I feel sick writing this. Not that I am myself physically ill, but a sense of grief down in my gut.

1. My youngest has Covid, a breakthrough infection. I feel all the stages of grief. Denial, as she told me she had lost her sense of taste and smell and her doctor recommended a Covid test. Can this be true? Denial helps us pace our grief, and this was so for me, as I could only let sink in as much as I could comprehend in that moment. When she received a positive test result this morning, my denial increased and I could feel nothing for a while, until my tears began to flow. Then, I felt bursts of anger, at the pandemic itself, at those who will not mask, who will not accept the free vaccine, anger at the way in which the pandemic has been politicized, leading to mass death around the globe, as of today 4,336,665 lives lost. Anger served to mask my fear and sadness, my fear of the unknown long-term effects of Covid, my sadness that my child is suffering and afraid. My anger is fueled by the intensity of my love, it moves me beyond my numbness and my shock. I found myself bargaining, thinking what I could have done to stop this, what I could do now to prevent a worse infection. I ordered a small device that she could use to check her oxygen and pulse and had it shipped to her. If I do this, I can prevent a worsening outcome. And then today depression hit. I’ve lost the innocence and status of having a child protected from the virus by the vaccine. I cannot change the fact that she has break through Covid. I must come to terms, face reality and take action.

2. Now I’m moving into acceptance as I face the new reality of our family. There is a sense of coming to terms with our mortality and vulnerability, as human beings, she and I. My acceptance will not mean that I am okay with her having Covid. It will mean that I have assessed the situation and have begun to assert my agency, doing what is in my power to do, which is to demonstrate compassion and act in a loving way.

3. My daughter and I spent time talking about the best course of action, and decided it was prudent for her to come home where she can still isolate safely from us, apart from her small apartment where she would need to isolate her roommate, who has tested negative. We talked through how she would communicate and implement taking time off from work, who to call for support and guidance, and how to communicate with those who need to know.

4. Oh, God, my daughter and I shed tears together today, from a distance, out of doors, tears for those who have lost loved ones, tears prompted by our fear. I know I will keep wavering in the coming days, denial asserting itself, anger bursting forth, bargaining as I return to thinking I can do something to stop this from being real, depression, as I feel a sense of frozen helplessness, masking fear and sadness. God, we are a Covid family, and we were already, with our oldest surely having Covid at the start, all the symptoms and the sickness, but no testing available to her at that time, in March of 2020. Now we are a break through Covid family, figuring out what next to do. May we inspire and influence others to take the vaccine, helping them to understand that it prevents a fatal outcome for the breakthrough Covid case. I hope and pray and trust that this is so. I am grateful. I am trusting. I release myself to you, Oh God, tonight.

Friday, August 6, 2021

1. Today I spoke with a friend who is a pastor in Austin, Texas. She said there were no ICU beds in the city.

2. One of her church members had a heart event and needed surgery, but was unable to be admitted because there were no ICU beds. The man went to three different hospitals before he was able to get the care he needed.

3. This friend lost her elderly father-in-law during Covid, not from Covid, but she and her husband feel that the isolation of Covid was a factor in the health of this dear man’s increasingly fragile state.

4. A leader of the Republican party in Texas has died of Covid. Last Friday, he republished a Facebook post implying that vaccines don’t work, as he continued to rail against the vaccine on social media. He was also known for being against the wearing of masks, and  had posted on Facebook in May  about a “mask burning” party 900 miles away in Cincinnati, stating that he wished was was able to attend.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for those who are spreading the news that wearing masks and social distancing works. I give thanks for those who publicly advocate for the public good and encourage making use of the vaccine. It is easy for me to be angry blame others. Open my heart that I may be compassionate and understanding, influencing by word, manner and action. Raise up leaders with strength and courage whose energy is directed toward the good. Free me from my bitterness and anger that I my energy and efforts may be used to channel divine grace and love.

Pandemic Diary: July 2021

Friday, July 30, 2021

1. The next 10 days are extremely significant for me personally, as I polish my manuscript for submission on August 10 to an editor I have been paired with in the Book Development Program of Queens University of Charlotte.

2. Meanwhile, I have begun to wear a mask again in public spaces.

3. The Fourth Surge is here.

4. Meanwhile, more than three million people here in my country are facing the threat of eviction.

5. Oh, God, I am entering a period of intense focus for myself. Guide me, center me, infuse me with your Spirit, your Spirit of compassion, of creativity, of love, of infinite wisdom, of Sophia, of Ruach. Invisible only in its effects, your Spirit swirls around and within us, giving us breath and life. With gratitude for author Anne Lamott, Help, Thanks, Wow.

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

1. The Delta variant accounts for 83% of U.S. cases, a major concern.

2. Scientific American reports that this more transmissable form of the virus is a threat to the unvaccinated and the partially vaccinated.

3. Designated as a “variant of concern” by the CDC, the Delta version was first confirmed in India, has spread to at least 77 countries and is between 40 and 60 percent more transmissible than the Alpha variant first identified in the U.K.—which was already 50 percent more transmissible than the original viral strain first detected in Wuhan, China.

4. Delta and another variant called Gamma, first identified in Brazil, are rapidly replacing Alpha, which had previously been the most common U.S. variant.

5. Oh, God, I am worried, less than half of our U.S. population is fully vaccinated, and even fewer in the south and mountain west. My country has suffered the greatest loss of life, 624,998 confirmed deaths and there are 20 more countries who have lost more citizens per million of the population, Peru at 5837, Hungary at 3116, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Czechia, Gibraltar, San Marion, Bulgar, North Macedonia, Montenegro, Brazil, Slovakia, Columbia, Argentina, Belgium, Slovenia, Italy, Croatia and Poland, all over 2000 per million of the population, with the United Kingdom and, my country at just under 2000 per million of our population. Help us clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience (Colossians 3:12) and put the concerns of others, those who grieve, those who are ill, those we can influence to get the vaccine, before our own concerns.

Friday, July 2, 2021

1. It is raining here at Virginia Beach.

2. I am here to work on my book, Martine: A Memoir, The Disappearance, Mysterious Death and Discovery of My Transgender Sister.

3. I opened windows and turned off the air conditioning so that I could feel the moist air and hear the rain.

4. Earlier, I walked to the beach, saw the storm coming, layers, variations of gray sky on the horizon to the left, blue shades and white puffy clouds on the right. As I headed back along the boardwalk that leads to the street, the sun cast rays of light behind me and I turned around. Beauty in the midst of danger. Awe in the face of threat.

5. God, I turn to Psalm 8. O Lord, our Sovereign, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established; who are we human beings that you are mindful of us, mortals that you care for us? Yet you have given us dominion over the works of your hands. God, we have misunderstood this trust. Liz Jakimow puts it this way: Rather than giving human beings rights over nature, these verses give us the responsibility to care for nature in a way that is consistent with your will. God, thank you for Liz and others attentive to our interaction with this world you have created, who are helping us understand the origins of this pandemic.

Thursday, July 1, 2021

1. Today I wore a mask to the grocery store.

2. I read an article by Aniruddha Ghosal, science writer for the Associated Press, who explained the Delta variant:

   It's a version of the coronavirus that has been found in more than 80 countries since it was first detected in India, and designated as the “Delta” variant by the World Health Organization, which names notable variants after letters of the Greek alphabet. Viruses are constantly mutating, creating the possibility that some variants might evolve enough to be more contagious, cause more severe illness or evade the protection that vaccines provide.

3. The Delta variant is definitely more contagious than others. It spreads more easily because of mutations that make it better at latching on to cells in our bodies. It is now responsible for 90% of all new infections in the United Kingdom. It the United States it represents 20% of new infections and is likely to become the dominate variant.

4. It is not clear yet whether it causes more severe illness, but studies do show that the current vaccines provide protection against variants, including this one.

5. God, I was so afraid at the beginning of the pandemic. Then, I took my mask off when going into indoor spaces. Now I am putting it back on. In part, I think I am sending a message to others in public that the pandemic is still with us. Of course, they might think I am not vaccinated or that I have a compromised immune system. I am vaccinated and I do have a compromised immune system. Oh, God, help us look beyond ourselves and live with concern and courtesy for others. Help me and others like me who have survived the pandemic to have compassion for those who have lost loved ones, those who have long term covid symptoms, and those who live in fear of the vaccine itself, refusing to receive it. Stir us with your Spirit, cover us with your grace.

Pandemic Diary: June 2021

Friday, June 18, 2021

1. Today is the first federal Juneteenth holiday in American history.

2. Only one state doesn’t recognize Juneteenth: South Dakota.

3. Meanwhile, the Delta variant is concerning, especially for those who are not vaccinated.

4. As David Leonhardt of the New York Times reported recently, cases are no longer falling. However, vaccines vastly reduce the number of Covid cases of any kind and virtually eliminate death.

5. Oh, God, I am no longer afraid of Covid-19. I do not spend my days obsessing over the numbers of cases and the death toll. Oh, God, help me, guide us, so that those of us who are vaccinated and safe do not forget the danger still around the world and the depth of loss and grief. May we not forget the extent of loss, 616,440 recorded deaths in the U.S. alone. Oh, God, it is tempting to go about my day and follow my own concerns. Give us compassion and sensitivity for those in grief. Oh, God, bless those who have worked to cease the spread and innoculate your children against this disease. Fill us with your love and grace.

Pandemic Diary: May 2021

Saturday, May 15, 2021

1. Pandemic weddings.

2. I officiated one, August 28, 2020, my lovely daughter and her groom beside the river, ten of us.

3. I officiated another, a group of fifteen, all masked, except me and the bride and groom umasked for vows and prayers, and proclamation, husband, now, and wife. I left, smiling, before the small reception.

4. Today, another wedding, eighty people, all fully vaccinated. My husband and I boarded a plane for Austin, my first time on a plane since December 2019. The bride, my dear friend’s daughter, the groom I’d never met. Such love and joy and wonder.

5. God, thank you for these moments when love shines above all else:

Day Four Hundred and Eleven

Tuesday, May 4, 2021

1. Here in my state of Virginia, as of Monday morning, more than 3.8 million Virginians ,(45.1%), have received at least one dose and 2.7 million people were fully vaccinated (32%). Similarly, CDC data shows 147 million Americans (44.3%) have gotten their first dose and nearly 105 million people (31.6%) are fully vaccinated.

2. It has been a while since I have looked at the website worldometers.

3. Early in the pandemic I consulted it most every day.  Why did I stop?  The numbers are still horrifying.

4. Today, 33,274,659 confirmed cases here in my country, and 592,409 confirmed deaths.  It feels to me like no one is talking about the fact that we are facing 600,000 deaths.

5. Oh, God, please bring relief to the people of India, whose country is second to my own with 20,658,234 confirmed cases. Oh, God, please bring relief to the people of Brazil, whose country is second to my own with 411,854 confirmed deaths. Oh, God, please bring relief to the countries who have suffered the highest number of cases of Covid-19 per one million of the population: Andorra, with 172,110; Montenegro, with 155,720; Czechia, with 152,609; San Marino, with  149,069l; Gibraltar, with 127,245; Gibraltar, with 127,245; Slovenia, with 116,766; Luxembourg, with 106,607; Bahrain, with 103,889; and my country, who is next on the list at 100,034 per one million of our population. Oh, God, these statistics are cold numbers, difficult for my human mind to comprehend and connect to living human beings, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, partners, spouses, children, grandparents, lifelong friends, work colleagues, neighbors.  Oh, God, so much loss, so much suffering.  Enliven us with your compassion, animate us with your lovingkindness, that we may comfort those who grieve and be the presence of your love.

Day Four Hundred and Eight

Saturday, May 1, 2021

1. Last night my daughter and son-in-law arrived!

2. With their two PUPPIES!

3. Now we have six adults and four PUPPIES! My brother and sister in law and their two dogs arrived yesterday.

4. We are all fully vaccinated! YIPPEEE!

5. Oh, God, there is joy in the pandemimc, and here it is. Joy of family, joy of hugs, joy of walking dogs under new spring leaves of trees and birdsong, joy of silliness and jokes, joy of future plans, joy of your gift of life! Thank you, God, I am grateful. Use me to share your love.

Pandemic Diary: April 2021

Day Four Hundred and Seven

Friday, April 30, 2021

1. My brother Bob is here!

2. And my sister-in-law is here, too!

3. And their two PUPPIES!!!!!!

4. It is so nice to HUG! We are all fully vaccinated!

5. Oh, God, thank you for sisters, brothers, sisters-in-law, brothers-in-law; thank you for life partners, and children and PUPPIES! Oh, God, heal our daughter who is feeling ill after the second vaccine. Oh, God, heal our nation, our planet, and our land. Oh, God, infuse us with your spirit of divine grace that we may be the healing force of your love.

Day Three Hundred and Ninety-Seven

“Blurs’day”, April 20, 2021

1. Has the pandemic blurred your sense of time?

2. It has for me. Experts say this is not uncommon.

3. Allison Holman, professor at the University of California Irvine school of nursing, led a team of researchers that surveyed more than 6,500 Americans about their mental health in the spring and fall of 2020. Their findings from the spring surveys were published in September in the journal Science Advances.

4. Blursday in technical, psychological terms is "temporal disintegration," the fragmentation of personal time in which time is experienced as non- linear. In this state we lose the continuity from past, present and future, Holman says. But we need a stable sense of past, present and future. Our past informs who we are, our immediate experiences comprise our present and we build our perceived future when we set short- and long-term goals. In the context of major life trauma this sense of the future is often just shut down.

5. Oh, God, thank you for Holman and others who help us understand how the pandemic has played havoc with our sense of time. Oh, God, a “thousand years in your sight are but as yesterday when it is past (Psalm 90:4) and “for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven,” (Ecclesiastes 3:3). Oh, God, in the midst of our human sense of time, may we not grow weary of being your compassionate presence of love in the world, for the seeds of kindness we plant now will grow in due time, especially when nurtured with our persistence. (Galatians 6:9)

Day Three Hundred and Ninety-Six

Monday, April 19, 2021

1. Are you finding it hard to talk with loved ones or friends about the vaccine?

2. I have some relatives who are hesitant.

3. Allyson Chiu, of the Washington Post, in her article, Vaccine Conversations Can Be Messy: Here's How to Talk About The Shots, notes that even as there are millions of us in the United States eager to receive one of the coronavirus vaccines, there remains a significant number of people who are hesitant about the shots or reject them altogether. Because of this disconnect in thinking, we are sometimes or even often finding it difficult to navigate conversations with loved ones who have divergent views about the vaccines, as well as social situations involving those with different vaccination statuses.

4. She cites a poll conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation in March showing that while the share of Americans who have gotten vaccinated or want to right away is growing, 17 percent of were still taking a wait-and-see approach, 7 percent were planning to get vaccinated only if required and 13 percent said they would definitely not get a vaccine.

5. Oh, God, our sacred text in Colossians 4:6 provides guidance for us to let our speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that we may know how we ought to answer each person. Oh, God, thank you for Chiu who suggests that we manage our expectations and set boundaries, acknowledge our concerns and learn the reasons for them, refrain from lecturing, threatening or shaming, and tune in to when it is time to back off of the conversation. Oh, God, thank you for your words in Proverbs 16:24: Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. Oh, God, I love these references to salt and honey in your words. May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, for you are my rock and my redeemer (Psalm 19:4).

Day Three Hundred and Ninety-Five

Sunday, April 18, 2021

1. The New York Times reports that my country, the United States, Brazil and Mexico are leading the world in Covid-19 deaths.

2. Infections globally total more than 140 million.

3. The world recorded one million deaths for the first time on Sept. 28, 2020; there were two million as of Jan. 15, less than four months later. The third million took just three months.

4. All through the last year, Pacific Rim countries staved off disaster through an array of strict public health measures. Now they have the slowest vaccination roll out in the developed world. This poses of a risk of undoing their success so far in keeping the virus at bay and slowing down their economic recovery.

5. Oh, God, three countries having the highest death rates from Covid-19: my own, Brazil and Mexico. Oh, God, raise up leaders and influencers who will get the vaccine to the people and assist their citizens to receive. Oh, God, turn our hearts to you that we may be filled with your spirit and shine your light of love and compassion and care for all people across the globe.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Day Three Hundred and Ninety-Four

Saturday, April 17, 2021

1. A weary world takes stock as deaths surpass $3 million, writes Mike Ives, Sameer Yasir, and Muktita Suhartono for the New York Times:

2. This unimaginable number is roughly equivalent to losing the population of Berlin, Chicago or Taipei.

3. As our country and other rich nations race to vaccinate their populations, new hot spots have emerged in parts of Asia, Eastern Europe and Latin America. The global pace of deaths is accelerating. The exponential rate of death from the virus was evident after the coronavirus emerged in the Chinese city of Wuhan, as the pandemic claimed a million lives in nine months, took another four months to kill its second million, and just three months to kill a million more.

4. Many millions more have been sickened by the virus, some with effects that may last for years or even a lifetime. Livelihoods have been ruined. Global work and travel have been disrupted in profound and potentially long-lasting ways. The official toll almost certainly does not account for all the pandemic-related deaths in the world. Some of those deaths may have been mistakenly attributed to other causes, like flu or pneumonia, while others have died as a result of the vast disruptions of life.

5. Oh, God, some of us seem to be turning a corner, as my country and Britain are seeing death rates drop in recent weeks following aggressive vaccination programs. Oh, God, in the Holy Land, 56 percent of the population has been fully vaccinated. But, God, new outbreaks are still cropping up persistently in countries with a great wealth of resources, shocking millions of people — from Madrid to Los Angeles — who once expected regular life to resume in tandem with vaccine rollouts. Oh, God, the people of France, in the throes of a third national lockdown, there is a a deep sense of fatigue and frustration has taken root over a seemingly endless cycle of coronavirus restrictions. We are impatient. We expect to return to normal. Oh, God, give us patience to extend behaviors which contribute to the health of our communities. Give us the ability to see beyond our own needs, even beyond our own countries, to the ties which bond us all together as your people around the globe. May we work for the common good of your created beings and this beautiful earth you have given as our home to share with one another.

Day Three Hundred and Ninety-Three

Friday, April 16, 2021

1. Scientific American gives a round up of coronavirus news for the past week.

2. Many experts now agree that schools can re-open safely if they implement coronavirus control measures including mask wearing, physical distancing of three feet with masks on and six feet with masks off per recently updated CDC guidelines and good ventilation, and good ventilation. The CDC also reports that the risk of infection with Covid-19 through touching a contaminated surface is very low. \The primary way that the virus is spread is through inhalation of tiny virus-carrying droplets in the air in unventilated spaces. I think this is why I can now bring my own bags to my favorite local grocery store, which had forbidden this out of concern for safety.

3. Dr. Anthony Fauci, head of the U.S. Center for Allergy and Infectious Diseases since 1984, says that, despite being vaccinated, he will still not travel, dine indoors at restaurants, go to the movies or spend time with unmasked crowds indoors. His only relaxation of precautions is that he now is comfortable with small, unmasked, indoor gatherings at home, presumably with hugs allowed.

4. Fauci’s concern reportedly is the uncertainty about whether vaccinated people can spread the virus if they get infected, which is consistent with the CDC guidelines which say that vaccinated Americans should continue to wear a mask in public at all times and avoid medium- and large-sized in-person gatherings.

5. Oh, God, I am so very grateful toa thugs are now officially blessed by disease experts for those who are fully vaccinated! Oh, God, I pray for those who are getting vaccines to hesitant populations, countries which cannot afford to purchase and distribute the vaccine. Oh, God, may we rejoice in embracing our loved ones, and may our hearts expand with concern for neighbors near and far, who are in need.

Day Three Hundred and Ninety-Two

Thursday, April 15, 2021

1. A coronavirus epidemic might have hit Asia about 25,000 years ago.

2. Descendants of the outbreak may have inherited some DNA that affects their response to COVID-19.

3. An ancient coronavirus, or a closely related pathogen, triggered an epidemic among ancestors of present-day East Asians roughly 25,000 years ago, a new study indicates.

4. Analysis of DNA from more than 2,000 people shows that genetic changes in response to that persistent epidemic accumulated over the next 20,000 years or so, David Enard, an evolutionary geneticist at the University of Arizona in Tucson, reported April 8 at the virtual annual meeting of the American Association of Physical Anthropologists. The finding raises the possibility that some East Asians today have inherited biological adaptations to coronaviruses or closely related viruses.

5. Oh, God, thank you for scientsits such as David Enard, whose discovery opens the way to exploring how genes linked to ancient viral epidemics may contribute to modern disease outbreaks. Oh, God, Enard and his colleagues have studied us, consulting a DNA database of 2,504 individuals from 26 ethnic populations on five continents, including Chinese Dai, Vietnamese Kinh and African Yoruba people, and focusing on 420 proteins known to interact with coronaviruses, including 332 that interact with SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19. Oh, God, bless them as they explore these interactions, which could range from boosting immune responses to making it easier for a virus to hijack a cell. We are your complex creation. You have made us in your image. You have given us knowledge, curiosity, and the great capacity for love. Infuse us with your Spirit, that we may choose justice and mercy, turn from selfish concerns, and allow your lovingkindness to work through us for the good of all your precious children.

Day Three Hundred and Ninety-One

Wednesday, April 14, 2021

1. Last August, ten of us gathered for our daughter’s wedding and I performed the ceremony. It was lovely, magical, by the river.

2. This June we are having a bridal luncheon, with friends and aunts and now we will all be vaccinated.

3. The vaccine brings hope and possibilities, and I am grateful.

4. Yet, I worry. There is vaccine hesitancy. There is inequitable distribution of the vaccine around the globe.

5. Oh, God, thank you for those who create, distribute and promote the vaccine. Thank you for the joy of love, the celebration of family gathering, the magic of friendship. Oh, God, may we be kind and compassionate to one another, strangers and friends, far and near.

Day Three Hundred and Ninety

Tuesday, April 13, 2021

1. A woman in my home state of Virginia has died after receiving the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

2. Virginia has now halted the use of the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.

3. The rare blood clots that that may be associated with J&J's single-dose vaccine that may be associated with J&J’s single-dose vaccine are exceedingly rare.

4. Common side effects after getting a COVID-19 vaccine can include arm pain and normal flu-like symptoms for a couple days afterward. Those aren't pleasant, but they aren't what officials are concerned about. What is of concern are different, more severe symptoms associated with the clots, particularly between one and three weeks after the shot. Those include severe headache, backache, abdominal pain, shortness of breath, leg swelling, tiny red spots on the skin or bruising.

5. Oh, God, sustain those who work at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention who have issued advice to help doctors spot these rare clots and safely treat them. Help us support and care for one another in the midst of vaccine anxiety on many levels. Bring comfort to those who have lost loved ones to the virus and those who have lost loved ones who have received the vaccine. I can only imagine the pain they are feeling. Increase our imaginations so that we can extend empathy and compassion to those who are hurting.

Day Three Hundred and Eighty-Nine

Monday, April 12, 2021

1. There are more women than men getting the vaccine.

2. A third dose being tested for its efficacy in fighting off the variants of the virus.

3. I received a “strictly confidential” letter today from AstraZeneca because I was a study participant. The letter addresses the “extremely rare” blood clotting events which have been reported in the media as affecting recipients of the AstraZeneca vaccine.

4. I signed up to be a study participant. But, on the day I was to receive the vaccine, they started by drawing several vials of blood, and I become dizzy, light headed and nauseous. I experienced a vasovagal syncope, something which occurs when we faint because our body overreacts to certain triggers, such as the sight of blood or extreme emotional distress. My heart rate and blood pressure suddenly dropped. They did not give the vaccine that day and rescheduled me. Then, I decided to drop out. And I did.

5. Oh, God, energize and sustain those who work tirelessly to distribute the vaccine. Oh, God, reduce our hesitancy and activate us to get the vaccine and to encourage our loved ones also to receive it. Oh, God, steer us to look beyond the borders of our nation and tend to the needs of other continents and peoples who do not have vaccines available to them. Oh, God, lift our heads and raise our awareness of all your precious children and spark our compassion to advocate for availability of the vaccine for all.

Day Three Hundred and Eighty-Eight

Sunday, April 11, 2021

1. This morning I learned of the tragic death of a friend, colleague and former parishioner, a mother who leaves behind her husband and two children.

2. I am devastated, as are all who knew her. She was hit by a car while walking their dog.

3. She had survived serious illness which threatened her life multiple times. In the midst of a globe pandemic, it was not the virus that took her life.

4. I covered my face with my hands as my eyes stung and filled with tears, and walked to my husband for a beare hug. So many lives lost and this, another precious life taken.

5. Oh, God, today I watched the on line service for the church I last served. The current pastor announced this loss at the beginning of the service. The choir director sang a solo which brought streaming tears, for she explained how she had been led to sing this song, not knowing how meaningful it would be as a tribute to the one we lost. Oh, God, I remember the words of Jesus, “I am the resurrection and the life.” Oh, God, you have received her into your everlasting home. Oh, God, may we live this life knowing that you hold us in life and in death. Help us to live as those who are prepared to die, and help us die as those who are prepared for life eternal.

Day Three Hundred and Eighty-Seven

Saturday, April 10, 2021

1. Next Thursday I will be fully vaccinated.

2. I received the Moderna vaccine in South Carolina on Monday, March 1, having traveled from my home in Richmond, Virginia, with my daughter, as “vaccine tourists.” Vaccine hesitancy was widespread in South Carolina and an abundance of appointments for vaccines were going unused. Meanwhile, at the time, finding a vaccine appointment in Richmond and surrounding areas was nearly impossible.

3. By the time I was ready for the second shot of the Moderna vaccine, four weeks later, appointments were abundant in Richmond, and I was able to receive it on April 1st.

4. What can I do once I am fully vaccinated? Is it indoors? Will I be there for more than one hour? Will the activity be high intensity or involve shouting? Yes to any of these increases risk. Will there be more than 10 people? Will I be around many people I don’t know? Yes to these also increase risk. Will everyone be vaccinated? Will they be practicing social distancing? Yes to these reduce risk.

5. Oh, God, activate our sensitivity to others and our ability to be flexible and change our plans and adjust as researchers learn more about how long immunity from the vaccines last and how effective they are against new variants that arise. Oh, God, thank you for those you use their gift and passion for exploring your creation, our bodies, other creatures and our environment, to work for the common good and for our health. Oh, God, open our ears to hear them and heed their words, which come to us from many hours of research and study and great expertise.

Day Three Hundred and Eighty-Six

Friday, April 9, 2021

1. United States coronavirus cases have increased again after hitting a low point, and some of the states driving the trend have also been hit hardest by variants, a new analysis shows.

2. Scientific American, in their round up for the past week, notes that the U.S. is struggling to distribute COVID-19 vaccines equitably by race and income.

3. They cite surveys which suggest that many of us are experiencing “behavioral anhedonia” in response to the prolonged stress, social isolation and monotony of the pandemic, reports Sarah Lyall at The New York Times (4/3/21). Sources in the story describe fatigue, low productivity, diminished enthusiasm for life tasks, difficulty focusing one’s mind, and general burn-out. “Stress is OK in small amounts, but when it extends over time it’s very dangerous. It disrupts our cycles of sleep and our regular routines in things like exercise and physical activity — all these things make it very difficult for the body to be resilient,” according to a University of California, Irvine, neuroscientist who is quoted in the piece.

4. They offer a TikTok video explanation of “How the mRNA Vaccine Works,” by actor, director, and writer Vick Krishna (3/8/21).

5. Oh, God, stir us to check on our neighbors and reach out to those experiencing prolonged stress and isolation. Oh, God, thank you for the beauty of spring, teeming with life, reminding us of your infinite love. Oh, God, may we show and share your lovingkindness to all.

Day Three Hundred and Eighty-Five

Thursday, April 8, 2021

1. Kati Kariko helped sheild the world from the coronavirus.

2. She laid the groundwork for the mRNA vaccines turning the tide of the pandemic.

3. She grew up in Hungary, daughter of a butcher. She decided she wanted to be a scientist, although she had never met one. She moved to the United States in her 20s, but for decades never found a permanent position, instead clinging to the fringes of academia.

4. Now Katalin Kariko, 66, known to colleagues as Kati, has emerged as one of the heroes of Covid-19 vaccine development. Her work, with her close collaborator, Dr. Drew Weissman of the University of Pennsylvania, laid the foundation for the stunningly successful vaccines made by Pfizer-BioNTech and Moderna. For her entire career, Dr. Kariko has focused on messenger RNA, or mRNA — the genetic script that carries DNA instructions to each cell’s protein-making machinery. She was convinced mRNA could be used to instruct cells to make their own medicines, including vaccines.

5. Oh, God, thank you for Kati Kariko, who pursued her obsession with the concept of messenger RNA, convinced mRNA could be used to instruct cells to make their own medicines, including vaccines. Thank you that In 1985, when the university’s research program ran out of money, Dr. Kariko, her husband, and 2-year-old daughter, Susan, moved to Philadelphia for a job as a postdoctoral student at Temple University. Thank you for their ingenity, when the Hungarian government only allowed them to take $100 out of the country, she and her husband sewed £900 (roughly $1,246 today) into their daughter Susan’s teddy bear. Thank you for giving their daughter Susan the gift of excellence in rowing, by which she grew up to be a two-time Olympic gold medal winner in rowing. Thank you for all the scientists who have devoted their energy to assist in saving lives.

Day Three Hundred and Eighty-Four

Wednesday, April 7, 2021

1. We are in the liturgical season of Eastertide, in the midst of a pandemic that has encompassed two Easter Sundays.

2. This second year, I can find each church that has been important in my life on line, where they have each developed a presence, as a result of the pandemic.

3. I decided to find their Easter services.

4. Here they are:

   Easter worship at Second Presbyterian where my husband and I attended as I began my retirement, until the pandemic prevented in- person worship services.

   Easter sunrise service at Three Chopt Presbyterian, led by the youth of the congregation I served for 11 years, warms my heart as my eyes grow moist.

   Easter at Chester Presbyterian Church, the church which brought me to Virginia to serve as their Interim Pastor, took the form of drive in worship.

   Easter at White Memorial Presbyterian Church, where I served as associate pastor from 1997-2005.

   Easter at Druid Hills Presbyterian Church, also a congregation dear to my heart, where I served when my youngest daughter was born in 1993, and I received a Doctor of Ministry degree from Columbia Presbyterian Theological Seminary in 1995.

   Easter at Bryn Mawr Presbyterian Church, where I served as associate pastor specializing in middle school ministry, where I arrived with my infant older daughter in tow, carrying her in a baby backpack around the church campus, which included the manse in which we lived.

   Easter at Christ Church, Bellaire, Texas, which was Bellaire Presbyterian when I came as an intern post-seminary, transferred my ordination from the Southern Baptist Convention to the Presbyterian Church (USA), then was called to be the associate pastor, and where my oldest daughter was born in 1988.

   Maunday Thursday in Miller Chapel at Princeton Theological Seminary, where I was a Master of Divinity student from 1981-1984.

   Easter at First Baptist Church, Deland, Florida, next door to Stetson University, from which I received my B.A. in religion in 1981 , and where I was ordained as a Southern Baptist in May of 1983.

   Easter at First Baptist Church, Pineville, Louisiana, where I served as a 5th grade Sunday School teacher while I attended Louisiana Baptist College from 1977-1979.

   Easter at University Baptist Church, Huntsville, Alabama, where I was baptized by immersion in 1971, days after I began to keep a journal at age 12, in which I recorded the event at length.

   5. Oh, God, thank you for the faithful folk in each congregation in which I have worshiped and learned and taught and preached during my 61 years. Oh, God, bless those who lead worship and service in these pandemic days, which continue to unfold with uncertainty and hope.

Day Three Hundred and Eighty-Three

Tuesday, April 6, 2021

1. Today I went on a long hike with my sister in law.

2. We went to First Landing State Park, again. We went also yesterday, to a trail she had walked many times before.

3. Today we went to a different part of the park, a place neither of us had ever been. We saw Cypress Knees:will not report how many people have died of COVID-19.

4. The path to the park took us through a neighborhood, one household had a sense of humor:

T-Rex is still with us.

5. Oh, God, thank you for dinosaurs, cypress knees, sisters-in-law, sunrise and sunset, and your eternal grace.

Day Three Hundred and Eighty-Two

Monday, April 5, 2021

1. Yesterday, Easter Sunday morning, we walked to the beach at sunrise.

2. The sun was a tiny glowing orb in the fold between the sea and sky.

3. The sun illuminated the clouds on the horizon, as it clung to the water before rising to its place within the sky.

4. My husband brought me lilies!

5. Thank you God, For Easter's Story. My prayer to you today comes in the words of Carolyn Winfrey Gillette,

Thank you, God, for Easter's story:
Christ is Risen! Love has won!
Death with all its power and fury
Can't defeat what you've begun!
Thank you, God, that there is nothing
Stronger than the love you give.
We rejoice: A new world's coming;
In our risen Christ, we live!

Day Three Hundred and Eighty-One

Easter Sunday, April 4, 2021

Click on the title to read the full text of my sermon, The Easter Sermon I Never Preached.

1. Last year, I wrote An Easter Like No Other, for the first Easter of the covid-19 pandemic.

2. This year, I have written The Easter Sermon I Never Preached.

3. Mark was never my favorite gospel for Easter Sunday. Who wants an Easter sermon based on a passage that has no resurrection appearance?

4. The last words of Mark’s Gospel describe the visitors to the empty tomb making a run for it after terror and astonishment had taken hold of them, and saying nothing to anyone because they were afraid.

   In the midst of the pungent smell of lilies, the squirming of those unused to sitting in pews who have made a point of coming for the celebration of the victory of Jesus over death, and the anticipate of the finale, when the choir and congregation will stand and sing the Hallelujah Chorus, who wants the gospel of the day to end on a note of fear and silence?

5. Oh, God, I am drawn now to Mark’s gospel, in this world where endings are unsatisfactory and fleeting, where questions remain and uncertainty is before us and fear and silence are compelling options. Mark has shown me that the earliest of disciples broke through fear and silence to faith and speech, which gave rise to the growth of the community of your followers. Oh, God, I want a clear ending, closure, peace. I want to know what exactly happened, not just that the tomb is empty. Instead, from Mark I get a message to go out into the world and tell the story of Jesus, the risen, resurrected Lord, who has victory over death and who is the resurrection and the life.

Day Three Hundred and Eighty

Holy Saturday, April 3, 2021

1. Holy Saturday.

2. Jesus is in the tomb.

3. What did Jesus do on Holy Saturday?

4. The disciples are behind doors, locked. The women are plotting, preparing to annoint his body with spices and ointments the next morning, wondering who will remove the stone.

5. Oh, God, it is quiet on Holy Saturday. We cannot see Jesus. We cannot hear him. We are afraid. We saw what happened to him, what will happen to us if we venture out? If we are bold and courageous? If we go seeking his presence, walking about, telling others about him? We check the lock. It is secure. We are allegedly safe. But Sunday is coming.

Day Three Hundred and Seventy-Nine

Good Friday, April 2, 2021

You can read my longer Good Friday reflection here.

1. The seven last words of Jesus are an ancient litany, dating back to at least the 16th century.

2. No one gospel has them all, but together the various last words give a picture of Jesus’ suffering and death.

3. Three phrases of Jesus from Luke, one from Mark/Matthew and three from John are arranged in a liturgy, to be read on Good Friday.

4. The final words of Jesus, remembered, give voice ot human experience in death, focusing outward, addressing those in power, turning to the powerless one beside him, entrusting his mother to his dearest friend; then focusing inward, expressing the anguish of despair and abandoment, the longing for thirst to be satiated; and then resolution, a sense of completion, closure, consummation, entrusting oneself to the Divine.

   Jesus speaks: forgiveness for others, promise of divine presence beyond death, care and provision for his family, expressions of his humanity in a sense of divine abandonment, the discomfort of thirst, completion of his earthly presence in material form, and giving himself over to God with intention.

5. Oh, God, on this Good Friday, may we forgive as we have been forgiven, cling to your promise of life eternal, care for our loved ones and make provision for after our death, trust that you hear our cries, even when we experience despair and physical pain, know that as long as we live and breath it is not finished yet for us, and give ourselves over to you, for in life and death, we belong to you.

Day Three Hundred and Seventy-Eight

Maunday Thursday, April 1, 2021

1. On this Maunday Thursday, I received my second dose of the vaccine.

2. I received the first dose in Dillon, South Carolina, where I traveled with one of my daughters. I had an appointment, she received one of the left over doses. We were vaccine tourists, as they say.

3. She and her husband and their new rescue puppy came to spend last Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. Then, Sunday, they drove to Dillon, spent the night, and she received her scheduled second dose of Moderna.

4. This past Saturday, my husband received his second dose of Pfizer, here in Richmond.

5. Oh, God, your mandate of Maunday Thursday is to love one another as you have loved us, as Jesus showed us with his words and actions, as your Spirit animates us so to do. Oh, God, thank you for everyone I saw today living this mandate as I arrived at the Arthur Ashe Athletic Center; those who waved me in to the allotted parking slot, those who greeted me at the door, making sure I had my documents, asking the pertinent questions about exposure, and pointing the way to the table where I would register; those who created the vaccine itself, researchers, clinical trial workers, volunteers, infectious disease experts; those who gave thought to the organization of the arena, making it easy to navigate for staff as well as those of us coming to receive the vaccine; the woman who cheerfully gave me the shot, the man who pointed the way to the 15 minute rest area, the man and woman who watched over us to make sure we did not have an allergic reaction. Thank you, God, for all the helpers of the pandemic, all those who have spread hope, infected us with laughter, lifted our hearts with contagious joy, innoculating us with the ability to see your presence, always, even in the darkest of hours, even in the face of the most ominous of statistics, even as we face Good Friday, a day of death, terror, torture, fear and abandonment. But Sunday is coming.

Pandemic Diary: March 2021

Day Three Hundred and Seventy-Seven

Wednesday, March 31, 2021

1. This Holy Wednesday arrives today in the second Covid-19 pandemic Holy Week.

2. This Holy Wednesday arrives in the midst of our fear that that variants of the pandemic-causing coronavirus can be more infectious than the original.

3. This Holy Wednesday arrives as scientists are starting to find some signs of hope in that our immune system cells—which remember past infections and react to them—might have their own abilities to change, countering mutations in the virus.

4. This Holy Wednesday arrives as scientists are discovering that the immune system might have evolved its own way of dealing with variants.

5. Oh, God, this Holy Week arrives, disease and holy death colliding, hope and fear coexisting, the mandate tested in our pandemic failure to love one another as you love us, the grief and loss and suffering around the globe as total deaths creep up toward 3 million of your precious children, the virus now the third

   leading cause of death in the U.S., contributing to a nearly 16% rise in mortality in my country. Oh, God, this Holy Week arrives, breaks through, appears, as we are united in a global threat of virus. Oh, God, open our hearts, activate our spirits, that we may also be united in a global manifestation of your way of love.

Day Three Hundred and Seventy-Six

Tuesday, March 30, 2021

1. This Holy Tuesday, many of us are finding that the pandemic has affected our attention spans and it can be hard to focus.

2. This Holy Tuesday, many of us are finding ourselves anxious about returning to normal, and psychiatrists have offered tips for helping children adjust.

3. This Holy Tuesday, I remember this week in 2020 I was afraid, I wrote about pandemic pain, the threatening virus.

4. This Holy Week I will worship outside of sanctuary, not sitting in a pew, but listening to a choir on zoom.

5. Oh, God, this Holy Week, we retrace the steps of Jesus, entering Jerusalem, gathering with the disciples around a table, washing their feet, giving them the new commandment which is the eternal commandment for us to love one another as you have loved us. We recall is prayer in the garden, his arrest and incarceration, his torture and humilation, his isolation in prison as the disciples deserted him, his public crucifixion, the removal of his lifeless body from the cross, the entombment behind a stone, the silence of three days. Three days of fear, terror, grief, uncertainty, questions without answers, hiding behind closed and locked doors. Oh, God, it is Holy Tuesday, and much is yet to unfold.

Day Three Hundred and Seventy-Five

Monday, March 29, 2021

1. This Holy Monday, global cases of Covid-19 top 127 million and here in the U.S. heads toward 550,000 confirmed fatalities.

2. This Holy Monday, the CDC director warns of a coronavirus rebound.

3. This Holy Monday, vaccinated older adults are beginning to emerge from coronavirus isolation.

4. This Holy Monday, Dr. Craig Spencer writes that our excitement about getting back to normal can't cover up how strange the journey back there will be.

5. Oh, God, on this Holy Monday, your children all around the globe are mourning lost loved ones, preparing for this week under the coronavirus cloud, some consistent with kindness and actions to protect others, others resistant to changing habits and misinformed about the importance of continuing to wear masks, even after receiving two doses of the vaccine. Oh, God, draw us in to the words of Jesus that final week, “I am giving you a new commandment. Love one another as I have loved you.” The victory of death is the victory of love, everlasting, eternal, poured out for all of us.
   
   

Day Three Hundred and Seventy-Four

Palm Sunday, March 28, 2021

1. It is Palm Sunday.

2. As we enter Holy week, we in the U.S. we are witnessing a race between variants and vaccines.

3. congregations have learned to modify worship while keep faith constant.

4. Last year, we had an Easter like no other. This year, a new normal for Easter.

5. Oh, God, I pray for pastors who prepare for Holy Week in the midst of this pandemic, as the virus does not depart with precision and decisiveness, but waxes and wanes, as we long for a clear and permanent end to covid-19. Oh, God, may we trust your love to hold us, look to Jesus who modeled self-giving love and kindness, and fill our lungs with deep breaths of your spirit, which surrounds us all. Oh, God, thank you for churches who provide this week Maunday Thursday and Good Friday services and Easter music and messages of hope and resurrection. It will be proclaimed: “He is risen!” It will be affirmed: “He is risen indeed!”

Day Three Hundred and Seventy-Three

Saturday, March 27, 2021

1. Today I performed a wedding, my second during Covid.

2. The first was my daughter’s, August 28, with ten of us in attendance, here at our home, by the river.

3. Today, the wedding was that of a bride from a church I had served.

4. There were about 17 people in attendance. I walked into the shall hotel ballroom, wearing my mask, as did all others I saw. When the time for the ceremony came, the bride and groom and I removed our masks, as well as the father of the bride, who walked her up the short aisle. There was such tenderness and love my eyes were moist. The ceremony was short and sweet and very personal to them. Then I departed, before the reception and the cake and dancing.

5. Oh, God, thank you for creating us in your image, purposed for love. Oh, God, may we remember, love is the one true thing, the point of it all, your essence and our redemption. Thank you God, for love eternal, neverending.

Day Three Hundred and Seventy-Two

Friday, March 26, 2021

1. Cases of Covid-19 are rising again.

2. There are two reasons for this: states easing coronavirus-related restrictions, and the spread of more transmissible coronavirus variants.

3. It is so lovely to have my daughter, her husband, and their new rescue puppy, Ruby, here. Remy, their other dog, is with his other grandparents.

4. They are here for three nights. On Sunday, they will drive to Dillon, South Carolina, spend the night, and my daughter will receive her second vaccine dose there. Dillon is where she and I received our first dose. I was able to get my second dose scheduled for here in Richmond, this coming Thursday, April Fool’s Day.

5. Oh, God, I am so grateful for my family, for my husband, our daughters, their pets and partners. I am grateful for spring. I am grateful for your love.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Day Three Hundred and Seventy-One

Thursday, March 25, 2021

1. Today I get to meet Ruby, my daughter and her husband’s rescue puppy.

2. In many areas of the country, shelters are running out of available pets to adopt. This 14 month old Japanese Chin was surrendered and lived with a foster family for a bit before Anna and Christian picked her up:

   
   
   
   
   
   tips for helping children adjust.tips for helping childfren adjust.pandemic pain, the threatening virus.pandemic pain, the threatening virus.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

3. Within a few days, she is looking right at home!

4. Ruby is enjoying Richmond’s amenities. A dog friendly beer garden.

5. Oh, God, thank you for all creatures great and small, and especially today, thank you for puppies! and for Ruby!

Day Three Hundred and Seventy

Wednesday, March 24, 2021

1. Early in the Pandemic, more than a year ago now, on February 5, 2020, Lilly Dunn wrote a piece for Book Riot entitled Five Books About Pandemics.

2. They are:

   Spillover: Animal Infections and the Next Human Pandemic,  by David Quammen, which examines the phenomenon where a virus present in wild animals crosses over and begins to infect humans, such as Ebola, Hendra, and SARS. This is timely, since coronavirus also originated in animals and has only recently begun to infect humans.

   Flu: The Story of the Great Influenza Pandemic of 1918 and the Search for the Virus That Caused It,  by Gina Kolata, which explores the science and history of the 1918 influenza outbreak which swept globe, taking 40 million lives, as well as what could prevent future epidemics.

3. Pandemic: Tracking Contagions, From Cholera to Ebola and Beyond,  by Sonia Shah, an acclaimed science journalist who blends history, autobiography, and reporting to tell the story of the pathogens that have caused the largest pandemics in history.

   Beating Back the Devil, by Maryn McKenna, who chronicles the experiences of the men and women of the Epidemic Intelligence Service (EIS) who risk their lives to gather information about the most deadly viruses, as they detect and combat outbreaks of disease and the threat of biological warfare.

4. The Next Pandemic: On The Front Lines Against Humankind's Gravest Dangers,  by Ali S. Kahn, the former Director of the Office of Public Health Preparedness and Response (PHPR) at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, who draws from his long career as a public health first responder to explore how politics, pride, and human error contribute to threats like anthrax and the bird flu, and how we can keep from repeating these mistakes.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for David Quammen, Gina Kolata, Sonia Shah, Maryn McKenna and Ali Khan, who bring knowledge and history of your world and the history of your creation to bear on the health and well-being of the planet you have entrusted to us, and the people you call us to love, all around the world.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Nine

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

1. Addison Rizer  wrote an article for Book Riot, the largest independent editorial book site in North America, entitled Pandemic Advice from Literature of the Past. That advice, she writes, includes:

2. Give in to decadence, as did the citizens of Athens. When a plague ravaged the city, a year into the Peloponnesian War, Greek historian Thucydides writes in his History of the Peloponnesian War that they resolved to spend money and enjoy themselves as it was uncertain whether they would be spared. 

   Similarly, Giovanni Boccaccio, an Italian writer who lived during The Black Death, writes, in his collection of novellas called The Decameron, about characters who live through a plague in Florence and isolated themselves, drinking wine and listening to music. Others took to carrying flowers or scented herbs or perfumes in their hands as a comfort.

3. Wear comfortable clothes, as Byzantine historian Procopius in books 1 and 2 of his History of the Wars, an account of a bubonic plague that hit Constantinople, writes, there was not a man to be found wearing the “chlamys,” the cloaks worn by high officials and the emperor at the time. Instead, “every man was wearing clothes befitting private station and remaining quietly at home.” In other words, the T-shirt and sweatpants we are wearing is akin to the pandemic uniform of old.

   Be merry and laugh often.

   Beatrice Groves in her article, “Laughter in the Time of Plague,” quotes Glending Olson, editor of The Canterbury Tales, on the “hygienic values of delight.”

   A treatise written in Medieval times, advises that the way to combat illness is to, “live in joy and gladness as much as possible.” The first popular book of plague remedies  in English recommends being merry in the heart, as it is a great remedy for health of the body, therefore in this time of “great infirmity” do not dread death.  Rather live merrily and hope to live long.

   Samuel Pepys, in his diary which he kept during plague time in 1665, writes, “I have never lived so merrily as I have done this plague-time.”

4. Exploring new hobbies. This has been popular during the current pandemic, as baking, knitting, yoga, and board games rank in the top 15 of the most popular pastimes picked up during quarantine, according to a NerdBear study.

   Albert Camus, in The Plague, writes, “everyone is bored, and devotes himself to cultivating habits.”

   Groves reports that Medieval plague pamphlets encouraged their readers to keep their spirits up by means of “songs, stories, and melodies” with “cheerful companions.”

   Daniel Defoe’s main character in A Journal of the Plague Year recounts his experience living through the Great Plague of London in 1665. The character writes, “I employed in reading books, and in writing down my memorandums of what occurred to me every day.” His character also took to baking his own bread and brewing his own alcohol.

5. Oh, God, those who experienced pandemics of the past wrote of yearning for the future. Katherine Anne Porter’s Pale Horse, Pale Rider, narrator, closes out the novella with, “no more war, no more plague, only the dazed silence that follows the ceasing of the heavy guns; noiseless houses with the shades drawn, empty streets, the dead cold light of tomorrow. Now there would be time for everything.” Oh, God, there is a vision of the future in the book of Revelation, chapter 21: 1, Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth,”[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea; 21:3, And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God; 21:4, ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Oh, God, “The sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory about to be revealed to us,” as your servant Paul wrote in Romans 8:18.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Eight

Monday, March 22, 2021

1. I spent much of the last year angry.

2. We all coped with the appearance of the pandemic in our own way. What emerged for me was outrage as the previous president repeatedly downplayed the severeity of the pandemic, spread misinformation, pit states against one another, and made decisions driven by ego concerns rather than empathy and leadership to further the common good.

3. One year later, we have the results of a top-to-bottom review of Trump-era coronavirus guidance, ordered by the current CDC Director, Rochelle Walensky.

4. In a summary of the review’s findings, (PDF), published on the CDC’s website on March 15, Anne Schuchat, the agency’s principal deputy director, spotlighted a variety of issues with coronavirus recommendations released during the Trump administration. The report illustrates how guidance sent out from our nation’s leading health agency, the CDC, was manipulated to make it fit with White House views and political objectives. Trump aides reviewed CDC recommendations and altered them. “The Trump administration undermined the public health response to the coronavirus pandemic by issuing CDC guidance that was at odds with the best available science and in some cases was not even written by CDC scientists,” U.S. Representative Jim Clyburn (D-SC), chairman of the House Select Subcommittee on the Coronavirus Crisis, said in a statement on March 15. Political appointees ordered revisions to critical and life-saving CDC guidance.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful that Rochelle Walensky has vowed to break from the politically motivated and unscientific pandemic guidance that her predecessor, Robert Redfield, allowed to emerge from the Center for Disease Control. I am grateful that she is focused on moving the CDC forward with science, transparency, and clarity. Oh, God, I have been driven by anger this past year. I move now to gratitude. I give thanks for the gift of knowledge and for those who work for the CDC and elsewhere for the common good, for the health of human beings. Oh, God, I give thanks for my former parishioner, Dr. Stan Foster, who worked at the CDC in Atlanta, just around the corner from the church I then served, when my two daughters were small. Your faithful servant, he was recognized with numerous awards for his contributions to child survival projects, which include being the recipient of an lifetime achivement award for excellence in international health, and a recipient of a distinguished teaching award from Emory University. Oh, God, rather than giving energy to my anger, perhaps I would have better served you by lifting up the helpers who have given of themselves this pandemic year.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Seven

Sunday, March 21, 2021

1. Puppies have helped people get through the pandemic.

2. Pet adoptions have risen.

3. Meet Ruby!

4. The newest member of my daughter’s family! Ruby was surrendered and put in foster care, and now adopted, another “granddog!”

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for puppies. I am so, so, very grateful. Thank you for puppies.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Six

Saturday, March 20, 2021

1. One year ago, Friday, March 20, 2020, I began this pandemic diary.

2. Two weeks prior to that, there were 3050 worldwide deaths. Now, that has risen to 2,726,738.

3. I cancelled a trip to see a friend in Austin, Texas. My husband and I cancelled a trip to see our daughter who lives in Tacoma, Washington.

4. I felt compelled to write. It was dawning on me that this is an historic event and a record should be kept. I wanted to give you, readers, an account of what I felt and noticed happening in the world and leave a record of my experience in these uncharted days. I began to speak of the “Before Times,” before the virus spread.

5. Oh, God, a year. Now spring blooms again. This time I fear less, having been given a first vaccine dose, I no longer worry that the virus will be what takes my life. This time spring blooms and I learn the song of the birds I hear in our yard. I stop to listen. There is a Phoebe that comes to a certain window each day, then moves to another spot in the yard. There are chic-a-dees with their distinctive cry. There are cardinals, with their various tones. The squirrels add percussion. The Barred Owl hoo-hoo-hoo-hoots. The Great Blue Heron squawks. The frogs have formed a rumbling chorus. Oh, God, I am grateful to be alive, glad to have a clear mission for this time, and hopeful for the future, whatever it may bring. I rest in you. Your yoke is easy and your burden is light.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Five

Friday, March 19, 2021

1. Various charts are tracking the one year mark of the pandemic. This one, below, tracks covid cases reported to the CDC, a hopeful descent, but still not as low as in the summer of 2020.

2. The chart below shows the share of the population that has had at least one shot. 0-22% is the lighest and 26% is the darkest green.

3. Here is a disturbing chart from my state, Virginia has the highest single day rise in Covid cases yet:

4. The Scientific American news round up for the past week reports that vaccines do not protect us for at least several days or even weeks after a final shot. Katherine J. Wu’s explains, in her March 17 piece in The Atlantic, that “The shot simply delivers a package of study materials to the body; immune cells must then internalize the information about the infectious invader, a complex process that unfolds over days or weeks.” A threshhold of protection is crossed at about two weeks. An in-depth exploration of the short-term, middle-term, and long-term future of the coronavirus, can be found here, by Andrew Joseph and Helen Branswell.

5. Oh, God, there are charts and graphs and analytics and projections and forecasts and death counts and case counts and vaccine dose #1 counts and vaccine dose #2 counts and one shot vaccine counts. Oh, God, I think I have been obsessed with the statistics, and I’m not sure why. It is useful information, yes, but there is so much more going on that can’t be measured in numbers. What about the meals made for neighbors, the calls made to friends and family, the letters stamped and mailed, the long walks out of doors, the bent knees in prayer, the gratitude expressed, the love realized, the rearrangement of priorities, the fragility of life unveiled, the prayers spoken softly in the night? What about the toil in the lab, the truck filled with vaccine, driven with care, the lines at the polls for voting? What about the nurse at the bedside, connecting with family, as last words are shared on her phone? What about the mysterious ways you have been at work, immeasurable, immutable, eternal and true? Oh, God, I am grateful, even as I do not understand why there is illness, I know that you are with us in it. You are with us forever. We are your presence in the now, sharing your love.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Four

Thursday, March 18, 2021

1. As of today, according to the website Worldometers, as of today, there are 2,725,496 confirmed deaths from the coronavirus on the planet.

2. That is more than the entire city of Chicago, which has 2,716,450 citizens.

3. Here in the United States, there have been 555,220 confirmed deaths.

4. That is the equivalent of the entire city of Albuquerque, New Mexico.

   By comparison, HIV/AIDS has taken more than 700,000 lives as of 2021, the 1918 Spanish Flu claimed more than 675,000, the 1957–1958 influenza pandemic took 116,000 and the 1968 Hong Kong flu claimed 100,000.

5. Oh, God, I feel the tide turning. I am hopeful. I am changed by the pandemic. I am grateful for your love, for all who have shown your compassion in the midst of this virus, for all who have worked to find effective treatment, and a vaccine. Your love knows no bounds.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Three

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

1. Today, I continued to look at the relative toll the coronavirus has had on communities around the world.

2. Yesterday, I looked at countries. Today I look at states in my own country. The information is available on the worldometers website.

3. The states that have suffered the greatest loss of lives start with New Jersey, with 24,134, which is 2717 deaths per million of their population. That is the entire population of Cranford. Next is the state of New York, which has lost 49,681 people, 2554 per million of their residents and the equivalent of the entire population of Orangetown; Third is Rhode Island, which, at 2595, has lost 2450 per million of their population of 1,059,361; Massachusetts, which, at 16,832 deaths, has lost the equivalent of the entire town of Auburn; Mississippi, at 6995, has suffered the loss of 2337 per million; Arizona, Connecticut, South Dakota, Louisiana, and Alabama have all lost upwards of 2000 per million of their citizens. Arizona has lost the equivalent of both Sedona and Youngtown and Alabama has lost nearly the equivalent of the entire city of Fairfield. All other states have lost upwards of 1000 lives per million, excluding New Hampshire, Washington state, Utah, Oregon, Maine, Alaska, Vermont, Hawaii, and Puerto Rico, which have lost less than 1000 lives per million. There have been no recorded deaths so far in Guam, the U.S. Virgin Islands, the Northern Mariana Islands, or American Samoa.

4. The loss of human lives in New Jersey is roughly equivalent to that of Gibraltar, the country with the most lives lost relative to population. the only other countries with this extent of loss are San Marino and Czechia, at 2325 and 2300. All other countries have suffered less than 2000 lives lost per million, whereas we have 10 states with upwards of 2000 lives lost per million.

5. Oh, God, I feel like I am playing with numbers. These are not numbers, they are lives, sons, daughters, lovers, friends, mothers, fathers, parents, children, grandchildren, and your precious souls. Oh, God, how can I understand, comprehend, the loss. Open my heart, dispel my sense of numbness to this tragedy, and lift us up to find hope and grace. Oh, God, perhaps I should istead count the helpers, the compassionate workers, the voices of mercy and cries for justice. Oh, God, lead us into your lovingkindness, hold us there and send us into the world.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-Two

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

1. Here is a year of photographs taken during the pandemic around the world, from Wuhan, China, Indonesia, Thailand, Russia, Iran, Spain, South Korea, Italy, and many more.

2. I have consulted the website, worldometers over the past year, for information about the impact of the virus around the world, the number of infected people, the recorded number of those who have died.

3. There have been, of this writing, 123,404,656 confirmed cases of the coronavirus around the world. Of those, 2,720,991 have died, which represents the entire population of Chicago, Illinois.

4. Of all the countries in the world, my country has had the highest number of confirmed cases, at 30,477,631, almost three times as many as the next two countries, Brazil, with 11,950,459, and India with 11,598,710. Russia, the United Kingdom and France , have had upwards of three million confirmed cases.

   Of all the countries in the world, my country has had the highest number of deaths, at 554,794, as of this writing. Brazil trails behind at 292,752 , followed by India at 159,790.

   But the deaths per million people of the population shift the story. India is third in the number of deaths, but only 115 deaths per million of the population. Countries with a high rate of death in relation to their population are Gibraltor , at 2,791, San Marino at 2,325, Czechia at 2,288, Belgium at 1,948, Slovenia at 1,908, Montenegro at 1,901, Hungary at 1,874, the United Kingdom at 1,851, Italy at 1,733, Bosnia and Herzegovina at 1,768, Bulgaria at 1,731, my country at 1,669, North Macedonia at 1,655, Portugal at 1647, Slovakia at 1,644, Spain at 1,559, Mexico at 1,518, and so on, as listed on the worldometers website.

   The chart also reveals those countries who had the fewest or even no deaths from coronavirus, and I was surprised. Haiti, where I have friends and which I have visited dozens of times, a country of 11,501,920, has had 251 deaths, at 22 deaths per million of the population. New Zealand, a country of 5,002,100 people has had 26 deaths, 5 deaths per million of the population. Laos, a country of 7,353,311 has had zero deaths.

5. Oh, God, I cannot fathom the extent of loss and grief around the world. Instill us with your spirit that we may extend compassion and comfort to those who grieve. Oh, God, I am grateful that there have been communities without massive loss of lives, energize scientists and sociologists and other experts to discover why, and use this knowledge, that we may learn from our brothers and sisters around the world.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty-One

Monday, March 15, 2021

1. There have been blessings in the pandemic.

2. I have a new appreciation for what I have not been able to do over the past year. I cherish and long for:

   sitting in a pew, listening to the sound of the choir, looking up at a window of many colors, greetings and hugs after worship.

   hugs, hugs and more hugs, without fear of contagion, without reserve, without fear. hugs, hugs and more hugs.

   boarding an airplane with an itinerary of adventure in hand, with my husband, off to see our daughter on the west coast and her partner, off to see a dear long term friend, off to explore a place we’ve never been.

   laughter around a table, in our home, in a restaurant, with friends, neighbors, extended family.

   crowded indoor parties, mingling from kitchen to den, turning sideways to fit through doorways, as I head to greet someone across the way.

3. I am grateful for what I have done that I would not have under before the pandemic.

   I performed my daughter’s wedding, something I never thought I’d do, as we have many pastor friends we know and I always thought I would have one role, the M.O.B., that day. Yet, because of Covid, we gathered only ten, beside the river, and the intimacy was a wonder, and a joy, and I stood before them in that precious moment before the beaming, joyous bride, my child.

   I traveled to the beach, sometimes with my husband, sometimes alone, to enjoy the sun and sand, sometimes with my sister-in-law and her husband, sometimes seeing others outdoors and spaced apart.

   I learned to use Zoom, for meetings, one-on-one, and for the James River Writers Conference in October, the Moving Transgender History Forward international conference this past weekend, and book launches and events at independent bookstores across the country, without ever leaving home.

4. I learned about myself, through long days along. I meditated. I am learning the songs of all the birds in my neighborhood this spring. The stillness and reflection are bearing fruit over time. I felt a sense of collective grief, and, as I sat alone at home, I prayed for people all over the world, the grieving and the helpers.

5. Oh, God, thank you for your blessings in this pandemic, for the way in which you draw us together in the midst of struggle, to love and help one another. Oh, God, I thank you for artists who have channeled your creative spirit to help us reflect on what it means to be human in this time, such as Rich Orloff who created a theatre production called Blessings. Oh, God, as we move into a new phase in this pandemic, guide us, work within us that we may not forget how fragile and vulnerability we are, and that we may not hesitate to share your love and compassion for all.

Day Three Hundred and Sixty

Sunday, March 14, 2021

1. Today is my mother’s birthday. She was born in 1932.

2. She would be 89 today.

3. Her mother lived to be 93. Could she have also lived to be 93 under different circumstances? Her mother did not have Alzheimers’ disease.

4. I am sad on my mother’s birthday. Yet, if she had lived, would she have survived the pandemic? Would she have died alone, under Covid restrictions, rather than as she did, surrounded by her children, and our father?

5. Oh, God, I feel the loss of my mother on her birthday. I can only imagine the loss around the globe, of those who grieve loved ones taken by Covid-19. Oh, God, so many have died, and I am sad for them, my grief expands, to include those who are motherless now, or orphaned, having lost both parents. Oh, God, may we have compassion for others, near and far, and for ourselves, as you have for us.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty-Nine

Saturday, March 13, 2021

1. There are other pandemic diaries, some of which welcome our contributions.

2. The New York public library invites us to submit an audio recording of up to 25 minutes, speaking ourselves or interviewing others, such as family members.

3. The Pandemic Diaries Project of California State, Los Angeles, invites entries in the form of an audio or video recording no longer than 1 hour in which we describe what we are currently experiencing. We must include a written transcript as well as a signed “deed of gift” to the university.

4. The Pandemic Diaries section of the blog Medium invites submissions with personal experiences of any aspect of pandemic life, written in the first person and in the form of a diary. It is easy to do. You have a story to tell. I have written several. Here are the submission guidelines.

5. Oh, God, we each have a story to tell. Give us courage to share our experience, and give us wisdom to listen to others, to make time and space to hear, and to gently draw out those who need to speak. Oh, God, I am grateful for the gift of speech and writing and conversation and the ways your inspire us to be bold and create change for the common good with our words and actions.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty-Eight

Friday, March 12, 2021

1. Many are reviewing the past 12 months.

2. The Washington Post shows how the coronavirus took over the world.

3. Here is a review of a year of pandemic journalism.

4. Here is columnist Kathleen Murphy reflecting on a year like no other. Abeona Adiona, a blogger in Chicago, writes a letter to her past self.

5. Oh, God, I am also reflecting on the past year, what you have taught me, what I have learned, what I have experienced. Oh, God, I am grateful for friends and long phone chats, for my brothers and sisters-in-law and funny sibling text threads. I am grateful for the gift of this life and the joy of each day. I am grateful for your love which sustains me and the hope that you give to me that enables me to face an uncertain future. Oh, God, thank you for inspiring writers and artists to express what it means to be human in the midst of a pandemic. Fill us with your creative spirit, energize us with your love for justice, carry us forward in love.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty-Seven

Thursday, March 11, 2021

1. Last night, President Biden gave his first prime-time address to the nation. He set July 4th as Pandemic Independence Day.

2. History professor Heather Cox Richardson, in her analysis of today's events, points out that one year ago, the World Health Organization declared the coronavirus outbreak a pandemic.

3. A year later, she writes, “almost 30 million of us have been infected with the novel coronavirus and we have lost more than 530,000 of us to Covid-19….The horror of the past year was exacerbated by the former president’s reluctance to use the government to combat the pandemic.  Now, President Biden and his team are demonstrating what the federal government can do, promising to deliver 100 million shots within his first 100 days.”

4. Here are 13 new steps Biden is taking to fight the virus.

5. Oh, God, for many of us, this date one year ago was the day everything changed. Oh, God, will this pandemic change our future behavior? Oh, God, I am grateful for those who have modeled modeled resilience for us. Oh, God, there is nothing that can separate us from your love. May we hold one another as you hold us.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty-Six

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

1. Agoraphobia, or “cave syndrome,” as Miami psychiatrist Dr. Arthur Bregman calls the pandemic version of the phenomemom.

2. Not everyone is excited to go out again. "A lot of people are scared to death of going out. It is like an epidemic that people are staying in their own houses and they have every excuse and they will hardly even let you go over, he said in an interview with his local news station.

3. A patient of Dr. Bregman was willing to share her experience, The 37-year-old mother was a normal, functioning adult before COVID-19, but she became debilitated while being trapped at home during quarantine. “What it was doing to me psychologically was very detrimental to my health. My depression and anxiety skyrocketed," Russell said. The reluctance to leave home has become exacerbated during the pandemic, especially among those with pre-existing conditions like anxiety.  “90 percent. So many people and it’s subtle. It’s really agoraphobia," Dr. Bregman said. "Even people that didn’t have agoraphobia, which is the fear of open spaces, people have it now."

4. I have experienced a version of this. I understand. I now have a name for it and know I am not alone.

5. Oh, God, thank you for people like Dr. Bergman who assist those of us with heightened anxiety during the pandemic. Oh, God, may we follow his advice to seek help from friends, family and professionals, and may our communities of faith raise awareness of this phenomenon, which is hard for us to admit that we are facing. Oh, God, you have created us to be social, to live in community, to bear one another’s burdens and so fulfill your command. Oh, God, may we reach out and notice, ask, and extend friendship and care to those around us.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty-Five

Tuesday, March 9, 2021

1. Tomorrow, the House will vote on on the $1.9 trillion stimulus plan, put together by the Biden administration.

2. In the coronavirus news today, several months into the vaccine rollout, people with underlying medical conditions are desperate to know when they can get the vaccine. At the moment, it depends entirely upon where you live, varying from state to state and even county to county. This hodgepodge of rules has vulnerable individuals pleading with health and political officials to add their condition to the vaccine priority list.

3. Meanwhile, new CDC guidelines give us hope of a return to almost normal after we are vaccinated, even as a quarter of citizens plan to say no to the vaccine.

4. We are feeling mixed emotions as more and more of us receive the vaccine. “Varying eligibility rules and unequal access to the coveted doses are … breeding guilt, envy and judgment among those who’ve had their doses … and the millions still anxiously awaiting their turn. Adding to the second-guessing about who should be getting shots is the scattershot feel of the rollout, and the sense that some might be gaming the system. Faced with a patchwork of confusing scheduling systems, many who aren’t as technically savvy or socially connected have been left waiting even as new swaths of people become eligible. The envy and moral judgments about whether others deserve to be prioritized are understandable and could reflect anxieties about being able to get vaccines for ourselves or our loved ones, says Nancy Berlinger, a bioethicist with the Hastings Center.”

5. Oh, God, help us create systems with equity and access, as we learn lessons from the pandemic and this historic roll out of vaccines. Oh, God, energize us with your love, justice and mercy, that we may care not only for ourselves and our loved ones, but for the communities in which we live, and for your children everywhere. Oh, God, bless those who take steps to end child poverty, for as we care for those most vulnerable, we embody your lovingkindness.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty-Four

Monday, March 8, 2021

1. There is a coronavirus mystery that has received very little attention in the U.S.

2. The death toll from coronavirus has been low across much of Africa and Asia, and no one seems to know 

3. This isn’t how public health emergencies usually work. They tend to inflict their worst damage in poorer places, which is indeed what’s happening within the U.S., where the toll has been higher in many minority and low-income communities. Globally, though, Covid has been different. In a recent New Yorker article, the physician and Pulitzer Prize-winning author Siddhartha Mukherjee described it as “an epidemiological whodunit.”

4. In India, the death rate has than it has risen less than it has in many richer countries. Across Africa and much of Asia, the population is younger. Birthrates are higher, and other health problems more frequently kill people before they reach old age. In sub-Saharan Africa, only 3 percent of the population is 65 or older. Also, nursing homes — where Covid has often spread from one resident to the next — are more common in Western countries. Outside the West, older people often live in multigenerational households. Daily life tends to better ventilated in warmer, lower-income countries, reducing the spread of Covid through better ventilation. It appears that deaths “are lower in countries which have a higher population exposed to a diverse range of microbes,” as the BBC’s Soutik Biswas wrote. The large share of asymptomatic infections in India is consistent with this hypothesis, Dr. Gagandeep Kang, a virologist in the southern city of Vellore, told The Financial Times.

5. Dear God, help us care for one another in our families and communities, help us look beyond our families and communities to our siblings all around the globe, your precious children, all. Oh, God, sustain and energize those who seek to make connections across borders and boundaries, in order to work for the common good.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty-Three

Sunday, March 7, 2021

1. Having driven out of state to obtain the vaccine, I am noticing news articles about those, like us, who have done so.

2. Vaccine hunters are crossing state lines for a Covid-19 shot.

3. Immunocompromised Louisiana residents traveled to Mississippi, where the state was prioritizing their illness. More than 30,000 people have traveled to Ohio to be vaccinated. In Florida, it's more than 82,000, not including part-time residents. A North Carolina family traveled to Tennesse to get their son with disabilities the Covid-19 vaccine. Some people are taking vaccine vacations, which are becoming big business, to destinations such as Saudi Arabia, the United Arab Emirates, and England. The website Holidays.com has a section for “Vaccine Tourism”. Some states, such as South Dakota, are rejecting those who cross borders to receive the vaccine.

4. This has prompted reflections on how "vaccine tourism" raises legal and ethical questions, as well as reflections by those who have crossed state lines to receive the vaccine, such as "I got the vaccine, don't hate me," and this article by a Rabbi, "Is Crossing State Lines to Receive a Shot Against Jewish Ethics?" and this article, about how Some People Are Getting The Vaccine Early, In Ethical Ways."

5. Oh, God, I am grateful that my husband and I have received our first dose, even as I am aware that others have been unable to do so, and need it more desperatly. Oh, God, I am grateful that the Senate has approved a Covid-19 relief bill. Oh, God, I am worried that scientists are racing to keep up with the variants of the virus, which are a potential threat to vaccines. Oh, God, your love casts out fear. Instill your wisdom in our hearts and minds as we learn from this pandemic. May we learn what matters most, your love, which you ask us to embody with our lives and actions. Bless all the workers and volunteers who are devoting their time and energy for the distribution of the vaccine.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty-Two

Saturday, March 6, 2021

1. My husband and I departed for Raleigh at 8:00 a.m. and traveled to the PNC arena there, for his 11:00 a.m. vaccination appointment.

2. We had imagined parking in the lot, and Dan having to go into the arena itself without me. What we encountered instead was a very organized direction of traffic and clear instruction at every point of contact with those who assisted us. We were steered into a line of cars, with several adjacent lines on either side. There were 6 or 7 cars in front of us. In line, workers talked to him as he sat in the driver’s seat. He showed his I.D. and a print out of his appointment time and signed a form. The cars ahead of us moved quickly, 2 or 3 minutes per encounter, and rolled on to another line.

3. The nurse was friendly, said they were having a great day, playing music in the background, and enjoying the beautiful weather. They gave him his card showing that he would have the Pfizer vaccine, scheduled his second dose for March 28th, and gave him the shot while he sat in the driver’s seat, with little fanfare and waved us forward.

4. As instructed, we drove to another lane, where we were given a piece of paper with the time written on it for when we could safely depart, having waited long enough to see if Dan had an allergic reaction to the shot. A man in a baseball cap came by, 3 minutes before the end of the time written on the sheet, asked Dan if he felt okay, and gestured for us to go on. As we drove out, we saw there were many, many rows of cars, all being moved along with precision.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful that my husband and I have our first doses, even as I have mixed feelings about going out of state to receive them, me to South Carolina last Monday, he to North Carolina today. Oh, God, I am very grateful to have seen a long term friend yesterday, after the vaccination. We visited out of doors with masks on and enjoyed one another’s company. She told us of having at one point gone without human touch for 3 months. Oh, God, bless those who distribute the vaccine, in all the different roles required to do so, including volunteersand pull the thread of your compassion from our hearts that we may extend your love into the world.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty-One

Friday, March 5, 2021

1. Tomorrow, my husband and I travel to Wake County, North Carolina, where he has an appointment to receive the vaccine.

2. He signed up at the behest of co-workers who told him appointments are abundant there. He was hopeful, having signed up already in Virginia, that he would soon get an appointment here. But availability that disappeared while working through the website, password issues and general frustration with trying unsuccessfully to get the vaccine in Richmond, has led him to keep his North Carolina appointment.

3. I will be going with him. I had my first dose of the Moderna vaccine in Dillon, South Carolina, this past Monday.

4. It has been a year since Covid-19 hit Richmond, Virginia, the city in which we live. Residents reflect on the past 12 months: “March 2020 is when COVID-19 came to Virginia. March marked the Virginia first case. The first Virginia death. The first shutdown order. The first shift to virtual school. The first Richmond area case. The first, second and third loss of life in Richmond area. In March 2020, 1,250 Virginians tested positive for COVID-19; 27 of those people died. And none of our lives would ever be the same.”

5. Oh, God, in 15 days it will be the anniversary of the beginning of my Pandemic Diary. Oh, God, I am grateful that I have not had the virus, and I am unlikely to be extremely ill from it now that I have had the first dose of the Moderna vaccine. Oh, God, I am grateful for all the helpers who have cared for the sick, developed and distributed and administered the vaccine, who have comforted the grieving, and who have followed your path of lovingkindness.

Day Three Hundred and Fifty

Thursday, March 4, 2021

1. The first child in Virginia under the age of 10 has died of Covid-19, Eric Kolenich writes in the Richmond Times-Dispatch.

2. While most children have escaped the virus' most detrimental effects, more than 80 children under the age of 5 have died because of the virus. It has killed more than 180 between ages 5 and 17.

3. The virus can sicken children in different ways, according to a study, published Wednesday in the Journal of the American Medical Association. About half the patients in the study had acute Covid-19, the predominantly lung-related illness that afflicts most adults who get sick. The rest had the inflammatory syndrome that has emerged in some children weeks after an initial infection that typically was mild.

4. Young people with the syndrome, called Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome in Children or MIS-C, were more likely to be between 6 and 12; more than 80 percent of the patients with acute Covid-19 were either younger than 6 or older than 12. More than two-thirds of patients with either condition were Black or Hispanic, which experts say probably reflects the fact that those groups have been exposed disproportionately to the virus for socioeconomic and other reasons.

5. Oh, God, children represent a small number of Covid-19 deaths, but 75% of them are children of color. Oh, God, my heart breaks for parents who have lost children, children who have lost parents, adult children who have lost siblings, and friends who are grieving. Oh, God, broaden your compassion in our hearts that we may be extensions of your love.

Day Three Hundred and Forty-Nine

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

1. This morning I went with my husband to the funeral of his best buddy in childhood, who was his roommate as a young adult, and for whom he was the best man at his friend’s first wedding.

2. It was held at a winery in the rolling hills west of Richmond, outside, with a view of a pond and a covered bridge. The officiant and the flutist stood under a massive tree, which was still bare, the leaves not yet sprung. Early in our relationship, my husband told me about this friend and their escapades as children and as young adults. His friend died at the age of 67 in a head on collision on a rural road when another car veered into his lane and killed him at the site of the crash.

3. The service moved me, the Episcopal priest white robed, reading the liturgy quite familiar to me in its similiarity to the rites I have used in my 37 years as Presbyterian pastor. A basket of spring blooms sat on the ground beside a table draped in white cloth. Nearby was a rustic barn building with a long wooden table and benches, food in warming dishes, and a small screen showing a loop of the video of his life, created with pictures from 7 decades. The mourners were plentiful, groupings stood apart from one another, some in white folding chairs, some having brought metal fold up seating.

4. On the way home, we talked about the limits of this life, the uncertainty around which of us will die first, and regrets of not having stayed in touch with long term friends. This evening, he showed me a letter he wrote to the widow. It broke my heart in its depth of compassion and kindness and care.

5. Oh, God, we know not how long we have on this earth, in this life, for these unknown number of days. Oh, God, we tumble into the world, vulnerable and dependent on our caregivers, filled with the energy of childhood and youth, and testing the boundaries and limits of our agency. Oh, God, we suffer scrapes and bruises as we learn to walk and ride a bike and navigate the world around us, the milieu in which we find ourselves, the limitations, opportunities, and realities. At some point, we begin to wake up and realize our place, question and resist, push against all we have been taught as truth, and express our will and explore our desires and ambitions. We may then contract and pull back, or expand and extend ourselves into the wider world. Oh, God, in 61 years I have a perspective I did not have at 1, 11, 21, 31, 41, or 51. Oh, God, I wish to align myself with your purpose and exude your lovingkindness and compassion, and breath in the joy in the midst of the pain. Oh, God, I am grateful for my days so far, and I long for more.

Day Three Hundred and Forty-Eight

Tuesday, March 2, 2021

1. Covid-19 is expected to be with us forever.   The  spread of variants makes this more likely than not, considering the lack of will and coordination required to provide yearly boosters to fight new strains to everyone in the world.

2. With new strains,  coronavirus has morphed into a tougher foe than ever, as scientists identify rapidly spreading variants, and others may already be spreading undetected.  A recent study suggests that SARS-CoV-2 would most likely become endemic within five to 10 years, eventually resembling a common cold that infects people during childhood. 

3. When the first vaccines from Pfizer and Moderna were authorized for emergency use last year, the shots were found to be over 90% effective and provided significant protection against mild, moderate, and severe symptoms. 

4. Vaccines are already being updated in an attempt to stay ahead of mutations, with next-generation vaccines in the works at dozens of drug companies. Some are developing a combination vaccine to protect against the flu and Covid-19. More powerful and infectious variants could make the pandemic even even harder to combat, even as some virologists believe the virus has already reached the point where it won't evolve much more.  In any case, the best defense is stopping transmission from person to person. Widespread vaccinations is essential. If we don't vaccinate the whole world, unprotected people will keep circulating the virus - and the virus, in turn, will keep changing on its own terms.

5. Oh, God, this virus is not going away, it appears.  Oh, God, help us mask and social distance and provide resources for vaccination worldwide, so that we can stop severe illness and death that is preventable. Oh, God, states are easing restrictions, despite the warnings of health experts. Oh, God, may we continue to act in ways that will stop and contain the spread and thus demonstrate our love for neighbor, following your loving mandate.

Day Three Hundred and Forty-Seven

Monday, March 1, 2021

1. 7:58 a.m. “Just entered North Carolina,” I text my brother, Bob. “Welcome to North Carolina, drive careful!” he texts back. I have shared my location with him on Google maps. He can see that we have crossed the state lines. “This Google thing is a stalker’s dream,” he texts.

2. “Check in as soon as you get there,” he advises, having received his vaccine on Saturday. “If you get arrested, you are eligible due to being an inmate,” he texts with a grin emoji.” I text him a screen shot of the radar showing the weather front we are skimming as we go down interstate 95. We are in my daughter’s Mini Cooper, as the massive trucks go by.

3. “10:40, 11:20 and 12:00 still unfilled appointments,” he texts at 8:38 a.m.” “Oh, my,” I text back, “we will take two please.”

4. At 10:43 a.m. we arrive in Dillon, South Carolina, and I text him a video as we approach the Walmart. An hour later, I text a picture of myself, receiving the vaccine, as Jason, the pharmacist, injects it into my arm. “I felt nothing, so far,” I text. “Anna is thinking of staying until they give the excess to the general public,” I text to him. “Yes, stay and get the shot!” he texts back, and “We had no side effects.” He and my sister in law having received the shot two days before, on Saturday, at the same Walmart, after driving from their home in Alabama.

   “Anna is a go,” I text at 3:02 p.m.. We were wandering around Walmart when the pharmacist walked by and said, “Are you still here? Go to the window and say Jason said you could receive the vaccine.” Bob texts, “Thought so, that or you were buying jewelry, good job!” He has stalked us on google maps and can see that we are on the jewelry department of Walmart? How can that be?”

   “Anna is getting the paperwork done,” I text. As she signs up for the vaccine, the loudspeaker in Walmart broadcasts an invitation for customers who are 65 and older and workers who are 65 and older to come to the pharmacy window and receive the vaccine. We see no one come forward. I text to Bob, “They just offered the vaccine to an employee and she refused it.” Bob texts, “Holy Cow.” “Yup,” I text back, and “The pharmacy worker tried to gently persuade her.” Bob texts, “Could have snuck up behind her, like the animal vet shows.” I text, “Don’t see anybody rushing up here.” Bob texts, “Wow, vaccine hesitancy, or rather rejection.” I text, “Injection rejection.”

   Later on the road back home, I text Bob an article from the New York Times about how the Moderna vaccine works. He texts, “There will be a written test after you read the article.” I text, “Ha ha.” Then Bob texts, “Guess how many are on the Huntsville hospital waiting list for the vaccine? You guessed 25,000, correct, per the local news.” Later, Bob texts, “feeling ok? side effects?” “Tired of being in the car! but otherwise okay!” Then “made it home,” at 7:55 p.m.

5. Oh, God, I can’t believe I have received the first dose of the Moderna vaccine. It seems surreal. It all converged so quickly. Oh, God, several weeks ago, Anna had the idea to make an appointment for me and Dan in Seneca, South Carolina, where there is vaccine hesitancy. Oh, God, then Bob found Dillon, South Carolina, similarly with abundant apointments, and closer, by several hours. Oh, God, I am grateful, and yet I have mixed feelings about crossing state lines to receive the vaccine. Oh, God, I am grateful for my daughter and my brother for prompting me to receive the vaccine. Oh, God, may I help others in this time, show me the way of love and compassion.

Pandemic Diary: February 2021

Day Three Hundred and Forty-Six

Sunday, February 28, 2021

1. Today, my husband worked all day splitting logs, just as he did all day yesterday. The prepvious weekend he chopped into logs the tree that had fallen during the recent ice storm.

2. Meanwhile, my brother and sister-in-law are headed home today from Dillon, South Carolina, where they traveled from Alabama in order to receive the Covid-19 vaccine. They had also gotten a friend, recently a widower, to meet them in order to also receive the vaccine. This past Thursday, Bob got online and began to try to find an appointment for my husband and myself. Today, Bob continued to text and call, suggesting that Dan and I drove around to all the places in Richmond giving shots to see if they would give us doses left at the end of the day. He texted, “You call places?” today at 10:23 a.m. At 10:45 a.m. he texted, “Do we need to come up there and take you to appointment?” So, I made an appointment in Dillon, South Carolina for tomorrow.

3. My daughter is driving down from northern Virginia to take me to the appointment. Bob had called my daughter to say that if she didn’t take me, then he would come drive to Richmond and take me to Dillon, South Carolina, where appointments are abundant.

4. Very abundant. I booked an appointment at the end of the vaccination schedule, as we are driving down in the morning, to give us time to get there. The earlier appointments were not booked!

5. Oh, God, I am so happy to see my daughter. We will wear masks in the house and in the car. I am grateful for her care for me, by which she has been an active advocate, doing all she can to find a way for me and for Dan to be vaccinated. Oh, God, I am grateful for my brother’s care for me, by which he has been relentless in prompting me to find a way for me and for Dan to be vaccinated. Oh, God, I am grateful for their love and compassion for me. Oh, God, what of those who do not have such advocates?

Day Three Hundred and Forty-Five

Saturday, February 27, 2021

1. Last night one of our daughters called, having found a site in Danville, Virginia, where my husband, as a 66 year old, could get the vaccine in the evening on this coming Tuesday. It is too far to drive, he responded. 

2. Like many older adults, we have millennial children who are tech savvy and looking out for us by navigating the various websites and apps that assist in finding a vaccine appointment. My neighbor similarly has a daughter who works in healthcare who is working on finding her an appointment.

3. A 13 year old is helping strangers register for the vaccine, communities are helping seniors find an appointment, a Seattle student is helping older adults, cousins help register hundreds of seniors for covid 19 shots,  adult children are helping elderly parents.   Many seniors are dependent on their families for their chances of receiving a shot, some are relying on  strangers.

4. Elderly Americans struggle to set up covid vaccine shots.

5. Oh, God, thank you for young people who are helping family members and even strangers obtain access to vaccinations.  Oh, God, continue to incite compassion in those who are tech savvy to aid seniors who are in need of assistance in obtaining the vaccine.  Oh, God, fire up those who with decision making power that the vaccine may be widely available, especially to communities in need, and around the globe.

Day Three Hundred and Forty-Four

Friday, February 26, 2021

1. The Equality Act passed in the house yesterday, but it still needs to be passed in the Senate. As a transgender advocate and an ally of the LGBTQ community, I am a supporter of the Equality Act. It will save lives.

2. As a measure of how far we have come and what we have been through, a year ago, then-president Trump tweeted:

   "The Coronavirus is very much under control in the USA." Yet, on February 7, Trump had told journalist Bob Woodward something very different. “This is deadly stuff,” he said. The coronavirus is “more deadly than your, you know, your, even your strenuous flus.” And now, here we are. As of February 24, 2021, the United States has suffered more than 503,000 official deaths from COVID-19. We have 4% of the world’s population and have suffered 20% of deaths from coronavirus. On Monday, Dr. Anthony Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and the chief medical advisor to President Joe Biden, blamed political divisions for the horrific death toll.

3. David Leonhardt of the New York Times, who writes the morning newsletter every weekday, points out four new virus developments, two encouraging and two worrisome. Nursing home deaths have plummeted, falling by more than 60 percent between late December and early February. The main cause is straightforward: nursing home residents have been among the first people to be vaccinated, and the numbers are down, even though most nursing home residents and employees have not yet received both of their vaccine shots. Another vaccine looks excellent - Johnson & Johnson’s eliminated both death and hospitalization in its research trial.

   However, the number of new cases has stopped declining in the U.S., while vaccinations have stalled. The biggest task facing the Biden administration over the next two months is accelerating the pace from the current 1.4 million vaccines per day to about three million per day.

4. India’s drop in virus stumps experts.

5. Oh, God, I still harbor anger over the way the Trump administration handled the pandemic. Oh, God, help me channel my angry energy into positive actions to show your love now, in this new chapter, as vaccines are rolling out and hope is on the horizon. Oh, God, help me refrain from judging those who see this differently than I do. May I move forward, a vessel of your lovingkindess, sharing hope and compassion.

Day Three Hundred and Forty-Three

Thursday, February 25, 2021

1. Here, an article about art through the pandemic lens of artists across the globe.

2. An online arts and literary publication, THE PANDEMIC LENS has emerged, serving as a virtual creative diary of life in the time of corona by more than 100 photographers, artists, writers, and other creatives from across the globe, including the U.S., Italy, U.K., Germany, France, Argentina, Brazil, Colombia and other countries.

3. The site was inspired in June 2020 after Cambridge-based photographer Steve Bennett ventured out of his house for the first time in weeks with camera in hand to document how life had changed in his neighborhood. His photoblog soon morphed into The Pandemic Lens, which quickly went viral and, as Boston Globe’s art critic Cate McQuaid proclaimed, “blossomed into an artful contemplation of life, disease, waiting, heroism, and mortality during COVID-19."

4. Now than 200 contributions have been posted to date, including:

   “Somerville Theater” - Where it all started when photographer Steve Bennett took his first stroll during lockdown
   “Masks of Boston” - Weekly contributions shared by noted documentary photographer Katherine Taylor (left--Congresswoman Ayanna Pressley)
   “America Disrupted” - Watercolors inspired in isolation by NY Times best-selling author and artist Jay Samit (”Disrupt You”)
   “In the Time of Corona: The Gossamer Veil” by abstract landscape paintings by artist Tanya Hayes Lee.
   “They Never Lose Optimism” - Stunning captures by Italian photographer Gianluca Federighi of the remarkable resolve of Tuscan community
   “I Am a Nurse” – Powerful essay by Roberta Gately, a nurse, former humanitarian refugees aid worker and novelist (“Lipstick in Afghanistan)
   “On Either Side of the Window: Portraits During Covid-19”- An ongoing series by internationally celebrated photographer Rania Matar.

5. Oh, God, thank you for your gift of creativity, and for the artists who bring us insight and joy and wisdom and moments to see your world in new ways.

Day Three Hundred and Forty-Two

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

1. Here, Michael Laitman, author of over 40 books on spiritual, social and global transformation, writes about the way the pandemic has strengthened religious beliefs.

2. Has the pandemic strengthened my faith? I would say it has, but what does it mean to “strengthen” one’s faith?

3. The pandemic has created an environment in which I reflect each day on the devastation it has created around the world, the magnitude of loss and grief. In other years, I would be made aware of this reality on occasion, but not every single day.

4. I have reacted to the pandemic by staying home, limiting my social contact to my husband, and, on occasion, and while wearing masks, three of my daughters and their partners. My fourth daughter and her partner I have not seen in over a year. I have walked with a neighbor, and visited indoors, masked, and traveled in a car together to run errands, also masked. My long days of solitude, as my husband works long hours, have taught me the art of being alone. I have journaled each day, writing down what I am grateful for. I have written most every day, publishing articles across the course of the pandemic year of 2020, and now into 2021. My writing is a part of my spiritual practice, as I wrestle with the meaning of this precious life we are given. I have continued this pandemic diary. I have practiced meditation, spending time in silence, relaxed, letting thoughts float by, focusing on my breath. In inhale, imaging the loving breath of God filling my lungs, and, in exhale, imaging myself a vessel sending God’s love into the world.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful to be alive during these pandemic days. Oh, God, I do not understand why your precious children around the globe suffer and grieve. What I do understand is that you call me to be your loving presence in the world.

Day Three Hundred and Forty-One

Tuesday, February 23, 2021

1. Here, Renuka Rayasam, Texas correspondent for Politico, predicts 2021's first "normal" holiday.

2. She points out that there’s a big divide between Covid researchers right now — betwixt those who think the end of the pandemic is around the corner and those who think the worst is yet to come.

3. A significant group of researchers believe that falling case rates are the result of growing immunity.

4. If things go smoothly, vaccinations pick up and no vaccine-resistant variants emerge, a sense of normalcy should return by the fall. The faster we vaccinate people and tamp down on new cases, the more likely that we can safely host a giant Thanksgiving dinner, she notes.

5. Oh, God, this has been a year of suffering, tragedy and devastating loss for some, a year of financial ruin and uncertainty for others, and a year of near misses, for those who have not lost a loved one and have not been infected with the virus, like myself. Oh, God, sustain workers in healthcare, faith communities and vaccine distribution. Oh, God, open our eyes to see you in everyday moments, and open our hearts to see beyond ourselves and enage in your compassion in the world.

Day Three Hundred and Forty

Monday, February 22, 2021

1. Here, Dr. Leana S. Wen answers questions about the coronavirus.

2. The vaccines are effective at preventing us from getting sick from coronavirus, she says, but we don't yet know whether it prevents us from being a carrier and transmitting it to others.

3. Here, she answers questions about what the vaccinated need to know, and what is safe for them to do.

4. More than one in 10 Americans have received at least one dose of the coronavirus vaccine, but they are still awaiting a clear answer to a key question: What can they do once they are fully vaccinated? The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s official guidance is that vaccinated people need to keep masking, physical distancing and basically following all pre-vaccine precautions. Those eager to fly across the country to see loved ones might hesitate because they are warned against viewing vaccination as a “free pass to travel.” The only area where the CDC has relented is in its quarantine guidance: It now says that starting 14 days after receiving the second dose of vaccine, and for a period of three months, fully vaccinated people don’t need to quarantine after being exposed to someone with covid-19. She says that a couple who want to get together with another fully vaccinated couple are probably fine to do so, including to hug and see one another indoors, without masks.

5. Oh, God, just as vaccines are becoming increasingly available in the U.S., information about what the vaccinated can do is sometimes conflicting. Meanwhile, we have surpassed 500,000 deaths from coronavirus in our country. Meanwhile, the BBC, considers what 500,000 lost lives looks like. Meanwhile, the New York Times, considers the uncharted territory we have entered as a country, with half a million deaths. Meanwhile, Anthony S. Fauci, the nation’s leading infectious-disease expert, called the U.S. death toll “stunning” and said “intense” political divisiveness contributed to the nation’s poor handling of the pandemic. Oh, God, we need your help, your mercy, your compassion. Oh, God, may we be bearers of your love and justice and truth.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-Nine

Sunday, February 21, 2021

1. Here, Kaitlin Sullivan, writer for Everyday Health, gives a brief history of Covid-19, one year in.

2. On February 20, 2020, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) announced that the first person in the United States had died from COVID-19 — a man in his fifties living in Washington state.

3. Since then, close to 28 million Americans have been infected with the novel (new) coronavirus, officially known as SARS-CoV-2, according to the latest data from Johns Hopkins University. Nearly half a million have died, more than in any other country in the world.

4. The year has been one of unspeakable tragedy, but also hope with the arrival of the first COVID-19 vaccines.

5. Oh, God, as we mourn half a million deaths, expand our hearts, that we may release our numbness to these astounding numbers, and have compassion on all those who have experienced loss this past year. Oh, God, give strength to those who work tirelessly to care for the ill and produce and distribute vaccines. Oh, God, remove vaccine hesitancy from those who live in fear, and fill us with your divine spirit, that we may continue to care for our neighbors, near and far, masking, social distancing and extending non-reactive, peaceful, non-judgemental care to all your precious children, around the world.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-Eight

Saturday, February 20, 2021

1. Today my husband and I spent several hours picking up branches from the ground, where a large tree had fallen and grazed the roof, searing a piece of the gutter and soffit. The tree was suspended across the trail to the river, held up by the embankment on either side. He cut the tree into logs on the side closest to the house, up to its resting point on the ground, leaving the majority of the trunk arching across the path.

2. The tree had fallen in the ice storm, which left historic, once in a century damage across Texas, our friends there without power or water.

3. Today, the Munich Security Conference met virtually, the world’s largest gathering to discuss international security. President Biden affirmed that the U.S. is committed to NATO.

4. David Leonhardt explains the cost of vaccine alarmism. Vaccine alarmism the idea that since vaccines are not 100% effective, we can't stop wearing masks and social distancing even after we have had a shot. Vaccinated people may still be contagious. And the virus variants may make everything worse. This message has some basis in truth, but it is fundamentally misleading. The evidence so far suggests that a full dose of the vaccine — with the appropriate waiting period after the second shot — effectively eliminates the risk of Covid-19 death, nearly eliminates the risk of hospitalization and drastically reduces a person’s ability to infect somebody else. All of that is also true about the virus’s new variants. The cosst of vaccine alarmism is that many people do not want to get the vaccine because it seems so ineffectual.

   About one-third of members of the U.S. military have declined vaccine shots. When shots first became available to Ohio nursing-home workers, about 60 percent said no. Some N.B.A. stars are wary of appearing in public-services ads encouraging vaccination.

   Nationwide, nearly half of Americans would refuse a shot if offered one immediately, polls suggest. Vaccination skepticism is even higher among Black and Hispanic people, white people without a college degree, registered Republicans and lower-income households.

   Over the next several weeks, the supply of available vaccines will surge. If large numbers of Americans say no to a shot, however, many will suffer needlessly

   hey’re safe. They’re highly effective against serious disease. And the emerging evidence about infectiousness looks really good. If you have access to a vaccine and you’re eligible, you should get it.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-Seven

Friday, February 19, 2021

1. Milllions are without power and water in Texas, Christmas is a reasonable time for getting back to normal, and the U.K., has approved deliberate infections of volunteers with coronavirus.

2. Meanwhile, the Perserverance rover has landed on Mars, creating excitement and a sense of vicarious adventure, a source for additional Bernie memes, and a distraction from the grim milestone of half million confirmed deaths in the U.S. from coronavirus.

3. Increasingly, I personally know people who have had their first dose of the vaccine. I had my yearly physical yesterday, and my doctor has had both doses.

4. President Biden says that every American who wants a vaccine will be able to get one by summer.

5. Oh, God, there is hope, yet there is heartbreak on an unimagineable scale. Oh, God, we humans in the U.S. have now sent five different rovers to Mars, yet we have the the highest maternal mortality rate among developed countries. Oh, God, the U.S. government would soon deliver a total of 13.5 million doses per week to the states, a jump of more than two million doses, yet 130 countries have not received a single Covid vaccine dose. Oh, God, energize those who work tirelessly to distribute the vaccine and administer it, heal those recovering from Covid-19, comfort those who have lost loved ones, ignite our compassion for our neighbors near and far, and unite us in attending to the needs of those who are suffering, from illness, from cold and storms, from injustice and loneliness.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-Six

Thursday, February 18, 2021

1. Today, my February newsletter goes out, and I welcome those of you who find my Pandemic Diary today.

2. I would love to hear from you - I’m interested in your story of the pandemic and how it has affected you, and your thoughts on all that is happening in our world.

3. The life expectancy in the U.S. has dropped by a year, the biggest drop since World War II.

4. Racial minorities suffered the biggest impact from January through June 2020, with Black Americans losing nearly three years and Hispanics losingnearly two years, according to preliminary estimates from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention..

5. Oh, God, some do not understand the connection between frigid weather and global warming. Oh, God, have mercy on us, stir us to action to lovingly steward the planet you have entrusted to us, your creation, which you made and pronounced, “It is good.” Oh, God, there are many suffering across this country, many in Texas are without power and water. Sustain the transportation workers who clear roads, those who operate shelters which give respite from the cold. Bless the owner and employees of Gallery Furniture Stores, which are serving as warming shelters in Houston, Texas. Oh, God, bring warmth to the hundreds of thousands without power in the northwest. Oh, God, thank you for the work of history professor Heather Cox Richardson, who puts each day’s events in historical perspective, including the current messaging around the power outtages. Oh, God, I am grateful for all those who use their gifts to help us understand this world, and I am grateful for your words in sacred text which tell us about your sacrificial love for this world you so love. Oh, God, touch us, wake us, activate us, infuse us, that we may be vessels for your steadfast lovingkindnes, compassion for all people, and your mercy and justice.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-Five

Ash Wednesday, February 17, 2021

1. Today is Ash Wednesday. Last year, Ash Wednesday was on February 26.

2. Last Ash Wednesday, it was reported that there were more new cases outside China than inside.

3. Last Ash Wednesday, a potential coronavirus case was being investigated here in the western part of Virginia, the state in which I live.

4. Last Ash Wednesday, then President Trump said, “Treat this like you treat the flu."

   Last Ash Wednesday, scientists were already working on a vaccine in Texas, New York and China, but the National Institutes of Health said it would be more than a year before a vaccine would become available.

5. Oh, God, it is Ash Wednesday. Your servant, Episcopal priest Elizabeth Keaton, wrote a blog post on Ash Wednesday, 2011, that inspires me today. She points out that your sacred text does not mention Ash Wednesday or the season of Lent. These were created by your followers by the end of the 10th century, after the use of ashes to signify repentance had been practiced from at least the first century. I don’t need to tell you any of this history, God, of course. But I would like to thank you for her words. She did a study of the mention of ashes in your sacred text and writes that “it was the the Rape of Tamar, the ‘beautiful sister’ of Absalom, son of David, by Amnon, the son of David, that took my breath away (2 Samuel 13). Oh, God, we preachers seldom, if ever, lift up this painful story of incestuous rape. Tamar puts ashes on her head to signify, not repentance, but utter devastation and grief. Oh, God, I am drawn back in to the stories of ashes in the Hebrew scripture, they are mysterious, evocative, and layered. Repentance is not the same as devastation and trauma from assault, yet they are connected by pain and grief. Oh, God, I would put ashes on my head today, for 502,555 deaths in my country and the loss of 2,443,129 of your precious children, who have departed this fragile orb.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-Four

Tuesday, February 16, 2021

1. The sun is shining, it is melting the traces of snow and ice that have rendered millions without power across the U.S.

2. At least four people are dead, and 150 million people are under winter advisories as an ice storm stretches across 25 states. There are 4.3 million are without power in Texas alone, after what is being called an "unprecedented" winter storm.

3. As the anniversary of my own pandemic diary is near, I look to other records of this year. More than 700 people have been keeping digital diaries as part of Pandemic Journaling Project, a joint initiative of the University of Connecticut and Brown University, which began last spring and now contains perhaps one of the most complete records of North Americans’ internal adjustments over months of pandemic, protest and political division.

4. In Vermont, Andrew Nemethy writes in his “vaccine diary” about getting his first vaccine shot as he joined a daylong procession of fellow Vermonters walking into the Barre Auditorium to get the first dose of the COVID-19 vaccine, joining around 150 people, all 75 or older and part of the first wave of Vermonters to get the shot under the state’s age-based rollout of vaccinations for the general population. 

5. Oh, God, as the sun streams in my room as I type, I am grateful for the coming of spring, the scientists and health workers who have enabled the distribution of the vaccine to begin taking place. I am grateful for artists, musicians, writers and actors, who have shared their gifts during this pandemic, prompting belly laughs and tears, and reminding us of what it means to be human. Oh, God, I am grateful for pastors and leaders of faith communities who have provided hope and care this past year. Oh, God, I am grateful to be alive, to hear the coming birdsong, to see the new life blooming and to be able soon to give my loved ones bear hugs. Oh, God, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-Three

Monday, February 15, 2021

1. In my home state of Virginia today, officials report the lowest daily increase in Covid-19 cases since November.

2. In my home country, the United States, there have been 28,320,708 confirmed cases. The true number is surely much, much, higher.

3. We are approaching the ghastly number of half a million confirmed deaths from the coronavirus in the U.S., as the current number is 498,258, according to the website Worldometers. Half a million people.

4. Worldometers also has a projections feature, which currently predicts 614,503COVID-19 deaths in the U.S. by June 1, 2021. This scenario includes vaccine distribution.

5. Oh, God, it is projected that there will be 3,657,500 Covid-19 deaths around the globe by June 1, 2021, a scenario that also includes vaccine distribution. Lord have mercy, the loss, the grief, the callousness we exhibit in regard to your precious children. Stir us with your spirit, that our compassion may be renewed, our actions follow.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-Two

Sunday, February 14, 2021

1. In a little over a month it will be the anniversary of the beginning of my pandemic diary.

2. Readers, will you contact me and let me know how this year has been for you?

3. Three employees at my husband’s company died this year of coronavirus. Dozens of his employeess have had the virus. or have taken time off to take care of a loved one who has had it. Friends and relatives of my friends have died from it. A niece on my side of the family and a niece on my husband’s side of the family has had it. A nephew on my husband’s side recently tested positive for it. Three neighbors on our street have had it, in two cases only one member of the family, in another case, several were very sick for days.

4. I have felt afraid, at the beginning fearful for my own life and the lives of those I love. I have felt angry, as my country, for all its wealth and leadership, fared much poorer than other nations with similiar and even much fewer resources. I have read and learned about past pandemics and how they changed society and left a lasting mark. I have prayed each day, and shared some of my prayers here, with you.

5. Oh, God, it is about to be a year of blogging about the pandemic, not just for me, but for many others. Oh, God, I am grateful for those also began last March to keep a record, some through photography, some at the behest of historians, such as Professor Herbert Braun of the University of Virginia, who, on March 16, sent out a call to current and former UVA students to keep a record, some at the invitation of librarians, such as those at Wright State in Ohio, who sent out a call for submissions on March 23, some at the request of newspapers, such as the Raleigh, North Carolina, News and Observer, and some by journalists themselves, such as Streetsblog Editor Joe Linton, based in Los Angeles, who started a writing about himself and his 3 person family on March 16. Oh, God, your sacred text is a record of your love for all human beings, created in your image, designed for love and companionship. Oh, God, may we live in these continuing pandemic days with hope for the future and compassion in the present moment.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty-One

Saturday, February 13, 2021

1. There are others who are keeping diaries in these pandemic days.

2. Here is a diary of someone who received the Pfizer vaccine.

3. The president releases guidelines for reopening schools.

4. Here is the round up of this week’s articles by the Scientific American about the coronavirus.

5. Oh, God, I ask for mercy, forgiveness, and inspiration as we seek to stop the spread. Oh, God, may we be focused on what is most important now. Oh, God, may we be aligned with your purpose of compassion and lovingkindness everywhere.

Day Three Hundred and Thirty

Friday, February 12, 2021

1. Today, we traveled to see my daughter in Falls Church, Virginia.

2. An ice storm was coming through, but we drove up anyway, having studied the weather. It seemed it might be okay to go tonight, the ice storm coming Saturday, when we would be safely ensconced at our daughter’s in northern Virginia.

3. We made it. We settled in for the night. What if my daughter has a friend who received the vaccine, having heard that there is "vaccine hesitancy" in South Carolina and so signed up there, and received it. What if my daughter wanted me to get the vaccine also, and signed me up, on line, to receive the vaccine, in South Carolina, seeing on line that appointments were available?

4. People are crossing state lines to get the vaccine. It is like the Hunger Games, is it not?

5. Oh, God, I am now faced with an ethical dilemma. My daughter has obtained an appointment for me, in South Carolina, in March, shall I take it? Oh, God, these days are filled with decisions, as we seek to obtain the vaccine, that will ostentibly save our lives. And what of those who need the vaccine, and who are not internet savvy, or willing to drive long hours? Oh, God, I pray, what shall I do?

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Nine

Thursday, February 11, 2021

1. Germany has extended its lockdown for at least another month, citing the spread of more infectious variants of the virus.

2. We in the U.S. have recorded half of all of our deaths during the pandemic since Nov. 1.

3. Here is some hope for my country, fatalities from the virus have been steadily declining for weeks. We are now averaging about 2,700 deaths per day, down significantly from a few weeks ago, when we were averaging more than 3,300. But is 2,700 deaths per day still hopeful?

4. Meanwhile, today the impeachment managers wrapped up the case against the former president. As Heather Cox Richardson puts it, “The House impeachment managers have given Republican senators multiple ways to justify a vote for conviction to their constituents. They have shown how Trump began to incite violence even before the election, in plain sight, and how that led to an assault on the Capitol that came close to costing the lives of our elected officials, including Vice President Mike Pence—a Republican—and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, the two people next in line for the presidency if Trump were to be removed from office.”

5. Oh, God, I am grateful that I have not contracted the virus. Oh, God, bring healing to those who are suffering its effects, and those whose symptoms linger. Oh, God, I am grateful for my family. Not being able to see many of them has made me cherish our time together even more. Oh, God, I have learned many lessons in this pandemic. May I never take for granted the joy of in person worship, the singing of hymns, the hugs and handshakes of fellowship. Oh, God, bless all who work for the common good around the planet. Sustain them, may they reap the rewords of love and service to those in need.

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Eight

Wednesday, February 10, 2021

1. The White House press briefing today by Jen Psaki made reference to Jeffrey Zients, who is the coordinator of the COVID-19 response in the Biden administration. The launch of the FQHC was announced, “Federal Qualified Health Centers,” by which the vaccine supply will be sent directly to community health centers, enabling them to vaccinate more of the people they serve.

2. The CDD is now advising double masking, which offers more protection against Covid-19.

3. In a report released this morning, officials said people who wore cloth masks over medical procedure masks were able to block 92.5% of particles released from a simulated cough. A single medical procedure mask on its own blocked only 42% of particles.

4. And here is history professor Heather Cox Richardson with an analysis of the day's events.

5. Oh, God, I was riveted watching impeachment manager Stacey Plaskett, a Democratic delegate from the U.S. Virgin Islands, followed the rioters using footage from their own cellphones and the cameras of journalists who recorded their actions. as well as previously unseen video from security cameras to illustrate just how close the rioters came to capturing Vice President Mike Pence and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, both of whom they were searching for specifically, as well as lawmakers in general. Oh, God, in my country we sing “God Bless America,” asking for you to aid us in prosperity and longevity. Oh, God, I am thinking that you don’t favor one nation over another, but, rather, that you are teaching us through all of our experiences to follow you above all other allegiances. Oh, God, may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, as the Psalmist prays.

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Seven

Tuesday, February 9, 2021

1. Each day I check history professor Heather Cox Richardson’s analysis of the day, and here is today, February 9, 2021.

2. The U.K. variant is rapidly spreading here in the U.S. and doubling every ten days. The report released on Sunday came from preprint server MedRxiv and it predicted that the UK variant, officially known as B.1.1.7, could become the most dominant Covid-19 variant in the US by next month.

3. Scientists are working on a shot that would protect against Covid-19, its variants, certain seasonal colds and the next pandemic.

4. Increasingly I know people who have been vaccinated. One of my husband’s sisters and her spouse, one of my husband’s brothers and his spouse, former church members who are posting on social media when they receive the vaccine, one of my best friend’s daughter, who works in health care, and son, who works for a health care company, in computing, and another of my best friend’s son and his wife, who both work in health care. My niece has been suffering from Covid-19 symptoms for four weeks. Several relatives on my husband’s side have had Covid-19, a nice and other relatives by marriage.

5. Oh, God, bring comfort to those who have lost loved ones, give sustenance to those who are working to identify and address the variants of the virus, impart wisdom to those who have decision making responsibility for policies and procedures related to healthcare and production and distribution of the vaccine. Oh, God, send your Spirit to renew us, activate us and gather us in to your purpose, that we may embody your love for all you have created in your image.

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Six

Monday, February 8, 2021

1. White House COVID-19 Advisor Andy Slavitt says that there are no vaccine silver bullets.

2. “One of the things that's happening, and it's a little bit concerning and it should be concerning to all of us, is that people who are more tech savvy and more time on their hands, maybe they have more kids or grandkids, they're the ones that are locking up a lot of these appointments. And people who perhaps don't have as much technology or maybe aren't as fluent with technology and don't have all of those kinds of resources or time are getting locked out.”

3. My own personal experience is that it is also who you know and random luck.

4. The chair of the Congressional Hispanic Caucus, Raul Ruiz, is sounding the alarm about low vaccination rates in Latino communities.

5. Oh, God, I have heard the vaccine roll out referred to as the “Hunger Games,” in terms of people fighting as if “to the death” to receive the vaccine. Oh, God, give wisdom to those with power to distribute the vaccine equitably, give compassion for those in decision making positions, and give us patience to continue to practice social distancing and mask wearing while we wait for the vaccine to be available to all.

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Five

Sunday, February 7, 2021

1. There is new children’s book about Dr. Li, the Wuhan coronavirus whistleblower, which teaches bravery.

2. Here, Heather Cox Richardson puts the impeachment trial in historical perspective.

3. Chinese citzens contingue to pay homage to the late coronavirus whistleblower.

4. “Li was a whistleblower in the early days of the coronavirus pandemic in China. He started warning colleagues about a mysterious pneumonia-like illness in December 2019 and was reprimanded by police for doing so. Then, Li caught the virus himself. He was pronounced dead exactly a year ago, last Feb. 7.”

5. Oh, God, may we look back upon this pandemic and know that we have been aligned with your justice, compassion and mercy. Oh, God, melt the hearts of those who deny and dismiss the loss that has been experienced this past year. Oh, God, raise up advocates for those who have suffered, and activists who work for justice. Oh, God, you have been our rock and our refuge, throughout the ages. Oh, God, your lovingkindness endures.

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Four

Saturday, February 6, 2021

1. Heather Cox Richardson connects 2020 and 2021:

2. “A year ago yesterday, on February 5, 2020, the Republican-dominated Senate acquitted President Donald J. Trump of two charges for which the House had impeached him: abuse of power and obstruction of Congress in order to rig his own reelection. A year ago today, February 6, 2020, 57-year-old Patricia Dowd of San Jose, California, died suddenly after feeling ill for several days. She is the nation's first known victim of coronavirus. Now, a year later, on February 6, 2021, the official count of coronavirus deaths in the United States is more than 460,000, significantly more Americans than died in World War Two. And on Tuesday, February 9, 2021, the second impeachment trial of former president Donald J. Trump will begin in the Senate. This time, the House impeached him for incitement of insurrection in a desperate attempt to retain control of the presidency despite losing the 2020 election.”

3. The pandemic is 10 times worse than we think, according to a research team at Columbia University which has built a mathematical model that gives a much more complete — and scary — picture of how much virus is circulating in our communities. On any given day, the actual number of active cases — people who are newly infected or still infectious — is likely 10 times that day's official number of reported cases.

4. Jeffrey Shaman, an infectious disease specialist at Columbia University, estimates that over the entirety of the pandemic, five times more people have been infected than were reported. The number of people actively shedding virus on any given day is about 10 times the number of daily new reported cases. Shaman's conclusion: "I don't think we should psychologically be thinking about any sort of move into a post-pandemic phase and a real reopening until the summer."

5. Oh, God, the pandemic continues to rage, even as the vaccine provides hope, particularly in wealthy countries, such as my own, the U.S. Oh, God, I am broken hearted at the loss of life around the world. Oh, God, I am also numb to the numbers, unable to fathom the amount of loss experienced by we humans, whom you have created in your image. Oh, God, some have paid attention the loss, such as this 60 Minutes episode, aired on January 31, 2021. Oh, God, some have ignored, dismissed the catastrophe that has befallen this fragile orb of your design. Oh, God, may we weep with those who weep and remember those lives lost.

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Three

Friday, February 5, 2021

1. The number of people who have received a COVID-19 vaccination now exceeds those reportedly infected, the head of the UN’s health agency said on Friday, said today.

2. “In one sense, that’s good news, and a remarkable achievement in such a short timeframe”, World Health Organization (WHO) chief, Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus told journalists.  However, he noted that “more than three quarters of those vaccinations are in just 10 countries that account for almost 60 per cent of global GDP”.  This amounts to 130 countries, with 2.5 billion people, that have yet to administer a single dose. 

3. A coronavirus patient who eventually died from the virus was studied during the course of his illness and this has resulted in revealing clues to the origin of the coronavirus variants. The virus often mutates by simply deleting small pieces of its genetic code. Viruses are technically not alive, but viruses mutate and evolve similar to living cells.

4. Democrats, in control of the presidency and Congress, pushed forward with efforts to approve a sweeping coronavirus relief package.

   Human-caused climate change "may have played a key role" in the coronavirus pandemic. That's the conclusion of a new study which examined how changes in climate have transformed the forests of Southeast Asia, resulting in an explosion of bat species in the region.

5. Oh, God, sustain those who work to increase availability of the vaccine. Oh, God, inspire those with decision making responsibility to see the needs across the globe and coordinate with others to provide relief to all. Oh, God, I pray for the family of the coronavirus who died, sustain them in their grief, and comfort them with the knowledge that his illness has provided information that is helping understanding the coronavirus such that its impact can be lessened and fewer will die from it. Oh, God, there are great needs in our country and around the world. Give politicans wisdom, give people of faith sustenance to do your work of compassion. Oh, God, may I be ever mindful of your presence and may I be a vessel for your steadfast lovingkindness.

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-Two

Thursday, February 4, 2021

1. Coronavirus cases are plummeting in India, and there is speculation as to why this is the case.

2. A parallel pandemic is hitting health care workers: trauma and exhaustion. “Over the last year, there have been the psychological trauma of overworked intensive care doctors forced to ration care, the crushing sense of guilt for nurses who unknowingly infected patients or family members, and the struggles of medical personnel who survived Covid-19 but are still hobbled by the fatigue and brain fog that hamper their ability to work. Some health care experts are calling for a national effort to track the psychological well-being of medical professionals, much like the federal health program that monitors workers who responded to the 9/11 terrorist attacks.”

3. In the state where I live, Virginia, the positivity rate is down to 11 percent.

   The age group most responsible for the spread of the virus is those who are 20-49,
   according to a study published recently in Science Magazine.

4. There are over 27 million confirmed cases in the U.S. and over 107 million confirmed cases worldwide. So far over 468,200 Americans have died from Covid-19. There are surely more. The U.S. has administered around 44.4 million doses of a Covid-19 vaccine.

5. Oh, God, each day I read Heather Cox Richardson's summary and historical analysis of the day’s events in my country. Oh, God, there is division here in the U.S., it garners our attention and fuels our tension, while around the world we have passed the 100 million mark for infections across the planet. Oh, God, the coronavirus pandemic continues to test our capacity for compassion and looking beyond our own interests to the well-being of others. Oh, God, the World Bank estimates the pandemic pushed between 119 million and 124 million additional people into extreme poverty last year. Oh, God, as of yesterday, three quarters of all global doses were in only 10 countries, and more than 94 percent of countries beginning vaccinations were high-income or upper-middle-income, and God, there are 130 countries who haven’t yet administered a single dose. Oh, God, lift up the voices of those who advocate on behalf of those who are overlooked and under resourced in the midst of this pandemic. Oh, God, as we turn to sacred scripture, may we see not just your words of comfort, but the words of your prophets who, through the ages, call us to join in your compassion for the poor, and your mercy for those who are treated unjustly. Oh, God, this pandemic is revealing who we are. Oh, God, may this pandemic reveal to us who you are, and may we join in your work of justice, lovingkindness, mercy and self-giving love.

Day Three Hundred and Twenty-One

Wednesday, February 3, 2021

1. A team from the World Health Organization is now visiting the Wuhan research lab which has been at the subject of speculation about the origin of the virus.

2. Here is a timeline of the Covid-19 Wuhan lab origina theory, in an article by Jack Brewster in Forbes. The theory COVID-19 originated in a laboratory in Wuhan, China — and not naturally in wildlife — emerged as an explosive claim pitting scientists, who remain skeptical of the claim, against Trump administration officials, who rallied around the theory as the previous administration attempted to deflecting attention away from criticism it faltered in its handling of the outbreak and casting blame onto China. this article by Nicholson Baker exams what he calls the “Lab-Leak Hypothesis” in great detail.

3. Here is Heather Cox Richardson with an analysis of where we are as a nation. She states “that on the same day that the remains of Capitol Police Officer Brian D. Sicknick, killed in the January 6 insurrection, lie in honor in the Capitol Rotunda, the House impeachment managers filed their trial brief for the upcoming Senate impeachment trial of former president Donald Trump. The charge is that he incited the insurrection attempt of January 6, 2021, in which a mob stormed the Capitol to stop the counting of the certified electoral ballots for the 2020 election.”

4. "Trump is continuing to assert his argument that he won the election. “With very few exceptions,” his lawyers’ response reads, “under the convenient guise of Covid-19 pandemic ‘safeguards’ states [sic] election laws and procedures were changed by local politicians or judges without the necessary approvals from state legislatures. Insufficient evidence exists upon which a reasonable jurist could conclude that the 45th President’s statements were accurate or not, and he therefore denies they were false.” As a historian, she points out:

   “Trump’s argument has been dismissed in more than 60 court cases, so there is plenty of evidence to conclude that it is false. But he is doubling down on what scholars of authoritarianism call a “big lie:” that he was the true winner of the 2020 election, and that the Democrats stole it. The big lie, a key propaganda tool that is associated with Nazi Germany, is a lie so huge that no one can believe it is false. If leaders repeat it enough times, refusing to admit that it is a lie, people come to think it is the truth because surely no one would make up anything so outrageous.”

5. Oh, God, our country is in a crisis. We are in need of your help, an infusion of your spirit, an infection with your deep compassion. Oh, God, raise up truth tellers and courageous justice seekers and outspoken activists for the common good. Oh, God, help us open our hearts to one another and help us work together to unveil untruth and deception. Oh, God, may your truth prevail in the midst of disinformation and lies which cause destruction and mistrust and lead to death. Misinformation about the virus, denial of the effect of white supremacy, and dehumanizing language are destroying us. Truth, compassion and stark assessment of our place in society and our power to act to assist our neighbors will draw us to one another and to you.

Day Three Hundred and Twenty

Tuesday, February 2, 2021

1. Anti-vacccine protesters temporarily shut down a Covid-19 vaccine site.

2. The U.S. vaccine drive reveals racial disparity.

3. Jonathan Wolfe of the New York Times reports that the Congressional Budget Office predicted that the U.S. economy will return to its pre-pandemic size by the middle of this year. Vaccinations are slowly picking up speed in the U.S., averaging about 1.3 million doses per day over the past week.

4. I am astounded when I read the following: “More than 90 million people around the world have received a coronavirus vaccine outside of clinical trials — but only 25 people total have in all of sub-Saharan Africa, a region of about one billion people.” Why has this fact not been in the news? Wolfe continues, “That has set the stage for a “catastrophic moral failure,” in the words of Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus, the head of the World Health Organization. But it is also a failure of self-interest for wealthier nations, as a hiccup in one country can quickly become a tragedy for everyone.”

5. Oh, God, South Africa has just now received its first covid vaccine shipment. Oh, God, a few wealthy countries, including my own, have secured for themselves more than half of the world’s promised doses of the leading COVID-19 vaccine candidates, while most African countries are relying on the COVAX facility—a co-financing vaccine procurement mechanism set up to ensure equitable access—to obtain the vaccines. Oh, God, billions of people around the world won't be vaccinated for COVID-19 until 2022 or 2023. Oh, God, a map that shows the level of vaccine distribution in different countries, virtually the entire continent of Africa, more than 50 nations, is blank. Oh, God, how can this be? Oh, God, as I have listened to news about the vaccines, attention paid to the efficacy and design of each one, factors in distribution related in detail, friends, family and celebrities posting pictures of them receiving their first dose - how did I miss the fact that an entire continent is being left behind? Oh, God, Is the West treating vaccination as a right for itself and a privilege for the rest of the world? Oh, God, bless those whose mission it is to “create and support a strong, sustainable, and successful Africa.” Oh, God, lift up our heads and focus our attention beyond ourselves and alert us to our neighbors both near and far, that we may love our neighbors, as you have called us to do. Break through our self-centered ways and ignite the fire of your Spirit within us, that we may understand ourselves to be connected with and in kinship all your children around the globe, and thereby look not only to our own interests, but to the interests of others.

Day Three Hundred and Nineteen

Monday, February 1, 2021

1. David Leonhardt is optimistic today in his article in the New York Times, “The vaccine news continue to be better than many people realize.”

2. His thought is that “the public discussion of it continues to be more negative than the facts warrant…. All five vaccines with public results have eliminated Covid-19 deaths,” he writes. “The available data is very encouraging — including about the vaccines’ effect on the virus’s variants.”

3. “Coronaviruses have been circulating for decades if not centuries, and they’re often mild. The common cold can be a coronavirus. The world isn’t going to eliminate coronaviruses — or this particular one, known as SARS-CoV-2 — anytime soon,” he explains. “Yet we don’t need to eliminate it for life to return to normal. We instead need to downgrade it from a deadly pandemic to a normal virus.”

4. “Of the roughly 75,000 people who have received one of the five in a research trial, not a single person has died from Covid, and only a few people appear to have been hospitalized. None have remained hospitalized 28 days after receiving a shot. To put that in perspective, it helps to think about what Covid has done so far to a representative group of 75,000 American adults: It has killed roughly 150 of them and sent several hundred more to the hospital. The vaccines reduce those numbers to zero and nearly zero, based on the research trials. Zero isn’t even the most relevant benchmark. A typical U.S. flu season kills between five and 15 out of every 75,000 adults and hospitalizes more than 100 of them.” You would think “that any vaccine that transforms Covid into something much milder than a typical flu deserves to be called effective. But that is not the scientific definition. When you read that the Johnson & Johnson vaccine was 66 percent effective or that the Novavax vaccine was 89 percent effective, those numbers are referring to the prevention of all illness. They count mild symptoms as a failure…. The South African variant does appear to make the vaccines less effective at eliminating infections,” but “there is no evidence yet that it increases deaths among vaccinated people. Leonhardt reports that a group of experts ”imagined that a close relative had to choose between getting the Johnson & Johnson vaccine now or waiting three weeks to get the Moderna or Pfizer vaccine.” They all agreed that they would advise their loved one to get the one that was immediately available. “The virus is bad. You’re risking three more weeks of exposure as opposed to getting protection tomorrow.”

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for those who have working tirelessly, or, perhaps with great exhaustion fueled by deterimination, to create these vaccines. Oh, God, sustain those who continue to work in vaccine research, distribution and getting needles into arms. Oh, God, open minds that are closed and fearful of the vaccine, inspire formal and informal educators who share the facts and science, and nudge the hearts of those with decision making power that can create an equitable distribution of the vaccine to people of color and those who are most vulnerable to Covid-19. 
   
   

Pandemic Diary: January 2021

Day Three Hundred and Eighteen

Saturday, January 31, 2021

1. How has the virus changed my life?

2. On January 14, 2020, I had the seventh surgery on my right eye, which served to save it from dying. Without that surgery, I would not only have no vision in that eye, the eye itself would have deteriorated. The surgery was the last available fix and left me with permanent low vision.

3. At the post op appointment the day after surgery, Dr. Combs removed the patch and said, “it took all modern medicine has to offer to save that eye.” Dr. Combs also mentioned the virus that had appeared in Wuhan, China. He wondered aloud if the virus originated in a lab there. He also noticed a cataract in my good eye and said that it would need to be removed at some point. I did not know then that it was a cataract of the fast growing type, which would soon significantly impede my vision in a matter of months.

4. Over the course of 2020, my eye sight became increasingly limited, with permanent low vision in one eye and increasingly limited vision in the other. By the end of 2020, I could no longer drive. I was not able to distinguish faces across a room. I leaned forward with my reading glasses perched on my nose to see the screen, a few inches from my face. Over the course of 2020, as my vision was increasingly limited, my insight grew. My understanding of myself, my place in society and my capacity to use my agency to further justice and compassion became increasingly clarified

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for the lessons of 2020. Oh, God, I am grateful for the ways in which my vision increased in 2020, what I learned about myself and about your presence in the world. Oh, God, I am grateful for the lessons of the pandemic for me, and there are many, the lessons of the resurgence of the Black Lives Matter movement and the knowledge that I have so much more to learn about what it means to be anti-racist. Oh, God, I am grateful for your sustaining love in the midst of the tensions in our country leading up to the election and beyond. Oh, God, I am grateful for the power of the Spirit, which enables us to align with your purposes in this world, your lovingkindness, mercy, justice and compassion. Oh, God, there are endless opportunities in these days to join in your compassionate presence in this world. Spirit of the Living God, fall fresh on me. Fill me, Use me, Mold me, Make me. Oh, God, I’m not sure I’m remembering the standard lyrics of the hymn, but you understand my meaning.

Day Three Hundred and Seventeen

Saturday, January 30, 2021

1. So, maps showing the full extent of the pandemic in the United States during the past year that had been “hidden” by the Trump administration have now been released.

2. During 2020 the Trump administration generated weekly statistics about the spread of the virus which they reported to state officials with instructions that they keep the information from the public. Following President Joe Biden's promise of “trust and transparency,” these previously “confidential” updates that were given to state officials during the Trump administration will now be made public, as reported by The Sun. In addition, moving forward, states will be given ongoing updates which will be public information. The current statistics reveal that Arizona, South Carolina, and California have been ravaged by the deadly virus and are the nation’s worst hot spots.

3. Currently 200 or more people are dying per capita each week in most areas of the country. This past Thursday, the U.S. surpassed 4000 deaths per day for the first time.

4. This is my pandemic diary, begun on March 20, 2020. There are other pandemic diaries, and diaries of the pandemic a hundred years ago that are coming to light. Daniel W. Drezner of The Washington Post has published a monthly pandemic diary, with entries by theme, March, “Fear and Anger;” April, “Anger and Loathing;” May, “Frustration and Caprice;” June, “Sheer Exhaustion;” July, “Fatalism and Vertigo;” August, “Interdependence and Stasis;” September, “Anger and Atonement;” October, “Depression and Isolation;” November, “Hope and Darkness;” December, “Adaptation and Its Horrors.”

   I’m also interested in diaries from the 1918 influenza epidemic. Here is the story of a diary found in April 2020, “Thursday September 26, 1918: Didn’t sleep hardly at all last night had a cold and coughed and my limbs ached. Bawled till I had a terrible headache … couldn’t stand it any longer. Mother gave me dope ….” A University of California, Los Angeles, librarian has created a remarkable collection of centuries old letters, diaries and photographs in their biomedical library, with “personal narratives, manuscripts, and ephemera.”

5. Oh, God, inspire us to pick up a pen or bring fingers to a keyboard and create a record of this time. Oh, God, thank you for creating us in your image and as storytellers of the human condition. Oh, God, thank you for creating us in your image with the capacity for love, mercy, justice, forgiveness and compassion. Oh, God, you have sustained me during this pandemic, your care for me has been embodied through friends who have called me, my brother Bob who sends me daily puppy pictures, through churches who have found new ways to extend care for the hurting. Oh, God, sustain those who spend themselves daily through in person care for the sick. Oh, God, bring comfort to those who have lost loved ones in this pandemic. The number of those who are grieving is unfathomable to me. Oh, God, help me break through the numbing effect of enormous numbers and see your presence in each person. Oh, God, help me grow in wisdom and humility and join your in your love for this world and all who live and breath upon this fragile orb.

Day Three Hundred and Sixteen

Friday, January 29, 2021

1. Here is an interesting article published in BMJ, which describes itself as a “global healthcare knowledge provider,” about International Collaboration and Covid-19. “Powerful nations are not living up to their commitments to solidarity and equality.”

2. “The 19th century pandemics that followed the globalisation of commercial and military activities led to a series of sanitary conferences, at which countries agreed to fight infectious diseases by working together.1 In the nearly two centuries since the Ottoman Empire convened the initial gathering,2formal collaboration in health has been institutionalised through the World Health Organization, founded in 1948 as the specialised agency of the United Nations and granted international responsibilities and a legal mandate over international public health matters such as the cross-border spread of disease.34

3. “The reasons for collaboration remain clear, logical, and have endured essentially unchanged from their original conceptualisation in the 1800s. Three of the most central are as follows. Firstly, the many ties between nations create collective health risks that are difficult to manage independently. The rapid spread of SARS-CoV-2 shows the close connections between countries, and the poorly managed economic and social costs are further evidence of their shared fate. Secondly, sharing knowledge and experience accelerates learning and facilitates more rapid progress. Information and knowledge on pathogens, their transmission, the diseases they provoke, and possible interventions are all areas in which researchers and public health professionals can benefit from the experience of others. Thirdly, agreeing on rules and standards supports comparability of information, helps establish good practices, and underpins shared understanding and mutual trust. All three reasons drive nations to collaborate and are reflected in their creation of WHO, a central authority, and its World Health Assembly (WHA), which serves as a forum for countries to share information, debate issues, and take collective decisions.”

4. The article concludes that “Meaningful international collaboration is a critical part of the road ahead and calls for immediate action in three areas. Firstly, member states must end the systematic weakening of WHO—end ad hoc institutional fragmentation in global health and end budgetary manipulation. Secondly, they must support the independence of WHO—increase its core budget and build its authority over trade and travel related issues, including compulsory licensure for pharmaceuticals. Thirdly, states must uphold fairness, participation, and accountability by granting WHO powers to hold members accountable, including for overcoming deficiencies in national data, and by decolonising its governance to address the undue influence of a small number of powerful member states.”

5. Oh, God, we are your children, all around the globe. Help us connect with one another, care about one another, and extend your compassion to one another.

Day Three Hundred and Fifteen

Thursday, January 28, 2021

1. Heather Cox Richardson, author and historian, provides historical perspective and analysis as context for current events.

2. So, virus cases are falling in the U.S. more sharply than at any previous point.

3. The United States has never experienced a sharp and sustained decline in new coronavirus cases — until, perhaps, now.

   Last year, new cases in the U.S. went through cycles of rising rapidly and then leveling off or falling only modestly. That was different from the situation in many other countries, where sharp drops sometimes occurred. Look at how much bigger the declines were in Western Europe last spring and last fall than in the U.S.:

4. But now the situation may be changing. New cases in the U.S. have fallen 35 percent over the past three weeks. Hospitalizations have dropped, as well. Deaths have not, but they have stabilized — and the death trend typically lags the cases trend by a few weeks. “I like the trends we are seeing, and I am personally hopeful that things are going to get better,” Jennifer Nuzzo, an epidemiologist at Johns Hopkins University. We may be in the very early stages of herd immunity. Roughly 100 million Americans seem to have had the virus. (For every person who tests positive, three more have had it without being diagnosed, studies suggest.) Another 24 million people have received a vaccine shot. Put those two groups together, and about one-third of all Americans have at least some degree of immunity from the virus. That may be enough to begin — begin — slowing the spread, as Donald G. McNeil Jr. explained on “The Daily.” In addition, more Americans seem to be wearing masks and socially distancing. The country just elected a president who echoes scientific advice rather than flouting it. Some Americans may also be inspired by light at the end of the tunnel.

“I’m hearing from a lot of people that one of the reasons why they’re really hunkering down now is that it would be a shame to get a severe Covid case while waiting to get the vaccine,” Dr. Lee Harrison, the chairman of a local health board, told The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette this week.

5. Oh, God, I am hopeful. But newly infectious variants that could cause case numbers to surge again and the current rate of death from Covid-19 remains horrific. Oh, God, I miss in-person worship. I feel like I took it for granted. I have had enough of staying home. Oh, God, I am an introvert and I crave time alone, yet I have had too much, I long to connect with family and friends. Oh, God, I pray that I may be a vessel of your love and compassion, your grace and forgivenes, your redemption and mercy. Oh, God, may your Spirit flow through me. Oh, God, I pray for those who have lost parents during this pandemic, my sister-in-law, and two of my dear friends. Oh, God, I feel your presence. You are here, you are everywhere, you are everything.

Day Three Hundred and Fourteen

Wednesday, January 27, 2021

1. Many doctors believe that mental health issues and depression will be the biggest non-Covid-19 issue as a result of the pandemic.

2. Covid-19 cases have reached 100m globally with more than a quarter of all cases in the U.S.

3. The risk of dying of Covid-19 for middle-aged folks is higher than they might think.

4. The risk of death from COVID increases with age, but researchers have found that the upward curve grows exponentially steeper with every extra decade.

   One out of every 800 people entering early middle age at 45 will die from their COVID infection, 55-year-olds have a 1 in 240 risk of dying if they contract the coronavirus, and 65-year-olds have a 1 in 70 chance, said lead researcher Andrew Levin, a professor of economics at Dartmouth College in Hanover, N.H.

   By comparison, people who are 25 have a 1 in 10,000 risk of dying from COVID, and 35-year-olds have a 1 in 2,700 chance, Levin said.

   "This isn't just dangerous for elderly people in nursing homes," Levin said. "COVID gets progressively more and more dangerous, even in middle age."

5. Oh, God, sustain the helpers and health care workers. Comfort the grieving. Inspire us to reach out and extend lovingkindness to those who are suffering. Oh, God, may we remember that your call to love one another as you have loved us is the highest goal, the deepest value of what it means to be human, what it means to be your creatures, what it means to mirror your divine grace.

Day Three Hundred and Thirteen

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

1. So, Black and Latino Americans are being vaccined at lower rates than whites, despite being disproportionately affected by coronavirus. “Black and Latino Americans are already dying of Covid-19 at three times the rate of White people and being hospitalized at a rate four times higher, according to the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.”

2. In my community, there is much discussion about the fate of the Robert E. Lee monument. Michael Paul Williams of Richmond writes that “The impulse to lionize treason in service of white supremacy will be the death of our democracy if we don’t wake up.”

3. Apparently, the U.S. is going to boost vaccine supply so that all Americans will receive shots by the end of summer.

4. In the majority of U.S. counties, Americans are at an extremely high risk of contracting Covid-19 right now.

5. Oh, God, the first case of the highly contagious variant from the U.K. has been found in Virginia. Oh, God, where is your will and your way in the devastation of this virus? The heartbreak, the loss, the lasting symptoms over time. Oh, God, you are at work in us, teaching us compassion, resilience, the ability to discern what is most important and what is not. Oh, God, open our hearts to receive your spirit, your grace, your lovingkindness that knows no bounds. Oh, God, we are a journey of the soul to learn your ways and live your love.

Day Three Hundred and Twelve

Monday, January 25, 2021

1. President Biden is is implementing travel restrictions to combat new coronavirus varints.

2. The Mexican president is the latest world leader to contract the coronavirus.

3. And here is Heather Cox Richardson’s analysis of the events of the day.

4. I am grateful not to have gotten the virus thus far. I realize nothing is guaranteed. I have friends whose millenial children have received the vaccine, who work in health care, a respiratory therapist, a nurse practioner. Some friends of my daughters have received the vaccine, another nurse practioner, a doctor who is pregnant with her second child. Some of my in laws have received the vaccine. My sister-in-law and and her husband. My other sister-in-law in her husband. They have been in the right place at the right time. My husband is 66, elgible to receive the vaccine here in Virginia in in phase 1b. People with certain medical conditions are also eligible, theoretically.

5. Gracious God, I am grateful for all who are working to make the vaccine available. Oh, God, a case of the more contagious UK variant was reported in Northern Virginia. Oh, God, Virginia is nearing 500,000 cases but fewer than 65,000 Virginians are fully vaccinated. Oh, God, our new president is pushing for 1.5 million shots per day. Oh, God, where are you in the turmoil of the present day? Or, where are we in relation to your divine grace and lovingkindness? Oh, God, may we be in tune and alignment with your spirit of grace and compassion for all who suffer. Oh, God, may we extend kindness to our neighbor, near and far.

Day Three Hundred and Eleven

Sunday, January 24, 2021

1. I point to Heather Cox Richardson, a history professor, who gives a historical context to the events of each day.

2. My country tops 25 million confirmed coronavirus cases.

3. Dr. Fauci says "I think we can approach a degree of normality as we enter the fall of 2021."

4. More contagious variants threaten to erase recent gains made in curbing the spread of the virus. As wealthier nations (and people) get first dibs, new research shows that if poor countries go unvaccinated, rich ones will pay the economic price.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for a new administration in my country that takes the virus seriously and makes it a priority. Oh, God, friends and loved ones are receiving the vaccination, for which I am also grateful. Oh, God, the virus continues to rage, discord runs rampant among political parties, we are in need of your loving Spirit. Oh, God, may I be a vessel of your love. Oh, God, raise up healers and reconcilers for this moment. Oh, God, may we have compassion on all who suffer around the globe and take action within our sphere of influence. Oh, God, thank you for your lovingkindess and your mercy.

Day Three Hundred and Ten

Saturday, January 23, 2021

1. Biden has revealed a 198-page Covid-19 pandemic response plan designed to bolster vaccine supplies, reduce viral spread, protect the U.S. workforce, and address issues of racial equity in healthcare.

2. President Biden’s advisers released an executive summary outlining the plan on Jan. 20, and the full strategy is available on WhiteHouse.gov.

3. The Biden administration’s National Strategy is organized around seven central goals:

   “Restore trust with the American people.

   “Mount a safe, effective, and comprehensive vaccination campaign.

   “Mitigate spread through expanding masking, testing, data, treatments, health care workforce, and clear public health standards.

   “Immediately expand emergency relief and exercise the Defense Production Act.

   “Safely reopen schools, businesses, and travel while protecting workers.

   “Protect those most at risk and advance equity, including across racial, ethnic, and rural/urban lines.

   “Restore U.S. leadership globally and build better preparedness for future threats.

4. Here, Erin Allday, health reporter for the San Francisco Chronicle, writes about how the coronavirus variants will prolong the pandemic and how it might end.

5. Oh, God, we are at a crossroads in our country with a change of administration. But, oh, God, the virus and its variants are unphased and care not which humans are in power. It rages and spreads with no regard for who it brings down, in illness and even death. Oh, God, may we join forces for the health of our communities, for the health of the world and all your children.

Day Three Hundred and Nine

Friday, January 22, 2021

1. Heather Cox Richardsongives this perspective on the the final days of the Trump administration.

2. The coronavirus variants could dash our hopes of getting back to normal.

3. On Monday, one of that nation’s leading epidemiologists presented some results from a new study testing whether that variant could be neutralized by the antibody-rich convalescent plasma extracted from 44 patients who had been infected with an older strain of covid-19 during the country’s first wave. More than 90 percent of the plasma samples tested were less effective against the new strain than the old one, and almost half showed “no detectable neutralization activity.”

4. As this article in the Washington Post reveals, this could mean yet another wave of covid-19 that could infect at least some people who have already had it — or been vaccinated — as well as those who haven’t. A resurgent covid-19, capable of reinfecting people, would complicate any attempt to reach herd immunity, whether we go about our lives and let nature take its course, or vaccinate everyone who wants it. If the results hold, then we may be in for a rude shock, along with some bitter disagreements over what to do. However, the coronavirus vaccines from Pfizer and Moderna are each a kind of modular delivery system that carries information about the virus to our immune systems.New information can be slotted into that system quickly, which means that we might well be able to refresh our vaccines almost as quickly as the virus evolves to get around our immunity. The more comprehensively we’re able to vaccinate our populations, the fewer opportunities the virus will have to hang around in human bodies and develop new ways to evade our immune systems, meaning fewer dangerous new variants can emerge.

5. Oh, God, sustain educators and school administrators and policy makers who struggle with how best to serve their students in these days. Oh, God, give energy to those who seek to address the new virus variant. Oh, God, give rest to the weary, who devote their waking hours to caregiving, at home, in assisted living facilities, in hospitals, doctor’s offices, grocery stories and all manner of front line jobs. Oh, God, give us patience and wisdom and openness to the lessons we are learning in this pandemic. Oh, God, give hope and vision and a sense of agency to those who are distraught, downtrodden, uncertain and confused. Oh, God, may we draw together in our common humanity to care for one another. Give us generous hearts and perceptive eyes to see the need around us and respond.

Day Three Hundred and Eight

Thursday, January 21, 2021

1. Near the end of his inaugural address yesterday, President Biden named six crises that the U.S. faces: the virus, climate change, growing inequality, racism, America’s global standing and an attack on truth and democracy.

2. On Biden's first day in office, Biden announced a longer list of Day 1 executive actions — 17, in all — than any previous modern president, as The Times’s Michael Shear points out.

3. Biden signed an executive order yesterday requiring masks where he has the authority to do so — in federal buildings, for example — as well as a separate order creating a White House position to improve the government’s response to the virus.

4. He also made clear that he was ending the Trump administration’s hostility to global cooperation by halting the U.S. withdrawal from the World Health Organization. Biden is sending Dr. Anthony Fauci to the group’s meeting today as the head of the U.S. delegation.

5. Oh, God, in this my pandemic diary, I have written of my experience of the virus and recorded many of the unfolding events since last March 20. Oh, God, I am hopeful now as the new administration is openly making actions to address the pandemic a priority. Oh, God, will the virus start receding in the coming months? Oh, God, infuse us with your Spirit, make us vessels of your compassion, and wake us up to the realities around us that we may embody your love and light.

Day Three Hundred and Seven

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

1. Last night, President-elect Joe Biden held a somber ceremony at the Lincoln Memorial to remember the more than 400,000 Americans who have died during the pandemic — a once unthinkable death toll and an extraordinary national loss.

2. “To heal we must remember,” Mr. Biden said before 400 lights were illuminated along the perimeter of the Reflecting Pool, each symbolizing 1,000 Americans who lost their lives during the pandemic. “It’s hard sometimes to remember. But that’s how we heal. It’s important to do that as a nation.”

3. The brief ceremony, on the eve of Mr. Biden’s inauguration, offered a stark contrast to the efforts of President Trump, who has repeatedly played down the severity of the pandemic and has led no national mourning for the hundreds of thousands of victims of Covid-19.

4. The horrific milestone of 400,000 deaths comes nearly one year after the first known Covid-19 death in the country (on Feb. 6, 2020) and as the pace of virus deaths in America is accelerating. The first 100,000 deaths were confirmed by May 27. Four months later, the U.S. recorded another 100,000 deaths. The next 100,000 deaths were logged in about three months. The latest arrived in just five weeks.

5. Oh, God, 400,000 deaths in our country, and those only the confirmed numbers of the lives lost, is unfathomable. How can we comprehend these numbers? Oh, God, I know that no human ruler aligns with your reign, yet I am relieved to have a new president in my country, one I hope will value the health of the planet, the health of the people and work through diplomacy to alleviate tensions around the world. Oh, God, I know many of your followers saw the previous president as embodying your will and way, which I do not understand at all. Oh, God, may our country have a new start in this unfolding chapter, may we find a way to unite around common values of love, compassion and the common good. Oh, God, I am grateful for this day, the hope and joy many of us experience, and the possibilities of a new future. Oh, God, I know some of my dearest loved ones are not as excited as I am today. May I be a vessel of your peace and presence and power and love.

Day Three Hundred and Six

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

1. “Trump will leave office with an approval rating of 34%, dismal by any measure. He is the first president since Gallup began polling never to break 50% approval. After the attack on the Capitol on January 6, the House of Representatives impeached him for a second time, and a majority of Americans think he should have been removed from office,” writes Heather Cox Richardson, professor of American history.

2. “In the last days of his term, the area of Washington, D.C., around our government buildings has been locked down to guard against further terrorism. Our tradition of a peaceful transition of power, established in 1800, has been broken. There is a 7-foot black fence around the Capitol and 15,000 National Guard soldiers on duty in a bitterly cold Washington January. There are checkpoints and road closures near the center of the city, and 10,000 more troops are authorized if necessary. Another 4,000 are on duty in their states, protecting key buildings and infrastructure sites.”

3. “In the past two days, there have been more indications that members of the Trump administration were behind the January 6 coup attempt. Yesterday, Richard Lardner and Michelle R. Smith of the Associated Press broke the story that, far from being a grassroots rally, the event of January 6 that led to the storming of the Capitol was organized and staffed by members of Trump’s presidential campaign team. These staffers have since tried to distance themselves from it, deleting their social media accounts and refusing to answer questions from reporters.

4. Today the 1776 Commission releases is final report. It is the Trump administration’s reply to the 1619 Project, and reflects a fundamental disagreement over the trajectory of American society. The 1619 project was released on the 400th anniversary of the arrival of the first enslaved individuals to America. It reviews our history as a nation through the lens of slavery and was created by Nikole Hannah Jones.

5. Oh, God, "images and references to being on the march for Jesus" were common on January 6th, a the rally and the riot that ensued. Oh, God, there has been division among your followers about supporting President Trump. Oh, God, some of your followers have been powerful voting blocs. Oh, God, your sacred text is full of narratives about faith and the power held by political leadership. Oh, God, your have raised up prophets from of old who have spoken truth to power, called out injustice, and calling for repentance. Oh, God, may we be stewards of our citizenship as we align ourselves with your reign of love and grace above all earthly powers. Oh, God, make me an instrument of your peace.

Day Three Hundred and Five

Monday, January 18, 2021

1. Today is Martin Luther King’s Birthday. In this video Op-Ed,, Martin Luther King III remembers his father’s economic message.

2. His words resonate in this tumultuous time, amid a year of sickness and death, Black Lives Matter protests and the storming of the Capitol.

3. News outlets are focusing on his life and legacy on this day.

4. I love Biden’s response to aides who use overly academic or elitist language: “Pick up your phone, call your mother, read her what you just told me,” he likes to say. “If she understands, we can keep talking.”

5. Oh, God, where are you in the midst of the pandemic devastation, the division and hatred, the violence and contempt we are witnessing? Oh, God, I have heard this question voiced. Oh, God, I see you in the hand of a little girl pressed against the window of her grandfather’s room, separated by glass but grinning. Oh, God, I see you in the smiling eyes above a mask of a nurse taking the pulse of a patient in the ER, and in the thump thump of the beating heart. Oh, God, I see you in the hands poised above a keyboard, as a scientist writes up findings that will further knowledge about human disease and health. Oh, God, I see you in acts of compassion that cross over political divides and societal barriers. Oh, God, I see you at work in our hopes for the future as a new chapter begins. Oh, God, I feel your presence within me, the new chapter is ours to create, each one of us, as we tune in to your spirit and become vessels of your love.

Day Three Hundred and Four

Sunday, January 17, 2021

1. Kate Woodsome, who heads the video op-ed team at the Washington Post, shows us how the capital attack unfolded, from inside Trump's rally to the riot.

2. I have watched endless video footage from last Wednesday.

3. Bonnie Watson Coleman, a 75 year old cancer survivor serving in the House of Representatives, now has Covid-19 after being locked in a safe room to escape the rioters, huddled in a room with other lawmakers, some of whom refused to wear masks.

4. Today, Heather Cox Richardson, who I have begun to follow for her historical analysis of daily events, posted these very human words, which I deeply appreciate: “There is news today, but nothing that cannot wait. I'm going to fall into bed to get ready for whatever this week decides to bring.

   One thing, though, before I fall into oblivion: This is a traumatic time in so many profound ways, and we are all exhausted. But for all the trauma around us, there is reason to be at least a little excited. We are so very close to a new era....”

5. Oh, God, give rest to the weary, refreshment to those who are exhausted, nourishment to those who are hungry, words of comfort to those who are grieving, energy for daily tasks and evening respite to those who are exerting themselves, whose bodies are offered each day in the service of the safety and well-being of others. Oh, God, give us insight into your purpose for us, that we may be your vessels of compassion, forgiveness, grace, justice and mercy.

Day Three Hundred and Three

Saturday, January 16, 2021

1. The highly contagious coronavirus variant is quickly becoming the dominant strain in the U.S.

2. Here is an account of the vaccination process, step by step.

3. Here the BBC offers coronavirus doctors' diary accounts of their experiences.

4. A 103-year-old survivor of the Spanish Flu receives the Covid-19 vaccine in Baton Rouge.

5. Oh, God, I am hopeful as we move toward a new administration which is making vaccine distribution a priority. Oh, God, I am grateful for all who have worked hard to create a vaccine over the past months, under the previous administration. Oh, God, I am broken hearted as I consider the number of lives lost to this virus, in our country, and around the world. It is hard for me to fathom the extend of the loss experienced by family members and friends and communities of those who have died. Oh, God, I pray for those who have experienced financial distress and even ruin as the virus affected the economy, in my country and elsewhere. Oh, God, I thank you for those who have responded with love and care to those who are vulnerable and ill and grieving. Oh, God, the pandemic reveals our character, our purpose, our outlook on life. Oh, God, open our hearts to receive your divine grace and compassion, that we may be instruments of your love.

Day Three Hundred and Two

Friday, January 15, 2021

1. Heather Cox Richardson recounts each day's events from her perspective as a professor of American history who says “to understand the present, we have to understand how we got here.”

2. President-Elect Joe Biden has laid out a $1.9 trillion emergency vaccination and relief package to get our country through and past the coronavirus. The Trump administration had created no federal program for vaccine administration.

3. The virus is spreading fast, with over 250,000 per day during the past week, and daily deaths on either side of 4000. We are approaching 390,000 recorded deaths from Covid-19.

4. Richardson notes that Biden’s plan“outlines a vision for America that reaches back to an older time, when both parties shared the idea that the government had a role to play in the economy, regulating business, providing a basic social safety net, and promoting infrastructure…. The idea of a government that supports ordinary Americans rather than the wealthy was first articulated by Abraham Lincoln in 1859 and was the system the Republicans first put in place during the Civil War. They paid for the programs with our first national taxes, including an income tax. After industrialists cut back that original system, Republican Theodore Roosevelt brought it back, and after it lapsed again in the 1920s, his Democratic cousin Franklin rebuilt it in such a profound way that it shaped modern America. With that system now on the verge of destruction yet again, Biden is making a bid to bring it back to life in a new form.”

5. Oh, God, I am hopeful about the new administration. I was disappointed that Trump won, as I thought he did not have the character to be president, yet I promised to pray for him each day. Some days I prayed, as I do for others routinely, “May Trump be well and happy,” and some days I simply prayed, “Oh, God!” in relation to something he had done. Oh, God, it has been hard as I have loved ones who also did not respect his character, but who defended his policies. Oh, God, the diverse views within my family reflect the diversity of views within our country, which has led to tensions among us all. I pray that this new start will bring us together as a nation with a vision for the common good, renewed norms of speach and kindness, and care for the most vulnerable of society.

Day Three Hundred and One

Thursday, January 14, 2021

1. The virus rages forward as revelations about the events of January 6th show how dire was the situation Wednesday as a pro-Trump mob attacked the Capitol building.

2. With the virus and the insurrection there is so much to process, it is overwhelming. I cancelled a meeting yesterday because I did not have the bandwidth to concentrate. The virus is not slowing down. The seditious words and actions that led to the failed coup continue to have momentum.

3. “Insurrection,” “coup,” and “sedition” are trending words. Insurrection. According to Merriam-Webster, "insurrection" is the "act of revolting against civil authority or an established government." The Cambridge Dictionary, specifies that the act is usually a violent one. Synonyms include "revolt" or "uprising.” Insurrection, or rebellion, is a crime under Title 18 of the US Code, punishable by a fine, a maximum sentence of 10 years in prison, or both. Being found guilty of insurrection also makes someone ineligible to hold office in the United States. "Sedition" is the "incitement of resistance to or insurrection against lawful authority," according to Merriam-Webster. The act of sedition is also a crime under the U.S. Code, which characterizes it as two or more people who conspire to overthrow the U.S. government, or "prevent, hinder, or delay the execution" of U.S. law by force. It's punishable by a fine and up to 20 years in prison. A "coup," shorthand for "coup d'état," is broadly characterized by Merriam-Webster as a "sudden decisive exercise of force in politics," but particularly the "violent overthrow or alteration of an existing government by a small group."

4. President Trump is the first to be impeached twice. As legislators gathered for the vote, National Guard troops lined the halls of the Capitol. “Not since the dark days of the Civil War and its aftermath has Washington seen a day quite like Wednesday,” The Times’s Peter Baker writes. As Congress debated, Trump issued a statement: “I urge that there must be NO violence, NO lawbreaking.” Representative Jim Jordan, a Trump ally, read the statement aloud during the debate. Trump issued a similar statement by video after being impeached. I am grateful for David Leonhardt's analysis and curation of the morning news.

5. Oh, God, why has wearing a mask, the single, simplest thing we can do right now to love our neighbor, become politicized? Oh, God, three Democrats now have Covid-19 after Republicans refused to wear masks during the Capitol attack. Oh, God, a house representative defended not wearing a mask during the Capitol attack lockdown. Oh, God, I am angry in all directions. Even in the midst of an insurrection, which came close to turning into the site of a mass execution, the leaders of our country, while hiding for their lives, did not extend basic courtesy to one another. Oh, God, words fail me, so I turn to hymnody which is the gift of Carolyn Winfrey Gillette, who I have known since days at Princeton Theological Seminary, and who has given us prayers set to music: God of Love, We've Known Division, penned November 18, 2020, is acutely relevant. “..and we’ve seen it’s aweful cost….”

   We have struggled as a nation, and there’s much that we have lost.
   We have been a house divided — and, divided, we can’t stand.
   May our nation be united; give us peace throughout this land.

   Turn us, Lord, from what divides us — fear that drives us far apart,
   greed that leads to great injustice, racist ways that break your heart.
   May we seek what brings together — hearts that bear each other’s pain,
   care and mercy toward our neighbors, love that welcomes strangers in.

   May we all, in conversation, speak the truth and listen well.
   May we hear, across this nation, stories others have to tell.
   May we learn from other cultures and be blessed by their worldview;
   May we serve with one another — loving others, loving you.

   You have challenged us to goodness; you have shown a kinder way.
   It’s your love that now inspires us as we seek a better day.
   May we end our harsh division; may we stop the hate and fear.
   Make us one, Lord, as a nation; may we be united here.

   Oh, God, these words of Carolyn’s, inspired by your Spirit, are my prayer today.

Day Three Hundred

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

1. Three hundred days of keeping a pandemic diary.

2. The events of each day in our country overwhelming. Here is history professor Heather Cox Richardson's description of what happened yesterday. “The news continues to move at a breathless pace,” she writes at the top of her daily analysis in which she gives historical context to what is happening.

3. David Leonhardt of the New York Times gives us the state of the pandemic today.

   Scientists are still learning about the new versions of the coronavirus, the mass vaccination campaign in the U.S. is off to a terrible start, as only about nine million have now had their shots, and the situation is likely to get worse before it gets better. About 130,000 Americans are hospitalized with Covid symptoms, more than double the number two months ago.

4. Los Angeles has recently had to ration oxygen. He ends his article by saying, “Unless Americans start wearing masks more often and spending less time together in cramped spaces, many more people are going to die.”

5. Oh, God, I am grateful that my husband’s Covid-19 test came back negative this morning. Oh, God, I pray that my baby brother recovers quickly from his surgery to remove a tumor on his neck yesterday. Oh, God, I also pray that he will recover from the stroke he suffered weeks ago, such that he will no longer need a feeding tube. Oh, God, our country is in turmoil. As I write this, the House of Represenatives is voting on impeachment of the president. Oh, God, this country is my context, my home, the land where I grew up, pledging allegiance to its flag each morning, hand over heart, attending church where that flag was displayed in the chancel. Oh, God, we are broken human beings, and there is now a reckoning coming. Oh, God, may your justice and love prevail.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Nine

Tuesday, January 12, 2021

1. This is my Pandemic Diary.

2. There are other pandemic diaries, The New York Public Library invites submissions of audio recordings of yourself or your loved ones telling personal stories about life amid the COVID-19 pandemic. These audio diaries will be archived in NYPL’s world-renowned research libraries—the Stephen A. Schwarzman Building, the Schomburg Center for Research in Black Culture, and The New York Public Library for the Performing Arts—to be preserved and made available to future scholars, journalists, students, and the public.

3. California State, LA, has a pandemic diaries project, organized by the University Library Special Collections and Archives, which aims to create an archive of digital diaries that captures the narratives and experiences of their campus community during the COVID-19 pandemic.

4. David G. Allan, Editorial Director of CNN Features, tells us why journaling now is the best time to start or restart.

   This blog, Mid Century Modern Mag publishes Pandemic Diaries, where I have published Pandemic Pain, We All Deserve to Live, Will I Get The Virus?, On 100,000 Deaths, Is Covid-19 God's Punishment?, Pandemic Birthday, Pandemic Wedding, Dying Alone and An Easter Like No Other. On my blog, I wrote A Christmas Like No Other.

5. Oh, God, coronavirus shutdowns have quashed nearly all other common viruses, but scientists say a rebound is coming. Oh, God, the anyone flying to the U.S. will soon require a Covid-19 test. Oh, God Covid-19 is widespread in the U.S. now, with confirmed deaths at 389,376. Oh, God, two Democratic congresswomen said they had tested positive for the virus after hiding alongside other lawmakers, some of whom refused masks, during the Capitol attack. Oh, God, in person learning in the county in which I live has been delayed for a third time, so that school nurses can administer vaccines. Oh, God, Trump blasts the impeachment effort, defends his response to the riot, 15,000 National Guard have been deployed to DC. Oh, God, we need your presence.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Eight

Monday, January 11, 2021

1. Today, a House resolution called on Vice President Mike Pence to invoke constitutional authority to remove Trump from office was blocked by Republicans.

2. So much news! It is hard for me to look away from my phone. It draws me in, I want to read about the role of the Capitol Police in what happened Wednesday, some are suspended or under investigation. I want to read about the plans for armed protests in all 50 capitols next week. I want to read about the full extent of the assault on the Capitol by pro-Trump protestors. I want to read about whether impeachment would prevent from seeking office in the future. I want to read about how House Democrats have introduced an article of impeachment in Congress charging President Trump for a second time with committing “high crimes and misdemeanors,” this time for his role in inciting a mob that stormed the Capitol last week.

3. And the pandemic rages on. I want to read about how coronavirus numbers are rising in nearly every state. My heart skips a beat as I read that January will be the deadliest month yet for coronavirus in the U.S. I am concerned as I read that the coronavirus variant has been found in 8 U.S. states.

4. Roll out of the vaccine has been slow, and health officials across the U.S. cite the lack of federal leadership for the cause. Ongoing problems have hampered the roll out in my state of Virginia. In my state, one person in Virginia has died every hour since New Year's Eve.

5. Oh, God, coronavirus cases in the U.S. now number 23,117,487. Oh, God, coronavirus deaths in the U.S. now number 385,088. Oh, God, deaths around the world number 1,951,933. Oh, God, the average daily death toll now exceeds 3,000 and keeps rising. Oh, God outbreaks are shifting across the U.S. Oh, God, we are in a crisis on so many levels, in my community, my state, my nation, the world you so love. Come Holy Spirit, descend upon us. Come Lord Jesus, help us embody your love. Come, oh, God, may we love the world as you so do.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Seven

Sunday, January 10, 2021

1. As the pandemic proliferates at an unparalleled pace, the fallout from Wednesday’s events and the prospects for the next few days leading up to the inauguration are unfolding in a precarious timeline of historic significance.

2. I recently discovered Heather Cox Richardson’s newsletter. A professor of American history, she provides a chronicle of each day’s political landscape because “you can’t get a grip on today’s politics without an outline of America’s Constitution, and laws, and the economy, and social customs, this newsletter explores what it means, and what it has meant, to be an American.” As she says, “history doesn’t repeat itself, but it sure rhymes..”

3. In her entry for today, she recalls that “it was only a week ago—last Sunday—that we learned Trump had called Georgia’s Secretary of State and pressured him to change the results of the 2020 election. Trump demanded that Brad Raffensperger “find” the 11,780 votes Trump needed to win Georgia.” She describes this attempt to get an election official to overrule the will of the people the worst domestic attack on our democracy ever, coming, as it did, from a sitting president. At the time.”

4. Since Wednesday, there has been no official briefing from the White House, the FBT, the Department of Homeland Security, or the Capitol Police. Videos and pictures from the day show violent thugs, some armed with guns, one with plastic handcuffs, looking for specific members of Congress, seemingly with information about hard to find offices. The Senate chamber was breached at 2:16 p.m., one minute after the senators had been evacuated. Still, the Capitol Police did not have control of the building for hours. “we came perilously close to seeing our elected representatives taken hostage or even executed on the makeshift gallows the rioters set up outside the building,” Richardson writes.

5. Oh, God, bless Capitol Police Officer Eugene Goodman. May he know how much he is honored, valued and appreciated for his courage, valor and honor which surely saved lives this week. Oh, God, we have mounting crises in our country, a call for transfer of power to the VP, under the 25th amendment. Oh, God, Right Wing Extremists are vowing to return to Washington for Biden’s Inauguration. Oh, God, there were White Christian Nationalist symbolis at the Capitol riot. Your name is being taken in vain. Oh, God, bless Rear Admiral Margaret Grun-Kibben, for whom Wednesday was her third day on the job, having been sworn in the previous Sunday, who helped bring calm during long tense hours in the besieged Capitol with prayer and presence with endangered public servants.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Six

Saturday, January 9, 2021

1. The virus has come close, as the political situation has become - what? tense? untenable? historic? what adjective shall I use?

2. The virus has come close. One of my husband’s employees, who is a stalwart in the company, has tested positive for Covid-19.

3. It means my husband has been exposed.

4. So I am masking and sleeping in a different bedroom tonight. I pray that she has a mild case and does not suffer, as so many have. I pray that he does not get it, that it does not spread throughout the office. I do not want to get it, as I have just had surgery, and my eye is still inflamed, recovering from the trauma of what has enabled me to see. I have already been exposed, if he has, but taking precautions now mean I will have done all I can do. It has taken so long for the virus to come so close, one degree of separation, or is it two?

5. Oh, God, I pray for all who have the virus, may they be well and recover! Oh, God, I have wondered all these many months if I would get it, and now it is so near. Oh, God, may I not be selfish, may I consider others’ lives. Oh, God, have mercy on us. Oh, God, pandemic reveals who we are, self-concerned or other centered, may I be the latter one. Oh, God, help us help one another, with the love that you provide. Oh, God, I fear, and yet I rest in your deep love for humankind. Oh, God, reveal your great mercy in this trial around the world. Oh, God, may I, exhale and inhale, be a bearer of your love.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Five

Friday, January 8, 2021

1. More information continues to emerge about the events of Wednesday.

2. They point to a broader conspiracy than it first appeared. Calls for Trump’s removal from office are growing. The Republican Party is tearing apart. Power in the nation is shifting almost by the minute, as reported by historian Heather Cox Richardson.

3. “More footage from inside the attack on the Capitol is coming out and it is horrific. Blood on statues and feces spread through the building are vile; mob attacks on police officers are bone-chilling.

   Reuters photographer Jim Bourg, who was inside the building, told reporters he overheard three rioters in “Make America Great Again” caps plotting to find Vice President Mike Pence and hang him as a “traitor”; other insurrectionists were shouting the same. Pictures have emerged of one of the rioters in military gear carrying flex cuffs—handcuffs made of zip ties—suggesting he was planning to take prisoners. Two lawmakers have suggested the rioters knew how to find obscure offices.

4. New scrutiny of Trump’s “Stop the Steal” rally before the attack shows Trump’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani, Representative Mo Brooks (R-AL), Don Jr., and Trump himself urging the crowd to go to the Capitol and fight. Trump warned that Pence was not doing what he needed to. Trump promised to lead them to the Capitol himself.

   There are also questions about law enforcement. While exactly what happened remains unclear, it has emerged that the Pentagon limited the Washington D.C. National Guard to managing traffic. D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser requested support before Trump’s rally, but the Department of Defense said that the National Guard could not have ammunition or riot gear, interact with protesters except in self-defense, or otherwise function in a protective capacity without the explicit permission of acting Secretary Christopher Miller, whom Trump put into office shortly after the election after firing Defense Secretary Mark Esper.

   When Capitol Police requested aid early Wednesday afternoon, the request was denied. Defense officials held back the National Guard for about three hours before sending it to support the Capitol Police. Maryland Governor Larry Hogan, a Republican, tried repeatedly to send his state’s National Guard, but the Pentagon would not authorize it. Virginia’s National Guard was mobilized when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called the governor, Ralph Northam, herself.

   Defense officials said they were sensitive to the criticism they received in June when federal troops cleared Lafayette Square of peaceful protesters so Trump could walk across it. But it sounds like there might be a personal angle: Bowser was harshly critical of Trump then, and it would be like him to take revenge on her by denying help when it was imperative.

   Refusing to stop the attack on the Capitol might have been more nefarious, though. A White House adviser told New York Magazine’s Washington correspondent Olivia Nuzzi that Trump was watching television coverage of the siege and was enthusiastic, although he didn’t like that the rioters looked “low class.” While the insurrectionists were in the Capitol, he tweeted: “Mike Pence didn’t have the courage to do what should have been done to protect our Country and our Constitution, giving States a chance to certify a corrected set of facts, not the fraudulent or inaccurate ones which they were asked to previously certify. USA demands the truth!” Even as lawmakers were under siege, both Trump and his lawyer Rudy Giuliani were making phone calls to brand-new Senator Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) urging him to slow down the electoral count.

   After Trump on Wednesday night tweeted that there would be an “orderly” transition of power, on Thursday he began again to urge on his supporters.

   With the details and the potential depth of this event becoming clearer over the past two days—Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas’s wife, Virginia, tweeted her support, and state lawmakers as well as Republican attorneys general were actually involved—Americans are recoiling from how bad this attempted coup was… and how much worse it could have been. The crazed rioters were terrifyingly close to our elected representatives, all gathered together on that special day, and they were actively talking about harming the vice president.

   By Friday night, 57% of Americans told Reuters they wanted Trump removed from office immediately. Nearly 70% of Americans disapprove of Trump’s actions before the riot. Only 12% of Americans approved of the rioters; 79% of Americans described the rioters as “criminals” or “fools.” Five percent called them “patriots.”

   Pelosi tonight said that she hoped the president would resign, but if not, the House of Representatives will move forward with impeachment on Monday, as well as with legislation to enable Congress to remove Trump under the 25th Amendment. The most recent draft of the impeachment resolution has just one article: “incitement of insurrection.” As a privileged resolution, it can go directly to the House without committee approval.

   In the Senate, Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) has no interest in further splitting the Republicans over another impeachment, or forcing them onto the record as either for or against it. Timing is on his side: the Senate is not in session for substantive business until January 19, so cannot act on an impeachment resolution without the approval of all senators. It can take up the resolution then, but more likely it will wait until Biden is sworn in, at which point the measure would be managed not by McConnell, but by the new Senate majority leader, Chuck Schumer (D-NY). A trial can indeed take place after Trump is no longer president, enabling Congress to make sure he can never again hold office.

   Whether or not the Senate would convict is unclear, but it’s not impossible. Senator Lisa Murkowski (R-AK), for one, is so furious she is talking of switching parties. “I want him out,” she says. Still, Trump supporters are now insisting that it would “further divide the country” to try to remove Trump now, and that we need to unify. Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX), who led the Senate effort to challenge Biden’s election, today tweeted that Biden was not working hard enough to “bring us together or promote healing” and that “vicious partisan rhetoric only tears our country apart.”

   Trump, meanwhile, has continued to agitate his followers, and today began to call for more resistance, while users on Parler, the new right-wing social media hangout, are talking of another, bigger attack on Washington.

   Tonight, Twitter banned Trump, stating: “we have permanently suspended the account due to the risk of further incitement of violence.” As evidence, it cited both his claim that his supporters would “have a GIANT VOICE long into the future,” and his tweet that he would not be going to Biden’s inauguration on January 20. Twitter says that Trump’s followers see these two new tweets as proof that the election was invalid and that the Inauguration is a good target, since he won’t be there. The Twitter moderators say that “plans for future armed protests have already begun proliferating on and off-Twitter, including a proposed secondary attack on the US Capitol and state capitol buildings on January 17, 2021.”

   Twitter also took down popular QAnon accounts, including those of Trump’s former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn and his former lawyer Sidney Powell, who is having quite a bad day: the company that makes election machines, Dominion Voting Systems, announced it is suing her for defamation and asking $1.3 billion in damages. After taking down 7,000 QAnon accounts in July, Twitter continued by today taking down the account of the man who hosts the posts from “Q.”

   While Twitter officials might well be horrified by the insurrection, the ban is also a sign of a changing government. With the election of two Democratic senators from Georgia this week, the majority goes to the Democrats, and McConnell will no longer be Majority Leader, killing bills. Social media giants know regulation of some sort is around the corner, and they are trying to look compliant fast. When Twitter banned Trump, so did Reddit, and Facebook and Instagram already had. Google Play Store removed Parler, warning it to clean up its content moderation.  

   Trump evidently couldn’t stand the Twitter ban, and tried at least five different accounts to get back onto the platform. He and his supporters are howling that he is being silenced by big tech, but of course he has an entire press corps he could use whenever he wished. Losing his access to Twitter simply cuts off his ability to drum up both support and money by lying to his supporters. Another platform that has dumped Trump is one of those that handled his emails. The San Francisco correspondent of the Financial Times, Dave Lee, noted that for more than 48 hours there had been no Trump emails: in the previous six days the president sent out 33.

   This has been a horrific week. If it has a silver lining, it is that the lines are now clear between our democracy and its enemies. The election in Georgia, which swung the Senate away from the Republicans and opens up some avenues to slow down misinformation, is a momentous victory.”

5. Oh, God, the narrative about what happened Wednesday is skewed by the perspective of those who describe it. Oh, God, by any measure it is an historic day with fallout and consequences which will continue for years to come. Oh, God, our nation is in crisis. Oh, God, we need your spirit, your love and mercy, your justice and lovingkindness. Oh, God, raise up leaders who will speak and act. Oh, God, may each of us do our part. Meanwhile, the virus rages, and its death toll can be tamed by our simple actions, wearing masks and social distancing. Oh, God, I pray for my country, and for the world which you have made. You love us so, for you so loved the world.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Four

Thursday, January 7, 2021

1. Yesterday was a historic day.

2. Democrats won both Georgia runoffs, giving them control of both the White House and both houses of Congress for the first time in 10 years.

3. Heather Cox Richardson summed up the events of yesterday, beginning with “today the Confederate flag flew in the United States Capitol.”

   Her take is that, “With the Democrats in control of both Congress and the Executive Branch, it is reasonable to expect we will see voting rights legislation, which will doom the current-day Republican Party, depending as it has on voter suppression to stay in power.”

4. She writes, “The election was not close—Biden won the popular vote by more than 7 million votes and the Electoral College by 306 to 232—but Trump contends that he won the election in a landslide and “fraud” made Biden the winner.

   Trump has never had a case. His campaign filed and either lost or had dismissed 62 out of 63 lawsuits because it could produce no evidence for any of its wild accusations. Nonetheless, radical lawmakers courted Trump’s base by echoing Trump’s charges, then tried to argue that the fact voters no longer trusted the vote was reason to contest the certified votes.

   More than 100 members of the House announced they would object to counting the votes of certain states. About 13 senators, led by Josh Hawley (R-MO) and Ted Cruz (R-TX), agreed to join them. The move would slow down the count as each chamber would have to debate and take a separate vote on whether to accept the state votes, but the objectors never had anywhere near the votes they needed to make their objections stick.

   So Trump turned to pressuring Vice President Mike Pence, who would preside over the counting, to throw out the Biden votes. On Monday, Trump tweeted that “the Vice President has the power to reject fraudulently chosen electors.” This would throw the blame for the loss onto Pence, but the vice president has no constitutional power to do any such thing, and this morning he made that clear in a statement. Trump then tweeted that Pence “didn’t have the courage to do what should have been done.”

   It seemed clear that the voting would be heated, but it was also clear that most of the lawmakers opposing the count were posturing to court Trump’s base for future elections. Congress would count Biden’s win.

   But Trump had urged his supporters for weeks to descend on Washington, D.C., to stop what he insisted was the stealing of the election. They did so and, this morning, began to congregate near the Capitol, where the counting would take place. As he passed them on the east side of the Capitol, Hawley raised a power fist.

   In the middle of the day, Trump’s lawyer Rudy Giuliani spoke to the crowd, telling them: “Let’s have trial by combat.” Trump followed, lying that he had won the election and saying “we are going to have to fight much harder.” He warned that Pence had better “come through for us, and if he doesn’t, that will be a sad day for our country.” He warned that Chinese-driven socialists are taking over the country. And he told them to march on Congress to “save our democracy.”

   As rioters took Trump at his word, Congress was counting the votes alphabetically by state. When they got to Arizona, Senator Ted Cruz (R-TX) stood up to echo the rhetoric radicals had been using to discredit the certified votes, saying that public distrust in the election—created out of thin air by Republicans—justified an investigation. 

   Within an hour, a violent mob stormed the Capitol and Cruz, along with the rest of the lawmakers, was rushed to safety (four quick-thinking staffers brought along the electoral ballots, in their ceremonial boxes). As the rioters broke in, police shot and killed one of them: Ashli Babbitt, an Air Force veteran from San Diego, QAnon believer, and staunch Trump supporter. The insurrectionists broke into the Senate chamber, where one was photographed on the dais of the Senate, shirtless and wearing a bull costume that revealed a white supremacist tattoo on his abdomen. They roamed the Capitol looking for Pence and other lawmakers they considered enemies. Not finding them, they ransacked offices. One rioter photographed himself sitting at House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s desk with his feet on it.

   They carried with them the Confederate flag.

   Capitol police provided little obstruction, apparently eager to avoid confrontations that could be used as propaganda on social media. The intruders seemed a little surprised at their success, taking selfies and wandering around like tourists. One stole a lectern.

   As the White House, the FBI, the Justice Department, and the Department of Homeland Security all remained silent, President-Elect Joe Biden spoke to cameras urging calm and calling on Trump to tell his supporters to go home. But CNN White House Correspondent Kaitlan Collins later reported that she spoke to White House officials who were “genuinely freaked… out” that Trump was “borderline enthusiastic” about the storming of the Capitol because “it meant the certification was being derailed.”

   At 4:17, Trump issued his own video, reiterating his false claims that he had been cheated of victory. Only then did he conclude with: “Go home, we love you, you’re very special.” Twitter immediately took the video down. By nighttime Trump’s Twitter feed seemed to blame his enemies for the violence the president had incited (although the rhythm of the words did not sound to me like Trump’s own usual cadence): “These are the things and events that happen when a sacred landslide election victory is so unceremoniously & viciously stripped away from great patriots who have been badly & unfairly treated for so long. Go home with love & in peace. Remember this day forever!”

   Twitter took down the tweet and banned the president for at least twelve hours for inciting violence; Facebook and Instagram followed suit.

   As the afternoon wore on, police found two pipe bombs near the headquarters of the Republican National Committee and the Democratic National Committee in Washington, D.C., as well as a truck full of weapons and ammunition, and mobs gathered at statehouses across the country, including in Kansas, Ohio, Minnesota, California, and Georgia.

   By 5:00, acting Secretary of Defense Christopher Miller issued a statement saying he had conferred with Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Mark Milley, Vice President Pence, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY), and Representative Steny Hoyer (D-MD) and had fully activated the D.C. National Guard.

   He did not mention the president.

   By late evening, Washington, D.C., police chief Robert J. Contee III announced that at least 52 people had been arrested and 14 law enforcement officers injured. A total of four people died, including one who died of a heart attack and one who tased themself.

   White House Counsel Pat Cipollone urged people to stay away from Trump to limit their chances of being prosecuted for treason under the Sedition Act. By midnight, four staffers had resigned, as well as Deputy National Security Adviser Matthew Pottinger, with other, higher level officials also talking about leaving. Even Trump adviser Stephen Miller admitted it was a bad day. Quickly, pro-Trump media began to insist that the attack was a false-flag operation of “Antifa,” despite the selfies and videos posted by known right-wing agitators, and the fact that Trump had invited, incited, and praised them.

   Former Secretary of Defense James Mattis laid the blame for today’s attack squarely at the feet of Trump himself: “Today’s violent assault on our Capitol, and effort to subjugate American democracy by mob rule, was fomented by Mr. Trump. His use of the Presidency to destroy trust in our election and to poison our respect for fellow citizens has been enabled by pseudo political leaders whose names will live in infamy as profiles in cowardice.”

   The attempted coup drew condemnation from all but the radical Trump supporters in government. Former President George W. Bush issued a statement “on insurrection at the Capitol,” saying “it is a sickening and heartbreaking sight.” “I am appalled by the reckless behavior of some political leaders since the election,” he said, and accused such leaders of enflaming the rioters with lies and false hopes. Senator Mitt Romney (R-UT) was more direct: “What happened here today was an insurrection incited by the President of the United States.”

   Across the country tonight are calls for Trump’s removal through the 25th amendment, impeachment, or resignation. The Democrats on the House Judiciary Committee have joined the chorus, writing to Pence urging him to invoke the 25th. Angry at Trump’s sabotaging of the Georgia elections in addition to the attack on our democracy, prominent Republicans are rumored to be doing the same.

   At 8:00, heavily armed guards escorted the lawmakers back to the Capitol, thoroughly scrubbed by janitors, where the senators and representatives resumed their counting of the certified votes. The events of the afternoon had broken some of the Republicans away from their determination to challenge the votes. Fourteen Republican senators had announced they would object to counting the certified votes from Arizona; in the evening count the number dropped to six: Cruz (R-TX), Hawley (R-MO), Cindy Hyde-Smith (R-MS), John Kennedy (R-LA), Roger Marshall (R-KS), and Tommy Tuberville (R-AL).

   In the House, 121 Republicans, more than half the Republican caucus, voted to throw out Biden’s electors from Arizona. As in the Senate, they lost when 303 Representatives voted in favor.

   Six senators and more than half of the House Republicans backed an attempt to overthrow our government, in favor of a man caught on tape just four days ago trying to strong-arm a state election official into falsifying the election results.

5. Oh, God, yesterday, the Confederate flag flew in the United States Capitol, a day that will go down in history. A day that will be a reckoning, a day that will draw analysis from every angle, a day that took the lives of four people, even as the U.S. set a record for daily deaths from Covid-19. Nearly 4,000 deaths were recorded on the day of the Capitol siege. Oh, God, the US is now averaging about 2,700 deaths daily over the last seven days. In total, 361,383 Americans have died in the pandemic. We need your help, oh, God. We need your mercy. Come, Lord Jesus. God of love we have known division and we’ve seen it’s aweful cost.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Three

Wednesday, January 6, 2021

1. Today I had eye surgery, cataract removal and a lens implant, in my left eye.

2. In January of 2020, I had the 7th sugery on my right eye, which had a retinal detachment in June of 2016. That surgery, 12 months ago, “saved” my eye but revealed that I would have low vision in it for the remainder of my life. I cannot read with my right eye and I depended on my left eye in order to see to drive. The months of 2020 unfolded, with all its surprise disasters, a pandemic which made racial and economic inequity more visible, to those with eyes to see, which led to a movement for social justice prompted by the deaths of George Floyd and Brionna Taylor and others, and a contested election, preceded by political polarization of historic proportions. Meanwhile, the vision in my left eye, my “good” eye, deteriorated. A cataract was forming, of the fast growing type, reducing my ability to see at an ever increasing pace, until I finally realized that I could no longer drive, as neither eye provided sufficient vision.

3. My husband dropped me off at the surgery center today. As I waited to be called back, I checked my phone. An Arizona delegate was protesting the election results. “Ms. Walker!” I was directed through the doors and led to a cubicle where I laid upon a gurney, was covered with a warm blanket and allowed to keep my shoes on, as I answered questions and made pleasant small talk with the nurse and anesthesiologist and others. An IV was inserted into my arm. “I won’t remember this conversation,” I said. But I do remember that last thing that I said! I woke up in the operating room, in that state I’d been in 7 times before. The doctor asked if I was in a happy place. I said, “It looks like the eye of God nebulae!” and he said, I believe you are indeed in a happy place. I saw colors and shapes as they inserted a lens into my eye. Afterwards, they rolled me back into a cubicle, a patch on my eye. For 24 hours, with the patch on until my post-op office visit, I had only my low vision eye accessible to me.

4. On the way home, my husband turned on the radio. We heard that the Capitol had been breeched by protestors. A podium was taken. I was groggy and confused. We settled in the house and watched Netflix, and not the news. I could not read my phone. One of my daughters called me to update me a few times. The next day, we went to the post-op and the patch was removed. I told the doctor, “what a day to be unable to read and follow social media!” I had a black and bloodied eye, but I could see! I realized how much vision I had lost, slowly, over time, as I looked at my surroundings with crystal clarity.

5. Oh, God, what shall I do with this new vision? With my good eye, I can see clearly now, the fog is gone. I can read and write and drive unhindered. My brain has blocked out my low vision eye. My vision is restored just as chaos has broken out in my country. It is historic, it is horrific, it is divisive, I am incredulous, I am appalled. Oh, God, oh God. It is a national crisis. Oh, God, Heather Cox Richardson describes what happened today, puts it in historical context. Oh, God, infuse us with your Holy Spirit. These times reveal who we are, unveil our core, our hearts, our allegiance, our self-interest, our guiding principles, as all crises do. Oh, God, may we follow your loving, just, merciful and compassionate way.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-Two

Tuesday, January 5, 2021

1. Heather Cox Richardson describes herself as “a history professor interested the contrast between image and reality in American politics. I believe in American democracy, despite its frequent failures.”

2. She publishes regular “Letters from an American,” apparently every day, giving historical background to the day’s events.

3. In her entry for today, she writes, “About a year ago, I wrote that 2020 would be the year that determines whether or not American democracy survives. And here we are.”

4. She continues, “Our system has never lived up to its fullest potential, but until recently, its aspirations have driven us to fight to perfect it, guaranteeing everyone equality before the law and the right to a say in our government. The democracy that began as equality for a handful of the people in the new nation—just white men of property—expanded first to include poorer white men, and then immigrants, then African American men, then women, then Asian immigrants, Latinos, and native peoples. That expansion has never been smooth. Indeed, it has been obstructed at every turn. But even as people in power sought to prevent those they considered inferior from being treated as equals, the principle expanded…..

   Once you give up the principle of equality before the law, you have given up the whole game. You have admitted the principle that people are unequal, and that some people are better than others. Once you have replaced the principle of equality with the idea that humans are unequal, you have granted your approval to the idea of rulers and servants. At that point, all you can do is to hope that no one in power decides that you belong in one of the lesser groups….

   In 1858, Abraham Lincoln, then a candidate for the Senate, warned that arguments limiting American equality to white men and excluding black Americans were the same arguments “that kings have made for enslaving the people in all ages of the world…. Turn in whatever way you will-- whether it come from the mouth of a King, an excuse for enslaving the people of his country, or from the mouth of men of one race as a reason for enslaving the men of another race, it is all the same old serpent.”….

   We have seen how an oligarchy rose in Russia after the fall of communism, when a few wealthy, well-connected men under Vladimir Putin rejected democracy, monopolized the country’s industries and resources, and took over the government. We are watching a similar movement in our own country, where wealth has moved upward dramatically since 1981, our government increasingly answers to the demands of wealthy men rather than to the majority of us, and leaders appear more eager to work with the rising international oligarchy than to defend our democracy.

   America is in a precarious spot.”

5. Oh, God, today there is a vote taking place in Georgia, which the whole country, and even parts of the world, are watching. Oh, God, “The fate of President-elect Joe Biden’s legislative agenda hinges on the outcome” in Georgia. Oh, God, you make nations rise and fall. You build up some and abandon others, as your prophet Job says in 12:23. Oh, God, we humans have observed this cycle since the beginning of history. Some Christians equate the faith with the nation state. Oh, God, I do not. Your are at work, your divine mystery among and around us. You call us to love, to care for the vulnerable, to plead for the cause of the common good. Oh, God, help us to follow you, regardless of who holds human power. Oh, God, help us to be stewards of our citizenship and courageous advocates of justice and mercy. Oh, God, meanwhile the virus continues to rage. Help us.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety-One

Monday, January 4, 2021

1. “The virus is still winning,” according to David Leonhardt who, among other things, writes the Morning News for the New York Times.

2. New variants of the virus, first detected in Britain and South Africa, are quite worrisome, as this chart from the World Bank shows:in Georgia.Heather Cox Richardsonbless Capitol Police officer Eugene Goodman. a call for transfer of power to the VP under section 4 of the 25th amendment.

3. “The chart compares the spread of the virus in each of those two countries with the spread in a group of nearby countries. As you can see, cases have surged in Britain and South Africa since the variants first surfaced - while holding fairly steady in the rest of western Europe and southern Africa. The new variants may not be the only reason. Britain and South Africa differ from their neighbors in other ways as well. But there is no obvious explanation for the contrast besides the virus’s mutations.

4. This suggests that the rest of the world may be at risk of a new Covid-19 surge. More than 30 other countries, including the U.S., have diagnosed cases with the variant first detected in Britain, which is known as B.1.1.7. Scientists say that it could soon become the dominant form of the virus. The B.1.1.7 variant appears to be between 10 percent and 60 percent more transmissible than the original version. One possible reason: It may increase the amount of the virus that infected people carry in their noses and throats.

5. Oh, God, thank you for journalists who cover science and medicine, infectious disease specialists, and those who work to distribute the vaccine. Oh, God, my understanding is that the biggest factor in how many more people die around the world is not how fast the vaccine rolls out or even its effectiveness. The biggest factors are expanded testing and our individual actions for the common good in the form of social distancing and mask-wearing. Oh, God, inspire us, help us inspire others, to act in these small ways to save lives.

Day Two Hundred and Ninety

Sunday, January 3, 2021

1. The coronavirus vaccine has arrived, but many Americans are frustrated as they struggle to sign up to receive it..

2. The U.S. now surpasses 350,000 Covid-19 deaths as we ended 2020 with a record-setting month with hospitalizations, new cases and deaths remain at or near all-time highs.

3. Florida is the third state in the U.S. to have the new, fast-spreading Covid-19 variant.

4. Control of the Senate — and with it, the fate of President-elect Joe Biden’s agenda — will be determined on Tuesday as voters in Georgia head to the polls in twin Senate runoff elections. Both the Rev. Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff need to defeat the Republican incumbents Kelly Loeffler and David Perdue for Democratic control of the chamber.

5. Oh, God, the numbers of the death toll in our country are enormous. Oh, God, some countries are doing better than others in caring for their people. Oh, God, I am looking for you in the midst of this pandemic. I find you in the hearts of those who give of themselves to care for others, in hospitals, at home, in assisted living facilities, in doctor’s offices. I find you in the minds of the thoughtful who delibberate policies for the common good. I find you in the furrowed brow of the scientists analyzing the data and reviewed notes about the vaccine. I find you in the hands of the one who holds up the needle and prepares the shoulder for the receiver of the shot that promises to keep the virus at bay. I find you in the breath of a tiny infant born during covid days. I find you here, with me, now; here, with all of us, now. I will look for you, seek you with my whole heart, and serve you. Oh, God, have mercy on us and enfold us in your lovingkindness.

Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Nine

Saturday, January 2, 2021

1. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.

2. This new year’s beginning feels like a turning point.

3. Here is my resolution, and my intention:

4. I will embrace joy wherever it is to be found. I will act with kindness as it is within my power. I will express gratitude every single day.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful to be alive, I am grateful to be healthy, I am grateful for your love and grace and forgiveness. I am grateful for my family, my husband and my daughters. I am grateful for the purpose you have given to me and all your children, to embody your love. I am grateful for my extended family, my brothers and sister-in-law. I am grateful for my four daughters, two of which I birthed and two of which came to me by your grace, by marriage. Oh, God, I have lived in the fog of unknowing, the dis-ease of depression, the isolation of the virus, and you have been here, with me. Oh, God, I am yours, I am ready, to reach out into the world. Oh, God, thank you, help us, guide us.

Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Eight

Friday, January 1, 2021

1. A new year has begun.

2. We are, many of us, remembering the last year, 2020. So many jokes about it.

3. In January I started writing down the numbers of the dead. On January 25 I wrote 56, January 26, I wrote 80, January 28, I wrote 132, February 1, I wrote 304. The exponential growth of the virus, insidious, continued, as I wrote 1115 on February 11, and 1669 on February 15, 2009 on February 18, and 2360 on February 21. By May 2, I wote 65,766. And then I stopped. Were these the numbers of the worldwide dead?

4. On January 14 I had eye surgery, number 7, with the hope for better vision. My friend Stacy came to visit, then my friend Diane with her husband Gary. In February, we drove to Philadelphia, for a ski trip with Natalie and Billy. On February 19, I wrote “2K deaths,” on my calendar. It must have been the number in the world. As March arrived, I went to D.C. to see my daughter and celebrate her birthday by going to a Sheakepare play. We heard a rumor, from an Uber driver, that D.C. would soon be shut down because of the virus. it was not. Looking back, it should have been. Someone was considering it, seeing what was to come. On March 16, I wrote “2 deaths, Virginia,” and the next day, “93 U.S. Deaths,” and the next day, “8945 world deaths.” On March 20 I began this diary. On March 21, 281 U.S. deaths confirmed and 11,903 worlwide.

5. Oh, God, today, the state of Virginia, in which I live has surpassed 5000 deaths from Covid-19. Since March 14, that’s an average of more than 500 deaths per month, almost 120 per week and 17 each day. Oh, God, some died alone in hospital rooms where families couldn’t visit. Others were nursing home residents who said goodbye to their children through glass windows. One was an immigrant in a detention center who was days from going home. Dozens were people incarcerated in Virginia prisons. COVID-19 is projected to be the third leading cause of death in Virginia and the U.S. in 2020, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Oh, God, help us, we need you. Open our hearts, infuse us with your divine spirit and grace.

Pandemic Diary: December 2020

Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Seven

Thursday, December 31, 2020

1. It is the last day of 2020.

2. Much has been said about this year. How terrible it has been. How deadly. How different from all others.

3. How has this year been for me? I started out afraid I would get the virus, afraid I would die from it. I have some health conditions. I did not get the virus, as yet. I have not died from it. I continue to have the gift of life.

4. How will I evaluate this year? I will recount my anger, at the authorities, at those who could and did not. I will recount my depression, an outcome of my isolation. my husband working each day for 12 hours, as the months went on I realized I could no longer drive, a cataract formed on my good eye, the one I use to drive, and I could no longer see. So home alone was I. I will recount my privilege, made glaringly obvious in the movement for social justice. I will recount my learnings about myself, about the world. I will recount my intentions for the next year, 2021, which come out of my experience of this year. I will embrace joy where ever it is to be found. I will value hugs, in-person worship, the ability to socialize.

5. Oh, God, I have spent this year editing my book, writing articles for publication, pondering my place in your world and my call. Oh, God, I ask your blessing on those who have lost loved ones, those dealing with homelessness, unemployment, isolation and exhaustion from serving in the medical professions. Oh, God, please, please, please, give our politicans, around the world, compassion for the people entrusted to their care. Oh, God, give each one of us a sense of purpose as we each have the power to care for others in our own sphere of influence, however small it may seem to us, the ripples of our actions resound around the globe.

Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Six

Wednesday, December 30, 2020

1. Britain approved the coronavirus vaccine developed by AstraZeneca and the University of Oxford — the first country to do so — clearing a path for a cheap and easy-to-store shot that much of the world may rely on.

2. Luke Letlow, a Republican congressman-elect from Louisiana, died of complications from Covid. He had been set to take office on Sunday. He was 41.

3. Researchers in the U.S. found a more contagious virus variant, first discovered in Britain, in a Colorado man who had not visited that country.

4. President-elect Joe Biden said the Trump administration was distributing vaccines too slowly. He also named new members of his White House Covid-19 response team, including coordinators to handle vaccinations and testing.

5. Oh, God, the vaccine gives us hope. Oh, God, I remember Hebrews 10:23, “let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess” for you are faithful. Oh, God, I do not expect that you will prevent me from getting the virus, that you will protect my loved ones from dying from the virus. Or do I? I do pray for these things. Oh, God, I imagine you expect me to be your loving presence in the world to those who are ill, those who grieve, those who are struggling. How I wish you simply made it easy for us. How I wish I could represent your love and grace and forgiveness in this uncertain, changing world. Fill me with your spirit, show me your divine grace, infuse me with your lovingkindness and compassion.

Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Five

Tuesday, December 29, 2020

1. South Korea reports the biggest daily death toll so far.

2. I get an email today from the Washington Post, “How We Covered a Year Like No Other.”

3. “A global pandemic. A historic presidential election. Protests for racial justice and equality. Wildfires, hurricanes and an impeachment trial.

4. It was a year of loss. The world lost legends, heroes, family and friends. If there was anything to gain, perhaps it was perspective. We found new ways to look at age-old problems, long unexamined. New ways of thinking about the future. And new ways to connect with each other.”

5. Oh, God, was this a year like no other to you? I grew up memorizing scripture. 2 Peter 3:8-9 indicates that with you a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years are like a day. Oh, God, as I reflect on this past year, I am aware of my privilege by which I have not yet had the virus, because I go nowhere, I am retired. Oh, God, as I reflect on the past year, I consider how angry I have been. Angry at those in positions of power who could have done better for the good of the people. Angry at those who have dismissed the danger of the virus, who have discounted the dead, refused to acknowledge the depth of pain and grief. Angry at myself? For not doing more. Oh, God, help us . Oh, God, may we see ourselves as you see us, your precious children, loved by you, forgiven by you, given grace by you. Oh, God, may we see each other as your precious children and extend compassion to all.

Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Four

Monday, December 28, 2020

1. Publications are zeroing in on reviews of 2020.

2. In The New York Times, Claire Moses rounds up the most read stories of 2020. More than half of the top 30 most-read pieces in The Times in 2020 were about the election, followed by the coronavirus trackers, for the U.S. and for the world. The protest movement for social justice was set off by the police killings of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd

3. Meanwhile, while reviews of 2020 are being composed and published, the U.S. has not topped 19 million coronavirus cases since the pandemic began, data compiled by Johns Hopkins University shows. America exceeded that mark on Sunday, just six days after it reached 18 million. The nation’s case numbers have more than doubled in less than two months. COVID-19 deaths in the U.S. also have been rising, and now total more than 332,000. That’s more than one death for every 1,000 Americans. The U.S. population as of Saturday was about 331 million, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. The United States accounts for about 4% of the world’s population, but close to 24% of its total coronavirus cases and 19% of its COVID-19 deaths. Health experts believe many cases have gone unreported, however, both in America and internationally.

4. Meanwhile, more Americans were hospitalized this past week than any other week of the pandemic, according to the Covid Tracking Project. And the United States reported 121,235 current Covid-19 hospitalizations on Monday, a pandemic high. Six states set records Sunday for the most Covid-19 patients hospitalized: Alabama, California, Georgia, Mississippi, North Carolina and South Carolina. Texas hit an all-time high on Monday.

5. Oh, God, Canada, France, Japan, Norway, Spain and Sweden have reported small numbers of infections involving a new variant of the virus, most of them linked to travel from Britain. The strain appears to be more transmissible but not more deadly or resistant to vaccines. Oh, God, you know these things. You see all, you know all, you are all powerful. Are you? We humans have wondered always why then you do not put a halt to what threatens us. Oh, God, I am thinking about this past year, what I have experienced, how I have felt, what I have learned, how I have been challenged and frightened, what I have come to see and know. Oh, God, may my words be helpful to others. Use me, fill me with your spirit. Help me spread the news of your grace and love.

Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Three

Sunday, December 27, 2020

1. Unemployment benefits lapsed yesterday, because President Trump has not signed a $900 billion pandemic relief bill.

2. The bill, passed by Congress as part of a larger spending package, would allow people to collect aid until March and revive supplemental benefits of $300 a week on top of the basic relief check.

3. Mr. Trump, who is pushing for larger direct payments to Americans, has given no indication that he plans to sign the bill. So the existing benefits ended on Saturday, affecting an estimated 12 million people. Because the president has refused to sign the bill, the U.S. now also faces a looming government shutdown on Tuesday and the expiration of a moratorium on evictions at the end of the year.

4. Here are eleven charts showing how and where COVID-19 coronavirus is spreading, and how fast, in maps and charts that capture our struggle to curb the virus in 2020, as well as a new "pandemic atlas" showing global impact.

5. Oh, God, as this year comes to a close, I am aware of the anger I have harbored against those who could have changed the course of the pandemic. Oh, God, as this year comes to a close, I am aware of how fortunate I am not to have had the virus, not to have felt an impact on my economic security, not to have lost a loved one to the virus. Oh, God, bring comfort to those who have lost loved ones, the families of the three employees of my husband’s company, the dear friend of my dear friend who passed away, leaving a husband and three young adult children. Oh, God, the virus rises and takes it toll of death even as the vaccine begins to be distributed. Oh, God, who are we, your creatures, with intelligence to understand the fight the virus, with such primitive thinking that we fight with one another. Oh, God, may we find in our souls the inner strength to live your grace, let go of ego, stop and pause to listen to our friends and neighbors and our own families, and extend the love you give. Oh, God, you have come and shown us how to live. Let us pause and take account and move forward in your grace.

Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Two

Saturday, December 26, 2020

1. A side effect of the vaccine is global economic inequality.

2. Virginia, the state in which I live, Surpasses 4000 cases for the third day in a row as 11,500 vaccine doses have been administered in the state since last Thursday. I know four who have been vaccinated. One the son of a dear friend, who is a respiratory therapist, and one a relative by marriage who works at a hospital in town. And two of my daughter’s friends, one a pregnant doctor and one a nurse.

3. A Richmond non-profit has delivered more than 2,000 meals this season as the urgent need for food rises.

4. A new and highly contagious variant of the virus identified in the United Kingdom has now traveled to two dozen countries.

5. Oh, God, the vaccine brings us hope. You, you are are hope. Hope is the evidence of things not seen. Oh, God, of hope and healing, love and light, come.

Day Two Hundred and Eighty-One

Friday, December 25, 2020

1. It is Christmas Day.

2. My husband and I have a Christmas breakfast together.

3. Mid-afternoon we build a fire outside. Three of our four daughters arrive. One with her new husband, one with her fiancee and one with her roommate.

4. It is windy and cold, it looks for a bit like the fire will not start. But it does. A nice fire, brings warmth, glows golden orange, the moon high in the sky above.

   We have 3 Christmas bags, one for each household. A bit of candy, some soap, a lottery ticket for each person, a plant for each home. One present to unwrap: a flashlight. They are the light of our lives. The fourth flashlight has been sent west to our other daughter and her partner. It is a flashlight with a very bright beam, it brings light in the darkness. Christmas music comes from a small speaker attached to a phone. Christmas joy is warm, even in the cold. Later, we disburse to eat in pods, in separate pods, the meal provided from a restaurant, picked up on the way here by two of them. Then we gather again around the fire.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for this night. I am grateful for your love which comes in human form, which we celebrate this night, remembering that first Christmas. I am grateful for your love which still takes on human form, as you have called us, instructed us, enabled us to embody your divine presence in the world. I am grateful for the beauty of the story of the birth of Jesus in Luke and Matthew’s Gospels. Oh, God, I am grateful that you love us, that your mystery surrounds, that your compassion hovers over us, that your grace is everywhere. Give us hope this day, sustain us in the coming year. Help us live as Jesus taught us, help us give our lives for love and justice, as he did. Help us heal and forgive others, help us reach across divides. Help us heal the broken hearts around us, and within, by letting you come in. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Day Two Hundred and Eighty

Thursday, December 24, 2020

1. It is Christmas Eve.

2. It is Dr. Fauci’s 80th birthday.

3. For 37 years I served in congregations, providing leadership in services on this eve before Christmas Day. The reading of Luke chapter 2, the singing of Silent Night and Joy to the World, the lighting of a candle, the anthems sung by the choir, the excitement of children in the air.

4. December of 2017 was my last Christmas Eve service as a pastor. I am retired from pastoring and am now writing full time. I keep this pandemic diary, lifting up the words of others, documenting the days. This Christmas Eve our family is social distancing, meeting out of doors around a fire. I have much to be grateful for, yet my heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones this year to Covid-19. The painful absence of a grandparent, mother, father, sibling or a child. My appreciation is great for those who work endless hours under strain and stress in hospitals, nursing homes and medical offices, to care for others.

5. Oh, God, this Christmas Eve we remember that you come to us. You enter our world as a vulnerable infant. A poor couple of no means or status are your parents. Your first human breath is taken in a simple shelter. A king will soon seek to take the life of the tiny child divine. Oh, God, the mystery of your human presence is what we sing and read this night. Oh, God, your mystery is with us now. Your adult child we worship as our Savior, your incarnate presence in the world. Oh, God, your light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot overcome it. Oh, God, your justice prevails, your grace wins, your love endures. Infuse us with your lovingkindness this Eve of Christmas, in these pandemic days.

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Nine

Wednesday, December 23, 2020

1. The Navajo Nation reports 151 new coronavirus cases and seven more deaths related to Covid-19. The latest figures were reported Tuesday by the Navajo Department of Health for the reservation that extends over parts of Arizona, New Mexico and Utah. The Navajo Nation has reported 755 deaths since the pandemic hit. The Health Department says the first doses of the recently approved vaccine made by Moderna have arrived at the Navajo Area Indian Health Service. The Navajo Nation is in a three-week lockdown requiring all residents to stay home except for dealing with emergencies, shopping for essentials like food and medicine or traveling to an essential job.

2. The protracted pandemic economy has hit South Carolina families hard statewide, especially in non-white, multi-generational and single-parent households, according to two new studies.

3. The U.S. Congress has has passed a nearly 900 billion Covid-19 aid bill which is awaiting approval from President Trump.

4. For people with terminal illnesses, time lost to Covid-19 can't be reclaimed.

5. Oh, God, bring help to vulnerable communities, give wisdom to decision makers with power to bring relief, comfort those who are grieving, energize those who work long days to care for the ill. Oh, God, sway our hearts, bend our will, speak to our intuition, lead us to new ways of thinking and acting, that we may be your hands and eyes and feet in working for the common good of all your children, all around the world.

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Eight

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

1. This article reports that, according to psychologists, we are losing empathy for victims of Covid-19.

2. In one of the biggest mass casualty events in American history, deaths often hidden from sight in hospitals and nursing homes.

   According to psychologists who’ve studied genocides and mass disasters, something happens in the brain when fatalities reach such high numbers.

   The casualties become like a mountain of corpses that has grown so large it becomes difficult to focus on the individual bodies.

   “The more who die, sometimes the less we care,” psychologist Paul Slovic, who conducted experiments to understand people’s reaction to mass suffering and death after the 1994 Rwandan genocide, told the WashingtonPost. “Statistics are human beings with tears dried off,” Slovic told the Post. “And that’s dangerous because we need tears to motivate us.”

   With the coronavirus — which has now killed 318,300 people in the United States — many of our strongest impulses are working against us.

3. “Over time, our brains gradually tune out the danger, the experts say — but some are trying to prevent that from happening during the pandemic.

   Since March, the Twitter account FacesOfCOVID shares snippets every few hours about the lives behind the statistics. Alongside the details are photos of those lost to the virus. The tweets are an attempt to publicly mourn the dead and show the pandemic death toll in human terms instead of in numbers, Alex Goldstein, who runs the account with a handful of volunteers, told the Post.

4. “I started it in March when the deaths started spiraling out of control. I could feel it becoming more abstract for me,” he said.

   In the months since then, hundreds of families have contacted him, providing photos and asking for relatives to be added to his queue. With large funerals banned, the tweets have served as a virtual receiving line for the bereaved, the Post noted.

   “You can see in real time after a tweet goes up as the family goes through and replies to every single comment,” Goldstein told the Post. “You can tell how much it means for them to have their loss acknowledged, even by complete strangers.”

5. Oh, God, thank you for those who are focusing on empathy for those who are grieving and providing ways to lift up the lives of those who have passed away. Oh, God, fill our hearts with compassion. Help us turn toward, rather than away, from those who need us. Fuel us, infuse us, with your Holy Spirit, that we may live in your divine love and grace.

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Seven

Monday, December 21, 2020

1. Here is a pandemic diary keeper - Daniel Drezner, who gives a theme to each month:

   • March: Fear and anger.

   • April: Anger and loathing.

   • May: Frustration and caprice.

   • June: Sheer exhaustion.

   • July: Fatalism and vertigo.

   • August: Interdependence and stasis.

   • September: Anger and atonement.

   • October: Depression and isolation.

   • November: Hope and darkness.

2. For him, this December is all about the nature of human adaptation, for good and ill. Drezner says he knows a little something about how people react to catastrophes and crises.

3. Drezner puts words to something I have been thinking a lot about. As human beings we are adaptable, as shown by the ways in which we have been resilient in the midst of the pandemic. On the flip side, our ability to adapt to a new situation is revealed in our increasing numbness to the death toll. He writes: “Adaptation has its downsides, however. It also means adjusting to trends that are horrific.”

4. “A week ago I heard CDC Director Robert Redfield discuss the state of the pandemic at a virtual Council on Foreign Relations meeting. He said that, as feared, the Thanksgiving travel combined with colder weather forcing many people indoors have led to a surge in infections. That, in turn, is now leading to a surge in deaths. According to Redfield, for the next 60 to 90 days the United States will experience daily death tolls that exceed the casualties on Sept. 11, 2001. The vaccine approvals will have no effect on those numbers.

   Almost 3,000 people died from the Sept. 11 attacks. That translates into an additional 180,000 Americans dead by the middle of February and possibly 270,000 Americans dead by the end of winter. Tack that onto the 300,000 confirmed dead from covid-19 so far and that means that the odds are good that more than a half-million Americans will have died of SARS-CoV-2 between March 2020 and March 2021, a fair number of them after vaccines were approved. If one counts by excess deaths rather than official diagnoses, that number will be even higher.”

   Drezner reveals: “After calculating those figures, I had to sit for a while and do nothing. As many Americans will die from this pandemic as did in World War II. That is a staggering number, even more so knowing that a better, more coordinated federal response could have considerably reduced the loss of life.

   What is equally staggering, however, is how little it will matter to most Americans. That could be because we are incapable of processing such large numbers, but I would posit a different explanation: We adjust to a new normal. We adapted to community spread in March, we adapted to 100,000 dead in May — this is just another shift in the pace of casualties that requires further mental adjustments.”

5. Oh, God, we have indeed become numb. I have shut down my emotions as the death toll has grown. Is my heart too small to process such mass death and grieving loved ones? As many Americans will die as did in World War II. I have seen this coming, Oh, God. Months ago, I read between the lines and poured through writers who warned us of this coming human cost. Yet, I still did not let it sink in, oh, God. Oh, God, do not let my heart grow cold. As much as it hurts to feel this grief, face this enormous squandering of lives through action and inaction, I want to feel the pain. Why, God? Is it because I think that if I do not feel the pain, I will not feel the joy you give as well? Emotional numbing helps us survive, but at a cost. Oh, God, may we not turn away from grieving loved ones. May we remember the stories of these lives. May we act with the compassion and show your love.

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Six

Sunday, December 20, 2020

1. All over the world, there is a global frenzy of collecting.

2. Laura Spinney, is a science writer based in Paris. She is the author of Pale Rider: The Spanish Flu of 1918 and How it Changed the World (2017). In this December 17 essay in the Journal, Nature, she writes: “If only somebody had counted the orphans.

   That was one wish I had while trawling archives on the 1918 influenza pandemic to research my book Pale Rider. Another yearning? If only someone had saved biological samples of the unidentified respiratory disease that ravaged China in late 1917.”

3. Another quote from her article: “The 1918 flu outbreak, like all epidemics that have been measured, highlighted inequality. Today’s public-health organizations are — to a greater or lesser extent — documenting that dimension of the current pandemic. For example, Gantt’s team is collecting data on how CDC guidelines are being implemented in communities, as well as on health disparities, social justice and activism.”

4. When the pandemic recedes, what momentos will you have? What record of your experience will their be for future generations? Have you recorded your thoughts and fears and joys and hopes?

5. Oh, God, I am garteful for Laura Spinney, whose book, Pale Rider, gives perspective to the past. Oh, God, I am grateful that she wrote it three years before this pandemic so that we can now read her words and learn. Oh, God, I have prayed at length for medical workers and politicians and the grieving and the ill. I lift up to you now, oh, God, artists of all kinds, collage artists, painters, sketchers, cartoonists, writers of screen plays, movie scripts, poems, prose, short stories, novels and novellas. Oh, God, your Spirit infuses the arts, it is your work and play through us and even your message to us. Thank you, oh, God, for human art and for your divine pallete of beauty all around us.

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Five

Saturday, December 19, 2020

1. This is my pandemic diary.

2. A lot of my diary is curated content which I pass along to you.

3. Sometimes I share my thoughts and feelings. Most always I end with a prayer.

4. I have filled up dozens of composition notebooks during this pandemic, scribbling in pen. My inner struggles, my anger, fears and hopes. Have you kept a journal? Have you kept a record of this pandemic year?

5. Oh, God, your know my innermost thoughts. Before a word is on my tongue, you know it completely. Oh, God, I am grateful for the writer of what we call Psalm 139, which expresses so beautifully your intimate knowledge of us. Oh, God, this pandemic year, I have felt joy, despair, fear, anger, sadness, and disgust. Oh, God, my heart has been warmed and my spirit inspired by the compassionate actions of others, those who tend patients, those who stay connected digitally with their loved ones, those who seek to stop the spread of the virus by their behavior. Oh, God, my face has scrunched in disgust as those who fling words of hatred, gestures of ridicule, and model disrespect for those in pain. Oh, God, I have feared I would get the virus and die. I have not had the virus. Oh, God, as each day goes by more and more people that I know personally now have the virus. Oh, God, I read my pandemic diary and it seems to reflect my sadness. Shall I focus more on joy and hope? Shall I offer words to lift up hearts? Oh, God, use my words as I continue in this daily discipline. Make me, mold me, fill me, use me, in the words of the hymn about your divine Spirit.

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Four

Friday, December 18, 2020

1. Christmas Day is one week from now.

2. This year, our oldest daughter and her partner will remain on the west coast. Our three other daughters live in driving distance and will come for an outdoor, socially distant visit on Christmas Day, each with their husband, fiancee, roommate. One pair will bring a puppy.

3. My last Christmas Eve service as a pastor was in December, 2017. My mother had passed away that previous May. Just after Christmas my father got the flu. Then he passed away on January 7th, 2018.

4. This year I think of them both, a lot. It is a different world without my parents in it. Who am I, with out them here on earth? Where are they now? What do they know? What can they see?

5. Oh, God, this Christmas season, so many have lost loved ones, in my country and around the world. It is hard to fathom the devastation, God, the grief. Oh, God, help us act on your nudging, when we think of someone who would love to hear from us, may we pick up the phone or write a note. Oh, God give strength to the caregivers, doctors, nurses, staff of hospitals and nursing homes and retirement centers. Oh, God, give endurance to the drivers of trucks containing the vaccine. Focus the minds of those figuring out logistics, making plans and trouble shooting as the virus is distributed. Oh, God, may we open our hearts and feel just how connected we are to one another, all of us your children.

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Three

Thursday, December 17, 2020

1. This article says that nine in ten Americans expect their travel habits to changen forever due to the pandemic.

2. Delta just booked its first 'Covid-free' flight. On Tuesday evening, Delta flight 76 left Atlanta, headed to Amsterdam. Every passenger was required to obtain a PCR test from an approved local testing location within 72 hours of the flight. Then, before boarding, passengers received a rapid antigen test at a facility next to the boarding gate.

3. Dr. Fauci says the U.S. could get back to normal by mid-fall if most people get the vaccine. Returning to normal will require somewhere between 75% and 85% of the population to get inoculated against Covid-19, he said.

4. Nursing home residents and staff are beginning to receive the vaccine.

5. Oh, God, the vaccine is being distributed,our hopes are up. Oh, God, cases and deaths are rising in the U.S., even as the hope for overcoming the virus threat looms. Oh, God, help us make the common good our concern and priority. May we look out not just for ourselves, but for our neighbors near and far. Oh, God, give us strength, patience, compassion, and the knowledge that your presence is with us. Oh, God, comfort the broken hearted, sustain medical workers and give us generous hearts.

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-Two

Wednesday, December 16, 2020

1. My childhood best friend, Diane, knows 39 people with the virus, mostly from her church; one person she knew well has died. She lives in Alabama. She has stopped going to church and out to eat, which she had been doing, weekly. At her church they wore masks as they came inside, then took them off for worship and singing.

2. At the end of the street on which we live, a household has been devastated by the virus, numerous family members with no energy or appetite for days and days. They are starting to get better.

   Three employees of my husband’s company have died of Covid-19 this year, many have had the virus.

3. A writing teacher I had here in Richmond has the virus. I pray she has a mild case and recovers quickly. I pray and pray.

4. Two families among my closest of friends are planning weddings with a young adult child, one to take place at the end of this month, the other to take place in the spring.

5. Oh, God, my country again stands virtually alone in the severity of our outbreak. Oh, God, here is a graph. I look at it and pray and pray:

Day Two Hundred and Seventy-One

Tuesday, December 15, 2020

1. The news today is all about the vaccine and the death toll.

2. Those who lost loved ones to Covid-19 grapple with the vaccine's arrival. “It was so close.”

3. Will anyone notice that Puerto Rico received only half the doses it was expecting?

4. The FDA authorizes the first over the counter at home diagnostic antigen test for Covid-19.

5. Oh, God, it is a time of hope and grief, and shift and relief and effort and logistics on a massive scale. Oh, God, it is a culmination of long days of research, furrowed brows over data, collaboration, coordination, and all to preserve life, prevent sickness and death. Oh, God, bless this enormous effort, sustain tired souls, provide rest for the weary.

Day Two Hundred and Seventy

Monday, December 14, 2020

1. As David Leonhardt points out today in an article in the New York Times, today is a big day in the U.S. The electoral college meets and the mass vaccination campaign begins.

2. Pfizer began shipping its vaccine across the U.S. yesterday, the first of nearly three million doses. Some health care workers could receive their first shot today.

3. Trump delayed a plan to distribute vaccines to senior White House staff members in the coming days. The first doses are generally being reserved for high-risk health care workers.

4. The federal government is rushing to roll out a $250 million public education campaign to encourage Americans to take the vaccine. Public support is split: 60 percent of people said they were likely to get the shot, a recent Pew poll found, while more than 20 percent were strongly opposed.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for scientists, who have worked hard this past year to increase their understanding of how the virus operates. Oh, God, I am grateful for researchers who have discovered drug combinations that assist those who have pneumonia associated wtih the virus. Oh, God, I am grateful for doctors who are saving lives by using an existing medical treatment at an earlier stage. Oh, God, I am grateful for Sandra Lindsay, a critical-care nurse, among the health-care workers who have spent more time than any caring for the pandemic’s sickest victims — working at a New York hospital system that was on the front lines of the pandemic this spring and has treated thousands of covid-19 patients. Oh, God, I am grateful for pastors, such as Agnes Norfleet, who have found new ways to serve their communities and congregations. Oh, God, I give you thanks for your servants all around the world who have extended your compassion to serve the common good of all your creation. Fill us with your Divine love. Sustain us with your Holy Spirit. May we love one another, as you have loved us [John 13:34-35), for perfect love casts our fear [I John 4:18), for whoever loves lives in you and is in you [I John 4:7].

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Nine

Sunday, December 13, 2020

1. The vaccine is coming.

2. A large scale public education campaign is underway.

3. As deaths in my country surpass 300,000, publishing obituaries has become a means of reckoning. Families of some who perished have written pointedly about the virus in remembrances. They tell of agonizing final days. They plead for wearing of masks.

4. The vaccine comes too late for the 300,000 dead.

5. Oh, God, more than 300,000 have died in my country alone. Across the world you so love, more than 1.6 million have perished. Oh, God, I cannot fathom the vast cloud of grief covering this fragile orb you have created, and placed amongst the stars and galaxies. I can only imagine the witnesses to death, in hospitals, homes, nursing homes, in person and by digital device in isolation. Oh, God, the magnitude is overwhelming. Teach me your way, fill me with your Spirit, that I may be fueled by your love and grace to serve you in specific acts of kindness, on the small scale of my single life in the midst of the boundless, expansive universe in which we live. Bless the workers on every scale of the massive effort to provide for our well-being. Give wisdom to decision makers and providers. May your justice and mercy and compassion be distributed around the globe.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Eight

Saturday, December 12, 2020

1. On May 25 I published Wiill I Get The Virus? and On 100,000 Deaths.

2. On May 28, Pandemic Pain and We All Deserve To Live.

3. On August 28, Pandemic Mother of the Bride.

4. And then we passed 200,000 deaths and now 302,769.

5. Oh, God, to you I lift up the words penned by Carolyn Winfrey Gillette in this hymn, Oh, God As We Pause, one of many hymns she has written in these pandemic days:

   O God, as we pause from our usual ways,
   as millions stay home, as we count passing days,
   may we learn what matters — what really has worth.
   May we seek your reign as we live here on earth.

   May we find your blessings in small, common things;
   may we learn the joy that community brings.
   In loving our neighbors, in stopping to pray,
   may we know your presence in each passing day.

   God, may we reflect on a world that has changed —
   a world where our values have been rearranged.
   For those who once thought they could stand by themselves
   now value the workers who restock the shelves.

   As greed and injustice are being laid bare,
   may we build a nation that's loving and fair.
   God, give us the courage to change what we can,
   to work for the justice that's part of your plan.

   So, turn us around, Lord, to make your world new;
   May we seek, in all things, to first follow you.
   In change and in sorrow may we seek your reign.
   O God, in our pausing, restore us again!

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Seven

Friday, December 11, 2020

1. Today, an F.D.A. advisory panel voted in favor of Pfizer’s vaccine, clearing one of the final hurdles before the agency authorizes the drug. It is likely to do so within days.

2. The next six months will be vaccine purgatory, according to this article in The Atlantic, by Sarah Zhang. The period after a vaccine is approved will be strange and confusing, as certain groups of people get vaccinated but others have to wait.

3. There are 302,750 confirmed deaths in the U.S. from coronavirus.

4. The coronavirus can travel farther and faster inside restaurants than previously thought, a South Korean study suggests.

5. Oh, God, we have passed 100,000, then 200,000, and now 300,000 deaths from coronavirus. Oh, God, I stay at home, go nowhere. Oh, God, my husband goes to work each day. I stay at home, go nowhere. Oh, God, so many go to work, they have no choice. Oh, God, have mercy on us. Oh, God, this hymn will be my prayer today, "We Grieve the Many Thousands," by Carolyn Winfrey Gillette:

   We grieve the many thousands — yet we can't understand;
   we cannot grasp how many have died throughout this land.
   We cannot see their faces or hear the stories told
   of all the ways they blessed us — the young ones and the old.

   O God, we grieve the struggle of those who died alone —
   so far from friends and neighbors, from all they'd ever known.
   We grieve for precious people who could not say good-bye;
   we weep for those, now mourning, who sit alone and cry.

   O God, we grieve for millions who now are unemployed
   who cannot feed their families — whose hope has been destroyed.
   We grieve that needed workers must worry for their health
   while some with lives of privilege stay home and build their wealth.

   O God of love and mercy, we cry to you, "How long?"
   In troubled times remind us: Your love is ever strong.
   Now as we grieve the suffering, Lord, show us how to be
   A healing, loving presence in each community.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Six

Thursday, December 10, 2020

1. In the midst of the pandemic, I continue my mission, which is to help faith communities become informed advocates and safe spaces for transgender people and their loved ones because compassion is a matter of life and death.

2. To this end today I hosted an on line conversation with Tracey Swinarsky from Equality Virginia’s Transgender Advocacy Speakers Bureau. The meeting was recorded and appears on my YouTube channel and can be viewed here.

3. I am working on my December newsletter, to go out on the 15th. It is the one year anniversary of the scattering of the ashes of my sibling Martine, on the San Francisco Bay, which was the culmination of the forthcoming Martine: A Memoir, The Disappearance, Mysterious Death and Discovery of My Transgender Sister.

4. Like most writers, at the end of 2020, I am reflecting on these past 12 months. Here is a pictorial year in review, with Getty Images. Here are fast facts about 2020 from CNN. Here are the most watched shows on Netflix in 2020. A publication about Ireland provides a list of the top 10 good things that happened in 2020. And there is Wikipedia on 2020.

5. Oh, God, what is your view of time? Your review of time? Your rear view of time? What do you see, see through, see ahead? I play with words. I will play with sacred text now. 2 Peter 3:8, “But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” Oh, God, of course you created time, you are time, you are being itself, you are within and outside of time. You are boundless, energy, lovingkindness. Ecclesiastes 3:1, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.” I end on this, oh, God, I end this moment in time as I type with these words, from the beginning of John’s glorious Gospel: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Five

Wednesday, December 9, 2020

1. Here is our front door, decorated by my gifted neighbor. Who will be entering through it this year?
   
   
   
   
   

2. Here is our foyer, where Creepy Santa waits, who will greet him?

We adopted Santa at a neighbor’s church mission auction several years ago.

3. Here is our dining room table, set for 8, except there will only be us two. I will place an object on each place setting on Christmas Day to signify each daughter and her partner.

This is the work of my neighbor, Gayle, who came in, masked, and created this beauty!

4. Here is our Christmas tree, underneath are empty bags. Our gifts this year will be to charity. This was to be the year when all the daughters and their partners would be here. We are on a precisely coordinated every other year schedule with them and their significant others. As I type this I do not feel sad, although I have felt sad. I feel resigned, grateful, and at peace. Today the governer of our state set a curfew and a restriction on gatherings indoors.

5. Oh, God, how do I pray on this December 9 of 2020, a day in which daily deaths from the virus in the U.S. reach 3000. Oh, God, a week after we broke a daily death record here in the U.S., we did so again yesterday, as at least 3,011 new fatalities were reported.. Oh, God, last week’s record of 2,885 deaths exceeded the previous high point of 2,752 deaths, on April 15. Oh, God, I am tracking the spread in my own country, but what about your children around the world? Oh, God, there have been 1,591,749 confirmed deaths around the world. Oh, God, I cannot fathom the heartache in every corner of the globe, the loss, the grief, the sorrow. Oh, God, this is the season of Advent, when we hope for your coming. Come now, come here, into our hearts and minds and transform us into vessels of your compassion and grace.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Four

Tuesday, December 8, 2020

1. In the New York Times, David Leonhardt has written many articles about coronavirus.

2. This article is entitled "The Vaccine As Firehose." Leonhardt points out that yhe vaccines will be much less effective at preventing death and illness in 2021 if they are introduced into a population where the coronavirus is raging — as is now the case in the U.S. That’s the central argument of a new paper in the journal Health Affairs. (One of the authors is Dr. Rochelle Walensky of Massachusetts General Hospital, whom President-elect Joe Biden has chosen to run the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.)

3. Leonhardt says that an analogy may be helpful. t vaccine is like a fire hose. A vaccine that’s 95 percent effective, as Moderna’s and Pfizer’s versions appear to be, is a powerful fire hose. But the size of a fire is still a bigger determinant of how much destruction occurs.

4. At the current level of infection in the U.S. (about 200,000 confirmed new infections per day), a vaccine that is 95 percent effective — distributed at the expected pace — would still leave a terrible toll in the six months after it was introduced. Almost 10 million or so Americans would contract the virus, and more than 160,000 would die. This is far worse than the toll in an alternate universe in which the vaccine was only 50 percent effective but the U.S. had reduced the infection rate to its level in early September (about 35,000 new daily cases). In that scenario, the death toll in the next six months would be kept to about 60,000…..Measures that reduce the virus’s spread — like mask-wearing, social distancing and rapid-result testing — can still have profound consequences. They can save more than 100,000 lives in coming months.

5. Oh, God, it appears that mask wearing and social distancing are going to be important for the foreseeable future. Oh, God, help us live in consideration of others. Oh, God, help me come to terms with the fact that Christmas will not be as I had imagined it. Oh, God, help us learn from this pandemic about what it means to have compassion on all your children.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Three

Monday, December 7, 2020

1. Here in Virginia, our Governor is considering new COVID restrictions as our state sees nearly 11,500 new cases since Friday and the positivity rate hits 10.8%.

2. Gov. Ralph Northam said Wednesday that the state’s contact tracers report that much of the spread is taking place in community and social settings — at small gatherings, churches and schools.

3. Less than a month ago, the governor's administration banned private and public gatherings to 25 people and the selling of alcohol for on-premise consumption past 10 p.m. ahead of the Thanksgiving holiday.

4. Covid-19 is now the leading cause of death in the United States. The grim milestone was reached as 2885 COVID-related deaths were confirmed on Wednesday – the highest daily death toll so far.

@roto_tudor says: These are iPad stations being prepared for virtual ICU end of life visits by a palliative care doc I know. Jesus.

5. Oh, God, this image in this tweet by @roto_tudor, is my prayer today. With him, I say, “Jesus.”

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-Two

Sunday, December 6, 2020

1. Medium, is a blogging platform. where I have posted articles on subjects such as the virus, its impact on our daughter's wedding, and the tears I shed as I had a glimpse of what was to come, its insidious manner of instilling fear in all of us, its threat against our lives, and the enormous tragedy of dying in isolation, the way the pandemic brought us an Easter like no other, raised questions such as Is Covid-19 God's Punishment? and inspired me to plead "stay home with me!" and do not attend church gatherings, which had become super spreader events.

2. One of the bloggers I follow on Medium is Umair Haque, who is not exactly optimistic, but whose dire warnings about what is happening in our country I read with interest. Here is his article from Friday, entitled "America's Nightmare Covid Scenario is Coming True All Over Again”.

3. Haque writes, “Millions of Americans travelled for Thanksgiving. In the middle of a lethal pandemic. That America had already failed to contain, and had the highest numbers in the world. Warning after warning was given. Please don’t travel. Stay at home this year. Help others be safe. The President-Elect spoke, the most respected doctor in the country spoke, all the epidemiologists agreed, and so did everyone left who was sane….Hence, today, about ten days after Thanksgiving, Covid is exploding. To entirely new heights. Hitting its highest peak ever. How high is that? 216,000 cases per day. Meanwhile, 3,000 people are dying every day now.” That is a 9/11 number of deaths per day.

4. It’s jaw dropping to the rest of the world. Why do Americans act this way? Life is returning to normal — or at least a kind of slow post-Covid normal — in much of the rest of the world. And it hasn’t been easy. Australia has beaten back Covid with a sense of determination and perseverance. It’s taken them many tries, not just one. It wasn’t easy in New Zealand, Vietnam, South Korea, or any of the other global leaders either, the places that fought Covid successfully.”

5. Oh, God, as type this on Monday morning at 7:36 a.m., it is snowing. I see soft flakes falling outside my window. The roof over the “wishing well” structure in the backyard is covered in snow. The swing next to it is striped in white as snow covers the planks and falls through the cracks. The first snow of the year, here, for us. Oh, God, the beauty belies the tragedy unfolding. Oh, God, give us patience and insight, wake us up to the cold reality that we must act and refrain from actions that put our fellow humans in danger. Oh, God, the greast gift we can give in this Christmas season is the gift of life, the gift of compassion, the gift of caring about others. May our wish list for gifts in this season, no matter how we understand your presence in the world, be the desire to save the lives and increase the well-being of your children everywhere, our next door neighbors, the tiny child on the other side of this fragile orb.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty-One

Saturday, December 5, 2020

1. If you are reading my Pandemic Diary, I invite you to contact me and let me know how you are experiencing the pandemic.

2. I am worried about the coming weeks. Two people in our neighborhood, as far as I know, have had the virus. Three of my husband’s employees have died of the virus. A friend of a friend has died. I did not know her personally, but I prayed for her for weeks, before she died.

3. I am aware that the virus has affected people of color disporportionately. I am aware that the virus has ravaged my country, while other countries, which have approached the virus differently, have fared far better, including South Korea, Australia, Thailand and New Zeland. I am ware that I am privileged and this so far has been a factor in my survival.

4. If you are reading these words, I would very much like to hear from you. What has your experience been like? What are your thoughts about the virus and its spread and the ways it has changed your life?

5. Oh, God, the virus has made me aware of how much I value in person worship, the fellowship, the singing, the communal prayer. Oh, God, this virus has made me aware of how much I love my family, how I long to hug and hold each daughter, how precious they each are to me. Oh, God, this virus has made me glad, sadly, that my parents died before the pandemic struck, such that they did not have to be locked down in the assisted living facility, and suffer, as it surely would have struck them. Oh, God, this virus has made me aware of how I love my siblings, and my in-laws, and my friends. I will never take for granted again the ability to visit in person with those I love. Oh, God, thank you for the gift of life and love, compassion and kindness. May I live for you.

Day Two Hundred and Sixty

Friday, December 4, 2020

1. I have enjoyed articles by David Leonhardt in the New York Times. In today’s article, he gives three steps for safe living during the pandemic.

2. He recommends NOT spending time in a confined space (outside your household) where anyone is unmasked.

3. He recommends NOT spending extended time in indoor spaces, even with universal masking.

4. He does not think one needs to wear a mask outdoors, if you stay away from others. The dangers of running errands, in a grocery store or pharmacy, are greatly reduced when wearing mask, staying 6 feet apart, and spending as little time as possible indoors.

5. Oh, God, help us acquire new habits that save lives, reduce risk and show consideration for others. Oh, God, help us live and show your love.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Nine

Thursday, December 3, 2020

1. Yesterday, our country recorded the highest coronavirus death toll to date, 2800 people died, higher than the previous record on April 15 of 2603. CDC data shows that fatalities could be as high as 345,000.

2. The number of hospitalizations has reached a record 100,226 and new daily cases have surpassed 200,000.

3. The Center for Disease Control warned us to postpone travel plans and stay at home for Christmas and the holiday season.

4. While the virus is surging coast to coast, Midwest states continue to be among the hardest hit based on cases and deaths per 100,000 people. North Dakota, which was the hardest hit last month in both cases and deaths, has now seen one in every 800 residents die from Covid-19.

5. Oh, God, this amount of death and grief is overwhelming. I cannot fathom what is happening. Oh, God, this devastation is enormous. Oh, God, I turn to the Book of Lamentations in the Hebrew Scripture, in which the degree of suffering is overwhelming, and expectations for the future are minimal. In Lamentations there is a plea for the restoration of the people, and I make this plea to you, now. Reflecting on this loss of life, it feels to me like we are in Lent, rather than Advent. The Lenten religious service of Tenebrae, Latin for darkness, seems appropriate. Yet we are indeed in Advent, and I will look for your coming, your presence, your life and love in the midst of global devastation.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Eight

Wednesday, December 2, 2020

1. The CDC has announced its suggested vaccine priorities.

2. A panel of scientific advisers yesterday released its initial guidelines for who should receive the first coronavirus vaccines — recommendations that will influence states’ policies across the country. Here is a possible timeline.

3. In December, health care workers and nursing home residents will likely be the first people to receive the vaccine, as the panel recommended. Up to 40 million doses could be available to Americans before the end of this year, from a combination of Pfizer’s and Moderna’s vaccines. That would be enough to vaccinate the three million people who live in long-term-care facilities, as well as most of the country’s 21 million health care workers. Both the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines require a second dose a few weeks later to be effective, which would occur in January.

4. In February and March, the next priority groups to receive teh vaccine would likely be people over the age of 65 (and especially those over 75); people with medical conditions that put them at risk of death if infected; and essential workers, like those in education, food, transportation and law enforcement. In April, May and June, the most likely scenario is that even people who don’t qualify as a priority — like healthy, nonessential workers younger than 65 — will begin receiving the vaccine by the spring. The vast majority of Americans could be vaccinated by early summer. At that point, life will still not immediately return to normal, partly because the vaccines are not 100 percent effective. Widespread vaccination will sharply reduce the spread, helping protect even people for whom a vaccine is ineffective. Social gatherings may be common and largely safe by the summer.

5. Oh, God, spring isn’t that far away. Help us refrain from taking unnecessary risks for the next few months. Help us live with compassion and consideration, patience and perseverance, to save the lives of others.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Seven

Tuesday, December 1, 2020

1. Leaked documents reveal China's mishandling of the early stages of the virus.

2. Moderna says its coronavirus vaccine is more than 94 percent effective, and the company has asked the F.D.A. to authorize it. If all goes smoothly, the drug could begin reaching Americans by Dec. 21. “The long darkness before dawn”: Donald McNeil, a Times reporter who covers infectious diseases, examines the grim months ahead, when virus deaths will almost certainly surge before vaccines are widely available.

3. “Teachers are not OK right now,” one educator told The Times. The whiplash of closings and reopenings and the stresses of remote learning have driven many in the profession to exhaustion.

4. A white man fatally shot Aiden Ellison, a Black teenager, during a confrontation over loud music in a hotel parking lot in Oregon last week, the authorities said.

5. Oh, God, nations are being evaluated for how they handled the virus, especially China, where it originated. Oh, God, vaccines are being evaluated for their effectiveness. Oh, God, school systems are being evaluated in regard to the methods that are being used to address the virus. Oh, God, our society and our justice system is being evaluated, as yet another unarmed Black man is killed this week. Oh, God, lead us toward your kingdom, your rule and reign, of justice and peace and grace. Oh, God, lead us away from temptations, of ego, of fear, of despair, of apathy. Oh, God, may your way be our way, on earth, as it is in heaven.

Pandemic Diary: November 2020

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Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Six

Monday, November 30, 2020

1. In an article today in the New York Times, David Leonhardt reports that cases are still surging and deaths are not far behind.

2. Already, the U.S. death toll in recent weeks has exceeded one victim every minute of every day — 1,462 deaths per day in the two weeks before Thanksgiving. Barring a major surprise, that toll is about to get even worse. And January is looking worrisome, as well.

3. Dr. Anthony Fauci, the infectious disease expert, said yesterday that Thanksgiving gatherings may have created clusters of new infections. “We might see a surge superimposed upon that surge that we’re already in,” Fauci said.

4. Patients tend to be at their most infectious for about seven days — two days before they first show symptoms and five days after — according to a new analysis. The C.D.C. has recommended that infected people isolate themselves for at least 10 days, but is considering shortening that period.

5. Oh, God, I have a heavy heart, as I think about the sick, the grieving, and try to even imagine a death each minute from Covid-19 in my country. How much is that number increased by those who are dying all around the planet? Oh, God. I keep praying. Are you listening? Where are you in this? Such grief and loss already, all over the world. More loss and grief ahead. Oh, God, we need you.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Five

Sunday, November 29, 2020

1.  The numbers of coronavirus-related deaths are at their highest levels since the spring.

2. On April 15, 2,752 people in the U.S. died from Covid-19, more than on any other day of the pandemic. On Wednesday, 2,300 deaths were reported nationwide — the highest toll since May. The pandemic has now claimed more than 264,800 lives in the country.

3. While the deaths during the spring peak were concentrated in a handful of states, they are now scattered widely across the entire nation, and there is hardly a community that has not been affected.

4. The record-breaking swell of virus infections — four million in November alone — is pushing U.S. hospitals to a breaking point. Severe staffing and bed shortages are crippling efforts to provide adequate care for patients.

5. Oh, God, in my country we are suffering the most rampant virus surges yet. Oh, God, prospects remain grim for a meaningful worldwide recovery before the middle of next year. Oh, God, in my country, jobless claims jumped by 78,000 last week to nearly 828,000 — a big change from the increase of 18,000 the week before. Oh, God, among the worst-performing major economies is India: Its economy contracted 7.5 percent in the three months before September. Oh, God, I am reciting headlines to you. You do not need me to give you the news. You have searched us and you know us. You perceive our thoughts from afar. You hem us in behind and before. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me. I cannot attain it. I love Psalm 139, and my prayer, oh, God, is the end of the Psalm: Search me and know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Four

Saturday, November 28, 2020

1. Tomorrow my brother, Bob, and sister-in-law, Linda, and their puppies, Molly and Toby, will leave to go back to Alabama. I will miss them.

2. We talked a lot about whether they should come or not. No one else was here, none of our four daughters or their friends or partners, who would, in the Before Times have come. Well, actually, in the Before Times, this was the year for them to spend Thanksgiving with their partners’ families, so no. Some of them live close enough so that they would have at least made a brief visit at some point during the holiday week.

3. Bob and Linda do very little. They don’t socialize with anyone. Their trips out of the house are only to the grocery store and Lowe’s, and they wear masks and wash their hands. I do very little also. I don’t even drive right now. I have low vision in my right eye and my good eye has developed a cataract such that I would not pass the driver’s test. Recently, I made a wrong turn because I could not see the signs, and I stopped driving. I have an appointment Dec. 8th with a cataract surgeon.

4. Risk taking. I don’t want to admit how poor my vision. I think I’m okay driving to a familiar place. But the unexpected bicyclist, the moment when my brain reads the curve in the road in a way that does not fit reality and I see a straight path ahead. Risk taking in Covid. We don’t want to admit how insidious is the virus. I told my daughter this week that one of the most stressful thigns about the virus is managing relationships, talking about risk and navigating the fact that our loved ones manage stress differently than we do. Christmas is looming. In this pandemic, “looming” feels like the right choice of words for Christmas this year. This is the year for us to have all four daughters and their partners. And yet. No. they will not come. It has not been easy to negotiate, talk about.

5. Oh, God, I pray for all who, like myself, are making decisions about time with family these holidays. Oh, God, may we love one another in ways that save lives and reduce risk. Oh, God, grant your grace on all who serve the ill in homes and hospitals, those who administer tests, work on logistics for vaccine distribution, and make decisions for the public good. Oh, God, may this experience bring us together as your people, we humans you have created for love and purpose and compassion.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Three

Friday, November 27, 2020

1. Today is known as “Black Friday,” and according to Wikipedia, “The earliest evidence of the phrase Black Friday originated in Philadelphia, where it was used by police to describe the heavy pedestrian and vehicular traffic that would occur on the day after Thanksgiving. This usage dates to at least 1961. As the phrase became more widespread, a popular explanation became that this day represented the point in the year when retailers begin to turn a profit, thus going from being "in the red" to being "in the black".[6][7][8][9]

2. During the pandemic, these billionaires have increased fortune since March 2020: Jeff Bazos’ net worth has increased nearly 80%, an increase of 90 billion; Elon Musk’s net worth has increased nearly 300%, an increase of 68 billion; Mark Zuckerberg’s net worth has increased 85%, an increase of more than 46 billion; Bill Gates’ net worth has increased 20%, an increase of 20 billion. According to an Institute for Policy Studies analysis of Forbes data, the combined wealth of all U.S. billionaires increased by $1.009 trillion (34 percent) between March 18, 2020 and November 24, 2020, from approximately $2.947 trillion to $3.956 trillion.” Their analysis is regularly updated by inequality.org inequality.org here.

3. The rich are cheering Wall Street's record highs while households in America of modest means are draining their 401(k)s. And those who need Covid economic relief the most — gig and other low-income workers who’ve lost jobs or hours to the pandemic — don’t have retirement accounts to withdraw from. Overall, the Economic Policy Institute reported last year, “nearly half of working-age families have nothing saved in retirement accounts.”

4. Meanwhile, low income workers have lost jobs and suffered the most economically, according to this report by the Federal Reserve.

5. Oh, God, in Luke chapter 4, verses 18 and 19, Jesus speaks publicy for the first time in the gospel, reading from the scroll of Isaiah 61: 1,2: “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” Oh, God, what did it mean for Jesus to proclaim the year of your favor? Then? and what about now? Oh, God, this has not felt like any year of your favor, 2020. Oh, God, have you anointed us to carry on the work of Jesus, to proclaim good news to the poor? What good news do we have in the midst of all the pandemic bad news for the poor? Have you anointed us to proclaim freedom for those in prison? What good news do we have in the midst of mass incarceration of people of color, for-profit prisons which incentivize injustice, and the raging of the virus behind bars? Oh, God, have you anointed us to procliam recovery of sight to the blind? Literally? As I would like recovery of full vision in my eyes. Figuratively? As I have been blind to the magnitude of injustice and racism in our land. Oh, God, have you anointed us to set the oppressed free? As your children suffer under the strictures of poverty, and income inequality. Oh, God, how can this be a year of your favor? Are you calling us to hidden kindness, acts of love and service under the radar, or to great proclamations and communal endeavors for the common good that will garner widespread notice? Oh, God, help us, hold us, heal us, inspire us, anoint us to follow your will and way.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Two

Thursday, November 26, 2020, Thanksgiving Day

1. I find this article by David Leonhardt of the New York Times: "Gratitude, in Six Words by Our Readers."

2. Here are samples which they publish:

   The crinkling eye above the mask.

   A furtive hug with a friend.

   The backyard haircuts are getting better.

   My choir still meets on Zoom.

   Friends who give me streaming passwords.

   Family reunion in January, before Covid.

   Miss family, but safer for them.

   Saved a lot of lipstick money.

   More homemade pasta, no more jeans.

   No shame in elastic-waist pants.

3. “It’s a form of writing — the six-word memoir — popularized by the author Larry Smith.”

4. My six word memoir for today:

   Bob, Linda, Dan, me, Molly, Toby.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for so many things today. Thank you for the gift of life. Thank you for showing me your love, through so many people througout my life. Thank you for your presence in all situations. Thank you for your overwhelming grace, forgiveness and lovingkindness. Thank you for this world, it is incredible. Thank you for your Spirit which astounds and permeates and flows. Thank you for your child, Jesus, his words, his actions, his way with folks. Thank you for the resurrection of Jesus, which shows us death is not the end, after all, which shows us that there is so much more than we can imagine. Thank you for the gift of life abundant, full and overflowing.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty-One

Wednesday, November 25, 2020

1. Will 2022 Bring a Return to 'Normal' After Mostly Onlin Semesters? this article in Inside Higher Ed ponders. Many colleges are closing their campuses after Thanksgiving and moving online. Spring terms will be delayed, break canceled, and online strategies remain at the forefront of delivery modes for the rest of 2021. What lies ahead?

2. What is the impact of a president breaking historical norms of the presidency, and how did this impact his election defeat? The Washington Post explores 20  of the presidential norms broken over the past four years. “What does it mean to be presidential? Article II of the Constitution describes the office in just a handful of paragraphs. To a remarkable extent, the presidency is shaped by unwritten traditions and expectations that historians and political scientists call “norms” — what political scientists Steven Levitsky and Daniel Ziblatt call the “soft guardrails” of American democracy. Violating presidential norms doesn’t equate to breaking the law. Can Trump steer taxpayer money to his businesses? Can he call for the investigation of his political rivals? Can he fire people in oversight positions and replace them with loyalists? Yes — technically — he can. But should he?”

3. Jack Goldsmith, a former Justice Department official in the George W. Bush administration who teaches at Harvard Law School states that the current presidency also reveals “the extent to which the whole system before Trump was built on a basic assumption about a range of reasonableness among presidents, a range of willingness to play within the system, a range of at least a modicum of understanding of political and normative constraints.”

4. Personally profiting from official business, not releasing tax returns, refusing oversight, interfering in Department of Justice investigations, abusing appointment power, insulting allies while cozying up to authoritarians, coarsening presidential discourse, politicizing the military, attacking judges, politicizing diplomacy and foreign policy, undermining intelligence agencies, publicizing lists of potential Supreme Court picks, making far more false or misleading claims than any previous president, abusing the pardon power, using government resources for partisan ends, making radicalized appeals and attacks, dividing the nation in times of crisis, contradicting scientists, derailing the tradition of presidential debates, and undermining faith in the 2020 election results.

5. Oh, God, I have been so angry these past four years.  This list of norms broken by the president articulates many of my grievances.  Oh, God, may my anger be productive and lead to positive action.  Oh, God I confess I fume when politicians divide our nation in a time of crisis and contradict scientists.  Scientists!  Who use their gift of understanding the world you have made in order to protect this planet and bring health and healing to the human beings you have created to live in love and community!  Oh, God, show me your way, channel my emotions in your grace and love, and give me courage to act in ways which lead to unity and compassionate speech.

Day Two Hundred and Fifty

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

1. Today is my brother Bob’s 66th birthday.

2. Today Bob is reading my book, Martin: A Memoir, the Disappearance, Mysterious Death and Discovery of My Transgender Sister. 

3. I wasn’t sure if he would ever read it!  He read the first page, which is entitled “The Apocalypse.”  It is a crazy piece of writing that has thrown a lot of beta readers off kilter.  His response?  “It’s good and it’s accurate.”  He understood my symbolism.

4. The story centers around our oldest sibling's death.  Our oldest sibling, whose body was cremated and stored before we ever knew about the death.  I think this is partly why this story breaks my heart in two: The bodies of hundreds who died in New York's coronavirus surge are still in freezer trucks. Unclaimed bodies.  Stored bodies. These makeshift morgues remain as city officials work to locate families. Our family was never located.  We finally went searching, four months later after Martine’s body was found, perhaps two weeks after her death, in a hotel room in San Francisco. 

5. Oh, God, I hold this information up to you for your information, your inspection, your explanation: Bodies of more than 600 people who died from the coronavirus in New York City earlier this year remain in freezer trucks used as temporary morgues, The Wall Street Journal has reported. About 650 bodies remain inside makeshift morgues on the Brooklyn waterfront, according to the city’s Office of Chief Medical Examiner, which told the newspaper that the city either cannot find families for many of the dead or their families cannot afford a proper burial. Medical examiner officials told The Wall Street Journal that the office has not been able to find relatives of 230 people. But financial constraints have prevented many families from being able to relocate the bodies of their relatives, the office said. The report follows a dramatic rise in new Covid-19 infections across the US, which has surpassed 12 million case since the onset of the crisis more than eight months ago. What do you have to say about this, God? What do you have to do with this, God? How can this be, God? This breaks my heart, God! What? What is that you say, God? What is that you have already said, God? “Love one another as I have loved you?” you say, God? Shall I do this even as my heart is broken, God? Oh, God, may I lift myself up from despair and act in loving ways. Oh, God, may I use the energy and gifts and voice and skills and life and experience you have given me, and lift up the stories, call forth for justice, and love, fueled by your enormous grace and lovingkindness, your expansive creative power that is all pervasive and unseen and notorious and impossible to understand and as simple as a child’s kiss.

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Nine

Monday, November 23, 2020

1. After months of holding fairly steady even as cases surged, U.S. deaths from Covid-19 have begun rising in the past two weeks. Almost 1,500 Americans have died each day over the past week on average.

2. The drugmaker AstraZeneca is the third major vaccine developer that has announced promising results, saying that its coronavirus vaccine is 70 percent effective on average.

3. The U.S. is now well supplied with ventilators after a surge in production. But the country lacks specialists to operate the complex machines, and training can take years.

4. U.S. Airports see a rise in travelers as officials warn of deadly consequences.

5. Oh, God, we are figuring out your complex, wondrous creation. Genome sequencing, used to identify the virus’s genetic characteristics, helped researchers identify more information about where people got infected and by whom. Oh, God, may we use these new discoveries for good, for health and healing.  Oh, God, help us look to the well-being of others, not just our own.  Oh, God, so many who are privileged through status of race and class have not lost a loved one.  Oh, God, wake us up to compassion for all, especially for those most vulnerable, especially for those front line workers whose physical presence is required for their job, especially for those who toil long hours caring for the ill, and those who then fall ill themselves.  Oh, God, help us help one another in these days.

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Eight

Sunday, November 22, 2020

1. Pfizer has applied for emergency vaccine approval as U.S. cases reach new high. Pfizer and its German partner BioNTech on Friday became the first companies to seek emergency authorization for a coronavirus vaccine in the United States, a landmark moment and a signal that a powerful tool to help control the pandemic could begin to be available by late December.

2. Conditions around the country remain dire: The United States reported a record high of more than 196,000 new coronavirus cases on Friday and is likely to cross 12 million cases nationwide on Saturday, six days after surpassing 11 million.

3. A CDC report looks at how coronavirus spread from South Dakota motorcycle rally to other states. A coronavirus superspreader event at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is connected to 86 coronavirus infections, according to study the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, which said “findings highlight the far-reaching effects that gatherings in one area might have on another area.”

4. Nearly nine months after the virus exploded in the United States, and amid big treatment strides, the disease continues to ravage African American and other minority communities with a particular vengeance. Black, Asian, Native American and Hispanic patients still die far more frequently than White patients, even as death rates have plummeted for all races and age groups, according to a Washington Post analysis of records from 5.8 million people who tested positive for the virus from early March through mid-October.

5. Oh, God, give stamina to those who work to authorize, distribute and administer the vaccine. Oh, God, spread your wisdom among us so that we may understand the consequences of our actions and the way in which we, your children, are interconnected all around the earth you have created. Oh, God, open our minds that we may see beyond our own experiences and invest in the health of all people.

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Seven

Saturday, November 21, 2020

1. Martin Luther’s pandemic advice goes viral, 500 years later, as Emily McFarlan Miller reports in the Religion News Service: “It has been more than 500 years since German monk Martin Luther’s words went viral, thanks to what was then some cutting-edge technology.  In 1517, Luther’s famed 95 Theses helped spark the Protestant Reformation after they were distributed far and wide with the help of the printing press, the 16th century’s version of social media.  Now his advice from a later letter, written in the midst of a 1527 pandemic, once again is making the rounds.”

2. “Scholar and retired Anglican bishop N.T. Wright highlighted Luther’s advice in “God and the Pandemic,” published in June. And Christianity Today’s website published the full letter, “Whether One May Flee From A Deadly Plague,” with Luther’s byline, in May.

3. “Luther wrote that letter in the midst of an outbreak of the bubonic plague in Wittenberg….He was responding to a Lutheran leader in Breslau, who asked whether a Christian ought to leave a city in the midst of a plague outbreak for someplace safer.

4. In his treatise, Luther wrote: “Therefore I shall ask God mercifully to protect us. Then I shall fumigate, help purify the air, administer medicine, and take it. I shall avoid places and persons where my presence is not needed in order not to become contaminated and thus perchance infect and pollute others, and so cause their death as a result of my negligence. … See, this is such a God-fearing faith because it is neither brash nor foolhardy and does not tempt God.”
   Luther himself had been ordered to leave the university in Wittenberg, where he taught, Hendel said. He refused. Instead, he and his pregnant wife, Katharina von Bora, a former nun who had learned some nursing skills in the cloister, stayed behind and opened a wing of their home as a clinic. Those who are responsible for the spiritual and physical well-being of others must not flee an outbreak, but rather stay and care for people in the midst of it, Luther advised. However, they also must be careful not to make matters worse.

5. Oh, God, thank you for raising up reforming leaders 500 years ago.  Oh, God raise up leaders today who will lift up the message that love for our neighbor is the ultimate criterion we must use when we choose what to think and plan and do, not only in pandemic times, but in all times and in every aspect of our lives.

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Six

Friday, November 20, 2020

1. Today is Transgender Day of Remembrance, in the midst of a pandemic, in the course of a movement for social justice, as an election with historic voter turnout has been decided and the current president refuses to conceded, calling this election fraudulent.

2. I wrote an Op Ed for the Richmond Times Dispatch about this day. It came on line last night.

3. Yesterday, Mike Pence brought back the coronavirus briefing to claim yet again, “America is turning the corner,” as deaths pass 250,000,  wotj Dr. Fauci allowed back in the White House but no questions allowed.

4. Fauci talked about the vaccine and said he wanted to 'put to rest any concept this was rushed in any inappropriate way'. Pence and taskforce members refused to answer reporters questions as President Donald Trump continues to refuse to concede the election. President-elect Joe Biden has expressed concerns that his team won't be dialed in on efforts like how the U.S. will distribute the COVID-19 vaccine. Trump hasn't held an event since Friday and sent out Rudy Giuliani earlier Thursday to headline a bizarre press conference at the RNC.

5. Oh, God, raise up leaders, give courage to family members tempted to hold large gatherings, break us through denial, shake us up and awake, stir our hearts, use our hands and voices, and help us out of this mess!  Oh, God, use me, for love, for information, for the duration of however long I have on this earth.

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Five

Thursday, November 19, 2020

1. Charlie Deitch, editor of the Pittsburgh Current, writes that earlier this year, “soon-to-be-ex-President Donald Trump fired up his Flock and convinced a lot of people that the virus was a hoax that was being used as a political ploy to get him out of office. Those People fought back, refused to wear masks, and made a lot of noise about their constitutional right to be idiots.”

2. He continues, “So, we all loosened up over the summer and then the promised surge came. And no orders were given. The federal government is doing nothing to combat coronavirus. In fact, Donald Trump is committing genocide against his own people, especially minority communities which have been the hardest hit. It’s genocide by Indifference.”

3. “And as things have continued to get worse. Health and government officials have been asking, urging, begging, pleading with people to take steps themselves to stop the spread.” He points out: “Without an enforceable mandate, people will continue to do what they want.”

4. For another angle, here is an article about investors don't care about covid-19 anymore. We are in a TINA market, it claims, which stands for There Is No Alternative to stocks in a low interest rate environment.

5. Oh, God, Anne Applebaum in the Atlantic says that the world is never going back to normal.  Ed Young, in the same publication, reports that “more people than ever are hospitalized with Covid-19,” Health workers cannot go on like this. Oh, God, what do you think when you look upon your people, we who you have created and given stewardship of the earth? We, to whom you have given the commandment: “Love one another as I have loved you.” Oh, God, you are timeless, it is timely for us to take action.  Oh, God, you are the ground of being, and the vulnerable are being slaughtered. Oh, God, you are all knowing, and we know better than to expose ourselves and others to this virus.  Oh, God, your perfect love casts out fear and we are afraid of changing our ways in order to save ourselves and others.  Oh, God, help us.  Infuse us with your love.  Bring your wisdom to our hearts.  Raise up leaders, medical workers, scientists and truth tellers and open minds to hear their words.  Speak to us in dreams and visions.  May we turn from our wicked ways and love as you have loved us.

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Four

Wednesday, November 18, 2020

1. My brother Bob and sister-in-law Linda re coming for Thanksgiving.

2. They will stay in the guest house, with their two puppies.

3. I do not want to expose them to the virus.  I do not have it now, I am sure.  My husband goes to work each day, is he the greatest risk?  They wear masks and social distance there, surely we are safe?

4. Dan and I dropped out of the AstraZeneca vaccine trial.  Now there is news of a vaccine, and coming soon.  But is it?  What will this winter bring? A surge is here, hospitals are overloaded, and no one seems to know.  It is not in the news. 

5. Oh, God, I pray for those who care for patients all around the world.  Oh, God, I pray for those in positions of authority, who have decision making authority to stop the virus spread, to distribute the vaccine, to speak and set a public tone.  Oh, God, we need you.  I cry out to you as those of times of old, where are you in this massive loss of life?  this confusion of the political divide?  Where are you, as victims die, turned away from hospitals, because they have no health insurance, or stay at home for fear of being sent back home.  Oh, God, where are you?  I cannot answer now.  My heart is tired. I am grateful to have survived thus far.  I am broken hearted that a quarter of a million in my country have not.  More deaths are coming.  Cases are increasing with exponential, steadfast growth.

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Three

Tuesday, November 17, 2020

1. Here is an article in the Washington Post that is highly critical of President Trump.

2. It is written by Eugene Robinson.  He writes: “This is becoming like Greek tragedy. The nation is on fire with covid-19, cases and hospitalizations are soaring to unthinkable new highs, and our leader does nothing but rage and moan about his own punishment at the hands of cruel fate.”

3. He continues: “If it is true that “those whom the gods would destroy they first make mad,” then President Trump is finishing his shambolic term in office as Mad King Donald. Cumulative U.S. covid infections leaped from 10 million to 11 million in just six days, signifying uncontrolled spread. Hospitals are crowded with nearly 70,000 covid-19 patients — more than ever before — and medical systems, especially in the Great Plains and the Mountain West, are wavering under unbearable strain. The morgue in El Paso is so overwhelmed with bodies that inmates at the county jail there are being pressed into service as helpers, pending arrival of the National Guard. Yet Trump spent Monday morning on Twitter, pitifully howling “I won the Election!” about a contest he clearly and decisively lost. We have reached the point in the pandemic that epidemiologists warned about months ago. They begged Trump to do everything he could to push infection rates as low as possible before autumn arrived and cooler temperatures forced people indoors, where the virus is transmitted much more easily.”

4. He concludes: “President-elect Joe Biden has no magic wand to make covid-19 go away. But he does understand that no attempt to return to normal life can succeed unless we first get the virus under control, and that controlling covid requires following the advice of public health professionals.
   At the moment, however, there is nothing Biden can do. The Mad King, clinging to the fiction that he has not been deposed, will not even allow federal officials to begin sharing data with Biden’s incoming coronavirus team. The theme of his failed reelection campaign should have been “Make America Sick Again.”

5. Oh, God, tragedy is unfolding.  Conflicts of world views, disparate understandings of the severity of this crisis, urgent pleas from health officials go unheeded.  The virus is three times more likely to take the lives of people of color.  Oh, God, increase our compassion, open our minds to understand our neighbor, our family member, who sees this world differently than we do.  Oh, God, may we be non-reactive, steady, persevering in love, your love, the love shown by Jesus, expansive, forgiving, all-encompassing, for everyone.

Day Two Hundred and Forty-Thwo

Monday, November 16, 2020

1. Today is my daughter’s birthday, a celebration. She is with her husband, not in the islands, as was planned following their wedding, but in the mountains.  Covid changed their plans.  Falls leaves and water, hikes and a Bavarian Inn, I see pictures on her Instagram. 

2. Here is the Harvard Business Review, with an article on navigating the "never normal."

3. It speaks of “authentic leaders, antifragility and innovation.”

4. The question is asked, “we are certainly seeing people continue to want that human interaction. How do we leverage the power of technology to enable people to go back to some sort of sense of normalcy and the ability to go through a more human experience while still being safe and maintaining the best practices that we’ve learned through the pandemic?”

5. Oh, God, our world is changing.  There is movement, transition, questioning, revision.  Oh, God, may we remember that we are your children, created in your image, designed for love, for community, for service, for following your way.

Day Two Hundred and Forty-One

Sunday, November 15, 2020

1. Dr. Fauci says the U.S. could start getting back to relative normal between April, July of 2021.

2. Fauci told CNN’s Jake Tapper on “State of the Union” he thought that would be possible to achieve by the second or third quarter of 2021, but the question of when Americans can safely gather in large groups again depends on a number of factors.
   He pointed to Pfizer’s announcement that early data shows the manufacturer’s coronavirus vaccine is more than 90% effective and noted that a second company is expected to soon unveil its early results.

3. “That’s great, but we have to get people to take the vaccine,” Fauci said.
   “So, if we get the overwhelming majority of people taking the vaccine, and you have on the one hand an effective vaccine, on the other hand, a high degree of uptake of the vaccine, we could start getting things back to relative normal as we get into the second and third quarter of the year, where people can start thinking about doing things that were too dangerous just months ago,” Fauci said.
   But he added that the country “can’t just wish it happening.”
   Vaccines have to come, they must be deployed and fundamental public health measures can’t be abandoned, Fauci stressed.
   “You can approach a degree of normality while still doing some fundamental public health things that synergize with the vaccine to get us back to normal,” he said.

4. Here is an article from the Seattle Times that warns that a coronavirus vaccine might not get us back to normal.

5. Oh, God, we are in a precarious position on this fragile orb you have created and given to us to be stewards of.  Oh, God, may we pay attention to what is happening around us, especially those of us who have not yet lost loved ones to the virus.  Oh, God, open our eyes to see the pain around us, to speak up and take action to save lives. Oh, God, may we be fueled by your compassion for your precious children.

Day Two Hundred and Forty

Saturday, November 14, 2020

1. Some people continue to have effects from the coronavirus, they have been called “long haulers,” as they have long term side effects of the coronavirus.

2. Brain fog, hair loss, lung damage - these are some of the symptoms reported and there are no treatment options.

3. They often suffer debilitating symptoms for weeks or months.

4. As the virus first swept the country, the issues were ignored and dismissed by the doctors, friends and families of those suffering.
   Now survivors are working to support and guide each other, and bring awareness to an under-reported part of COVID, which likely impacts hundreds of thousands of people across the country.

5. Oh, God, may we not dismiss the pain of those called “long haulers,” who experience lingering symptoms of Covid-19.  Oh, God, raise up specialists with knowledge of these effects who seek treatments for those who suffer.  Oh, God, increase our compassion for the ill, melt our hard hearts, break through our denial of this tragedy.  Oh, God, may we see each person as your precious child.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Nine

Friday, November 13, 2020

1. Fewer than half of Americans are willing to comply with another lockdown,  the latest Gallup polling shows.

2. About 49% of Americans polled between October 19 and November 1 said they would be very likely to stay home for a month if health officials recommend it following a coronavirus outbreak in their community, down from 67% in the spring.
   While 18% said they were somewhat likely to comply, a third of respondents said they would be unlikely to comply with lockdown orders -- double the rate seen in the spring.
   Though Americans are less willing to stay at home, the results show they are more worried about the pandemic, with 61% saying they believe the situation is getting worse, compared to 40% in April.

3. The results show a political divide in those willing to stay home. About 40% of Republicans polled said they were willing to comply with a stay-at-home order, down from 74% in the spring. In comparison, 87% of Democrats said they would likely comply, a slight drop from 91% in March and April.
   About 82% of people said they were confident in their ability to avoid infection, compared to 64% in March, which could play a role in Americans’ willingness to stay home.
   Health experts have said that mask use could significantly reduce the need for another lockdown.
   Only about half of Americans reported wearing masks in April, shortly after the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention suggested the practice for the general public. The number rose to 92% in July and now sits at about 88%.

4. Here is an opinion piece in MarketWatch by David Sullivan, who says "we might get back to normal even before a vaccine by using this century old method to treat Covid-19. He posits that blood-plasma therapy could be an effective way to treat people with coronavirus and prevent it from spreading

5. Oh, God, there are 11,540,461, confirmed cases of the coronavirus in the U.S. Oh, God, may I not be concerned only for the people of my own country.  Oh, God, there are 55,466,741 confirmed cases of the coronavirus around the world. Oh, God, may I not forget my neighbor.  Oh, God, there are 204,637 confirmed cases in my state of Virginia.  God, caregivers are in danger of burnout.  How fatigued they must be!  Sustain them with our Spirit, raise up friends with whom they can pour out their heart and express their frustration.  Signal those in authority to wake up and take notice.  Obliterate the political divide that hovers around and distorts compassion and concern for the ill and dying.  Help us wear the #$$%@ masks! 

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Eight

Thursday, November 12, 2020

1. Another U..S. lockdown is not inevitable, Dr. Anthony Fauci says. But the numbers are horrendous. The United States’ top infectious-disease expert cautioned against despair as the country endures a surge of covid-19 unlike anything the country has previously seen. A record-high of 145,835 new cases were reported Wednesday, just one week after the U.S. hit 100,000 cases for the first time. At least 65,000 Americans are hospitalized with covid-19, according to The Post’s latest data. In an interview with “Good Morning America” on Thursday, Fauci insisted the United States could still make it through the winter without a national lockdown “if we can just hang in there" and adopt stronger social distancing habits until vaccines arrive.

2. More news about a potential vaccine could be coming soon: Moderna said Tuesday that it has collected enough data for an independent monitoring board to determine whether its shot is effective.

3. President Trump is convinced that a “medical deep state” deliberately tried to sabotage his electoral prospects, and he has demanded that Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar “get to the bottom” of what he insists is a conspiracy between pharmaceutical giant Pfizer and the Food and Drug Administration.

4. In Sweden, where officials have largely backed the idea that people could be trusted to make the right choices to limit the spread of the virus, new restrictions are being imposed on nursing homes and alcohol sales.

    How Trump’s failure on coronavirus doomed his reelection | Mapping the spread of the coronavirus: Across the U.S. | Worldwide | Vaccine tracker  The nation hit a record number of coronavirus hospitalizations on Tuesday. The feared third wave has left cities like El Paso struggling with overloaded I.C.U. wards and scarce staffing.

5. Oh, God we are in a surge of Covid-19 unlike anything our country has ever seen. Help us to be attune not only to our country, but to the worldwide spread and loss and grief all around the world. Help us keep our focus on our ability to express compassion and save lives. Oh, God, have mercy on us all.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Seven

Wednesday, November 11, 2020

1. Confirmed deaths in the world via coronavirus: 1,286,263.

2. Confirmed deaths in the U.S. via coronavirus: 246,428.

3. Masks also protect the wearer, the CDC announces.
   The surging virus finds a leadership vacuum. The winter wave has been anticipated for months. Now that it is here, health officials worry once again about strategy and supplies. 

4. Cases in the United States reach another record high.

5. Oh, God, hospitals have hit capacity in North Dakota.  Oh, God, Texas is the first state to reach one million cases. Oh, God, one in five coronavirus patients develop mental illness  Oh, God, help us, heal us, restore us.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Six

Tuesday, November 10, 2020

1. There are two virus stories, according to this report by David Leonhardt in The New York Times today.

2. The first virus story is that the next few months of the pandemic will be difficult. Worldwide, the virus is spreading more rapidly than at any other point. The U.S. and Europe are both setting records for new confirmed cases, while South America, North Africa, India and other regions are coping with serious outbreaks. The spread is bad enough that harsh measures — like again shutting some restaurants or banning indoor gatherings — may be necessary to get it under control. Much of Europe has taken such steps in recent weeks. President Trump has opposed them. But President-elect Joe Biden, in appointing a 13-member virus task force yesterday, emphasized that he would take a radically different approach and base his policy on scientists’ advice. “These are some of the smartest people in infectious diseases,” my colleague Apoorva Mandavilli, a science reporter, said about the task force’s members. Biden, who has worn a mask in public for months, may also be able to increase mask-wearing by delivering a more consistent message about it than Trump has, Apoorva added. Yesterday, Biden implored Americans to wear masks, saying: “Do it for yourself. Do it for your neighbor.”

3. The second virus story is the rapid progress that medical researchers are making on both potential vaccines and treatments that can ameliorate the virus’s worst symptoms.
   Pfizer announced yesterday that early data showed its vaccine prevented Covid-19 in more than 90 percent of trial volunteers. Other companies, including Moderna and Novavax have also reported encouraging news about their vaccines. (The Times’s Carl Zimmer and Katie Thomas answer some common vaccine questions here.)
   Even before any vaccine becomes widely available, virus treatment is already improving, thanks to earlier diagnoses and drugs like dexamethasone and remdesivir. The Food and Drug Administration granted emergency authorization yesterday to an Eli Lilly treatment that doctors recently gave to Chris Christie, the former New Jersey governor.
   The improving quality of treatments is evident in the death rate: Only about 1.5 percent of diagnosed cases have been fatal in recent weeks, compared with 1.7 percent in late July and early August, and 7 percent during the virus’s initial surge in the early spring.

4. The full picture, via Ashish Jha, dean of Brown University’s public health school: “We all need to keep two seemingly contradictory facts in mind: 1. We are entering the hardest days of the pandemic. The next two months will see a lot of infections and deaths; 2. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Today, that light got a bit brighter.”

5. Oh, God, give wisdom and stamina to those who work long hours to develop a vaccine; give strength to those who care for those who are ill with COVID-19 and with those who suffer other conditions during these days; give patience to those of us who count the days until they can see loved ones again; give compassion to us as we become number to rising deaths and illness; center us in your spirit that we may follow your way of love daily, and every hour.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Five

Monday, November 9, 2020

1. I dropped out of the vaccine trial. 

2. I sent an email to them on Friday morning before my 11:00 appointment.

3. I went to bed Thursday night with the question on my mind: Should I drop out?

4. I woke up with the answer. It was clear. This is an ancient method: go to sleep asking the question, the morning your answer will come.

5. Oh, God, these rural counties are experiencing the worst coronavirus surges voted overwhelming for Trump.  Oh, God, I do not understand. Trump was attacked for his pandemic response, but 96% percent of voters still chose him in these 376 counties with the highest number of new cases, mostly in the rural counties of Montana, the Dakotas, Nebraska, Kansas and Iowa, where people are less likely to adhere to wearing masks or social distancing. Oh, God, how do you see us?  What do you think as you look “down” upon the world?  Or perhaps you are not looking down at all.  You are within us, working in us, calling us to remember your words, words of love, words calling us not to judge, words calling us to be the embodiment of your love, words calling you to follow you.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Four

Sunday, November 8, 2020

1. Families jump to private schools as the coronavirus drags on.

2. The U.S. recorded 126,742 new Covid-19 cases on Saturday -- the most in a single day since the pandemic began.

3. Donald Trump's chief of staff, Mark Meadows, tested positive for the coronavirus. President-elect Joe Biden plans to name a coronavirus task force on Monday.

4. As cases rise exponentially across Europe, France and Madrid have tightened restrictions while England and parts of Italy are adjusting to new lockdowns.

5. Oh, God, the virus continues to surge. What is in store for our future? How will this pandemic change the course of history? Oh, God, give us courage to act, compassion to care, wisdom to make decisions, and the ability to forge through these difficult days. Oh, God, bless those who work to care for the ill, those who grieve loved ones. Oh, God, heal the sick and touch our hearts that we may be filled with your spirit of lovingkindness and grace and mercy.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Three

Saturday, November 7, 2020

1. The virus affects member of the same family differently. Some have no symptoms, some have severe symptoms. Some die from the virus.

2. Could a Covid vaccine bring back normality? A vaccine may not be enough on its own, but it is necessary. It is the only proven way to reach “herd immunity” – when so many of the population (thought to be at least 60% for Covid-19) are immune to the virus that an infected person contacts very few non-immune people and, unable to find new hosts, the virus dies out.

3. Counties with the worst COVID surges overwhelmingly voted for Trump, analysis shows. U.S. voters went to the polls starkly divided on how they see President Donald Trump’s response to the coronavirus pandemic. But in places where the virus is most rampant now, Trump enjoyed enormous support.

   An Associated Press analysis reveals that in 376 counties with the highest number of new cases per capita, the overwhelming majority — 93% of those counties — went for Trump, a rate above other less severely hit areas.

4. Anxiety disorders increase among U.S. citizen during the COVID-19 pandemic.

5. Oh, God, help us. Bring us healing. Give us wisdom. Show us mercy. Heal our hearts.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-Two

Friday, November 6, 2020

1. A Rabbi in the San Francisco Bay Area says that the Covid response in the U.S. amounts to genocide: As we face the second wave of COVID-19 that health experts warned last spring would hit this fall and winter, disability activist Rabbi Elliot Kukla says systemic racism, economic injustice, and U.S. government inaction amount to genocide against the chronically ill, disabled, elders and people of color. "I know that's an extremely strong word," Kukla said on this week's Out in the Bay podcast and radio interview. But he said genocide "isn't always active killing. Sometimes it's leaders of a country just refusing to respond. If we look at the rates that disabled and people of color are dying, it feels like a genocide."

2. Kukla, the first openly transgender rabbi ordained by a mainstream Jewish movement, works at the Bay Area Jewish Healing Center in San Francisco providing spiritual care to the ill, dying, and bereaved. As COVID-19 surges and doctors may again need to ration care, he says many elders, chronically ill, and disabled people feel more "disposable" than ever before.

3. "The earliest messaging said, 'Don't worry, only chronically ill and old people are at risk of dying, so it's really no big deal,' which was very alarming," and exposed "deep ableism" in U.S. society, said Kukla, who has often been confined to home with a chronic debilitating illness. "'Quality of life' is usually weaponized against disabled people."

4. According to data compiled by the Washington Post, U.S. COVID-19 cases are nearing 9.5 million with more than 233,000 deaths as of Wednesday, November 4, and White House coronavirus task force coordinator Dr. Deborah Birx wrote in a government report November 2 that we are "entering the most concerning and most deadly phase of this pandemic."

5. Oh, God, thank you for Rabbi Kukla and others who take note of the needs of the most vulnerable, raise our awareness, and work for ways to care for them. Oh, God, bless all the caregivers who quietly provide comfort for those who are ill, disabled, on the margins and under the radar of society. Oh, God, enlarge our hearts such that we see beyond ourselves and with your eyes of love and compassion.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty-One

Thursday, November 5, 2020

1. Here are 50 charts showing the scale of Covid-19. Darker colors represent higher death rates.

2. “The election reveals deep divides between red and blue America. When Donald Trump narrowly won Wisconsin in 2016 to clinch the presidency, he carried 23 counties that had previously voted for President Barack Obama. But when Joe Biden was projected on Wednesday to put Wisconsin back in the Democratic column, he was on track to pry back just two of them: Door and Sauk. Rather than flipping more Obama-Trump counties, Biden instead exceeded previous Democratic win margins in Wisconsin’s two biggest cities, Milwaukee and Madison. That pattern extended to Michigan and other battleground states, with Biden building upon Democrats’ dominance in urban and suburban jurisdictions but Trump leaving most of exurban and rural America awash in red.

3. The urban-rural divide illustrates the pronounced polarization evident in preliminary 2020 election results. The split underscores fundamental disagreements among Americans about how to control the coronavirus pandemic or whether to even try; how to revitalize the economy and restore jobs; how to combat climate change or whether it is an emergency at all; and the roles of morality, empathy and the rule of law in the body politic,” reports The Washington Post.

4. The nation is potentially “….heading toward a period of entrenched partisan warfare, even as it is battered by crises.”

5. Oh, God, as our nation is divided, may people of faith come together to model community, compassion and love for neighbor. Oh, God, as our world is devastated by the coronavirus and threatened by climate change, inspire your children everywhere to see beyond divisive rhetoric and long held viewpoints that we may open our hearts and love as you love us. Help us, heal us, hear us, we pray.

Day Two Hundred and Thirty

Wednesday, November 4, 2020

1. U.S. Confirmed deaths: 238,655 according to worldometers.’

2. The New York Times reports today: At least 1,130 new coronavirus deaths and 92,660 new cases were reported in the United States on Nov. 3. Over the past week, there has been an average of 88,168 cases per day, an increase of 46 percent from the average two weeks earlier.

3. As of Wednesday morning, more than 9,468,700 people in the United States have been infected with the coronavirus and at least 232,600 have died, according to a New York Times database.

4. Case numbers in the United States have reached alarming new records in recent days as outbreaks continue to grow across the country. Weekly infection reports reached record levels in more than half the country during October, and there were few hopeful signs in the data. As conditions worsened and winter approached, field hospitals opened in Wisconsin and Texas. In parts of Illinois and New Jersey, officials imposed new restrictions on businesses. And in both rural counties and major cities, infections continued rising to fearsome new levels with no end in sight.

   Deaths, though still well below their peak spring levels, averaged more than 800 per day at the end of October, far more than were reported in early July.

5. Oh, God, deaths tend to rise a few weeks after a rise in infections, as there is typically a delay between when people are infected, when they die and when deaths are reported, some deaths reported in the last two weeks may have occurred much earlier because of these delays. Oh, God, help us.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty-Nine

Tuesday, November 3, 2020

1. On election day, 237,009 confirmed deaths in the United States, 9,568,275 confirmed cases. Who cares about the pandemic today?  Will the news be the election, all the time, all day?

2. A memo from the coordinator of the White House Coronavirus Task Force directly contradicts the President on the even of the election:

3. “Birx’s internal report, shared with top White House and agency officials, contradicts Trump on numerous points: While the president holds large campaign events with hundreds of attendees, most without masks, she explicitly warns against them.  While the president blames rising cases on more testing, she says testing is ‘flat or declining’ in many areas where cases are rising.  And while trump says the country is ‘rounding the turn,’ Birx notes the country is entering its most dangerous period yet and will see more than 100,000 new cases a day this week.”

4. Here are the New York Times coronavirus updates.

5. Oh, God, this is election day! On Facebook, I wrote: “How can I pray for you today?” Oh, God, the White House is completely closed off. As reported by the Daily Mail. Oh, God, I pray for our country. May your Spirit swirl around the globe of this fragile orb you ahve craeted, among all your children everywhere. Oh, God, may we see beyond our own concerns and attend to the welfare of others. Oh, God, may we remember of the steadfast sacrificial love of your son, may we live your love.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty-Eight

Monday, November 2, 2020

1. I’m interested in the coverage of the coronavirus on other continents.  Here is an article from The Star, in Kenya, by Hussein Khalid, Executive Director, Haiki, Africa.

2. Natalie and Billy stopped by this afternoon. They are worried, concerned and not in favor of my taking the AstraZeneca vaccine.  They have a friend who works for Merck.  He texted “Why would anyone want to participate in that vaccine trial?” I hope to get his contact information. I would like to talk with him, interview him.

3. The White House is boarded up. Trump says he will fire Dr. Fauci after the election. Biden seems up but it is not certain he will win.

4. Dr. Anthony Fauci offer timeline on when the U.S. will get back to normal. Dr. Anthony Fauci recently said in an online discussion that the United States could return to “some semblance of normality” by 2021 or 2022 — if a COVID-19 vaccine works out.

5. Oh, God, I am afraid. As the election nears, the virus grows, the movement for social justice drops from the attention of many. Oh, God, bring your spirit to bear on us, ignite our hearts with your love.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty-Seven

Sunday, November 1, 2020

1. According to the New York Times, as of last night, evening, more than 9,198,300 people in the United States have been infected with the coronavirus and at least 230,400 have died, according to a New York Times database.

2. Case numbers in the United States have reached alarming new records in recent days as outbreaks continue to grow across the country. Though rural counties and small metro areas continue to see some of the worst growth, infections are also rising rapidly around major cities like Chicago and Milwaukee.

   The national trajectory is worsening rapidly. Wisconsin has opened a field hospital. North Dakota, which not long ago had relatively few cases, has grown so overwhelmed that it has now ended most contact tracing. Cases have reached record levels recently in more than 20 states, including Illinois, Tennessee, New Mexico, Nebraska and Utah.

3. A study reveals Donald Trump's 18 election rallies may have led to more than 30,000 Covid cases, 700 deaths.

4. The National reports there will be no 'return to normal' in a time of widespread hate.

5. Oh, God, on this November 1, I wonder what this month will hold, in regard to the pandemic, the movement for social justice, and the election, as we move toward Thanksgiving. Oh, God, help us.

Pandemic Diary: October 2020

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Day Two Hundred and Twenty-Six

Saturday, October 31, 2020

1. Today, our country broke the global record for new coronavirus cases and experts warn it will only get worse.

2. Yesterday, 99,321 new Covid-19 cases on Friday -- the highest single day number of cases recorded for any country.

3. The total number of US Covid-19 cases has reached at least 9,079,125, according to Johns Hopkins University. The US reported more than 1,000 additional deaths Friday. The US death toll from the pandemic topped 230,000 on Saturday.’

4. "The 100,000 cases yesterday two weeks from now will start to translate into massive numbers of deaths," Dr. Jonathan Reiner, a professor of medicine at George Washington University, told CNN Saturday. "So we're going to see not just cases continue to escalate but we're going to see perhaps 2,000 deaths per day two or three weeks from now."

5. Oh, God, cases are surging, deaths are increasing, the election is three days away.  What will happen? Violence? Weeks of waiting for results? Increased deaths based on current case counts?  We need your help, now, oh, God.  We need your intervention.  We need to pay attention to what you have told us: love your neighbor as you love yourselves.  “Do not grow weary in doing good.”  We are weary, fatigued, tired of watching out for ourselves and others; fill our cup, renew our spirits, help us run the race that is before us, give us the lovingkindness that lasts.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty-Five

Friday, October 30, 2020

1. Yesterday, I went to the offices of Clinical Research Associates, for my appointment to be evaluated for participation in the AstraZeneca COVID-19 vaccine trial. It was rainy, wind was picking up, and my phone reported “your route may be affected by Hurricane Zeta.”

2. My temperature was taken as I arrived, and questions asked of me as to my possible exposure to the virus.

3. The staff were very friendly and professional. Then the interview and review of my medications, one of which became an issue. It was not clear whether I would be disqualified. The question had to be elevated up the decision making ladder, a close examination of the criteria, deliberation, and investigation. Was there a gray area?  I waited. I occupied myself by writing, time slipped by. 

4. Then word came: I could participate. First, a yellow wristband, then a green one. I am patient 18.  Then, two separate nasal swabs, the draw of blood, one vial, from my left arm.  But, I had not hydrated properly that morning. I should know better, as I have small veins as it is.  She switched to my right arm. I glanced at the vial of deep red blood, and 3 more empty vials and then, I saw the stars, I could barely breathe, oh, here it is, I thought! I am light headed, and I dropped slowly down to lie on my right side upon the exam table.  She withdrew the needle, called for help, as I lay there.  “You are as white as your shirt,” someone said. “Does this happen often?” said someone else. “Put your feet up in the air! Wiggle your toes!” A blood pressure cuff squeezed my arm, revealing two numbers that were low.  “Here is some water, can you sit up and drink?” And the head doctor, now in the room, “I once fainted in the car, a passenger, I fell against the driver, who thought it was a joke.”  I’d had a vasovagal syncope, from excessive stimulation of the vegas nerve, that regulates blood pressure and heart rate. Even now, writing about it, I feel a wisp of how it felt to swoon. They rescheduled me for next week.

5. Oh, God, what happened yesterday? Lack of oxygen, perhaps, my nose and mouth beneath my denim mask.  That is a cause. Emotional trauma? Another cause. And yes, God, I think I was afraid. The stakes feel high. What if I have a reaction, something happens to me that cannot be reversed? The stakes feel high. I am participating in something bigger than myself and my own health, the race, the human race, in peril.  Oh, God, shall I risk myself in this way for others? What are my motives, really? Am I merely seeking attention, a topic for my writing? Are my motives mixed, a combination of different reasons. I’ve lived a life of helping others. Is this one more way I can be of use? Is it okay that I want to write about it, document this time? Oh, God, guide me. Guide us in this turbulent time, the coming days, uncertain. I feel tears, although they’ve been scarce so far.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty-Four

Thursday, October 29, 2020

1. Today I get the AstraZeneca vaccine, if I am accepted into the study after being evaluated. I would have a “2 out of 3 chance of receiving the vaccine.”

2. A “Phase III Randomized, Double-blind, Placebo-controlled Multicenter Study in Adults to Determine the Safety, Efficacy, and Immunogenicity of AZD1222, a Non-replicating ChAdOx1 Vector Vaccine, for the Prevention of COVID-19.”

3. There is a study and a substudy.  “Three thousand people (of 30,00 at 100 sites in the United States and possibly other countries) will take part in a sub-study that will measure the body’s ability to develop the desired immune response and to see if there are side effects such as fever and swelling at the injection site.  The remaining people will be enrolled in the main study.  People in the sub-study will be asked how they are feeling for 7 days following their shot.  They will also have their blood drawn.  All participants will be followed to see if the vaccine prevents them from getting sick with the virus.”

4. Click here to see a map and case count of Covid in the U.S. provided by the New York Times. Click here to see statistics provided by worldometers about the U.S., as well as the world. Today, 9,181,200 confirmed cases in the U.S., 233,137 confirmed deaths.

5. Oh, God, here I go! If I’m eligible, after they check my medications list and give me a general physical exam, then I will be contacted every week for the first year of the study to see if I have any symptoms of being sick with COVID-19. If so, I will be tested for the virus and, if I have it, I will be contacted regularly to see how I am doing.  God,  bless those who work to provide a vaccine.  Give them stamina and strength as they go about their work.  God, bring comfort to those who have lost loved ones to this virus.  May they know they are seen, their loved one will not be forgotten. Oh, God, infect us with your compassion, make us immune to catching the spirit of despair, heal us from the wounds that come from disparaging speech, and fill us with your love.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty-Three

Wednesday, October 28, 2020

1. Tomorrow I go for my vaccine.

2. I am signed up to participate in the AstraZeneca trial vaccine. 11:00 a.m.

3. Am I scared?  It occured to my brother, what will happen when vaccines are available to the general public and I am still in the two year trial?  Will I get a vaccine then, too? Or just wait to see if, after two years, I have the placebo or the vaccine?

4. My husband has also signed up.  Evidently I inspired him.  His vaccine is to be injected on November 17th, 2020.

5. Oh, God, I pray for, for what? for our country to take seriously this vaccine.  Cases are going up.  Deaths are at a steady rate. One thousand a day?  And yet the pandemic continues to be dismissed, downplayed, by this administration.  This angers me.  Compassion is the key, the scientists, the medical experts, understand. Dear God, help us, help us country, help your children around the world.  May we have compassion, may we act with consideration for the health of others.  May we wear masks, keep a distance,

Day Two Hundred and Twenty-Two

Tuesday, October 27, 2020

1. Here is a health care worker who says "I treated Covid patients last spring: What if I have seen too much to ever feel normal again?"

2. Joshua Budha says: “I work at the Brigham, Mass. General and Dana-Farber. In the hospitals these days, an uneasy calm pervades. We prepare for the second wave of COVID-19, but we’re not sure when, or if, it will hit. Every morning I look at the new daily number of infections in Massachusetts. Once we hit a certain number of hospitalizations, my colleagues and I will be redeployed to take care of COVID-19 patients, just as we were during the first wave last March.”

3. He continues: “In March and April, our mandate was clear. We had one goal in mind — to fight COVID-19. We were scared but determined. Boston’s mighty hospitals stood united, sharing resources and knowledge, and we had the city and the people behind us. But fatigue set in. Some of our colleagues got sick and died. While we were treating our own patients, many of us could not visit our own sick relatives and family members. We were never given all the resources required to fight the virus — like adequate contact tracing, workspaces and testing. Although hospitals in Boston had the resources to secure adequate PPE, there is still a nationwide shortage of critical equipment.”

4. “While athletes and politicians and some college students had seemingly unlimited access to testing, frontline workers had to plead to get tested. We know that asymptomatic and presymptomatic spread exists, but still we do not routinely test healthcare workers. I have worked weeks in COVID-19 wards, traveled between three hospitals, and I have only been tested for COVID-19 once, during the recent cluster at the Brigham.
   Meanwhile, the virus has become even more politicized. Science is questioned; common-sense public health practices like mask-wearing and social distancing are somehow hot button issues. The White House hosted a superspreader event, and declined to immediately implement contact tracing. Mistrust, about testing, about the promises of a vaccine, about federal guidance, abounds.”

5. Oh, God, I pray for our country, for our health workers, for those who work to fight this virus all around the world, for your children, those most vulnerable, for those who have positions of power and authority.  May we come together with compassion, with love, with action that saves lives. 

Day Two Hundred and Twenty-One

Monday, October 26, 2020

1. On 60 Minutes, Trump and Biden offer sharply divergent visions.

2. The New York times reports that In both substance and demeanor, the two presidential candidates cut strikingly different figures during one of their last big opportunities to reach a national television audience during the campaign.

3. The New York Times reports on the interviews.

4. The coronavirus has reached the upper echelons of the White House again, with an outbreak among aides to Vice President Mike Pence just over a week from Election Day. A top White House official declared: “We’re not going to control the pandemic.” Officials on Sunday also scoffed at the notion of Pence dialing back in-person campaigning despite positive tests among several people in his office. Pence, who leads the White House’s coronavirus task force, was back out on the road Sunday and has an aggressive travel schedule planned for the final days of the campaign.
   White House chief of staff Mark Meadows, pressed to explain why the pandemic cannot be reined in, said, “Because it is a contagious virus just like the flu.”

5. Oh, God, help us, we need your Spirit among us, your compassion, your love, your care for the most vulnerable, your infusion of Wisdom to those in positions of power.  Oh, God, help us live for you and show your love.

Day Two Hundred and Twenty

Sunday, October 25, 2020

1. The second wave looms.  Is wave the right metaphor? A wave comes ashore, crashes and recedes.  The virus has come,  sending its tentacles forth, finding new victims, day by day. It does not recede.

2. The article entitled "NHS workers 'still recovering' as second wave looms," from BBC, speaks of the fatigue health workers have experienced and the sense of dread as cases and deaths begin to rise again.

3. “As the second wave of the pandemic takes deep root across parts of the UK, thousands of NHS workers are struggling to recover from what they have already been through.
   "We were all in PPE all the time," recalls Nathan, a senior intensive care nurse at a hospital in the Midlands. "All you can see is people's eyes, you can't see anything else."
   He describes trying to help junior members of staff survive long and difficult days.
   "And I'd see these eyes as big as saucers saying help me, do something. Make this right. Fix this."
   "The pressure was insane, and the anxiety just got me," he says. "I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't eat, I was sick before work, I was shaking before I got into my car in the morning."

4. Nathan ended up having time off with severe anxiety, but he is now back at the hospital, waiting for the beds to fill up again.

5. God, it is rising again, this menace, virus, pandemic, plague, threat to health, exhauster of caregivers, creator of widows, orphans, maker of despair.  God, you are its opposite, you are love, your are the healer, you give strength to the weary and hope to the hopeless.  Oh, God, may we also be its opposite, may we be carriers of your compassion, infectious with your lovingkindness.

Day Two Hundred and Nineteen

Saturday, October 24, 2020

1. Yesterday, the U.S. reported the highest number of Covid-19 infections in one day since the pandemic's start.

2. There were more than 80,000 new coronavirus infections Friday -- the highest daily case number since the pandemic began.
   This comes amid o rising hospitalizations and daily death tolls across the country, with experts warning that the worst is yet to come.

3. This also surpasses the country's previous one-day high of 77,362, reported July 16, according to Johns Hopkins University.
   US Surgeon General Dr. Jerome Adams cautioned earlier Friday that hospitalizations are starting to go up in 75% of the jurisdictions across the country, and officials are concerned that in a few weeks, deaths will also start to increase.

4. The good news, Adams said, is that the country's Covid-19 mortality rate has decreased by about 85% thanks to multiple factors, including the use of remdesivir, steroids and better management of patients.
   More than 41,000 Covid-19 patients were in hospitals across the country Thursday, according to the Covid Tracking Project. This is the highest level of nationwide coronavirus hospitalizations since August 20.

5. Oh, God, we are forewarned by experts, even as the virus threat is minimized by others who have administrative power.  Oh, God, we are divided, and it is wrong, it is the worst of human nature to be at odds with one another when stakes are high, lives are at stake, as fear, denial and misinformation spread.  Oh, God, shake us up, wake us up, raise us up to be your voice, your force, your healing hands, your arms of compassion, your acts of justice.  Oh, God, you live now in us, may we live now in you.

Day Two Hundred and Eighteen

Friday, October 23, 2020

1. The virus accelerates with an 18.5 percent jump in new cases in the U.S.

2. In four of the last seven days there were more than 60,000 cases reported -- something that has not happened since the end of July.

3. It was grim confirmation of the alarm that Dr. Anthony Fauci and other pandemic experts have been sounding for days while President Donald Trump, back on the campaign some two weeks after he was hospitalized with Covid-19, has been trying to convince the country that “we’re rounding the turn.”

4. “We in the U.S., sadly, are now between 50,000 and 60,000 cases per day,” Fauci said Wednesday at a virtual joint meeting of the Infectious Diseases Society of America and other medical organizations that specialize in combating infectious diseases.

5. Oh, God, the scale of death, disease and loss is unimaginable to me. Oh, God, the number of deaths per day are as if 25 airplanes crashed in a single day, and then the next day, and then the next.  Oh, God, can we see ourselves as you see us?  Can we look upon this earth with a tender heart of love, a desire for the good and well-being of each creature of your creation?  Oh, God, the virus spreads, may our compassion spread.  Oh, God, the loss so great, may our hearts expand to acknowledge, understand, and lift up the grieving, the stories of lives lost.

Day Two Hundred and Seventeen

Thursday, October 22, 2020

1. Here, in the Journal, Nature, an article warns against the false promise of herd immunity.

2. It explains why “proposals to largely let the virus run its course — embraced by Donald Trump’s administration and others — could bring “untold death and suffering”.

3. “Surrendering to the virus” is not a defensible plan, says Kristian Andersen, an immunologist at the Scripps Research Institute in La Jolla, California. Such an approach would lead to a catastrophic loss of human lives without necessarily speeding up society’s return to normal, he says. “We have never successfully been able to do it before, and it will lead to unacceptable and unnecessary untold human death and suffering.”

4. Despite widespread critique, the idea keeps popping up among politicians and policymakers in numerous countries, including Sweden, the United Kingdom and the United States. US President Donald Trump spoke positively about it in September, using the malapropism “herd mentality”. And even a few scientists have pushed the agenda. In early October, a libertarian think tank and a small group of scientists released a document called the Great Barrington Declaration. In it, they call for a return to normal life for people at lower risk of severe COVID-19, to allow SARS-CoV-2 to spread to a sufficient level to give herd immunity. People at high risk, such as elderly people, it says, could be protected through measures that are largely unspecified. The writers of the declaration received an audience in the White House, and sparked a counter memorandum from another group of scientists in The Lancet, which called the herd-immunity approach a “dangerous fallacy unsupported by scientific evidence”3. Arguments in favour of allowing the virus to run its course largely unchecked share a misunderstanding about what herd immunity is, and how best to achieve it.

5. Oh, God, 1 to 2 million people would die in the U.S. if we allowed the virus to spread, uncontrolled. Oh, God, I sigh.  We are weary of this virus.  It takes energy to maintain vigilance against it. I am weary of this virus, alone almost all day, writing, editing, talking on the phone and walking, by the goat, the white turkey, the ducks, the croaking frogs. Oh, God, your scripture says: "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary."

Day Two Hundred and Sixteen

Wednesday, October 21, 2020

1. This article from Business Insider reports that China is back to normal while the U.S. and Europe struggle.

2. “China, where the novel coronavirus was first discovered, is now by most measures in the clear, with much of life returning to normal. It is a startling reversal from January and February, where China appeared to be in chaos as the rest of the world looked on.China's recovery was particularly evident over Golden Week, one of China's largest holidays, which ran from October 1 to October 7. Some 637 million people — or 46% of the entire country's population — traveled around China that week, spending between them $69 billion on holidays, shopping trips, weddings, and visits to relatives, state media said.

3. Meanwhile, the US and a number of European nations are struggling to quash their outbreaks and reignite their economies following widespread job losses and recessions. The US Thanksgiving holiday weekend is a little more than a month away. On Wednesday, the top US infectious-disease expert, Anthony Fauci, said Americans must "sacrifice" it if they hope to prevent another surge of cases. 

4. Countries are also now facing the added pressure of winter, which with its cold weather and people's weakened immune systems could fuel new surges of COVID-19 cases. The US is far from emulating the success of Golden Week. On Tuesday, China reported 20 new cases, according to its National Health Commission. The same day, the US reported 54,512 new cases, according to a tracker from The New York Times.”

5. Oh, God, I have not yet had the virus.  I hope I never will. Oh, God, there is suffering all around, yet some of us, like me, feel distant from the pain. Some of us will not wear masks, although it helps our friends, and even friends may be so tired they set their mask aside. Oh, God, I pray for wisdom, for me and everyone, and compassion for our neighbors near and far.  Oh, God, help us learn from this and grow in this and resolve to exercise our will to further public good and public health and extend love everywhere.

Day Two Hundred and Fifteen

Tuesday, October 20, 2020

1. The coronavirus incited discussion about the college experience in our country. Here is an article that purports that we will sacrifice anything for the college experience, “the pandemic has revealed that higher education was never about education.

2. Here, an article in Government Technology reports that the coronavirus is disproportionally putting women out of work.

3. The Covid vaccine will not return life to normal in the spring.

4. A doctor in the U.K. states:  "We are no longer heroes. This is the new normal."  In spring "there was a sense of camaraderie and everyone was rising to the challenge". Now, he says, we're seeing "a kind of battle fatigue.”…. "I imagine this will go on for the whole six months, over winter and into spring. So it's going to test people's resolve and endurance to keep going."
   The other major challenge he foresees is the task of keeping patients safe outside the red zone, where the Covid-19 cases are isolated. We are now effectively running two hospitals - the red zone and the green zone - and we know from the spring that controlling the spread of infection from one to the other is hard, if not impossible. This invisible coronavirus bundle of RNA has a knack of evading all our carefully prepared border controls. It is just not possible to run the Covid-19 wards as hermetically sealed units.

5. Oh, God, this pandemic has changed our world, your globe.  Oh, God, this virus has changed us, challenged us, and we need courage, compassion, and clear minds. Oh, God, raise up scientists, educators, politicians, faith leaders and the next generation of young people to see beyond human made borders to the vastness of this planet and the precious lives spread across this orb.  Oh, God, this is a test of time, a test of toil, a test of mettle, a test of our capacity to enlarge our hearts and open our minds and extend our arms without physically touching, and care for all your children.  Oh, God. help us, breath into us your spirit.

Day Two Hundred and Fourteen

Monday, October 19, 2020

1. On October 17th, this local columnist, Dave Davis,  shared some of the unanticipated struggles he encountered as the Covid-19 crisis became front and center in the U.S.  He eventually concluded that there will not be a return to  “normal.” Not only that, he also realized that “much about our former life was actually abnormal — its frenetic pace, its inequalities, and its injustices.” 

2. He continues: “Once we’ve made it beyond the need for such regulated isolation in public spaces, fundamentally, there are myriad long-term, overdue issues that need to be addressed if our republic truly stands a chance at survival. Racial injustice, gender inequality, an inclusive immigration policy, and restoring environmental protections are but a few that top the list. By seizing this moment, this “new normal,” the U.S. has the chance to create a more respectful and equitable system for all of its citizens….Just as the pharmaceutical and personal protection equipment manufacturers and diversified medical companies have found ways to collaborate throughout this crisis, so too are there ways in which communities can come together to address their localized needs. 

3. Dave Davis sees this as “an opportunity to become not only a better community, but a better nation.”

4. Today, 224,761 confirmed deaths in the United States from coronavirus. The project is that there will be 389,087 deaths by February 1, 2021 from coronavirus in my country. By Christmas Eve of this year, 2020, the current project is 300,192.47 confirmed deaths.  With universal masks, that number drops by 31,144.29, meaning the wearing of masks by everyone would save over 30 thousand lives!  With mandates easing, the current projection increases by 13,183.74.  So, our actions can make a difference in terms of more than 42,000 deaths!  Masks are cheap and easy!  Why are they politicized?

5. Oh, God, I do not understand why the wearing of masks, which would save the lives of your children, has become a point of debate. Oh, God, here is an article by Grant Ritchey, in Science Based Medicine, published yesterday,  entitled “The Mask Ask: Understanding and Addressing Mask Resistance.” Why do we resist doing what will help our neighbor?  I am going to study this article by Ritchey, to further understand.  Yet you know our human nature.  You created us, you invite us into your way of love.  You do not force us.  Why don't you force us to love our neighbor?  I do not know.  I only know I have been invited to share your love.  Oh, God, may my own resistance to other matters that help others fall away.  Oh, God, may my judgmentalism toward others fall apart.  Oh, God, may my heart grow large with love.  Oh, God, stir us within that we may open ourselves to you and see clearly those whose lives depend on us through you.

Day Two Hundred and Thirteen

Sunday, October 18, 2020

1. Here is the New York Times’ weekend report on the coronavirus:
   Exhaustion and impatience are creating new risks as coronavirus cases soar in parts of the world. Nearly 40 million people have been infected globally.
   The U.S. surpassed eight million known cases this past week, and reported more than 70,000 new infections on Friday, the most in a single day since July. Eighteen states added more new infections during the past week than in any other during the pandemic. In Europe, cases are rising and hospitalizations are up. Britain is imposing new restrictions, and France has placed cities on “maximum alert.” Germany (Munich, pictured above) and Italy set records for the most new daily cases. This is the state of the virus around the world. The virus has taken different paths through these countries as leaders have implemented a range of restrictions. But a common sentiment emerged: a public weariness of the coronavirus and a growing tendency to risk its dangers, out of desire or necessity. One New Yorker summed it up: “I am so tired of everything. Is it going to be over? I want it to be over.”

2. Here is my report. I reflected this weekend on how the coronavirus pandemic affected planning for my daughter’s wedding, which was to take place at the end of August. We began to consider the pandemic in March, and by April we knew that it would impact the wedding.  There was a disconnect between what we were hearing from health experts and scientists and what we were hearing from the government, and particularly, the president, and what we were experiencing in terms of changes in state policies in terms of  large gatherings.  We decided to have a small wedding, with only 10 in attendance, and to move the large wedding forward by a year.  Even so, we knew that the nature of a pandemic is to last 2-3 years.  Will we have a large gathering next year?

3. I am scheduled to receive the trial vaccine this coming Thursday through AstraZeneca.

4. I am wondering about Thanksgiving plans for families, since Covid cases are rising.

5. Oh, God, should I really take the trial vaccine? Am I risking my health?  Oh, God, so many have died, 224,703 confirmed deaths in the United States. Around the globe, 1,118,154. Oh, God, we need your help.  Oh, God, we need to open our hearts to your expansive love, and let it flow through us, care for our neighbor, love one another, do what is best for the common good of all your creation, all your creatures.

Day Two Hundred and Twelve

Saturday, October 17, 2020

1. The vaccine roll out will be chaotic, this article reports.

2. It says that, come spring, Americans will have the choice of several so-so vaccines, but no way of knowing which one will be mosts effective.

3. Demonstrating that a new vaccine was safe and effective in less than a year would shatter the record for speed.  It’s tempting to look at the first vaccine as President Trump does: an on-off switch that will bring back life as we know it. “As soon as it’s given the go-ahead, we will get it out, defeat the virus,” he said at a September news conference. But vaccine experts say we should prepare instead for a perplexing, frustrating year. The first vaccines may provide only moderate protection, low enough to make it prudent to keep wearing a mask. By next spring or summer, there may be several of these so-so vaccines, without a clear sense of how to choose from among them. Because of this array of options, makers of a superior vaccine in early stages of development may struggle to finish clinical testing. And some vaccines may be abruptly withdrawn from the market because they turn out not to be safe.

4. “It has not yet dawned on hardly anybody the amount of complexity and chaos and confusion that will happen in a few short months,” said Dr. Gregory Poland, the director of the Vaccine Research Group at the Mayo Clinic.  Some of this confusion is inevitable, but some is the result of how coronavirus vaccine trials were designed: Each company is running its own trial, comparing its jab with a placebo. But it didn’t have to be this way. In the spring, when government scientists began discussing how to invest in vaccine research, some wanted to test a number of vaccines all at once, against each other — what’s known as a master protocol.  Dr. Anthony S. Fauci, the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, was in favor of the idea. But these mega-trials pose a business risk for any given vaccine maker because they reveal how a vaccine stacks up against its competitors. Instead, the government offered to bankroll large vaccine trials if companies agreed to some common ground rules and shared some data. The companies were still allowed to run the trials on their own. “You have to have the total cooperation of the pharmaceutical companies to get involved in a master protocol,” Dr. Fauci said. “That didn’t turn out to be feasible.” The vaccine vetting system wasn’t set up for this logjam.

5. Oh, God, give wisdom to those who make decisions about vaccine policy, give discernment to those analyzing data, give compassion to those involved in policy decisions.  Oh, God, give us a an infusion of your love and compassion.

Day Two Hundred and Eleven

Friday, October 16, 2020

1. Typically, scientists take several years to prepare a vaccine before testing it on people. Early safety trials, known as Phase 1 and 2, may take several years. If all goes well — and it typically doesn’t — then Phase 3, the final stage, can begin, comparing thousands of people who receive a vaccine with thousands who are given a placebo. It may take three more years to get these results. Only then — a decade or more after the research has begun — will a vaccine manufacturer build a factory to make the products.

2. When the coronavirus began to spread early this year, vaccine researchers around the world knew we could not afford to wait that long. The World Health Organization organized a group of experts to start what came to be known as the Solidarity Vaccines Trial. Several vaccines would be given at random to one large group of volunteers, while a smaller group would receive a placebo. All of the vaccines would be tested against the same placebo group, and all of the volunteers would be living in the same circumstances. It took nine months to get off the ground, but that trial will start later in October with a small study in Latin America. Around the same time that the W.H.O. was hatching plans for its mega-trial, U.S. government officials were discussing how they could best invest in — and speed up — vaccine trials. Some researchers, including Dr. Fauci, advocated a design much like the W.H.O.’s. But Moncef Slaoui, the chief adviser of Operation Warp Speed, the multiagency effort to hasten the development of coronavirus vaccines and treatments, said in a statement that such a trial would have been impractical. “If OWS had tested all vaccines under one master protocol, the operation would have had to wait months before starting and recruit 200,000 volunteers at the same time.”
   2. In the end, the government opted for what it described as a “harmonized approach.” It would allow vaccine makers to run their own trials, but only if they used protocols that followed certain guidelines and let the National Institutes of Health test all of their volunteers in the same way. In exchange for following these rules, the companies would get to tap into to the N.I.H.’s large network of clinical testing sites, and receive major financial support for their trials. Through this program, the government has promised $10 billion to vaccine makers to date.

3. So far, AstraZeneca, Johnson & Johnson and Moderna have begun trials in the network. Novavax and Sanofi are expected to start their own Phase 3 studies in the next couple of months. But Pfizer, one of the front-runners, never joined the network, opting to run trials completely on its own. If Pfizer’s results turn out well, many experts expect the company to ask the Food and Drug Administration for an emergency authorization of its vaccine, potentially for just one group of high-risk people. The company might then swiftly move to apply for a license, making it widely available.

4. The authorization of a vaccine will depend on how much protection the vaccine provides in the Phase 3 trial — what scientists refer to as its efficacy. In June, the F.D.A. set 50 percent efficacy as the target for a coronavirus vaccine. But the efficacy in a trial may not necessarily match its effectiveness out in the real world. That’s because, like any statistical study, Phase 3 trials have margins of error. A vaccine that met the F.D.A.’s guidelines might actually be more than 50 percent effective, or might be less so. It might well turn out to be only 35 percent effective. Whether it goes to Pfizer or another company, that first vaccine authorization could hamper ongoing trials of its competitors. Some volunteers, unsure of whether they had been given an experimental vaccine or a placebo, could drop out of an ongoing trial to get the authorized vaccine, slowing down the research.

5. Oh, God, bless and sustain those who work tirelessly to produce a vaccine, navigating administrative, political and strategic issues. Oh, God bless and sustain those who will be making decisions about the administration of a vaccine. Oh, God, bless and sustain those who care for the ill, those who grief lost loved ones, those who suffer from the virus and those who are suffering long-term effects from Covid-19. Oh, God, may we humans learn how interconnected we are, all of us, your children, and may we learn compassion in these days, using our skills to further the common good of all your creation.

Day Two Hundred and Ten

Thursday, October 15, 2020

1. The virus is surging, David Leonhartd of The New York Times reports: “The autumn wave of the coronavirus has reached a dangerous new stage. The number of new daily cases has risen almost 50 percent in the U.S. over the past month. The situation is even worse in Europe.  For the first time since late March, the per capita number of new cases in Europe exceeds the number in the U.S.”

2. “The virus is everywhere in France,” the French president, Emmanuel Macron, said yesterday, while imposing a nighttime curfew in major cities.
   The onset of cooler weather, which is driving more people indoors, seems to be playing a big role. And many people seem to have grown tired of pandemic restrictions, leading politicians — in both Europe and the U.S. — to lift restrictions prematurely.”

3. “In late June, as The Times’s Mark Landler writes from Europe, residents in Prague held a dinner party stretching across the Charles Bridge to celebrate what they called — wrongly — the end of the outbreak. Italy and Spain welcomed summer tourists.
   But the pandemic hasn’t gone away. While treatments are getting better, many people are still dying — including almost 6,000 in India over the past week, 5,000 in the U.S., 1,700 in Iran, 850 in Spain and about 600 in both Britain and France. A widely available vaccine is still months away, even if the current research trials go well.”

4. Amid all of this bad news, it’s worth keeping in mind that some countries continue to fight the virus successfully. The per capita rate of new cases in Canada is less than half as high as it is in the U.S. In Australia and much of Africa and Asia, the rate remains near zero.
   In many places where case counts are rising, political leaders are reluctant to impose new lockdowns, because the public is tired of them. But that creates something of a Catch-22: The most reliable way to reverse big outbreaks of this virus has been through strict crackdowns.
   In the U.S. the virus is spreading in every region, with the highest case counts in the South and Midwest, as you can see in these charts.”

5. Oh, God, the virus is among us. It has not gone away. Oh, God, how we humans want to deny the reality around us. if it does not suit our purpose. Oh, God, we need your help.  Swirl your Spirit among us, stir up our compassion, wake us, so we see our neighbor, fill us with your love.

Day Two Hundred and Nine

Wednesday, October 14, 2020

1. It was just a matter of time.

2. Covid-19 was just a matter of time, writes Everett Hobbs, in this letter to the Chronicle Herald.

3. “On Jan. 14, the World Health Organization (WHO) issued a statement claiming that a pandemic of a new, highly infectious airborne virus that will threaten millions of lives is inevitable. This came in the wake of the first case in China of a pneumonia-like illness since identified as a coronavirus, COVID-19.
   The WHO officially proclaimed a pandemic on March 11, 2020. By then 114 countries had reported the presence of the virus, with a total of 118,000 cases and 4,300 deaths.  While the pandemic took most of us by surprise, those who read the signs of the time were not. The background to the pandemic reveals three realities: we were warned. We were unprepared. We helped build the nest which hatched the virus.
   Medical sciences and others have been warning us for decades about pandemics. For instance, in a straw poll in 2006, 90 per cent of epidemiologists predicted a pandemic in the next generation or two. And there was H1N1, SARS and Ebola.”

4. In this article, by Bill Gates, Bill Gates, declared this Sunday during an interview with NBC News , that we can only return to normal after the pandemic when there is an effective and affordable vaccine. “The only way to get completely back to normal is to get a vaccine that is super effective and available to many people. This will end the disease on a global scale ” , commented the magnate. At the end of April, Gates confessed to the French media Le Figaro that the world will need a year or two to overcome the ravages of the pandemic. In his personal blog, he has also made his thoughts about the coronavirus public. He estimates it will take us up to two years to overcome the pandemic

5. Oh, God, two years.  I am afraid, afraid that your children around the globe will not be patient, not be vigilant, not be compassionate, in this pandemic. Oh, God, where are you, in this?  Oh, God, may I be with you, in this, compassionate, faithful, open to the moving of your Spirit.  Infuse the helpers with your energy, impart your wisdom to those in positions of power, lend your hope to those in despair, bring us together in your love.

Day Two Hundred and Eight

Tuesday, October 13, 2020

1. Here is a graphic that shows how we could be using the genetic code of the virus to control the spread.

2. Here is an  article from the Financial Health Network, which shows a Tale of Two Americas: The Gap Widens Between Financially Healthy and Vulnerable Populations. Covid-19 and the economic downturn underscore financial health disparities by income, race and gender.  33% of people in America are financially healthy, an increase likely equated to short-term recovery efforts and changes in consumer behavior amidst the pandemic. Two-thirds of Americans are still financially coping or vulnerable. The average financial health of people with household incomes above $100,000 improved the most over the past year, while people making less than $30,000 did not see any average improvements. As of August 2020, only 15% of Black people and 24% of Latinx people were Financially Healthy, compared with 39% of White people and 39% of Asian Americans. The gap in financial health between men and women is significant (40% of men compared to 28% of women are financially healthy); however women showed greater overall improvements in financial health since 2019. Younger and older Americans did not experience any average changes to their financial health in the past year compared to late Millennials, Gen Xers and early Boomers (36-64 years olds) who saw their financial health improve.

3. “The financial health divide has widened by income and race, and the gender gap has persisted,” said Emmalyn Shaw, managing partner at Flourish Ventures.

4. “While we see headlines that the stock market is strong and that some Americans are putting historic amounts of money into savings, most of America continues to struggle. These latest Pulse Report findings reinforce the importance of continued technology innovation in financial services and policy initiatives that promote a fair and inclusive financial system.”

5. Oh, God, inequities abound. Oh, God, your prophets spoke of the discrepancy of rich and poor, your concern for the vulnerable, your hatred for empty praise to you that veiled the lack of concern for the poor, the needy, the oppressed.  Oh, God, open our hearts.  May we see your face in our neighbors, may we tend to those in need, may we speak the truth to power, may we align ourselves with those doing your work of love.

Day Two Hundred and Seven

Monday, October 12, 2020

1. Here are ways in which the pandemic has changed HR forever. HR would be the Human Resources Department of businesses.

2. This article, by David Rice, suggests: “Pandora’s box is open, cats are out of bags. The pandemic has created changes for business and HR that simply won’t be undone. A vaccine may come and allow us to return to something resembling normal, but life has been inexorably changed by the pandemic and so have we. Things that were commonplace in 2019 are an afterthought in 2020. Things we thought were distant trends that would take years to come to fruition are labeled normal, albeit a new version of normal. In 2020, the world and how it goes to work has changed a great deal and human resources has had to change with it.”

3. Today, Trump says he is free of the virus, and ready for the campaign trail. “President Donald Trump on Sunday declared he was healthy enough to return to the campaign trail, a day after the White House doctor said he was no longer at risk of transmitting the coronavirus but did not say explicitly whether Trump had tested negative for it. Trump, who was poised Monday to host his first rally after his COVID-19 diagnosis, declared he was now "immune" from the virus, a claim that was impossible to prove and comes amid a series of outstanding questions about the president's health.”

4. Here is a report that reveals that Covid-19 reveals a global leadership crisis.  Globally, 71% of respondents said “this is the lowest point in my country’s history.” Nearly two-thirds of people say that "their leaders are out of touch with the rest of the country” (63%) and that “the people running the country don’t really care what happens to me” (62%). Out of 12 countries surveyed in September, in only three (Malaysia, China, and India) did more than half of the respondents strongly support their country’s handling of the pandemic. In the U.S., only 29% of respondents strongly support the country’s response.

5. Oh, God, so many changes with this pandemic.  And as for me, I am still afraid, yet have not yet been infected. Oh, God, I think of those who have lost family members and friends.  Why have I so far been spared?  Oh, God, how do you see us, we who dismiss the virus’ power, refuse to acknowledge the toll of death.  Oh, God, awaken us to compassion, infuse us with your love.

Day Two Hundred and Six

Sunday, October 11, 2020

1. I want to direct you to this article about pandemics which triggered societal shifts.

2. Here is what Dr. Andrew Latham writes about the Black Death which broke out in Europe in 1347 and subsequently killed between one-third and one-half of the total European population of 80 million people. It killed more than people, he argues. By the time the pandemic had burned out by the early 1350s, a distinctly modern world emerged – one defined by free labor, technological innovation and a growing middle class. Before the Yersinia pestis bacterium arrived in 1347, Western Europe was a feudal society that was overpopulated. Labor was cheap, serfs had little bargaining power, social mobility was stymied and there was little incentive to increase productivity. But the loss of so much life shook up an ossified society. Labor shortages gave peasants more bargaining power. In the agrarian economy, they also encouraged the widespread adoption of new and existing technologies – the iron plow, the three-field crop rotation system and fertilization with manure, all of which significantly increased productivity. Beyond the countryside, it resulted in the invention of time and labor-saving devices such as the printing press, water pumps for draining mines and gunpowder weapons.

3. In turn, freedom from feudal obligations and a desire to move up the social ladder encouraged many peasants to move to towns and engage in crafts and trades. The more successful ones became wealthier and constituted a new middle class. They could now afford more of the luxury goods that could be obtained only from beyond Europe’s frontiers, and this stimulated both long-distance trade and the more efficient three-masted ships needed to engage in that trade. The new middle class’s increasing wealth also stimulated patronage of the arts, science, literature and philosophy. The result was an explosion of cultural and intellectual creativity – what we now call the Renaissance.

4. This is so interesting to me. Here is an expert on the Renaissance that followed the Black Death. Here is an article exploring whether we will recover or have a  renaissance:

5. Oh, God, what will we learn from this pandemic?  What will you teach us?  What changes will be made?  Will we come to terms with our impact upon the planet?  Will we come to terms with our shared humanity by which the health of one affects us all?  Will we come through with more compassion or more desire to hoard the resources of this world?  Oh, God, it is a pivotal time, a liminal space, a kairos moment, in which your Spirit moves upon the earth.  Oh, God, may I be a voice of love, may we speak the truth, open our eyes and see that we are all your precious children, entrusted with this life.

Day Two Hundred and Five

Saturday, October 10, 2020

1. I am fascinated by this article by Andrew Latham  about how three pandemics triggered massive societal shifts.

2. From A.D. 165 to 262, twin plagues ravaged the Roman Empire and gave rise to the spread of Christianity in two ways. First, Christians survived the ravages of these plagues at higher rates than their pagan neighbors and developed higher levels of immunity more quickly. Seeing that many more of their Christian compatriots were surviving the plague – and attributing this either to divine favor or the benefits of the care being provided by Christians – many pagans were drawn to the Christian community and the belief system that underpinned it. At the same time, tending to sick pagans afforded Christians unprecedented opportunities to evangelize. Second, Stark argues that, because these two plagues disproportionately affected young and pregnant women, the lower mortality rate among Christians translated into a higher birth rate. The net effect of all this was that, in roughly the span of a century, an essentially pagan empire found itself well on its way to becoming a majority Christian one.

3. It occurs to me that this is not the survival of the fittest, but the survival of the compassionate, who create space for more people to survive, beyond just themselves.   I also find myself wanting to cut and paste the entire article for you, and I may do that over time.  For today, I will cut to the chase and show you  Andrew Lathan’s takeaways for our present time.

4. Will the bumbling efforts of the open societies of the West to come to grips with the virus shattering already-wavering faith in liberal democracy, creating a space for other ideologies to evolve and metastasize? Covid-19 may be accelerating an already ongoing geopolitical shift in the balance of power between the U.S. and China. During the pandemic, China has taken the global lead in providing medical assistance to other countries as part of its “Health Silk Road” initiative. Some argue that the combination of America’s failure to lead and China’s relative success at picking up the slack may well be turbocharging China’s rise to a position of global leadership.  In addition, Covid-19 seems to be accelerating the unraveling of long-established patterns and practices of work, with repercussions that could affect the future of office towers, big cities and mass transit, to name just a few. The implications of this and related economic developments may prove as profoundly transformative as those triggered by the Black Death in 1347. Ultimately, the longer-term consequences of this pandemic – like all previous pandemics – are simply unknowable to those who must endure them. But just as past plagues made the world we currently inhabit, so too will this plague likely remake the one populated by our grandchildren and great-grandchildren.

5. Oh, God, how are you working in our midst, your mystery, mysterious, your love, impervious, your wisdom, available, your compassion, endless. Oh, God, may i be a vessel of your Spirit, may Lovers and Lovers of Truth, and Speakers of Justice, and Helpers of Healing, and Teller of Tales rise up, that we may follow you and your way and align with your will, be willing to love our neighbor, as we love you, for you love is endless, your lovingkindness vast, your mercy everlasting.

Day Two Hundred and Four

Friday, October 9, 2020

1. Here is the latest map and case count: in the New York Times today.

2. Here is how 3 prior pandemics triggered massive societal shifts, published in Consortium News. in this article by Andrew Latham.

3. He begins with the Antonine and Cyprian twin plagues, which ravaged the Roman Empire and gave rise to Christianity. From A.D. 165 to 262,  It’s been estimated that the mortality rate in the Roman Empire was anywhere from one-quarter to one-third of the  population. The number of deaths tells only part of the story. This also triggered a profound transformation in the religious culture of the Roman Empire.

4. On the eve of the Antonine plague, the empire was pagan. The vast majority of the population worshipped multiple gods and spirits and believed that rivers, trees, fields and buildings each had their own spirit. Christianity, a monotheistic religion that had little in common with paganism, had only 40,000 adherents, no more than 0.07 percent of the empire’s population. Yet within a generation of the end of the Cyprian plague, Christianity had become the dominant religion in the empire.

5. Oh, God, Rodney Stark, in his seminal work The Rise of Christianity, argues that these two pandemics drew people to follow Jesus.  The disease was effectively incurable,  but rudimentary palliative care – the provision of food and water, for example – could spur recovery of those too weak to care for themselves. Motivated by Christian charity and an ethic of care for the sick – and enabled by the thick social and charitable networks around which the early church was organized – the empire’s Christian communities were willing and able to provide this sort of care. Pagan Romans, on the other hand, opted instead either to flee outbreaks of the plague or to self-isolate in the hope of being spared infection. Why am I telling you, God, what you already know? Perhaps I am speaking to you as a ruse to tell my readers what you already know, what historians perceive, what, regardless is true:  compassion saves lives, love wins.

Day Two Hundred and Three

Thursday, October 8, 2020

1. Today, the website worldometers lists 216,788 confirmed deaths in our country today, 7,776,796 confirmed cases.

2. On the planet, 36,444,129 confirmed cases and 1,061,469 confirmed deaths.

3. The president received cutting edge therapies not available for regular folks .

4. William Foege, an experienced epidemiologist and Medal of Freedom recipient, sent a letter   to CDC Director Robert Redfield advising him to be honest about the Trump administration’s mishandling of the pandemic.  One of the nation’s most prominent epidemiologists with a history of serving under multiple administrations, both Democratic and Republican, reportedly sent an emotional letter to the current director of the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), Robert Redfield, advising him to “face the truth” regarding the U.S. government’s response to the COVID-19 pandemic.
   The letter, obtained by USA Today, is dated Sept. 23, and was authored by William Foege, an epidemiologist who played a critical role in the eradication of smallpox in the 1970s, and currently serving as a professor at Emory University.
   Beginning the letter by acknowledging the “terrible burden” Redfield bears, Foege blames the Trump administration’s lack of delegating the pandemic into the hands of qualified scientists as a key reason the outbreak has been so severe. 

5. Oh, God. on our morning walk, Dan and I saw the stars you cast into the sky.  There were no clouds.  The moon cast a shadow on the road, the leaves and branches.  Moonshadow, moonshadow, went through my mind.  This fragile orb you spun into space continues to hurl through the universe.   Considering your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and stars, which you have set in place, what are we that you are mindful of us, that you care for us? Yet you have given us so much power, stewardship over the planet, care for creation.  And we, your tiny creatures, spin destruction, fear, hatred, greed, and boast of our own magnificence. Oh, God, wake us from our stupor, may we come to grips, get a grip, come to terms with what is happening.  Break through our denial, our despair, our distancing of ourselves from you and one another, and move a mighty wave of compassion through our soul.

Day Two Hundred and Two

Wednesday, October 7, 2020

1. This article invites us to consider Covid-19 as "training wheels" for the 2020s. In this article by David Houle for the Herald-Tribune, he writes:  “The 2020s is the most disruptive decade in history. (Hey, great title for a book!). COVID-19 is one big global disruption. Hard to think of anything or anyone that hasn’t been disrupted in the last 7 months. We all had to make major fundamental changes in how we live. We all are still having to live differently than we did this time a year ago. Healthcare workers and just about everyone in the field of education are in full-on adjustment, and largely on their own. Actually, these groups of workers seem to have to fight politicians who are making decisions based upon politics instead of science, certainly in this state, while they struggle forward with no new support or funding. (Yes, this angers me. Shouldn't children and education get what is needed in a global crisis first?).”

2. Houle asks:  “What is the new normal? When will everything go back to how it was?” Then concludes: “There is no normal. The only “normal” is abnormality. Expect, be open to and even embrace abnormality. Nothing will go back to how it was.”

3. He continues: “The single largest psychological symptom of the pandemic is the belief that sometime “this” will be over. It will not.
   The movie theater business, the restaurant business, the office leasing business, the theater business, the concert business, the in-person conference business and all the other businesses that are based upon lots of people coming together in a space will never be the same. Sorry. Many of these businesses will remain, but many fewer than before COVID-19. Those that remain will be different in how they operate and how they serve customers. False hope can be deadly. Please don’t hang on to it.” 

4. He writes: “Almost everything going to be different even if COVID-19 goes away.”

5. Oh, God, we are in a time of massive societal change.  This is not new.  The ancient, sacred texts record such shifts, show your presence in the midst, call us to follow you when trouble comes.  Oh, God, may we rise up to share your love, against all odds, against all forces that would spread hate,  align with your love, the strongest power of all.

Day Two Hundred and One

Tuesday, October 6, 2020

1. My husband returned from a trip last night.

2. He went on this trip with his brother and brother-in-law.  My sister-in-law is staying at the beach this week and reuniting with her husband after he takes a COVID test. Should I be doing that? Why am I not doing that? 

3. In the age of COVID, what happens when our partner is comfortable with a higher level of risk than we are? What are the stakes?

4. I joke that his punishment for taking risks I would not take will be if I get COVID.  And die.  That’s not really funny? I cope with humor.

5. Oh, God, we humans you have created are here before you, our quirks and antics, omissions, commissions, vulnerabilities, urges, pride, desires, illusions, collusions, fear, greed, lust for power, lust for attention, tendency to turn and run - are all on full display.  And my own fear of confrontation, pride in being right, judgement of a president who proclaims “don’t fear the virus!” as he has never mentioned the more than 215,039 dead among his flock, yes we are his flock, but he is not the good shepherd, he is the thief in the night, and I digress, I am put to the test, in this situation, even as my privilege has protected me so far and my empathy is an illusion of my own because how can I know what it is like for those who have lost loved ones, who will live with symptoms forever, who are raging more than I.  Until I do lose a loved one to COVID-19.  Until I do live with symptoms for the rest of my life.  Oh, God, help me, help us, help all those in power and empower the powerless.

Day Two Hundred

Monday, October 5, 2020

1. A person said, “Looks like Trump is doing well!”

2. Another person was enraged. as Trump’s joyride around the hospital, putting Secret Service members at risk.

3. How can we respond with such vastly different emotions? 

4. I’m with the enraged.  Why is that?  I want to self-righteously say because over 210,000 people have died, that is, at least, in our country alone.  And it seems to me that downplaying the virus is a plot, a propaganda, a ploy, a way to toy with us, a way to silence us, lest we cry out, “Injustice!”  A way to keep is silent in a herd, like sheep, rather than tended by a good shepherd who cares.  And the good shepherd has died and risen and left the earthly and left no earthly form and so we are the shepe, but, actually we are called to be the good shepherd, ourselves, and extend compassion and go after the lost one, and leave the ninety-nine who didn’t care about the lost one and maybe even threw them out, and go and find them.

5. Oh, God, you are the Good Shepherd.  I have longed to look to those in authority to be good shepherds.  Yet they are not.  Will they never be?  Is it my call to be a Good Shepherd like you?  Like Jesus?  Or at least to be a nice sheep and not cast out from within the flock those who are vulnerable, or those I do not like.

Day One Hundred and Ninety-Nine

Sunday, October 4, 2020

1. Lawsuits about COVID-19 in Wisconsin, trying to remove the mask mandate.

2. The president, proof of life video, assures us he is alive.

3. I watched Saturday Night Live last night.

4. Concerns about accessibility to voting in many states.

5. Oh, God, on this Sunday morning, the sun shines bright, air cool, a fall paradise outside. Yet we are in trouble. This pandemic is a 3 year event. Does 2019 count? 2020, 2021, 2022. Oh, God, I don’t even know now what to say to you. Everyone is speaking, opining, expressing anger, distress, concern, and mourning, the grief of losing 214,320, at least, here, and 1,039,480 worldwide, at the very very least. I see it, God, the coronavirus is on track to be as deadly as the 1918-1920 pandemic. Oh, where are you in this? My eyes moisten. You are here, as always, leading us to love, compassion, care for our neighbor, near and far. Oh, God, bring us comfort, may we be vessels of comfort to one another, hold up hope and hold each other, if not in person, then unseen, powerful as wind.

Day One Hundred and Ninety-Eight

Saturday, October 3, 2020

1. It is a perfect fall day.  The sun lights up the deep green leaves. Soon the leaves will turn and fall, but now they shine.  The air is cool.  The beauty belies the chaos of the world.

2. There are 7,557,433  confirmed coronavirus cases in the United States today, and two of those are the president and first lady.

3. The pundits punt, the comedians cut, the politicians tweak, the journalists scoop, the tweeters spin, the pastors pray, the grieving know, the suffering sigh, the ill shiver, the future is unclear.

4. Pain is the great equalizer,the cure to mental anguish, the antidote for a hopeful heart."David Estes, The Moon Dwellers.

5. God, may the president and the first lady recover, be well, and feel your love surround them. Oh, God, there have been an unthinkable 213,592 confirmed deaths in my country. Dear God, there have been an unthinkable1,034,539 deaths of your precious children around this world you created. Oh, God, have mercy on us.

Day One Hundred and Ninety-Seven

Friday, October 2, 2020

1. The President and First Lady have coronavirus.

2. I woke up at 4:30. 

3. I could see the outlines of the trees through my window. 

4. The full moon shone.

5. Oh, God, help us.  Heal us.  May the president and first lady be well.  We are a nation in tumult, a world in pain, chaos abounds.  In the midst of this, love flourishes, babies are born, last goodbyes are said to loved ones.  Oh, God, we need you now.

Day One Hundred and Ninety-Six

Thursday, October 1, 2020

1. The wealth gap kept widening even before the pandemic, this survey from the Federal Reserve.

2. “The top 1 percent own about a third of the nation’s wealth, near the 30-year high for that population. The poorer half of the country, meanwhile, claim roughly 2 percent of the overall wealth,” the article reports, and “The richest tenth of households have seen their share of the wealth increase over the past three decades, while the other 90 percent have seen theirs slide.”

3. White families enjoyed huge advantages even before the recession.”

4. “Even during the boom-time final stretch of a record economic expansion, the typical White family had eight times the wealth of a typical Black family in 2019, and five times the wealth of a typical Hispanic family,” Rachel Siegel reports of the survey’s findings. “Last year, the median wealth for Black families was less than 15 percent that of White families … White families had median family wealth of $188,200, compared to that of Black families, which was $24,100.”

5. Oh, God, look at this chart: What do you see? Who do you see? Who do you bless? Blessed are the poor, the “Bottom 50,” in blue, in the chart created by the Federal Reserve, your children, all around me, the blue line; but you see faces, beating hearts.  What can I say? I have not lived the blue line. May I, may we, not ignore the blue line. May I, may we, bring justice to the poor, the working poor, the blessed poor, the poor in spirit.  May we, may I be rich in love.

Pandemic Diary: September 2020

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Day One Hundred and Ninety-Five

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

1. On September 28, this article in the New York Times, reveals the white house efforts to pressure the C.D.C. on school openings.

2. Top White House officials pressured the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention this summer to play down the risk of sending children back to school, a strikingly political intervention in one of the most sensitive public health debates of the pandemic, according to documents and interviews with current and former government officials.

   As part of their behind-the-scenes effort, White House officials also tried to circumvent the C.D.C. in a search for alternate data showing that the pandemic was weakening and posed little danger to children.

3. The documents and interviews show how the White House spent weeks trying to press public health professionals to fall in line with President Trump’s election-year agenda of pushing to reopen schools and the economy as quickly as possible. The president and his team have remained defiant in their demand for schools to get back to normal, even as coronavirus cases have once again ticked up, in some cases linked to school and college reopenings.

   The effort included Dr. Deborah L. Birx, the White House’s coronavirus response coordinator, and officials working for Vice President Mike Pence, who led the task force. It left officials at the C.D.C., long considered the world’s premier public health agency, alarmed at the degree of pressure from the White House.

4. One member of Mr. Pence’s staff said she was repeatedly asked by Marc Short, the vice president’s chief of staff, to get the C.D.C. to produce more reports and charts showing a decline in coronavirus cases among young people.

   The staff member, Olivia Troye, one of Mr. Pence’s top aides on the task force, said she regretted being “complicit” in the effort. But she said she tried as much as possible to shield the C.D.C. from the White House pressure, which she saw as driven by the president’s determination to have schools open by the time voters cast ballots.

   “You’re impacting people’s lives for whatever political agenda. You’re exchanging votes for lives, and I have a serious problem with that,” said Ms. Troye, who left the White House in August and has begun speaking out publicly against Mr. Trump.

   According to Ms. Troye, Mr. Short dispatched other members of the vice president’s staff to circumvent the C.D.C. in search of data he thought might better support the White House’s position.

   “I was appalled when I found out that Marc Short was tasking more junior staff in the office of the vice president to develop charts” for White House briefings, she said.

5. Oh, God, why? Why use the children as pawns? They this continual downplaying of the virus for political purposes? I am tired of this, God, I am angry. Is my anger capable of energizing me for positive and effective action? Am I tempted to indulge in self-righteous criticsm and judgement, wallow in it, and avoid my part? Oh, God, open my heart, infuse my soul with your spirit, and lead me to your lovingkindness and mercy, that I may be a conduit of your love.

Day One Hundred and Ninety-Four

Tuesday, September 29, 2020

1. Here, the Irish Times advises preparing for 6 to 9 months of Covid-19 restraints.

2. People should prepare for another six to nine months of Covid-19 restrictions, involving repeated waves of the virus, senior health officials have warned.

3. There will be no “going back to normal” after the current surge in cases has been handled. And there will be no “significant game changer” such as a readily available vaccine to relieve matters for the next six to nine months. We can expect, and should therefore plan for, subsequent waves of the disease.

4. Even with a vaccine the reality is that we will be dealing with Covid-19 for a long time yet and behavioural and societal changes are needed to manage the pandemic, the article states.

5. Oh, God, Oh, God, here is a chart of how Covid-19 can spread, but you already know. Help us break through denial and do what is in our power to prevent the spread, and death.

Day One Hundred and Ninety-Three

Monday, September 28, 2020

1. An article on the website for CommonHealth, entitled "How To Navigate The 'New Normal,'" includes interviews with experts.

2. Barry Bloom, epidemiologist at Harvard University says it’s going to be a long time before we can go back to doing things like we did before the pandemic. “Until there’s rapid testing, and everybody can test themselves on a regular basis and has the will to lock themselves up if there’s a possibility they’ve been recently infected – I think we’re going to be in a different state for a long time with or without a vaccine.”

3. Dr. Shira Doron, a hospital epidemiologist at Tufts Medical Center, says that it is possible that we will never go back to doing things like we did before the pandemic. “This virus certainly could be around forever in small pockets. Will you be at zero risk with masks and distances and low numbers in your community? No. We will not get to a zero risk for a really, really long time, if ever. It’s everybody’s individual decision how much they want to participate in the things that society is now offering.”

4. Dr. Yonatan Grad, epidemiologist at Harvard University, speaks to the arrival of a “second wave” of the virus: “It’s important to remember that our experience with the pandemic is very much dependent on our choices. When we see a rise in cases, that’s really a reflection of us providing an opportunity for the virus to transmit. It’s not like weather patterns or waves in the ocean, where they came at some predictable pattern. Right now, there’s an increase in cases that may be attributable to a couple things — most prominently the start of in-person classes in universities and having people come from around the country.”

5. Oh, God, thank you for those who have devoted their lives to medicine, to the study of infectious diseases, to the search for vaccines, to the study of the human body and the threats to individual and public health. During this crisis, oh, God, may young people be inspired to go into these fields. Oh, God, bless all who work for good in these days, comfort those who grieve, and inspire those with decision-making power to use it for the common good. Please!

Day One Hundred and Ninety-Three

Monday, September 28, 2020

1. This article in the National Herald reveals that nearly 480,000 children are infected with Covid-19 in the United States.

2. “The report by the American Academy of Pediatrics and the Children's Hospital Association released on Monday said that while children represented only 9.5 per cent of the overall caseload, a total of 476,439 kids have tested positive so far, reports Xinhua news agency.”

3. This chart shows the patchwork response to the pandemic in the United States.

4. Peter Aldhous reports how “The world’s most powerful nation has played whack-a-mole with the coronavirus, slowing its transmission in one place only for it to flare up somewhere else.”

5. Oh, God, our efforts remain uncordinated, focused not on human pain, suffering and illness, but on other concerns. Oh, God, strengthen those concerns with human health, inspire those who have decision making power, and infuse us with your spirit of loving kindness for each one, each child of your creation.

Day One Hundred and Ninety-Two

Sunday, September, 27, 2020

1. Is the Covid-19 pandemic worse than official figures show? This article article in The Economist explores this idea.

2. “As the autumnal equinox passed, Europe was battening down the hatches for a gruelling winter. Intensive-care wards and hospital beds were filling up in Madrid and Marseille—a city which, a few months ago, thought it had more or less eliminated covid-19. Governments were implementing new restrictions, sometimes, as in England, going back on changes made just a few months ago.”

3. Today, 209, 4be a 53 confirmed deaths in the United States.

4. A week from tomorrow, I will have the Covid-19 trial vaccine through AstraZeneca. I will show up at 11: 00 a.m. at Clinical Research Associates here in Richmond, Virgina. Will it actually happen? This article in CNN Health on line publication from two days ago indicates that AstraZeneca’s clinical trial is still on pause in the U.S. as questions abound about the study participants’ mysterious illness.

5. Oh, God, may I be centered in this time, alert and aware of all that is around me. May I be informed, and not obsessed. May I be a conduit of your love.

Day One Hundred and Ninety-One

Saturday, September 26, 2020

1. Another one of my husband’s employees has died of COVID-19.

2. He was 63. His mother, who is 90, did not get it. His father and 5 siblings got it, and survived.

3. He just had his 30th anniversary of working for WACO, and had received a pin in recognition and celebration.

4. Today, 208,440 confirmed deaths in the United States. Has everyone been touched by this virus?

5. Oh, God, I am grateful to not have had the virus, yet. Oh, God, I have signed up to receive a vaccine through a clinical trial, a week from this coming Monday. Oh, God, comfort this family, this mother who, at 90, did not expect to lose a son, and others, God, so many others, grief rises across the globe, particles of grief in the jet stream.

Day One Hundred and Ninety

Friday, September 25, 2020

1. The coronavirus vaccine is unlikely to be a silver bullet, this article in Commonwealth reports. “I don’t think we’re going back to normal any time soon, vaccine or no vaccine,” said Shira Doron, hospital epidemiologist at Tufts Medical Center. “It’s not going to be like everyone gets vaccinated on Monday, nobody has to wear masks Tuesday.”

2. And here we have the dance, the health experts and the politician: “Dr. Robert Redfield, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, told a Senate hearing this week that a vaccine was unlikely to be widely available until the middle of next year and, what’s more, that mask-wearing might be more effective than an immunization at stopping the virus’s spread. Hours later President Trump declared Redfield had misspoken, and Redfield appeared to partially walk back his earlier comments, tweeting that he believes a vaccine is what ultimately will “get Americans back to normal everyday life” — but saying mitigation measures like mask-wearing are our best current defense.

3. Much of the cautionary tone to scientists’ pronouncements stems from uncertainty over just how effective a vaccine will be and what it will mean for efforts to halt the spread of coronavirus if public health officials can’t convince enough people to get immunized. 

4. COVID-19, also called SARS-CoV-2, was initially transmitted from a bat to a human, which created a new, or novel, coronavirus to which human immune systems had no exposure and no immunity. There is no treatment or cure. Those who have survived have done so because their bodies’ immune system was strong enough to fight back and vanquish the virus. A vaccine attempts to help that natural process along by teaching the body’s immune system to fight a virus before it becomes infected with it. Vaccines don’t kill the virus themselves; they provide the body with a defense system in case it comes in contact with the contagion.

5. Oh, God, I pray, for those working on all 35 COVID-19 vaccine trials, for those working with Moderna and Pfizer on the one which uses mRNA, in which messenger RNA is injected into the body and enters its cells, where it provides instructions to produce antigens, which in turn cause the body to produce antibodies that remember the bad germs and and stop them from replicating, a type of vaccine which has never been approved in my country before, which can be developed and manufactured more quickly than traditional vaccines. Oh, God, I pray for those in positions of decision making about the mRNA vaccine, which is unproven and which has never before moved this far in the development process. Oh, God, I pray for those working with AstraZeneca and Janssen on vaccines that operate in more traditional ways, using their messenger viral platforms, which mimic the DNA in COVID-19, so the body can illicit an immune response which, in this type of vaccine may stimulate a stronger immune response and lead to more effective immunity down the road, even as it is more expensive and harder to produce on a large scale. There is a third option, oh, God, which I will not explain to you right now, as you well know that it produces a weaker immune response and requires boosters over time. Why do I bother explaining what you already know? Perhaps I want to pray hard and specifically for a vaccine to save our lives. Yet, I feel some despair when I learn that there is no way to know if any of these vaccines provide ongoing protection and there is emerging evidence of re-infection, much as we keep getting a common cold. Oh, God, bless our human efforts, and in it all, teach us about more than the workings of the human body and the power of medicine. Teach us how to love, cherish, and extend compassion with each new day that dawns.

Day One Hundred and Eighty-Nine

Thursday, September 24, 2020

1. Yesterday I felt as if something had shifted in me, I can’t quite explain. A renewed sense of purpose? A feeling of accomplishment? Hope? The ability to enjoy the cool fall air?

2. Today, I sense the pain in the aftermath of the decision by a grand jury regarding the death of Breonna Taylor. It is in the air, like ash from a fire.

3. Welcome to my Pandemic Diary, if you are arriving today after the invitation from my September newsletter. I am documenting these times. Should we all be keeping even a brief journal?

4. Yesterday, I received notice that the vaccine trial is back on. My appointment for this week had been cancelled, as the AstraZeneca trial was put on hold. Now, I have an appointment for October 5, at 11 a.m. I am afraid.

5. Oh, God, have mercy on us, your children. We are in pain, we are suffering. We are callous, we are cold. We are in denial, we are subject to the algorithm of those who seek to profit from our attention, they pitch to us a perspective of the world. What is your perspective, God? Or need I ask, for you have shown us. You so love the world, which you created and called good. Yet sometimes, God, I don’t feel loved so much. I feel despair. I worry about my country, I see the refugees, the displaced people around the globe. I want to feel embraced within your love and free from fear. Oh. I see. It is on me now to share this love of yours, to show your kindness in this world, with patience, truth proclaimed to those in power, and compassion to others, even as it may break my heart.

Day One Hundred and Eighty-Eight

Wednesday, September 23, 2020

1. Today my rescheduled appointment to receive the COVID-19 trial vaccine was confirmed. This study is administered through Clinical Research Partners (CRP) here in Richmond for AstraZeneca .

2. It had not been clear to me, so I inquired via email: “Will I be given the vaccine on that day? or simply evaluated for a later appointment?”

3. The answer came back to me within 5 minutes, from Meghan Allen, Business Operations Director for CRP, “It will actually be both. You will go through the process of signing consent, being evaluated by the doctor and administered the vaccine.”

4. I’m having second thoughts. I check the news. Yesterday, the Health and Human Services Chief Azar, said that the AstraZeneca trials are still on hold in the U.S. I guess I have the inside scoop. Perhaps I should be anxious. Two participants in the U.K. trial experienced serious neurological symptoms. A survey shows increasing resistance to even receiving the first generation vaccine after trials are over.

5. Oh, God, Bless those who work with your gift of knowledge about the human body and your world, who devote themselves to finding a vaccine and ways to alleviate the virus’ threat. Oh, God, open our hearts so that we may break through denial and feel the depths of your compassion flowing through us to those who are suffering. Oh, God, so much suffering is before us, fires burning, homes destroyed, the pain of continued injustice and racism, the death toll from COVID-19 with no formal acknowledgement of our national and even global grief. Help us, O God. We need you.

Day One Hundred and Eighty-Seven

Tuesday, September 22, 2020

1. The fall surge is here, writes David Leonhardt in The New York Times today: “Public health experts have long been worried that the end of summer - as some students returned to school and the weather cooled - would bring a surge in coronavirus cases.” The number of new daily confirmed cases in the U.S. has jumped more than 15 percent in the past 10 days. It is the sharpest increase since the late spring, and it has arrived just before the official start of autumn, which is today. “Unlike the earlier summer surge in the U.S., this spike also coincides with a rising number of cases in other affluent countries, like Canada and much of Europe. The increases appeared to play a role in yesterday’s stock-market decline, as investors feared the need for new lockdowns,” Leonhardt reports.

2. Our country continues to be among the most vulnerable. We never crushed the spread after the original outbreak. The cooler weather will complicate outdoor socializing.

3. “And if pandemic-fatigued families travel to spend the holidays together, it will get worse in late fall and winter,” The Times’s Jeneen Interlandi wrote in an article previewing the rest of the year.

4. There has been one big piece of good news. People infected today are roughly 30 percent to 50 percent less likely to die than those in the early spring, Ashish Jha, the dean of Brown University’s School of Public Health, estimates.

5. Oh, God, I place my palms together, elbows on my desk, before two computer screens. On the left, Pandemic Diary, on the right, the search for news. Maybe the answers are not on a screen, but out of doors, among the trees, still green, the air cool, the frogs and spiders end-of-summer large. Maybe the answer is not in desperate searches for the truth, on platforms skilled in amplifying fear, on sites that have a spin to sell, and algorithmns designed for profit and not to further common good. Oh, God, may I discern your way, push away the obstacles before me, clear the path I am to walk, and find myself in sharing love, your love, through me.

Day One Hundred and Eighty-Six

Monday, September 21, 2020

1. When will the pandemic end? “I’m so over this,” I’ve heard from more than one person. “I’m done.”

2. It is not done with us, I think to myself. I do research about pandemics.

3. Gina Kolata, in a May 10, 2020, article in the New York Times entitled How Pandemics End writes that “According to historians, pandemics typically have two types of endings: the medical, which occurs when the incidence and death rates plummet, and the social, when the epidemic of fear about the disease wanes.

   “When people ask, ‘When will this end?,’ they are asking about the social ending,” said Dr. Jeremy Greene, a historian of medicine at Johns Hopkins.

   In other words, an end can occur not because a disease has been vanquished but because people grow tired of panic mode and learn to live with a disease. Allan Brandt, a Harvard historian, said something similar was happening with Covid-19: “As we have seen in the debate about opening the economy, many questions about the so-called end are determined not by medical and public health data but by sociopolitical processes.”

4. Endings “are very, very messy,” said Dora Vargha, a historian at the University of Exeter. “Looking back, we have a weak narrative. For whom does the epidemic end, and who gets to say?” Endings are indeed messy. The end of a relationship, the end of a life, the end of a life chapter. Endings are messy. There is unresolved pain, there are words never spoken, questions which will remain unanswered. How we long for certainty! Cling to it, when it is offered, even when nothing is certain at all!

5. Dear God, we live in uncertainty, uncertain times. We do not know what is ahead, with this virus, with this election, with this warming planet, with this rising tide of change. God, I pray that your Spirit would center me in you, that I may serve without knowing all, by trusting in you, and living your love.

Day One Hundred and Eighty-Five

Sunday, September 20, 2020

1. Black Death and Dark Memories is a subtitle in Gina Kolata’s May 10, 2020, article in the New York Times "How Pandemics End."

2. She writes, “Bubonic plague has struck several times in the past 2,000 years, killing millions of people and altering the course of history. Each epidemic amplified the fear that came with the next outbreak.

   The disease is caused by a strain of bacteria, Yersinia pestis, that lives on fleas that live on rats. But bubonic plague, which became known as the Black Death, also can be passed from infected person to infected person through respiratory droplets, so it cannot be eradicated simply by killing rats.

3. Historians describe three great waves of plague, said Mary Fissell, a historian at Johns Hopkins: the Plague of Justinian, in the sixth century; the medieval epidemic, in the 14th century; and a pandemic that struck in the late 19th and early 20th centuries.

4. The plague never really went away. In the United States, infections are endemic among prairie dogs in the Southwest and can be transmitted to people…..Such cases are rare, and can now be successfully treated with antibiotics, but any report of a case of the plague stirs up fear.

5. Oh, God, the article tracks how Christians have been responding to pandemics for 2000 years. Now, scientists are finding evidence of pandemics in prehistoric times. Oh, God, I lift up to you words from the article: “Christians cared for the sick and offered an spiritual model whereby plagues were not the work of angry and capricious deities but the product of a broken Creation in revolt against a loving God.” The loving response of your followers to the pandemic is credited with furthering the spread of Christianity. Oh, God, maybe you don’t need digital links, but I do learn from these articles. Maybe all I need is to remember your commands and keep them foremost day to day. As Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”; “Love your neighbor as yourself”; and “Greater love has no one than this, that he should lay down his life for his friends.” If I do this, Oh, God, all else will fall in place? If we do this, these words, which connect with most every faith tradition on the globe, then all will fall in place?

Day One Hundred and Eighty-Four

Saturday, September 19, 2020

1. Today is our wedding anniversary, 5 years ago, it was also on a Saturday.

2. It was a glorious day, a ceremony in the church I served as pastor, my two living siblings, brothers, in attendance, having performed the miracle of carting both our parents in separate cars, to slowly, smiling, make their way inside a packed sanctuary, no more room, followed by a reception at our home, outdoors, beside the river. A memory I will forever cherish. Pre-Pandemic Days. Before Times.

3. Here is a picture of that day:

2. Oh, God, I am filled with gratitude, for your love, for the presence of your Spirit when my life was shattered, for your steadfast presence when your held me and a new and beautiful pattern then emerged from broken pieces.

3. Oh, God, I have been thinking lately that I should make a grateful list each day, and, sometimes I do, jot down a few, some random thoughts of how you’ve led me, loved me, forgiven, steady now your presence as I age, as I integrate my life, as I continue life long calling in new ways, as I live in this new world so different from the one into which I was born.

4. Oh, God, thank you. Help us.

5. We need your mercy and your grace. We are broken, around the world there is so much pain. Heal us, help us pick up the pieces and bring them together in new and wondrous ways.

Day One Hundred and Eighty-Three

Friday, September 18, 2020

1. Today, this article came out, reporting that on the limits of a vaccine.

2. I would like to think: “This is it! The vaccine will be bring the end to this madness!”But, I read that: “It is possible that a vaccine will stop a person from getting ill — but not from carrying the virus and potentially transmitting it to someone else, even if they themselves feel fine. 

3. Perhaps we are looking at mask wearing, and mask conflicts, for along time. “If the vaccine does not stop virus transmission, people will still have to continue taking preventive measures like social distancing and mask-wearing to avoid infecting people who have not been vaccinated or for whom the vaccine is ineffective. The vaccine could be very effective, yet you might still need to do all the things we’re doing now because you could transmit it to other people who could get very sick,” said Doron, the hospital epidemiologist at Tufts Medical Center,” in the article published today in CommonWealth. CommonWealth

4.  David Hooper, chief of the infection control unit at Massachusetts General Hospital.Hooper predicted that given the time it will take people to get vaccinated and given all the questions about whether it will stop the spread, “it will be well into the winter and the spring” before people can think about dropping the other preventative measures, like distancing. Shira Doron, hospital epidemiologist at Tufts Medical Center, said it wouldn’t shock her “if we were doing it for a couple of years.” 

5. Oh, God, I don’t want to be doing this for a couple of years. But I have seen it, had a hunch. What will this teach us? Where are you in this? What grief, what loss, what toll the death? Surel;y we will surpass the 675,000 number of deaths from the pandemic of 1918-1920. Oh, God, Oh, God, we are in this for the long haul.

Day One Hundred and Eighty-Two

Thursday, September 17, 2020

1. Yesterday, Teresa Gutierrez posted an article entitled COVID-19 and People of Color: Is it Genocide Yet?As a person of color, she writes that she is “traumatized and fed up with reading article after article that states: “Black and Brown people are especially affected by the coronavirus.”

2. She goes on to explain how coronovirus is like other diseases and dire social conditions, such as unemployment, gentrification, hunger and climage change, in that people of color are most impacted by these realities. There are higher rates of mortality among already marginalized groups.

3. She also points out that “if it were not for independent academic research, the official Centers for Disease Control tally would not be calculating the effects on people of color correctly.” It was the Center for Disease Research and Policy, a Harvard University study, that concluded that “the CDC’s weighted population distributions underestimate the excess burden of COVID-19 among Blacks and Latinos.” (July 28)

4. Dr. Sherita Hill Gordon from Johns Hopkins University writes on that website: “People of color, particularly African Americans, are experiencing more serious illness and death due to COVID-19 than white people.” The Journal of the American Medical Association writes: “Predominantly nonwhite communities bore nearly three times the burden of COVID-19 infections and deaths as white neighborhoods.” Furthermore, “residents of mostly nonwhite communities died of the coronavirus at nine times the rate of residents of largely white areas.” (July 28)

5. Oh, God, thank you for the truth tellers, the modern day prophets, the researchers who dig down deep into the facts and lift up uncomfortable statistics and dismissed realities. Oh, God, help us open our hearts to have compassion for one another, to listen to another’s experience, to take seriously the pain of our brothers and sisters of every background and ethnicity. Oh, God, sustain those who work for health and justice and who develop community. Oh, God, we need your healing.How is the

Day One Hundred and Eighty-One

Wednesday, September 16, 2020

1. The World Health Organization on Sunday reported the highest one-day increase in coronavirus infections since the pandemic began: more than 308,000 new cases. India, the United States and Brazil logged the largest numbers of new infections on Sunday.

2. The WHO also warned that Europe will see a surge in coronavirus-linked deaths in the fall as new infections have been soaring over the past weeks to levels not seen since the spring.

3. I’ve become like a reporter, bringing you the news.

   At least 190,000 people have died of the coronavirus in the United States. More than 6,488,000 cases have been detected since February.

   Orders by Pennsylvania’s Gov. Tom Wolf to limit gatherings and close non-essential businesses to slow the spread of the novel coronavirus were unconstitutional, a federal judge said on Monday.

   States that have reopened bars experienced a doubling in the rate of coronavirus cases three weeks after the opening of doors, on average, a Post analysis found.

4. And here the underlying problem, in my view:

   Political appointees at the Department of Health and Human Services have sought to change, delay and prevent the release of reports about the coronavirus by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention because they were viewed as undermining President Trump’s message that the pandemic is under control.

5. Oh, God, I am angry. This pandemic is not under anyone’s control. Somehow I think of the book of Job, God. The words recorded there, your response, that is, your non-responsive to Job’s specific questions, your rebuke, one might say, your soliloqy, powerful in the contemporary language of The Message translation:

   Where were you when I created the earth?

   Who decided on its size? Who came up with the blueprints and measurements?

   How was its fountaion poured and who set the cornerstone, while the morning stars sang in chorus and all the angels shouted parise?

   Who took charge of the ocean when it gushed forth like a baby from the womb?

   I wrapped it in soft clouds, and tucked it in safely at night. .. Oh, God, your words. Your word, your Word.

Day One Hundred and Eighty

Tuesday, September 15, 2020

1. This article by Diana Stancy Correll in Military Times published today asks: When will the US military return to pre-COVID normal? Probably never, this admiral says.

2. Don’t count on the U.S. military returning to the pre-COVID-19 status quo, according to the commander of U.S. Strategic Command, Adm. Charles “Chas” Richard.

3. Richard, who said the military is “very well-postured” to continue operating under COVID-19 precautions “indefinitely,” said that there are some measures stemming from the COVID-19 pandemic that have proven successful and will likely linger once the threat of the virus is gone. “So our ability to operate distributed and remotely, particularly administratively, has been greatly enhanced.” For example, Richard said his personnel team will never all come into the office again. “We’re just more efficient when we operate in a distributed fashion,” Richard said. “No, I don’t think that we’re going back to the way that we used to do business before, and in some cases I don’t think we want to.”

4. Richard also said the Pentagon began eyeing a pandemic plan in December.

   “The Department of Defense has a plan for just about everything. We had a plan in place for a pandemic, infectious disease,” Richard said. “And we simply, very early on, December timeframe, started looking through what if scenarios and started devising mechanisms, strategies to address that. And that process served us very well.”

   In late January, the Pentagon distributed an advisory for service members with recommendations to mitigate the threat of COVID-19. The guidance advised Department of Defense personnel who had been exposed or who had recently returned from China — where the virus originated — and now were experiencing COVID-19 symptoms to seek medical attention immediately.

   The guidance, which said the Pentagon was keeping a close eye on the spread of the virus, also encouraged troops to receive a flu vaccine and practice thorough hand washing.

   Weeks later on Feb. 26, a 23-year-old U.S. soldier stationed at Camp Carroll in South Korea became the first service member to test positive for the virus. The soldier was ultimately declared virus-free in April following 49 days of isolation.

   Service members are instructed to wear masks when social distancing isn’t possible. The masks have made a difference — and could be used after the pandemic ends, according to Rear Adm. Louis Tripoli.

   According to the Pentagon, more than 41,500 service members have tested positive for the virus and seven service members have died. For Department of Defense civilian personnel, the Pentagon reports there have been more than 9,000 cases.

   Likewise, the Pentagon reports there have been more than 5,500 cases among dependents and nearly 4,000 cases among contractors. As of Monday morning, there have been 55 civilian employees, 21 contractors and seven dependents who have died from COVID-19. according to the latest Pentagon figures.

   5. Oh, God, it is our tradition in my country, and perhaps in every nation in the world, to ask for divine blessing on our people. I ask your blessing now, upon our leaders, politicians, military leaders, civil servants, teachers, health workers, and all whose work contributes to the common good of this expansive community in which we live. Oh, God, we ask that you bless America, singing Irvin Berlin's lyrics, composed as the pandemic of 1918 emerged. Oh, God, I ask that you bless us with expansive love and care for neighbors near and far and with a sense of wonder at your world that inspires us to care for this fragile orb in the midst of your vast universe. Oh, God, bless the leaders of our military and all who serve in it, with wisdom, discipline and insight. Oh, God, may our loyalty be to you, and to no other

Day One Hundred and Seventy-Nine

Monday, September 14, 2020

1. Ellen H. O'Donnell published a an article today in Cognoscenti entitled “ What Resilience During The Pandemic Really Means.”

2. She expresses her worry that “when this crazy time in history is past and we go back to ‘normal,’ we will have learned very little, if anything, at all.” Perhaps naively, she says, she “had hoped that both the pandemic and the recent protests against racial injustice would mark the summer of 2020 as one of transformative historical change: a collective shift in perspective to equity in access to quality education and healthcare, truly equal protection under the law, a recognition of the importance of quality childcare and clean air, the value of parenting to our economy; a real understanding of what true work-life balance looks like.”

3. She continues, “We’ve heard this pandemic described as a collective trauma. The experience of marginalized people of color living in the United States is differently traumatic. While it may be my own Generation X and those older than us getting sickest, it’s our kids who will experience the ripple effects of these generational traumas for far longer.”

   As a pediatric psychologist, O’Donnell, works with families impacted by traumatic burn injuries and diagnosed with life-changing illness. She says that: “Trauma work centers on acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean being okay with what isn’t okay or acting as though things that are hard are easy. It means acknowledging that things are not as we want them to be and then finding ways to live and even thrive in spite of that; changing what needs to be changed even when it’s really hard. Acceptance often means forging a new path. I hoped that this pandemic would force us to collectively slow down, re-examine our values and our behaviors and (in therapy-speak) bring them more in line with each other.”

4. “Unfortunately, people tend toward homeostasis,” she points out. We want to go back to normal, not to a “new normal.” Ask the average person what it means to be “resilient” and they’ll say some version of “bouncing back” from adversity. “We want our economy to bounce back and we want to get back to our jobs, schools and routines. Except that’s not actually resilience.”

   “Resilience is not a state of being but a set of skills honed through adversity. To be resilient isn’t to go back to being the way one was before. It’s to allow oneself to be changed, to see the cracks in the self or the system, let the light shine through and to become (in the words of Hemingway and a million memes) stronger at the broken places.”

   “Resilience doesn’t mean bouncing back to normal. It means being transformed toward a new normal. I see this in the kids and teens I work with who’ve suffered individual trauma. They show the greatest resilience. They lead their parents in the hard work of real acceptance. I hear it too in their response to this time of collective trauma — in the plans they’re making, the protests they’re leading, and the conversations they’re having with peers when the adults aren’t listening.”

5. Oh, God, the holy scripture tells the story of your people, resistant to change, even when change was the better way, the way to life, the way to freedom. Oh, God, we resist change until the pain of homeostasis becomes greater than the perceived pain of change. Oh, God, you are in the “business” of changing hearts and lives. Change us and make us “stronger at the broken places.” Oh, God, may we trust ourselves to you, as we are transformed.

Day One Hundred and Seventy-Eight

Sunday, September 13, 2020

1. When will the coronavirus no longer be a daily threat? Dr. Fauci predicts life in the US might not be back to nomral until late 2021. Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, told told MSNBC's Andrea Mitchell Friday that while he hopes a coronavirus vaccine is in the near future, American life will stay shaken up until "well into 2021. By the time you mobilize the distribution of the vaccinations, and you get the majority, or more, of the population vaccinated and protected, that's likely not going to happen till the mid or end of 2021," Fauci said.

2. When will children get back to school without the risk of infection? This article article in The Antlantic by Emma Green, “The Pandemic Has Parents Fleeing From Schools - Maybe Forever,” she reports that: “COVID-19 is a catalyst for families who were already skeptical of the traditional school system - and are now thinking about leaving it for good.”

3. When will air travel return to prior times? In this article in Spectrum News , by Stacy Rickard, lifts up a pilot’s reflections on 9/11 and the impact of coronavius on the airline industry today. Richard asks Captain Dennis Tajer: “When did things get back to normal? When did you go back to the routine day-to-day?” He answers: “Never. It’s never gone back to normal. The normal was pre-9/11. And thank goodness we've never gone back to that attitude of pre-9/11. That would be dangerous. So, everyone listening to this knows it's the “mental tattoo” of “if you see something, say something. Now it's not even thought of what the “normal” was. And even in this time of crisis, we have a diligence for looking for that threat.” “And when you do that together, you can accomplish some amazing things. So I think that what we came to be more comfortable with was that this is our ever level of attention. So it's just the reality but you know what, we found a place where we could get back to our lives and shine and grow and raise families. And just like at that time, that human experience is nearly identical. There's a lot of fear out there, a lot of uncertainty. But every time we pull together and we start doing things, we say, “Okay, this is gonna work,” and it's proven itself to work. People feel more comfortable.”

4. Is this a loss of innocence? The loss of naivete? The houding sensation now that infection may be all around us, each person is suspect, each situation must be calculated for risk?

5. Oh, God, thank you for all the leaders and professionals, like this pilot, who have steered us in the past, watched out for our lives. Oh, God, help us to watch out for one another, and to find safe spaces, to provide safe spaces, in which to rest, let down our guard, dismantle our defenses, and exhale.

Day One Hundred and Seventy-Seven

Saturday, September 12, 2020

1. Here is a headline from India Legal, from yesterday: “Bob Woodward book reveals Donald Trump knew of Covid-19 shock in February but kept mum.”

2. The news goes around the world.

3. “In a March interview with the writer, Trump admits that he knew it was dangerous, airborne, and contagious and would be bad. His rationale for saying nothing like that was but he didn’t want to cause panic, so he downplayed it. This was on February 7 before Americans knew anything about a pandemic. ‘This is deadly stuff,” he told Woodward maybe five times as deadly as the usual winter flu.

   The panic he didn’t want to cause was a shuttered economy and thousands of people dying, which is exactly what he got by pretending. In his own words, Trump makes it clear that he betrayed the public trust and his responsibilities to keep the nation safe against all enemies.”

4. I’m weary, betrayed, unable to sustain the rage.

5. Oh, God, I am angry that our president downplayed the virus. Can’t you do something? Please? Oh, yeah, you have already done so much. You uphold the universe. I’m free to respond, react, inside these limits. How much difference can I make? It is unknown, until I’m done. Oh, God, may I let go of useless anger and complaints and set my intention and energy to doing good, sharing compassion, modeling your path of forgiveness, grace, and justice.

Day One Hundred and Seventy-Six

Friday, September 11, 2020

1. Trump downplayed the virus, by intent. There is now endless reporting on this fact.

2. Historian Allan Lichtman, the known for accurately predicting presidential elections, said that President Trump’s downplaying of the coronavirus pandemic will be remembered as “the greatest dereliction of duty” in presidential history.  This is what Lichtman, a professor of history at American University, told CTV News Channel on Thursday. Lichtman was responding to claims made in veteran journalist Bob Woodward’s forthcoming book, Rage. 

   Trump tweets that his decision to downplay the COVID-19 pandemic was 'good' and 'proper,' a southern Arizona news outlet reports.

   This August 31 article lists all President Trump's lies about the coronavirus. Chrisitan Paz writes that “President Donald Trump has repeatedly lied about the coronavirus pandemic and the country’s preparation for this once-in-a-generation crisis.” Paz gathers a collection of the biggest lies President Trump has told as the nation endures a public-health and economic calamity. He will update his post as needed.

   I could go on. There is even an article about whether President Trump played down the virus enough, from the Wall Street Journal. I have not read it. I confess I see it as an attempt to put another spin on a trending topic, in order to draw readers.

3. This is the anniversary of September 11, 2001. I hesitate to provide a link to this story, The Falling Man , but I see that Michael Barbaro posts it every Sept 11 “ because it captures the absolute horror of the day.” Barbaro is the Host of The Daily, a newsletter in the New York Times. Today, Barbaraoalso shared this piece from The New York, about September 11, 2001: The Real Heroes are Dead: A Love Story.

   Today we do not have a Falling Man photo, indelible, for posterity, a moment of horror, forever captured. The fallen are among us, 6,589,020 in mid-air, suspended, 196, 345 have already hit the pavement. Without a doubt, even these numbers are downplayed. This article, U.S. Daily Death Toll Shoots back over 1000, reports that “the actual numbers are believed to be much higher due to testing shortages, many unreported cases and suspicions that some national governments are hiding or downplaying the scope of their outbreaks.”

4. We do not want to see the falling all around us. We shield our eyes, refuse to look up, or even down. NPR reports that The New Global Coronavirus Death Forecast is Chilling …”by year's end the death toll in the United States will top 410,000 — second only to India's death total, which is projected to reach nearly 660,000, and well ahead of Brazil's projected 174,000 dead. Similarly, when it comes to deaths as a share of population, the U.S. is projected to rank eighth. Americans will help fuel that trend by easing up on precautions in response to the decline in daily new cases since mid-July.”

5. Oh, God, 410,000 deaths by the end of 2020? Oh, God, we would not want anyone to panic, now, would we? Forgive my sarcasm. That’s all, God. All I can say to you right now.

Day One Hundred and Seventy-Five

Thursday, September 10, 2020

1. The vaccine trial I am signed up for was paused earlier this week.

2. A participant in the trial had side effects after receiving the vaccine. The CEO of AstraZeneca said that the person had serious neurological symptoms. The participant who triggered a global shutdown of AstraZeneca’s Phase 3 Covid-19 vaccine trials was a woman in the United Kingdom who experienced neurological symptoms consistent with a rare but serious spinal inflammatory disorder called transverse myelitis, the drug maker’s chief executive, Pascal Soriot, said during a private conference call with investors on Wednesday morning.

3. I assume my appointment will be cancelled for September 22, but I have not received any notification yet.

4. This is not what is on my mind today. When I woke up, I checked Instagram, as I often do, looking for posts from my four daughters. It is my “quick check” on them each morning. One of my daughters had reposted this post from @adriennemareebrown in which Adrienne Maree Brown says: I am so furious about how the president is killing us, and how it is still discussed like it's electoral, partisan differences instead of fascism/terrorism; the only spell I'm casting these days is the truth: this is not an election year, it's a genocide intervention era. And then I thought: “Is this American genocide?”

   Then I did some “social listening.” I did a google search for genocide. January, February, I find no mention of COVID-19 and genocide. Then, at the very end of March, I find Pope Francis warns of a viral genocide if governments put the economy before the health of the people. On the third of April, I find a letter to the editor of a Galveston, Texas, publication in which a citizen writes: Trump is guilty of criminally negligent genocide. In May, a search reveals the word genocide in relation to the virus in a Huffington Post article entitled "Epidemiologist Slams U.S. Coronavirus Response as 'Close to Genocide by Default.' In early June, my search reveals more use of the word “genocide” in relation to our country. The word genocide is used in reference to the treatment of protestors in this article from TIMESOWNEWS.COM: “What I saw was nothing short of genocide: Indian-American who opened his home to more than 70 protestors." In May and July, references to “genocide” and “coronavirus” increase in the media. An article published on July 3rd by the Hampton Institute has the headline: Yes, the U.C. Response to COVID-19 is a Genocide. In August, a piece is published by a FOX news outlet in Slidell, Louisiana, about the coronavirus and incarcerated populations: A Risk of Genocide in the Age of Black Lives Matter.

   Now it is September 10.

5. Oh, God, I woke this morning thinking about the death toll. One hundred ninety-five thousand, three hundred and ninety-eight, deaths confirmed so far. Yet this number is low. We have surely passed two hundred thousand, as there have been so many “excess deaths” in relation to previous years that were surely related to COVID-19 but which were never confirmed. Oh, God, how is this downplay, this disaster of coronavirus response in our country not genocide, even if “by default?” Oh, God, I sigh, and consider what I am to do, how I can help, speak truth, act with compassion. Oh, God, strengthen those who work hard to care for those who are ill, infuse with energy those who seek a cure, a vaccine, fill with your Spirit those who extend compassion from faith communiites, sustain those who spend themselves with cries for justice, speaking up and out with voices and on social media and in print, pointing out what we already know in our hearts, so that we can no longer deny the truth. There is evil in our world, may we align ourselves with you, your love, your way, your love of those most vulnerable, your wind of Spirit spreading across the globe.

One Hundred and Seventy-Four

Wednesday, September 9, 2020

1.The drug maker AstraZeneca has paused its Covid-19 vaccine trial for safety review because of a serious and unexpected adverse reaction in a participant, the company said.

2.The trial’s halt, which was first reported by Stat News, will allow the British-Swedish company to conduct a safety review. How long the hold will last is unclear.

3. In a statement, the company described the halt as a “routine action which has to happen whenever there is a potentially unexplained illness in one of the trials, while it is investigated, ensuring we maintain the integrity of the trials.”

In large trials like the ones AstraZeneca is overseeing, the company said, participants do sometimes become sick by chance, but such illnesses “must be independently reviewed to check this carefully.”

4. A person familiar with the situation, and who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said that the participant had been enrolled in a Phase 2/3 trial based in the United Kingdom. The individual also said that a volunteer in the U.K. trial had been found to have transverse myelitis, an inflammatory syndrome that affects the spinal cord and is often sparked by viral infections. However, the timing of this diagnosis, and whether it was directly linked to AstraZeneca’s vaccine, is unclear.

AstraZeneca’s vaccine, known as AZD1222, relies on a chimpanzee adenovirus that has been modified to carry coronavirus genes and deliver them into human cells. Although the adenovirus is generally thought to be harmless, the coronavirus components of the vaccine are intended to incite a protective immune response that would be roused again should the actual coronavirus try to infect a vaccinated individual. Adenoviruses, however, can sometimes trigger their own immune responses, which could harm the patient without generating the intended form of protection. AstraZeneca’s vaccine is currently in Phase 2/3 trials in England and India, and in Phase 3 trials in Brazil, South Africa and more than 60 sites in the United States. The company intended for its U.S. enrollment to reach 30,000.

AstraZeneca is one of three companies whose vaccines are in late-stage clinical trials in the United States.

5. Oh, God, bless and sustain those who work relentlessly to provide a vaccine for this virus. Oh, God, tamper the greed of those who would profit from the vaccine and overlook the risks. Oh, God, teach us the lessons of this disease, remove our resistance to seeing the lessons before us. Oh, God, keep us from simplistic thinking and help us remember the one simple rule of love. May we love our neighbors, everywhere.

Day One Hundred and Seventy-Three

Tuesday, September 8, 2020

1. This article, in Keep the Faith, a publication in the United Kingdom, is entitled “What the Early Church Can Teach Us About the Coronavirus.”

2. “The early church was no stranger to plagues, epidemics, and mass hysteria. In fact, according to both Christian and also non-Christian accounts, one of the main catalysts for the church’s explosive growth in its early years was how Christians navigated disease, suffering, and death. The church’s posture made such a strong impression on Roman society that even pagan Roman emperors complained to pagan priests about their declining numbers, telling them to step up their game. “

3. In AD 249 to 262, Western civilization was devastated by one of the deadliest pandemics in its history. Though the exact cause of the plague is uncertain, the city of Rome was said to have lost an estimated 5,000 people a day at the height of the outbreak. One eyewitness, Bishop Dionysius of Alexandria, wrote that although the plague did not discriminate between Christians and non-Christians, “Its full impact fell on [non-Christians].” Having noted the difference between Christian and non-Christian responses to the plague, he says of the non-Christians in Alexandria:

   At the first onset of the disease, they pushed the sufferers away and fled from their dearest, throwing them into the roads before they were dead and treating unburied corpses as dirt, hoping thereby to avert the spread and contagion of the fatal disease; but do what they might, they found it difficult to escape.

4. Non-Christian accounts confirm this sentiment. A century later, the emperor Julian attempted to curb the growth of Christianity after the plague by leading a campaign to establish pagan charities that mirrored the work of Christians in his realm. In an AD 362 letter, Julian complained that the Hellenists needed to match the Christians in virtue, blaming the recent growth of Christianity on their “benevolence to strangers, their care for the graves of the dead, and the pretended holiness of their lives.” Elsewhere he wrote, “For it is a disgrace that . . . the impious Galilaeans [Christians] support not only their own poor but ours as well.” 

   Though Julian questioned the motives of Christians, his embarrassment over Hellenic charities confirms pagan efforts fell massively short of Christian standards of serving the sick and poor, especially during epidemics. According to Rodney Stark in The Rise of Christianity, this is because “for all that [Julian] urged pagan priests to match these Christian practices, there was little or no response because there were no doctrinal bases or traditional practices for them to build upon.”

   If the non-Christian response to the plague was characterized by self-protection, self-preservation, and avoiding the sick at all costs, the Christian response was the opposite. According to Dionysius, the plague served as a “schooling and testing” for Christians. In a detailed description of how Christians responded to the plague in Alexandria, he writes of how “the best” among them honorably served the sick until they themselves caught the disease and died.

5. Oh, God, these ancient accounts reveal the response of early Christians to pandemic. What is the response of your followers now, in this pandemic? Here is an article in the Atlantic entitled “Some of the Most Visible Christians in America are Failing at the Coronavirus Test,” by Jonathan Merritt, a Southern Baptist pastor. Oh, God, infuse your spirit in to those of us who serve you, may we react with compassion and love to those who are suffering, and refrain from using this virus as an opportunity to proclaim your judgement on those who are ill. Oh, God, it is easy for me to criticize the theology of others, help me stay true to the one true thing of you I know: love.

Day One Hundred and Seventy-Two

Monday, September 7, 2020, Labor Day

1. This article in Market Watch, says life will never be the same for people over 60 - even with a vaccine. That would include me.

2. Except I can’t read it because I am not subscribed. Many news outlets are providing free coverage for article about Covid-19, but this article in this publication is not free.

3. So, I will contemplate myself! Life will never be the same for those of us over 60 - even with a vaccine. A vaccine is not a silver bullet. We don’t knokw whether the virus can infect us more than once, like a seasonal flu can. The effectiveness of a vaccine takes time to be revealed. Meanwhile, we are vulernerable, at our age.

4. I do recall reading about a 104 year old woman in Wuhan, China, who survived the virus. I want to be like her.

5. Oh, God, on this Labor Day, I lift up to you those who work in high risk professions, such as meat packing plants. Oh, God, on this Labor Day, I lift up employers and pray that you would infuse them with your kindness that they may be concerned about the well-being of their employees, and consider the human cost of their endeavors. Oh, God, on this Labor Day, I remember those who worked for justice for endangered workers in the past. Empower those who lift up workers’ rights today, in modern circumstances and threates to worker health. Oh, God, we need your Spirit in our midst, move within us, when we least expect it.

Day One Hundred and Seventy-One

Sunday, September 6, 2020

1. This past Friday I signed up for a COVID-19 trial vaccine. I was sent a 26 page PDF file, which includes spaces for my signature. I am required to bring this document with me, signed, when I come for my first visit on September 22.

2. In this Pandemic Diary I will record my experience. Yesterday, I started recording information from the document. Here is the Introduction: (My thoughts are in italics)

   Coronaviruses are respiratory viruses and most often cause common-cold like symptoms every winter. Yes, I get that.

   SARS-CoV-2 is a new coronavirus that first appeared in China in November 2019. It was associated with cases of pneumonia. This virus causes the illness that is now called COVID-19. How this virus is referenced in speech and print has been politicized. There is a politics of naming. Words matter.

   SARS-CoV-2 is a new coronavirus that first appeared in China in November 2019. It was associated with cases of pneumonia. This virus causes the illness that is now called COVID-19. People with COVID-19 may have symptoms ranging from mild symptoms or severe illness, even death. Older adults and people with medical conditions like heart or lung disease or diabetes seem to be at higher risk for developing complications from COVID-19 illness.

3. The document continues:

   As of July 13, 2020, there have been more than 12 million confirmed cases and 560,000 deaths worldwide. In the United States, there have been 3.2 million confirmed cases and 130,000 deaths have been reported (World Health Organization, 2020). As a response to the ongoing pandemic, AstraZeneca is developing an investigational vaccine, also known as AZD1222, for the prevention of COVID-19.

4. It is now Monday, September 7, 2020.

   We are approaching 200,000 deaths in the U.S. Will there be acknowledgement of this horrific milestone? Today we are at 193,285.

5. Oh, God, each number represents a life, a loss, a loved one, an empty bed at home, or a person missing from the streets. Oh, God, have mercy on us. May we acknowledge our grief, this loss. Oh, God, here is an article that reports we passed 200,000 deaths weeks ago: By August 13, at least 200,000 more people than usual had died in the previous five months, according to a New York Times analysis of estimates from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. This is about 60,000 higher than the number of deaths that have been directly linked to the coronavirus. Oh, God, you know our hearts, You see our sin. Soften our hearts, infuse us with your compassion, work among us in your mysterious ways. Help us be a conduit of your love.

Day One Hundred and Seventy

Saturday, September 5, 2020

1. I’m signing up to participate in a COVID-19 vaccine trial.

2. Yesterday, at 11:36 a.m. I called 800-477-3045 and spoke with Nikisha Edwards, who works with Clinical Research Partners. I had found the phone number in an article about a COVID-19 study trial. I made an appointment to be evaluated on September 22, at 9:00 a.m.. I will go to Suite 201 on 7110 Forest Avenue here in Richmond.

3. I have a PDF of information which I am to print out and sign, checking several lines for assumption of risk and knowledge of the plan..

   The study is titled: A Phase III Randomized, Double-blind, Placebocontrolled Multicenter Study in Adults to Determine the Safety, Efficacy, and Immunogenicity of AZD1222, a Nonreplicating ChAdOx1 Vector Vaccine, for the Prevention of COVID-19

   The sponsor is: AstraZeneca AB

   The investigator is: Robert S. Call, M.D., President and Medical Director of Clinical Research Partners. He is being paid by the sponsor to conduct this research study.

4. The study is voluntary. I can drop out at any time and it will “not be held against me.” Thank you, study people. I would not want you to hold anything “against me.”

   The scientific questions of the study are:

   Does the study vaccine protect people from getting infected with a coronavirus called SARS-CoV-2 or getting COVID-19 illness?

   Is the study vaccine safe and how well is it tolerated?

   If I join, the study will last for about two years. I will have injections, blood draws and swabs of the back of my nose.

   Here are the risks:

   The most common risk is symptoms such as pain and tenderness where the study vaccine was injected, muscle aches or headaches after getting the study vaccine. There are other, less serious risks. We will tell you more about them later in this consent form.

   There are 24 more pages of information.

5. Oh, God, am I so altruistic, so devout a follower of your love, that I am participating in this study to further your good work? Or, if I am honest, am I seeking attention, a topic to write about, a subject for conversation with others, a way to prompt opinions from my family and friends? Oh, God, my motivations are always mixed. I am, like the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15, who says, as translated in The Message version, “What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.” In other words, I desire to have the best and highest of intentions and behavior, but I always fall short. Yet you have given grace to me, Oh, God, abundant and beyond my wildest dreams. Oh, God, bless those who are working for the good of humanity to create a vaccine, to care for the ill and hurting. Bless even those with motives, like myself, which are not always pure, those who seek to profit from this suffering, those who seek to bring a vaccine for political reasons. May all these human efforts and even missteps be effectual for your hurting people. May your Spirit infuse those who dismiss the virus, hide the death toll, discount the impact of its grasp on people and communities of color. Use us for your purposes, transform our hearts, as you promise in Ezekiel 36:26: “I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.” [New Living Translation]

Day One Hundred and Sixty-Nine

Friday, September 4, 2020

1. I started this Pandemic Diary on Friday, March 20, 168 days ago. On that date there were 3050 recorded worldwide deaths.

2. Now, 874,203 confirmed worldwide deaths and 191,114 confirmed deaths in the United States.

3. My country has 21.86 percent of confirmed worldwide cases.

4. My country has 4.25 percent of the worldwide population.

5. Oh, God, I sigh. I am angry. I am blessed. I am priviledged. I am aghast. I am spared. I am vulnerable. Oh, God, how can I pray? So much is on my mind. The recent memory of a magical COVID wedding in which I was the Mother of the Bride and the officiant. My eyes water as I recall the sunset, the candles, the flowers, the music, all outdoors by the river in our yard. The recent memory of my youngest brother’s brush with death days before the wedding. Thank you God, I am so grateful that surgery saved his life. Heal him, God. May he recover from the strokes, regain his speech and memory. Strengthen his wife as she cares for him and all those who come to their home, to assist with the feeding tube to give speech therapy, to show them how he can take a shower now. Oh, God, I pray for my country. If I stop to admit it, I am devastated. I am sad and mad and afraid to even read the news. How can this pandemic be discounted, God? How can this pandemic be politicized? I want to trust our leaders. I want them to be committed to the public good. Oh, God, the numbers of the ill and dead are being hidden. Oh, God, a vaccine is rushed before election day. Oh, God, many will say “It’s cured!” before the truth of its effect is known! Oh, God! Help me center in your love. Help me focus on my task, my calling, what I can do to be your presence in the world. Help me join with others committed to the love of all your precious children. Oh, God, is my anger useless? my despair a block? Oh, God, the Psalmist prays in anger, articulates despair, wishes for the enemy to fall. Oh, God, the Psalmist trusts in you, awaits your presence, follows you and does the good according to your law. The law of love. No matter what the others do, may I be part of love in word and deed.

Day One Hundred and Sixty-Eight

Thursday, September 3, 2020

1. What are the odds that I will get the virus? This calculator will make a prediction for me. Is this useful? I’m not sure. My calculated low risk may make me apathetic to the risk, for myself and others.

2. Shall I sign up for a clinical trial? I can sign up here.

3. “We are looking for adults living in the United States who want to take part in these studies. We want to create a list (or registry) of people we can contact about current or future studies. To do this, we are asking you to fill out this web-based survey to find out more about your interest and provide us with other details about you. This will help us find out if we can match you to an upcoming study. It is expected that one and a half million people will take part in this registry study.” It says. There are more paragraphs of explanation.

4. I sign up. Step One of 7. Step Two and Three of 7 is some personal information. I am happy to see that gender categories include “transgender man” and “transgender woman.” Step Four of 7, questions about my household. Step Five of 7, “on a typical day, how many people do I interact with outside of work?” The answer is between 1 and 10, because I see Dan each day after he returns from work! “In the past two weeks, have I attended any gatherings of more than 10 people?” Well, the wedding was only the 10 of us. But there were 2 photographers, 5 musicians, 1 wedding planner, and 2 caterers. So that is more than 10, even though it was all outdoors and we kept our distance. And they ask, was it outdoors. It was. The final steps are all my medical history. I am enrolled. They mayor may not contact me. This is a study, not the vaccine trial. Here is an article about the vaccine and the number to call: (804)477-3045.

5. Dear God, sustain with your Spirit all who are working to healing and health around the globe!

Day One Hundred and Sixty-Seven

Wednesday, September 2, 2020

1. In this article, a Health Commissioner in Ohio warns “normal” life won’t return until 2022.

2. Health Commissioner Eriz Zgodzinski says: “A Vaccine won’t provide instant relief to the changes we’ve undergone in 2020, but things should start to get better.”

3. We probably won’t be seeing our lives back to their pre-pandemic '“normal” for quite some time, he says. “Real normal life” as we remember from before the pandemic forced shutdowns, closures, and social distancing, likely won’t return until 2022.

4. In another article, an epidemiologist provides a possible timeline: possible timeline: Jessica Malaty Rivera, MS, an infectious-disease epidemiologist now serving as the science communication lead at the COVID Tracking Project and a member of the COVID-19 Dispersed Volunteer Research Network, says that: “Everything about tomorrow and next month and next year is dependent on today and this week and the following week….Everybody’s behavior -their personal behavior in a public health crisis - has an impact on the overall way that this pans out.”

5. Oh, wait! What? Our behavior determines how this pans out? It’s not a situation where we are helpless as to our common fate? We can beat this if we work together? The outcome is not pre-determined by biology, by you, by some unseen force? So, what we do matters, God? What we do matters. Our actions of compassion matter. Oh. Wait. You’ve been saying this all along. Oh, God.

Day One Hundred and Sixty-Six

Tuesday, September 1, 2020

1. What is the impact of the virus now, all these months later? As an election looms, as evictions threaten, as family members grieve lives cut short?

2. This study shows that the impact of the virus varies sharply by region. In Austin, Texas, they are expecting more closures. In New York, they’re struggling to pay the bills. In San Francisco, they worry that the old normal is never coming back.

3. We are five months into the worst economic slump in generations. Nationwide, a third of companies report negative affects from the pandemic. About one in 20 expect to shut down in the next six months.

4. One hundred eighty-eight thousand and eight hundred sixty-three confirmed deaths. Can this count be accurate with attempts to suppress the virus death counts?

5. Oh, God, I come before you. I am grateful that I have not had the virus-yet. I know there is no guarantee I will be spared. I know I am at risk, for age and issues of my health. I pray for a long life in which to serve you. I pray for the helpers who are caring for patients. I pray for those who are speaking truth when often it seems that downplaying the virus is the norm. I pray for those who are caring for the sick. I pray for those who do not have the funds for rent or foot. I pray for those affected all around the globe, this fragile orb you entrust to us. I pray for those in my country, the ill, those in leadership positions with decision power to do good or ill, for those who teach, for those who support their families, for those afraid and vulnerable. Help us, Oh, God, Help us.

Pandemic Diary: August 2020

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Day One Hundred and Sixty-Five

Monday, August 31, 2020

1. What will post-coronavirus social life really be like?

2. Have you heard others say “will all this is over?” or perhaps you have said it yourself.

3. How will we sustain our friendships, those of us who are older adults? Friendship is a key component of a healthy life, especially as we age.

4. There is not going to be a world “after” COVID-19. A new world is already here. The idea that the storm will pass and we will go back to how things were before, is nonsense. I have seen this coming, I have to say. Maybe I am just a pessimist. Maybe I am just always on alert to danger.

5. Oh, God, we are in a new world now. Help us find a new way of showing love and compassion. Help us have empathy for others, and ourselves. Help us open our eyes to injustice, and the way this pandemic affects some more than others. Yet, we are all vulnerable and have no guarantee. Help us, Oh, God. Help us.

Day One Hundred and Sixty-Four

Sunday, August 30, 2020

1. There is a lot of speculation about how the coronavirus could change things, and optimists wonder if change could be for the better.

2. This article explores whether coronavirus could change education for the better. Can it?

3. This article in Nature explores how the Pandemic may play out in 2021 and beyond. Around the world, epidemiologists are constructing short and long term predictions. Their conjectures vary, but there are two things they agree on:

   *COVID-19 is here to stay

   *The future depends on a lot of unknowns.

4. That sounds to me like they don’t know anything! They just know we don’t know! But here are the particular unknowns they think are the biggest factors:

   *whether people who have had the virus develop lasting immunity (we dont’ know yet)

   *whether the change in seasons affects its spread Winter is Coming! has a whole new meaning this year! (GOT Fans?)

   *AND MOST IMPORTANTLY: human behavior. Specifically, the choices made by individuals and governments!

   Behavior changes can reduce the spread - but, I wonder, which behaviors will we have to continue for the long haul?

5. Oh, God, help us! Oh, God, sustain the epidemiologists who are working hard. Inspire young people to go into this field and others which will contribute to the common good. Oh, God, inspire leaders who will keep our health a top priority, especially the health of those who are vulnerable because of age and social status and race and disability. Oh, God, the cry for justice has called out for so long. Your prophets spoke in centuries past. Your prophets speaking now need the infusion of your Spirit. May we heed their call and follow you, your way of love, your way of compassion, your way of care. You called us to you with our heavy burdens. You left this earth and commanded us to continue the work of Jesus. May we do so.

Day One Hundred and Sixty-Three

Saturday, August 29, 2020

1. It was only a matter of time. Covid-19's appearance was just a matter of time, this letter, published in The Chronicle Herald reports:

2. “On Jan. 14, the World Health Organization (WHO) issued a statement claiming that a pandemic of a new, highly infectious airborne virus that will threaten millions of lives is inevitable. This came in the wake of the first case in China of a pneumonia-like illness since identified as a coronavirus, COVID-19.

   The WHO officially proclaimed a pandemic on March 11, 2020. By then 114 countries had reported the presence of the virus, with a total of 118,000 cases and 4,300 deaths.

   While the pandemic took most of us by surprise, those who read the signs of the time were not. The background to the pandemic reveals three realities: we were warned. We were unprepared. We helped build the nest which hatched the virus.

   Medical sciences and others have been warning us for decades about pandemics. For instance, in a straw poll in 2006, 90 per cent of epidemiologists predicted a pandemic in the next generation or two. And there was H1N1, SARS and Ebola.”

3. “While we have made marvellous progress in the treatment of diseases, this is far from equally distributed among the 8 billion of us. Even those of us who benefit from available health care can be swept off our feed by another virus. We cannot adequately deal with our current situation, let along be ready for tomorrow. Nations invest heavily in protecting their citizens from military attacks, but much less so against the prevention and treatment of disease.”

4. “United States President George W. Bush in 2005, after reading John Barry’s “The Great Influenza,” gave a speech on plans to prevent a pandemic. It included detecting outbreaks around the world, stockpiling vaccines and drugs and improving vaccine production capacity. Other governments, too, were aware of what could happen, but few had plans in place. “

5. Oh, God, we humans seldom heed your warnings. Oh, may we heed the warnings, of your prophets, of the scientists, of those who watch and care for this fragile orb, of those who cry for justice, of those who lift up the suffering, grieving, and call us back to love.

Day One Hundred and Sixty-Two

Friday, August 28, 2020

1. The blessing of the wedding in the COVID-19 era. An intimate gathering, by the river, one sister present by digital device.

2. I am the M.O.B. as well as the officiant Christian says his vows to Anna, as Amy looks on.

3. Husband and wife head down the “aisle” between trees, in a spray of celebration!

4. Now for the reception under the trees.

5. Oh, God, I give thanks for blessing in the midst of the pandemic, the intimate ceremony, the blessing of the meadow, the shelter of trees, the blossoms on the arbor, the twinkling lights strung on branches, delicious food plated on my mother’s gray rose china, silver monogrammed utensils, also of hers, musicians under the trees, a boat honks and waves as the ceremony proceeds, all stop and wave, Lindsay, on the west coast, present by phone in real time. Oh, God, I rejoice in love and new chapters and big smiles and full hearts and thank you, God, for miracles.

Day One Hundred and Sixty-One

Thursday, August 27, 2020

1. The wedding is tomorrow.

2. I wake up early, everyone is here!

3. I’m so excited! I am the M.O.B. and the officiant!

4. Tonight we gather for drinks on the riverhouse porch before dinner.

5. Oh, God, my heart is full! I am so grateful for this day! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I praise you with my heart, my soul is filled, your spirit hovers over all, gives life!

Day One Hundred and Sixty

Wednesday, August 26, 2020

1. Everyone arrives tonight!

2. Tomorrow we will have dinner on the river house porch, socially distant, with a tent above, a long table to keep apart.

3. Food from Book Binders, downtown, to be picked up.

4. We will watch the sunset on the river.

5. Oh, God, tonight my heart is filled with joy. I’m so excited to see Anna and Christian and Natalie and Billy and Amy and Christian’s parents. What a celebration! The tents have arrived, the bistro lights are glowing in the trees by the river! Oh, God, I am grateful! Thank you! Hallelujah! Love wins! Grace abounds!

Day One Hundred and Fifty-Nine

Tuesday, August 25, 2020

1. In the Canadian online publication PreventionWeb, this August 12, 2020, article proposes that Health care should shift focus from treatment to prevention after Covid-19.

2. Kaitlyn Kuryk reports that COVID-19 has placed a spotlight on the inequities of Canada’s current “curative” health-care system and the problems associated with viewing health policy in isolation from social factors.

3. She continues: Post-COVID, we should not “go back to normal.” Instead, we should push for a health-care system that values prevention and acknowledges that all policy is health policy. We need to ensure that we address all factors that can produce and maintain health, not just help people once they’re sick. To best address population health, there needs to be a balance between preventive and curative measures, equitable access to social services, policies that emphasize the social determinants of health and a move away from the “sickness care system.”

4. It is interesting to me to see how the Canadian health system is discovering gaps in its approach, even as they have health care available to everyone.

5. Oh, God, may we learn from this pandemic, and share our knowledge, across communities, cultures and countries. Oh, God, may we love in this pandemic, within families, among friends, and even in relationships frought with conflict.

Day One Hundred and Fifty-Eight

Monday, August 24, 2020

1. The F.D.A. allows expanded use of plasma to treat coronavirus patients, according to this New York Times article published today. The move came on the eve of the Republican convention and after President Trump pressed the agency to move faster to address the pandemic.

2. The the approval, which had been held up by concerns among top government scientists about the data behind it, was welcome news in fighting a disease that has led to 176,000 deaths in the United States and left the nation lagging far behind most others in the effectiveness of its response.

3. Meanwhile, in China, where the pandemic began, life is starting to look normal. Markets, bars and restaurants are crowded again. Local virus transmissions are near zero. But some worry that people are letting their guard down too soon.

4. In Kenosha, a Black man was shot in the back multiple times as he opened the door of a parked vehicle on a residential street. The man was identified as Jacob Blake by Gov. Tony Evers of Wisconsin. He was in “serious condition” at a Milwaukee hospital, according to a statement from the state Department of Justice early Monday morning.

   As night fell, large crowds of demonstrators faced off against police officers, videos on social media showed. In one video, several empty trucks are seen on fire. Around midnight, the city of Kenosha issued a curfew until 7 a.m., and the county said Monday the courthouse would be closed because of “damage sustained during last night’s civil unrest.”

5. Oh, God, these two pandemics, racism and Covid-19, exist in tandem in these days, the overlay of one, the virus, now upon the longstanding plague of racism. Oh, God, open our eyes to see the ravages of these diseases, one of human fabrication, our own making, over centuries, millenia, and one a tiny microbe, threatening human lives. This is a testing of our time, and we test positive for both.

Day One Hundred and Fifty-Seven

Sunday, August 23, 2020

1. Restaurants face "apocalyptic" times, according to this New York Times article.

2. There are coronavirus outbreaks at colleges reopening for the fall. underscoring the difficulties of policing student behavior.

3. he world has topped 23 million coronavirus cases, with the US confirming more than 44,000 new infections in a 24-hour period to Saturday.

4. South Korea, credited with one of the world's most rigorous responses, has recorded its sharpest daily increase in cases since March as it battles several new clusters.

5. Oh, God, here is the situation in the state of Virginia, where I live, 13 new outbreaks reported Saturday, 370 (+2 from yesterday's report) outbreaks at long-term care facilities with a total of 9,020 COVID-19 cases and 1,321 deaths. That is up 25 cases and 2 additional deaths from the previous day's report. Six new outbreaks were also reported in congregate settings, two outbreaks were recorded in a healthcare settings and three outbreaks were reported in educational settings. Read more, oh, God, or, wait, you don’t need to read a thing. From Psalm 139, you have searched me, oh God, and you know me. You perceive my thoughts from afar, you know when I sit down and when I rise up. You discern my going out and my lying down. You are familiar with all my ways, with all our ways, we humans, your created creatures. Do I know you? From Psalm 46:10, “Be still, and know that I am God.” Okay, God, I will be still, I will be still, and I will know that you are, you are God.

Day One Hundred and Fifty-Six

Saturday, August 22, 2020

1. Schools are reopening.

2. Children are getting ill. Teachers have to quarantine. Parents scrambling. Grandparents, at risk.

3. College students coming to campus. Football cancelled for some, not for others. Yet. Each sport, dealing with the virus.

4. Rent holds coming to an end. What will happen to the evicted?

5. Oh, God. Have mercy on us. Strengthen the caregivers, who assist the ill. Help teachers take care of themselves as best they can. Sustain the pastors and worship leaders and office staff, and faith leaders of every kind as they seek to meet spiritual needs, offer encouragement, in unprecedented times. Oh, God, so much is happening in our country, as an election looms. So much is happening, all over the world. We need you. We need your healing power. We need your strong compassion. We need your mercy and justice. Pour out your Holy Spirit on us, all across the globe.

Day One Hundred and Fifty-Five

Friday, August 21, 2020

1. Here is the New York Times coronavirus briefing for today, by Jonathan Wolfe:

2. Europe is entering a new phase in the pandemic as a fresh wave of infection strikes countries that had initially reined in the virus.

3. Because of the coronavirus pandemic, and the economic collapse that followed, the U.S. federal debt has surpassed the size of the country’s economy.

4. The C.D.C. now projects that nearly 195,000 people will have died from the virus in the U.S. by Sept. 12.

5. Oh, God, as we move toward a death toll of 200,000 in the U.S., that being only the number of actually confirmed cases, how do we resist becoming numb? How can it be that we seem as a society not to care about the elderly? Why is this not having the effect of other mass-casuality events in our country’s history? Are we in a stage of “compassion fade” as we no longer see this number as composed of individuals, but simply as a statistic? Are we are are white, and those who are not beyond middle age, impervious to the plight of those most vulnerable? Mostly Black people and old people are dying. Do segregated neighborhoods impact our lack of sensitivity, for those of us who are white? Oh, God, restore our empathy. Wake up the White folks, raise up advocates for people of color, infuse truth tellers with energy and voice to speak to power. Open our hearts and minds and rack our brains so that we will see beyond statistics, break down our defenses and stir up our empathy, so that, with your lovingkindness and compassion, we may be bearers of your kindness and love.

Day One Hundred and Fifty-Four

Thursday, August 20, 2020

1. Here is the coronavirus covid map and case count for my state, Virginia: for my state, Virginia.

2. Deaths are climbing in the U.S., and data suggests the official toll is an undercount, reports this briefing briefing in the New York Times by Jonathan Wolfe and Lara Takenaga.

3. The United States reported at least 1,470 deaths from the coronavirus on Wednesday, the highest single-day total yet in August.

4. This Kaiser Health News article reports that children with mild or no symptoms are more contagious than sick adults.

USA Today: 'Silent Spreaders' Of COVID-19: Kids Who Seem Healthy May Be More Contagious Than Sick Adults, Study SaysA new study adds to growing evidence that children are not immune to COVID-19 and may even play a larger role in community spread than previously thought. Researchers at Massachusetts General Hospital and Mass General Hospital for Children found that among 192 children, 49 tested positive for the coronavirus and had significantly higher levels of virus in their airways than hospitalized adults in intensive care units, according to the study published Thursday in the Journal of Pediatrics. (Rodriguez, 8/20)

Harvard Gazette: Children’s Role In Spread Of Virus Bigger Than Thought In the most comprehensive study of COVID-19 pediatric patients to date, researchers provide critical data showing that children play a larger role in the community spread of COVID-19 than previously thought. In a study of 192 children ages 0-22, 49 children tested positive for SARS-CoV-2, and an additional 18 children had late-onset, COVID-19-related illness. The infected children were shown to have a significantly higher level of virus in their airways than hospitalized adults in ICUs for COVID-19 treatment, according to Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH) and Mass General Hospital for Children (MGHfC). (8/20)

5. Oh, God, are we going to protect the little ones? Are we going to protect the vulnerable from the innocent, who carry the virus that can kill? Oh, God, are we ever going to acknowledge the slaughter happening from an unseen entity whose only reason to exist, whose only desire is to replicate itself? Oh, God, where are you in this? Are you here, do you hear?

Day One Hundred and Fifty-Three

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

1. People of color are = more likely to die of Covid-19.

2. USA Today: Asian Americans In San Francisco Are Dying At Alarming Rates From COVID-19: Racism Is To Blame

   Mandy Rong was terrified her 12-year-old daughter had COVID-19. It was 2 a.m. and the young girl was hours into a fierce fever and a racking cough. She was weak and didn’t want to eat. What few medications were on hand had expired. She sipped warm water instead. “Mommy, why are my eyes on fire?” asked Amy Rong. The mother and daughter, along with Rong’s parents, live in an 80-square-foot windowless single-room-occupancy Chinatown building that is a home of last resort for many impoverished Asian immigrants. Hallways are cramped, bathrooms and kitchens are communal. A ripe setting for the spread of the highly contagious novel coronavirus.  (della Cava, 10/18)

3. The Hill: CDC: Blacks, Hispanics Dying Of COVID-19 At Disproportionately High Rates 

   Black and Hispanic Americans were disproportionately more likely to die of COVID-19 during the spring and summer months, a new indicator that the coronavirus’s toll is falling most heavily on underserved and minority communities. A new analysis by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) of more than 114,000 Americans who died of COVID-19 between May and August found that 24 percent were Hispanic or Latino, even though only about 18 percent of Americans are of Hispanic decent. (Wilson, 10/16)

4. Georgia Health News: Race And COVID: Stark Disparities In Rural Georgia 

   A USA Today analysis shows that of the 10 counties in the nation with the highest death rates from COVID-19, five are in Georgia. Hancock County is No. 1 on the list. The Middle Georgia county, with a death rate from COVID-19 of 45.7 per 10,000 residents, became a virus hot spot after outbreaks in two nursing homes, where at least 27 residents have died. (Miller, 10/16)

5. Oh, God, the vulnerable are dying. Oh, God, wake us up to act, to prevent more needless death, to raise awareness, to dispel the discounting of the distressed and suffering.

Day One Hundred and Fifty-Two

Tuesday, August 18, 2020

1. Five million, six hundred and fifty-six thousand, four hundred and seventeen cases in the U.S.

2. One hundred seventy-five and ninety-two recorded, confirmed deaths.

3. What devastation is upon us.

4. This Virginia Pilot article makes a plea for addressing the disparities laid bare by the virus disparities laid bare by the virus.

5. Oh, God, our communities have been devastated by this virus. Oh, God, sustain those who bring hope in these times, care for the ill and advocate for justice and compassion. Oh, God, here is a prayer. I make this prayer my own today. I make this prayer my own today.

Day One Hundred and Fifty-One

Monday, August 17, 2020

1. Time has become fluid in these pandemic days.

2. Time has become divided now for me. There were the Before Times. Now, Pandemic Days.

3. Here is an article with scientific evidence for why I feel like the pandemic is messing with my mind.

4. Here is an article which explains the "surge capacity" which we humans have which helps us in stressful situations - but when those situations drag on, for months and monI have so far been spared the sickness. I have so far been spared the loss of an immediate family member. Oh, God, may I not grow callous, may I not deny the death toll, may I not discount the need for careful living. Oh, God, fill me with your Holy Spirit, to sustain me for the long haul, for the rest of my life, so that I can be your vessel of love, of compassion, of kindness and advocacy for those whose voices are not heard, for those who cannot speak.

Day One Hundred and Fifty

Sunday, August 16, 2020

1. It has happened. I have become numb.

2. I have neglected my commitment to writing this Pandemic Diary.

3. I have been delinquent, remiss, thoughtless, I have let myself and you, dear reader, down.

4. I have not written in 9 days. Why? Good question. I have focused on the joys in my life, big joys, the completion of a manuscript for my book, Martine: A Memoir, which is now in the stage of revision, and the marriage of my firstborn, which I will officiate, 12 days from now. Shall I not focus on these things, these milestones of my life, my life long dream of writing this book, my dream of 31 years that my daughter would find a loving partner with whom to share her life, with whom to outlive me and extend compassion into the world in her own precious way? Some friends seemed to think at first that I was too focused on this Pandemic, too pessimistic, too obsessed, too dire in my predictions, too meticulous in my precautions, to fearful in my fear of death, disease, premature demise when I want to live for long years, long life, able to look back and tell these tales. All my predictions have come true, and worse. It has not yet even reached the peak. Somehow I’ve been privileged and spared such that I can forget the devastation, injustice and despair of those around me, such that my attention laggs, my commitment drops as I have known great joy. Now guilt arrives. I repent and write. I will not forget the dying, I will not forsake the dead. I will lift up their stories as they are told by loved ones, by journalists, by writers, whose fingers click the keyboard now, who will one day write long tombs, screenplays and essays in retrospect of this pandemic so that we do not forget, for all time.

5. Oh, God, I confess that I have dropped the ball in this commitment, I have lagged behind in my writing goal, I have allowed my heart to fill with my personal joy and forget, let go, change focus. Is this so bad, God? Am I so human, selfish, self-absorbed in sin? Shall you punish me, shall I reap what I have sown and know the consequences of what I have done? The reader may find this melodramatic, God. Maybe I pray a bit tongue in cheek, cheeky? Maybe not. What is my earnest prayer now is this: Oh, God, may I never forget, may I never turn away from the suffering of your precious children. May I love as you have loved, may I be a vessel of your love, may I be a prophetic voice as those you called of old and now to speak the truth, point out the uncomfortable, inconvenient news of what is happening in our world. I will return to counting the death toll. I will return to praying for the ill and grieving each day. I will return to tracking what is happening around this fragile orb you created from your breath and words. I will also remember that you turned water into joyful wine and celebrated compassionship and love. I will also remember that four gospels told your story and changed the world and I am called to tell my little gospel and change minds and hearts, as my story lifts up the compassion of your human presence on this earth.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Nine

Saturday, August 15, 2020

1. It rained today, a lot.

2. The street we live on flooded, the upper pond, overflowing, overtaking the road and then cascading down into the ravine below, on the other side of Battery Hill Dr.

3. We did a walk through of the wedding, made a plan for rain.

4. It was fun and joyful and we laughed. They are so happy, the bride and groom. It is contagious, the glow of love.

5. Oh, God, I am so grateful for these two, my lovely daughter and her partner. Oh, God, may your blessing be upon them. Give them many, many years to thrive, enjoy the life abundant in grace and charity for all. Oh, God, in the words of the wedding prayer I prayed so many times before couples which I wed, I pray now for them: May their mutual love for one another overflow in love for others and care for their community. Witnessing their love, may we find our own hearts renewed and our own partnerships strengthened.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Eight

Friday, August 14, 2020

1. Today I received my manuscript from my editor! There is more work to do, polishing and revising, and yet this is a great milestone. A day to celebrate in the midst of the pandemic!

2. Scientific American provides this coronavirus report by Robin Lloyd, a round up for August 8-14, 2020.

3. In the U,.S., “…community outbreaks of the coronavirus this summer have centered on restaurants and bars, often the largest settings to infect Americans,” writes Jennifer Steinhauer at The New York Times (8/12/20). Data show that about a quarter of Louisiana’s coronavirus cases since March, other than those in nursing homes, prisons, and the like, trace back to bars and restaurants, the story reports. In Maryland, “12 percent of new cases last month were traced to restaurants…and in Colorado, 9 percent of outbreaks overall have been traced to bars and restaurants,” Steinhauer reports. Indoor dining is banned in New York City and many other places, the story states. Many food-service workers have felt pressured to return to their jobs when restaurants re-opened. These jobs are often low-paying, may not offer health insurance, and are disproportionately held by Hispanic people.

4. In an 8/7/20 essay in The New York Times, a prominent epidemiologist and a banker call for a renewed and stricter lockdown in the U.S. for up to six weeks to “crush the spread of the virus to less than one new case per 100,000 people per day.” Currently, the U.S. reports 17 new cases per 100,000 people daily and a total of at least 50,000 new cases daily, write Michael Osterholm, director of the Center for Infectious Disease Research and Policy at the University of Minnesota, and Neel Kashkari, president of the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis.

5. Oh, God, it is a great day of celebration fo rme, yet at least 50,000 people are diagnosed with Covid-19 each day. Oh, God, bless those who care for the ill. Inspire those who create policy for the common good. Heighten the brain power of those who seek vaccines and therapies. Swirl your spirit among those who collaborate across disciplines. Open all of our hearts to your previous children, around us, and afar.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Seven

Thursday, August 13, 2020

1. Kaiser Family Foundation provides this update on the week in coronavirus news.

2. This week worldwide cases surpassed the 20 million mark and United States’ cases surpassed 5 million with over 167,000 deaths.

   An update to our state reports of long-term care facility cases and deaths show that the pandemic has not abated in these facilities, as the number of hot spot states has consistently hovered at 32 this week.

3. State Reports of Long-Term Care Facility Cases and Deaths Related to COVID-19 (Includes Washington D.C.)

• Data Reporting Status: 47 states are reporting COVID-19 data in long-term care facilities, 4 states are not reporting
• Long-term care facilities with known cases: 15,213 (across 45 states)
• Cases in long-term care facilities: 375,261 (across 44 states)
• Deaths in long-term care facilities: 67,112 (in 45 states)
• Long-term care facility cases as a share of total state cases: 19% (across 44 states)
• Long-term care facility deaths as a share of total state deaths: 43% (across 45 states)

4. State social distancing actions that went into effect this week: Face Mask Requirements
– New requirements: NH
• Social Distancing Measures
– Extended: TX, UT, MN, SC
– Paused: No states
– Rolled back: KY
– New restrictions: AK, HI, MA

5. Oh, God, I remember when Dad died of the flux, in early January, 2018. There was a massive snow storm. He was so helpless, and so were we. Oh, God, I feel for all those who have loved ones in long-term care facilities, who are in isolation, as a measure of protection, with the effect of broken hearts and lonely death. Oh, God, help us reach out with love, by your grace, with your hand upon our shoulder.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Six

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

1. Bloomberg News gives this update: President Donald Trump turned up pressure to open America’s schools by hosting an event at the White House promoting in-person learning. Two senior Federal Reserve officials lamented the U.S. failure to control the coronavirus pandemic compared with other advanced nations.

2. Global Tracker: Global cases top 20.3 million; deaths pass 743,000.

3. Vaccine nationalism makes a deadly disease worse, reports Vernon Silver, who says “the world’s governments have opted to lock themselves in a lethal version of the prisoner’s dilemma.” The competition has spurred a phenomenon known as vaccine nationalism—the jockeying of governments to secure doses of promising candidates for their citizens. The means of doing that are numerous, and the field of combat is vast: There are more than 160 efforts under way, with 26 in clinical evaluation as of July 31, according to the World Health Organization. Front-runners in final, Phase III trials include the Oxford vaccine; another from Moderna Inc., based in Cambridge, Mass.; and a third from Germany’s BioNTech SE, which has partnered with Pfizer Inc. All of these have investments from or purchase agreements with the U.S. government and at least one other nation. China, Russia, and (starting this month) Italy are also among those with vaccine candidates being tested on humans.

4. With bragging rights and economies at stake, not everyone is playing nice. China and Russia have tried to hack various Western vaccine efforts, according to the intelligence services of the U.S. and its allies. Some nations and pharmaceutical companies are planning for the possibility that vaccines or their components might be blocked from crossing borders. The contest may also be putting medical safety at risk. It normally takes years to develop a vaccine, and the compressed timelines raise concerns about leaders’ ambitions bending the judgment of regulators. Trump has embraced the competition with his Operation Warp Speed, which is spending as much as $10 billion in the hope of having some 300 million doses of a winner available for Americans. As the deep-pocketed spoiler, Trump is placing bets on almost every major Western vaccine effort.

5. Oh, God, here is the state of our world, your world. Scientists are working overtime, investors are splurging, stakes are rising, people are dying, nations are hacking, vaccines are competing, pastors are preaching on zoom. Oh, God, hear the cry of the poor, the ill, the nurse, the lost, the living, the almost dead. Oh, God, may we hear you, know your voice, read your word, live your love.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Five

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

1. Stephen Hahn, F.D.A. Chief, is caught between scientists and the president.

2. Many medical experts worry about whether Dr. Hahn has the fortitude and political savvy to protect the scnetific integrity of the F.D.A. from Mr. Trump.

3. An article by Sheila Kaplan reports that: As the coronavirus surged across the Sunbelt, President Trump told a crowd gathered at the White House on July 4 that 99 percent of virus cases are “totally harmless.”

4. Unlike Dr. Anthony S. Fauci or Dr. Francis S. Collins, leaders at the National Institutes of Health who have decades of experience operating under Republican and Democratic administrations, Dr. Hahn was a Washington outsider.

   Now seven months into his tenure, with the virus surging in parts of the country and schools debating whether to reopen, the push for a vaccine is intensifying. The government has committed more than $9 billion to vaccine makers to speed development, and last week Mr. Trump speculated that one could be ready by Election Day — a timeline that is unrealistic, according to scientists, and shows the strain Dr. Hahn may be under. “The president has shown if you disagree with him too much, he fires you,” said Dr. Hahn’s longtime friend and former colleague Kevin B. Mahoney, chief executive of the University of Pennsylvania Health System.

5. Oh, God, in ancient times there were the kings and the prophets, the prophets who accomodated the king, and the prophets who spoke truth to power. Oh, God, our modern days are not so different. Human nature remains the same. Our technologies and weapons and instruments have evolved. Our tendencies endure, greed, lust, deception, aspirations for oneself, fear, desire for ever more, panic, distrust. And yet our hearts are yours, and you can flow through us with lovingkindness, mercy, compassion, forgiveness, empathy, valor, solicitude, honor and sacrifice of self for others. Work in us, may we know we are yours, you are here, now, with us, within in, waiting for us to let you in, that you may flow through us.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Four

Monday, August 10, 2020

1. Sonali Kolhatkar, of the Sri Lanka Guardian, says that Trump's Presidency is a Death Cult.

2. When President Donald Trump was challenged by Axios national political correspondent Jonathan Swan to respond to the fact that, “a thousand Americans are dying a day” due to COVID-19, the president responded as though the grim tally was perfectly acceptable, saying, “They are dying, that’s true. And it is what it is.” While observers were aghast at the callousness of his statement, it should not have surprised us. Trump had warned that the death toll would be high, and he had asked us months ago to get used to the idea. In late March, the White House Coronavirus Task Force had projected that 100,000 to 240,000 Americans would die from the virus. Rather than unveil an aggressive plan to tackle the spread and prevent the projected mortality figures, the president had said, “I want every American to be prepared for the hard days that lie ahead.”

3. The New York Times saw this warning as a contradiction to Trump’s stance in February and early March when he had said that “we have it totally under control” and “it’s going to be just fine.” The paper seemed to heave a sigh of relief that a few weeks later, “the president appeared to understand the severity of the potentially grave threat to the country.” But the report’s authors failed to grasp that Trump is willing to accept anything—including mass deaths—in service of his political career.

4. In fact, mass death appears to be part of Trump’s reelection strategy as per a July 30 Vanity Fair report on the administration’s strategy to contain the pandemic. The investigative piece explained that Trump’s adviser and son-in-law Jared Kushner was part of a group of White House staffers that corresponded frequently to discuss the rapidly spreading virus. According to a public health expert who was described as being “in frequent contact with the White House’s official coronavirus task force,” one of the members of Kushner’s team had concluded that, “because the virus had hit blue states hardest, a national plan was unnecessary and would not make sense politically.” The unnamed expert told Vanity Fair, “The political folks believed that because it was going to be relegated to Democratic states, that they could blame those governors, and that would be an effective political strategy.”

   If it is true that Kushner embraced the idea of COVID-19 deaths as part of a political strategy for Trump’s reelection, there can be no clearer evidence that the Trump presidency fits the definition of a “death cult.”

5. Oh, God, a death cult? Are we complicit in a death cult? Oh, God, I have no words for you today. I cling to yours.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Three

Sunday, August 9, 2020

1. Some Covid-19 survivors experience a prolonged loss of senses. Will they come back?

2. While most COVID-19 patients with loss of taste and smell see it return within six weeks, others struggle with changes to these senses months later.

3. In an article, Maura Hohman reports: While losing taste and smell happens often with viral infections and even other coronaviruses, the way that COVID-19 affects a patient's nose and mouth seems different, according to Dr. Sandeep Robert Datta, a Harvard neuroscientist who co-authored a recent study on anosmia, aka loss of smell, published in Science Advances.

   "In many cases, the reason you lose your sense of smell when you get a cold is that your mucus composition changes, your nose gets super stuffy," he told TODAY. "When your cold resolves, that inflammation goes away and you can smell again. In COVID, it doesn't appear that that's the main thing going on." There's "a very real subset of patients" whose "anosmia lasts much, much longer," he added. "There are people who were infected at the beginning of the pandemic, and they still haven’t regained their sense of smell."

   Of these patients, Datta said, many report changes to their sense of smell when it does return, a condition called parosmia. For example, your favorite shampoo might smell completely different, and "it can be extremely disconcerting," he said.

4. Datta's research, released in late July, found that one potential reason this could happen is that the virus may infect what he called "support cells" in the nose. These are not the cells that actually detect odors; rather, they're the cells that help those sensory neurons function properly. "We think that in the people who have longer lasting anosmia, maybe the long-term lack of support from these (support) cells actually causes the sensory neurons to die," he explained. "The sensory neurons have to be regenerated ... and one possibility is that in people with COVID, that might actually take extra long."

   As a result, the parosmia may arise when those sensory neurons are "reborn" and have to reintegrate into the body's olfactory system all over again, Datta said. He added that for taste, it seems like both support cells and actual taste cells "might be infectible" by the coronavirus, and the underlying mechanism behind taste alterations has "similarities" to smell.

5. Oh, God, may those whose sense of smell and taste is lost recover. Oh, God, may those whose hearts are broken receive comfort. Oh, God, may those who discount the virus’ toll be shaken. Oh, God, may those with decision making power be compassionate. Oh, God, may we use our senses to detect your presence among us, your people nearby and far, your love surrounding.

Day One Hundred and Forty-Two

Saturday, August 8, 2020

1. This article in Medical Press, reports that Covid-19 is causing Americans more stress than in other nations.

2. Denise Thompson states that Americans are faring much worse mentally and financially during the COVID-19 pandemic than citizens of other high-income countries around the world, according to an international analysis.

3. One-third of U.S. adults say they've experienced unbearable stress, anxiety and sadness during the pandemic and more than 30% have faced economic hardships, the Commonwealth Fund report revealed. "Data from our research demonstrates that U.S. adults, when compared to people in eight other high-income countries, face greater mental health and financial consequences from the COVID-19 pandemic," said Reginald Williams II, a vice president at Commonwealth Fund, a private foundation that studies health care issues. "It is also notable that few U.S. adults believe that national leadership has done a good job of managing the pandemic when compared to other countries."

4. The Commonwealth Fund has been comparing health systems around the world for decades, but the COVID-19 pandemic presents a rare instance in which every nation surveyed is facing the same crisis at the same time, Blumenthal said. Between March and May, the organization interviewed more than 8,200 adults in nationally representative samples from Australia, Canada, France, Germany, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Sweden, the United Kingdom and the United States.

   The results were not flattering to the United States, which has lost quite a bit of international stature due to its COVID-19 response.

5. Oh, God, I’d like to point out to you the situation in my country:

   This crisis has revealed weaknesses in our approach to health care compared with other industrialized nations. Other such countries have features that are blunting the impact: 1. universal insurance coverage; 2. universal access to a reliable primary care physician; 3. Guaranteeing social support systems, including paid sick leave, unemployment insurance and child care assistance; and 4. Avoidance of the politicization of public health crises by basing decisions on science and expertise. Oh, God, may we learn in my country, may we learn.

Day One Hundred and Forty-One

Friday, August 7, 2020

1. In 1918 In Chicago, Health Commissioner John Dill Robertson fought off angry parents and teachers, Robertson held fast against school closure. In 1919, he reported that “with respect to the schools, it was remembered that the sanitation is quite uniformly good and that the hygienic conditions of environment were better than those which would have obtained among the children if classes were discontinued.” Even without school closures in Chicago, the classrooms were fairly empty due to high rates of absenteeism of 30 percent in early-to-mid-October, to nearly 50 percent by the end of the month. Robertson concluded that many students were being unnecessarily kept home by parents stricken with “fluphobia.” But then as now, parents had legitimate concerns about sending their children back.

2. What can we learn from the schools that stayed open in 1918? I’m not sure, I conduct research, I am wondering.

3. I am grateful that I am not a teacher, not a mother who has children now in school.

4. But, I cannot remove myself from the concerns of those who are teachers, leaders making decisions, parents, children.

5. Oh, God, may your Spirit bring wisdom to those in positions of authority, those with children of school age, those who are teachers, those who are vulnerable. Oh, God, help us in this time.

Day One Hundred and Forty

Thursday, August 6, 2020

1. “As long as you have any member of society, any demographic group, who’s not seriously trying to get to the end game of suppressing this, it will continue to smolder and smolder and smolder, and that will be the reason why, in a non-unified way, we’ve plateaued at an unacceptable level.”

2. Dr. Anthony Fauci did not hold back during a conversation hosted by the Harvard School of Public Health Webcast.

3. Dr. Fauci told CNN’s Dr. Sanjay Gupta, who was moderaing the event, that there was “a degree of anti-science feeling” in the United States that is hurting the efforts to get the pandemic under control.

4. That anti-scientific skepticism around COVID-19 has also had personal consequences for Fauci, America’s leading infectious disease expert. “Getting death threats for me and my family, harassing my daughters to the point where I need to get security…I wouldn’t have imagined in my wildest dreams that people who object to things that are pure public health principles are so set against it, and don’t like what you and I say, namely in the word of science, that they actually threaten you,” he said. “I wish that they did not have to go through that.”

5. Oh, God, why this anti-science sentiment among us? Why are we theatened by the truth? What shall we do, those of us who understand your world? Or perhaps we do not understand at all. Oh, God, what are you doing in our midst/ How are we humans fighting still? Can we not work together, now? When all our lives at here at stake? Oh, God, help us. Oh, God, help us.

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Nine

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

1. During the 1918 pandemic some schools stayed open.

2. During the 1918 pandemic, 675,000 people died in the United States alone.

3. The majority of schools were closed for weeks and months on end.

4. Three major cities - Chicago, New York City and New Haven - kept their schools open. When influenza struck New York City in the fall of 1918, its school system comprised more than a million children, 75 percent of whom lived in crowded and unsanitary tenement houses. Dr. Royal Copeland, the commissioner of the Department of Health at the time, insisted that the clean environment of the modern school buildings, combined with medical inspections and examinations, was far safer than keeping them at home in places like the Lower East Side. Indeed, Copeland became irritated over the closing of his son’s private school, the School for Ethical Culture, in mid-October of 1918 and used his son’s apathy at home as “evidence that children are better off in school, under supervision, than playing about in the streets.” His management of the city’s health during the flu pandemic was so successful that four years later he was elected the U.S. senator from New York, a post he held until his death in 1938.

5. Oh, God, our situation with schools is so different now from 1918. Are there lessons to be learned? Oh, God, please be with teachers, students, parents, in this uncertain time. Raise up those with wisdom, help us respond with compassion, smarts and creative solutions to this crisis. Help us, Oh, God.

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Eight

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

1.Today there are 160,276 recorded deaths from coronavirus in the U.S.

2. Today there are 4,917,965 recorded cases of the coronavirus in the U.S.

3. Today in the whole world there are 706,360 recorded deaths from coronavirus.

4. Today, in Virginia, the state in which I live, 2244 recorded deaths from coronavirus.

5. Oh, God, I have become numb to death. Have I become numb to death? What makes us stop caring, what makes us numb to death? Oh, God, open our hearts to care, may your compassion flow through us.

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Seven

Monday, August 3, 2020

1.Today, tropical storm Isaias gains strength as it nears the east coast.

2. President Trump blasts Dr. Birx over coronavirus warnings.

3. Innovative clear mask allows baby to see parents’ faces.

4. Yesterday, the SpaceX Capsule returns to earth, lands in Gulf of Mexico.

5. God, what must you think of us? You created us to be in relationship with you, with one another. Oh, God, how do we fare, we humans, dealing with a pandemic around the globe? Oh, God, bring your Spirit to our midst, guide us into love, help us seek your face, may we love as you have loved. We are tested in this time of trial.

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Six

Sunday, August 2, 2020

1. How has the Pandemic changed our wedding plans? At some point we realized we could not have the large ceremony we had planned.

2. We finally decided to have it here, at our home, at a spot over looking the James River. The ceremony, mid-afternoon. The dinner at sunset.

3. A honk and wave? We had considered. But how can our family keep from stopping, getting out and talking, celebrating! It is our human nature! It is the Walker way!

4. A smaller honk and wave may be, at least a photo shoot and neighbors passing by to wave, we think they will behave!

5. Oh, God, may all the brides and grooms

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Five

Saturday, August 1, 2020

1. I am a Pandemic M.O.B.

2. My daughter is a Pandemic Bride. My son-in-law to be is a Pandemic Groom.

3. There will be ten of us at our home. There was to be 150 at a vineyard.

4. I will do the ceremony. A dear pastor friend was to officiate. I am therefore both M.O.B. and signer of the form, the marriage license.

5. Oh, God, I pray for all pandemic brides, all pandemic grooms, all pandemic wedding families and their friends. May we be a witness to the power and bond of love. May we have compassion for the health of others in our decisions. May we find joy in each moment of anticipation. May we remember the one who turned water into wine. Oh, God, how many weddings have I done since I was ordained in 1983? I remember my first. It took place in a waiting room at Lehigh Valley Hospital Center, where I was a chaplain. A man, deathly ill, stood up, with effort, his IV pole beside him, a woman joined him and I joined them in holy matrimony. His funeral was the first I ever performed. Love in the face of death is strong, overcomes, is more and ever powerful, everlasting love.

Pandemic Diary: July 2020

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Day One Hundred and Thirty-Four

Friday, July 31, 2020

1. Here is the report from the CDC July 31, 2020.

2. It’s not easy for me to read, confusing, multiple articles. Also, I am now skeptical, having seen how they have been compromised, silenced, manipulated, by those who wish to downplay, disinform.

3. Here is the number of worldwide known and reported cases:

4. 17, 296, 303. 673,690 known and counted deaths worldwide.

5. Oh, God, I pray again, help us. This is a worldwide pandemic. Pandemics have occured before. Where are you in this event in history? Where is your Spirit, where your presence? I want to give a word of hope to readers, yet I feel the loss, I feel the fear. Can I trust in you? Can I live for you? Can I re-orient my viewpoint to one of positivity perspective? Help me, help us, infuse your Spirit in our midst. Thank you for those who inspire, whose who speak truth, those who love and care.

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Three

Thursday, July 30, 2020

1. It has been six months since the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a pandemic of international concern.

2. Six months.

3. On January 30, when WHO chief Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus made the announcement, signaling the desperate need for a coordinated, global response to the crisis, there were only 98 confirmed cases outside China, and zero deaths.

4. Zero deaths. Imagine that.

5. Oh, God, an employee of my husband’s company has died. Forty-six years old. His family is trying to get his body back to Guatemala, where he is from. Another employee is also in serious condition. They were friends who drove to work together, in the field. Oh, God, I am afraid as I read about what has been learned about COVID-19, its effects on the body, on blood vessels, causing strokes, full-body effects. Oh, God, we pray for a vaccine to work, for humanity to work together all over this globe, for unity, compassion and your Spirit’s work among us. Oh, God, help us. Oh, God, may this man’s family feel your love, surround them with friends and family who comfort them. May his friend live. Oh, God, we need a sign of hope.

Day One Hundred and Thirty-Two

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

1. Global coronavirus cases have surpassed 17 million, including 667,000 deaths, according to Johns Hopkins University.

2. Our country will see deaths skyrocket “well into the multiple hundreds of thousands” if we do not control the coronavirus pandemic, medical experts are warning.

3. The resurgence in coronavirus infections has rocked the South and West and is now making its way to Midwestern states.

4. “What inevitably is going to happen is that the states that are not yet in trouble, will likely get into trouble,” Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the National INstitute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said today.

5. Oh, God, I am angry, disheartened, safe, privileged, financially secure, healthy for now, watching from a distance as death creeps over the globe. Oh, God, I am no longer noting the death toll each day, as I did in the beginning. I have become numb. I am numb to the death, which is over 153,000 now. How can I be so callous, God? How can I simply shake my head when Dr. Fauci discredited by the very government he serves? Should I be looking for the good, the helpers? I have done so, at times. Shall I join them? Oh, God, I am working on my book, it is coming together, and soon, I am staying informed, reading many sources, I am praying. I am reading, informing myself about the original pandemic of systemic racism. The New Jim Crow, brings me to consciousness of what I knew not, the creeping system of surveillance which is destroying communities and will gut them. Oh, Lord, how long? how long? May i be your vessel of grace and understanding, may I open my heart to the words of the modern day prophets, whose words are so similar to the prophets of old.

Day One Hundred and Thirty-One

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

1. An employee of my husband’s company has died of COVID-19.

2. Death has come close.

3. I did not know him, he worked in the field, not in the office where my husband goes each day.

4. He was 45 years old.

5. Oh, God, COVID-19 has claimed the life of his young man. Oh, God, may his family find comfort, may they find peace. Oh, God, there are no words for untimely death, grief beyond description, pain without words. Oh, God, oh, God.

Day One Hundred and Thirty

Monday, July 27, 2020

1. Today, U.S. medical experts are urging the country to shut down, after we recorded more than 1,000 daily deaths for four straight days. The U.S. has more than 4.2 million cases.

2. Google will extend its remote work policy until at least July 2021.

3. The first phase three clinical trial of a coronavirus vaccine in the U.S. started today.

4. China recorded 64 local cases on Monday, the highest number for a second straight day since it brought the virus largely under control in Marhc.

5. Oh, God, I pray. I pray for this pandemic to end. I pray that wisdom will prevail, compassion will win out, working for the common good will become the norm. Oh, God, use me to further your grace and love.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Nine

Sunday, July 26, 2020

1. It is Sunday. Have I become used to staying home? For so many decades, for most of my life, I looked forward to Sunday, to see the people, to hear the word, to sing, to fellowship. And now, I am retired. And it is a Pandemic. And I am not going to church.

2. Today, with 4 million cases and counting, our country has hit another milestone in COVID-19 cases. Death rates in some states are soaring. Officials are now going to more desperate measures to try to slow down the latest surge in coronavirus cases.

3. In D.C., visitors coming from certain hotspots will be required to quarantine for two weeks unless they are on essential business, the mayor of D.C.,Muriel Bowser, said on Friday.

4. Here in Virginia, 913 people were confiremd to have COVID-19.

5. Dear God, what can I pray for today? What and who? This is a pandemic that is being minimized by governmental officials, tension between medical experts and politicians, pressure for schools to open being applied by those whose grandchildren and children are not attending in person education because of COVID. Oh, God, we need your help. Rise up leaders with compassion, infuse decision makers with wisdom, assist neighbors in watching over one another, and may we know your great love and live it, in your name, by your example.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Eight

Saturday, July 25, 2020

1. The country has surpassed 4 million COVID-19 cases.

2. North Korea has reported its first suspected case of COVID-19.

3. Dr. Anthony Fauci, the US’s top infectious disease expert, said the Center for Disease Control has put a set of guidelines on how to reopen schools safely this fall.

4. Fast food ouetls McDonald’s and Chipotle will soon require customers in the US to wear masks or other face coversings as cases of COVID-1 surge nationside.

5. Oh, God. ai have become complacent, laggin behind in my Pandemic Diary commitment to write every day. I am catching up. Oh, God, I am blessed, privileged, undeserving, as I am retired, completing my book, seemingly unphased, by the pandemic. I am no longer working in a congregation, I am not making decisions about in person worship and meetings and how to send a word of hope to the followers of Jesus. Oh, God, use me to spread light and love and truth in these pandemic days. Oh, God, I pray for healing, for justice, for compassion to rise above all other concerns.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Seven

Friday, July 24, 2020

1. Today is our youngest brother’s birthday. David was born in 1964.

2. Here he is at 15 months of age.

3. Here he is with his newspaper route.

4. I spoke with David recently. We talked about his experience in our family, and mine. We grow up in entirely different families, even as children of the same parents. What is your experience of your family? sibling order, only child? stories told, remembered differently?

5. Oh, God, we are your prescious children, you have created us. Help us love one another, our families, siblings, parents, for we are yours.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Six

Thursday, July 23, 2020

1. Today I worked on my book, as I do most days.

2. Today I studied the short ending of Mark’s gospel. It is actually the original ending, the text on the oldest and most reliable manuscripts. After vs. 8 of chapter 16, there are other verses, added at a later time. What does it mean for you if Mark ends at verse 8? “And they went out and fled from the tomb, for trembling and astonishment had seized them, and they said nothing.”

3. We like stories to be tied up and tidy, We don’t like “dangling” endings. We want completion, resolution, even redemption.

4. What is the message in this original ending? What was Mark’s intent?

5. Oh, God, open my eyes to see what I have not seen before. Oh, God, take away my pressupositions and assumptions, my desire to see what I wish to see rather than what is before me. Oh, God, I am open, I open my heart to learn anew, to receive wisdom, to live fully and in the fullness of your Spirit.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Five

Wednesday, July 22, 2020

1. Memories of summers past. Here we are at the trailer Granny and Pappy had at Logan Martin Lake near Pell City, Alabama. Martine wears a necklace and holds cousin Jimmy, Bobby behind, David and cousin Leah in the front, and I am in the back. I am about to be 11 years old.

2. Here we are with our other cousins, also at Granny and Pappy’s in the summer. Bobby is in the back, David, in front of him, looks toward Martine. Martine looks down. I am holding the youngest cousin.

3. I received a bike the summer I turned eleven.

4. What did you do during summers growing up? What are you doing this pandemic summer?

5. Oh, God, a great heat wave is cast across our country. It is dangerous, we are subject to dehydration, over-heating. Those without air conditioning or who live outside are suffering. Oh, God, a great heat wave is cast across our country. It is dangerous, we are subject to shielding ourselves so that we will not sweat. Those who cannot avoid the heat know its power. What is heating up among us? Pent up emotions, weariness turned to action and protest, strife incited by rising fever, fervor, passion. You appeared to Moses in the bush that burned but did not consume. Where are you now, in the little fires everywhere? Where can we see you, find you, what does this fire illumine in the night? Oh, God, sustain with your Spirit those who burn with fire of justice, heal with your balm the wounds of those who fall, melt the hearts of those who burn with hatred, and energize those who have wise words to share and hands to help, lift up, raise up to the sky.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Four

Tuesday, July 21, 2020

1. Dad, it is your birthday.

2. Here you are. I did not see this picture until you passed, left this world for the next, in January of 2018.

Dad, 1952 or prior.

2. Here you are, a child. Only in recent days did I have this view of you. A sailor cap. You would one day join the U.S. Navy.

Dad, July 28, 1933.

3. Your life before me, before Mom, in pictures today. This one, August 31, 1936, after you had “whopping cough,” someone has inscribed.

4. Thank you, Dad, Daddy. Thank you for your love, your support, your modeling of loyalty to Mom in her mental illness, in her dementia, in her death.

5. Oh, God, I wonder, where is my Daddy now? With you, what is it like? in that realm I trust, imagine, preached hope about so many years. Oh, God, help me remember Daddy, and live inspired by kindness that he showed. Help me forgive all that I felt I missed from him, and live with open heart.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Three

Monday, July 20, 2020

1.I have stopped looking first for the coronavirus death toll each morning. Why? Is it too overwhelming? Is it because so many other things are happening?

2. As I check the numbers, I also see that the true number of coronavirus infections is likely ten times higher than reported, CDC data show.

3. Meanwhile, threatens to send federal agents to more cities. These cities do not want the presence of the federal government in addressing the protests against police brutality and injustice. Our cities and our states do want help with the coronavirus pandemic! Yet they are largely being left to fend for themselves in the face of a massive humanitarian crisis.

4.According to Wikipedia, as of July 4, 2020, at least 28 people have died during the protests, with 24 due to gunshot wounds.[12][13][14][15] There have been numerous reports and videos of aggressive police actions using physical force including "batons, tear gas, pepper spray and rubber bullets on protesters, bystanders and journalists, often without warning or seemingly unprovoked."[16] These incidents have provoked "growing concern that aggressive law enforcement tactics intended to impose order were instead inflaming tensions."[16] 

5.Oh, God, I work on my book. I pray, for those on my prayer list, for our country, for those in positions of authority, for those who are ill and hurting. Oh, God, each day brings more news, much of which incites my anger. Where are you in this? I know already. You are in the voices for justice, in the tradition of the prophets you raise up, Isaiah, Jeremiah, Amos and others. You are in the hands of health care workers, extending care. You are beside the grieving child of a parent who died alone in ICU. You are inspiring art, creativity and voices of passionate compassion. May I join in the stream of Spirit you inspire, find my place and move with courage in the flow of voices, actions for the right, the good, the just, that we may overcome, as we bear one another’s burdens and follow in the steps of the One, your child, who was imprisoned, tortured and executed as an enemy of the state, a threat to status quo.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-Two

Sunday, July 19, 2020

1. Today is Martine’s birthday.

2. Martine would be 67 today. She could have lived that long, except for what? What caused her untimely death?

3. I am writing Martine: A Memoir. I am telling her story. I am actually telling my story of how uncovering the truth? has transformed me.

4. Can I find the “truth”? What is it? The cause of death? The cause of life? Where might there be joy? celebration? of a life. Or mourning, grief, immense loss and guilt. So many feelings. So many strands of thought. So many trails to follow to find what happened, exactly, to her to me, to all of us.

5. Oh, God, in these pandemic days, in these days of public discourse around the construct of race, in these days approaching the election in our country, there is pain, defensiveness, criticism, hiding behind a facade, screaming for justice, quiet acts of compassion, lonely days of just getting by, or not. Oh, God, break through with your Spirit to alleviate suffering, fuel the power of love, help us see our connection with one another. Oh, God, we need your help, your presence, your wisdom, your redemption.

Day One Hundred and Twenty-One

Saturday, July 18, 2020

1. Halfway through the year the coronavirus is intensitfying in many states.

2. Football season may not occur, this article poses the question: who is to blame?

3. The White House blocks the CDC from testifying on schools reopening next week.

4. Here is an article about school closures and reopenings with the 1918 epidemic.

5. Oh, God, give wisdom to those with authority with regard to schools, give comfort to those who are grieving, give compassion to those who resist, deny, the impact of this disease, give to each of us courage to live in your will and way, to move beyond our knee-jerk, primitive brain reactions to engage our fullest capacity for engaging with one another as to how to care for all. Oh, God, in your mercy, hear our prayer.

Day One Hundred and Twenty

Friday, July 17, 2020

1. Welcome to my Pandemic Diary, if you are just landing on this page today. I want to hear from you. How has the Pandemic affected your life?

2. I shut down travel plans. I recorded cases and deaths in the U.S. in my day planner, until there were too many, in that I was too overwhelmed to keep count.

3. I began to pray, for the helpers, for the grieving. Early on, I prayed that a woman my age with 3 young adult children would live. She did not live. I began to feel anger. Wherever I heard the virus threat dismissed, downplayed, I fumed. At this point I cannot keep up the mad. It will consume me.

4. I began to look for hope. I find it in those who find new ways to worship and even sing. I find it in those who find new ways to visit relatives, holding up a hand to a window pain, a window pane. I find it in those on the Twitter list I created for “Pandemic” who are involved in research all over the world, experts working together, to share data and remedies and creative solutions. I find it in those who are finding joy in each new day. I find it in those who have the courage to grieve the losses, the many losses, those who let tears fall and cleanse, those who comfort one another and me.

5. Oh, God, help us. I do not understand you. Yet I do understand you. You give us the clear command to love. You love with your life. May I love with this life you have given me. May I be a vessel of your compassion.

Day One Hundred and Nineteen

Thursday, July 16, 2020

1. So, Russian cyberspies may be trying to steal vaccine research. After several days of headlines about the White House’s attempts to discredit him, Anthony S. Fauci, the nation’s top infectious-disease expert, said in a Wednesday interview that it was time to “stop this nonsense” and focus on the virus “rather than these games people are playing.”

2. Oklahoma’s Kevin Stitt is the first U.S. governor to test positive for the virus. The Republican governor revealed his diagnosis as his state set a single-day record for newly reported infections.

3. Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan criticized President Trump, a fellow Republican, over his handling of the public health crisis in an essay published Thursday adapted from a forthcoming book. Hogan wrote that he procured test kits directly from South Korea because it “was clear that waiting around for the president to run the nation’s response was hopeless.”

4. I am recording links, preserving a record of what is happening, day by day. I present what grabs my attention. How is the virus affecting me, this day? I am afraid of the virus, what it may do to me and those I love. I am praying for those who are affected and who are vulnerable. I am not hugging my children. I am not going out and about very often. I feel angry, sometimes, because I feel more could be done to stop the spread in our country. I feel resigned, sometimes, that this is our lot in the U.S., a response that is not coordinated, a politicizing of the response to the virus, rather than a pulling together to save lives. I am fortunate in that I continue to follow my calling, writing, editing, working on my book. I pray for my friends who have churches to pastor, worship to conduct on line, decisions to make about in person worship.

5. Oh, God, strengthen those who make decisions about schools and churches and other organizations in regard to in person presence. Oh, God, open the minds of those who resist the truth about the virus. Oh, God, fill with your Spirit those who are caring for the sick. Oh, God, give power to those who speak the truth and fight for justice and act with compassion.

Day One Hundred and Eighteen

Wednesday, July 15, 2020

1. All the staff will now be wearing masks outside of their offices at my hisband’s company, as there are two people who have been infected with COVID-19. One got it two weeks ago, from her husband. It took 9 days to get the results from her COVID-19 test while she stayed home with symptoms. She is going back to work today. She’s been 3 days symptom-free. Another worker in the office felt bad last Friday and didn’t get better over the weekend. She is home sick now. The two women are in the 30s and 40s.

2. I thought this would happen a hundred days or more ago. It is happening now. I’d gotten complacent. Did I begin think it would not get so close?

3. I am grateful that the first woman has recovered and is well enough to return to work. I pray, O Lord, that the second woman also has a mild case and recovers quickly and completely.

4. The virus could be contained if everyone would wear a mask, I read in an article.

5. Oh Lord, help us. Heal us. Fill us with your Spirit of compassion.

Day One Hundred and Seventeen

Tuesday, July 14, 2020

1. On this day, 13,307,904 coronavirus cases recorded around the globe. 577,223 recorded worldwide deaths.

   On this day, 3,490,308 recorded coronavirus cases in the U.S., a number which is surely an underpresentation. 138,453 deaths recorded in our country.

2. This is a difficult year, around the fragile sphere on which we live, giving rise to comparisons with other years in history. I recently read an article that proclaimed 536 A.D. as being the worst year in history:

3. The year 1349 saw the Black Death kill half the population of Europe.

   In 1520 smallpox ravaged the Americas and killed between 60 and 90 per cent of the continents’ original inhabitants.

   In 1918 the Spanish Flu led to the deaths of over 50 million people.

   The rise of Hitler in 1933 is often claimed to be the turning point in modern history.

   However, medieval historian, Michael McCormick says that 536 A.D. was the worst year to be alive.

   The year began with an inexplicable, dense fog that stretched across the world which plunged Europe, the Middle East and parts of Asia into darkness 24 hours a day, for nearly 2 years.

   Global temperatures plummeted, resulting in the coldest decade in over 2,000 years. Famine was rampant and crops failed all across Europe, Africa and Asia. This period of extreme cold and starvation caused economic disaster in Europe and in 541 A.D. an outbreak of bubonic plague further led to the death of nearly 100 million people and almost half of the Byzantine Empire.

   This part of the sixth century has a widely been referred to as the Dark Ages, but the true source of this darkness had previously been unknown to scholars. Recently, researchers led by McCormick and glaciologist Paul Mayewski, have discovered that a volcanic eruption in Iceland in early 536 led to incredibly large quantities of ash being spread across much of the globe, creating the fog that cast the world into darkness. This eruption was so immense that it altered the global climate and adversely affected weather patterns and crop cultivation for years to come.

4. Ironically, last December, Nickolas Kristof, an opinion columnist for the New York Times, declared 2019 to be the best year in history. I say ironically because many are declaring 2020 to be the worst year in history, and this is quite true for many people in terms of their personal history.

5. Oh, God, how are you present in history? You are the great mystery, the loving redeemer, the compassionate Christ, the wind of the Spirit, the creator of the universe. Oh, Lord, you have searched us and you know us. You know when we sit down and when we rise up. You discern our thoughts from far away. Your search out our path and our lying down and you are acquainted with all our ways. Where can we go from the spirit? Where can we flee from your presence? If we ascend to heaven, you are there; if we make our resting place in the deepest depths of the earth, or the place of the dead who sleep, you are there. Open our hearts and minds to see and feel and know your presence among us, guiding us in times of great difficulty, helping us to find our way, which is simply your way, the way of love. Love calls us, love energizes us and replenishes us, to live your lovingkindness.

Day One Hundred and Sixteen

Monday, July 13, 2020

1. On this day, I was born in 1959:

2. One year before my birth, a vaccine for the 1957-1958 pandemic was being administered. Here is a wikipedia article about the 1957-1958 pandemic.

3. Also known as Asian flu, this was was a global pandemic of influenza A virus subtype H2N2 which originated in Guizhou, China and killed at least one million people worldwide. Today, recorded worldwide deaths from coronavirus are more than half a million. It is surely the case that the number is low and that there are a vast number of unreported deaths.

4. By June 1957 it reached the United States, where it initially caused few infections.[2] Some of the first affected were United States Navy personnel at destroyers docked at Newport Naval Station, as well as new military recruits elsewhere.[9] The first wave peaked in October principally affecting children who recently returned to school after summer break; the second wave in January and February 1958 was more pronounced among elderly people, and consequently was more fatal.[2][10] Microbiologist Maurice Hilleman was alarmed by pictures of those affected by the virus in Hong Kong published in The New York Times. He obtained samples of the virus from a United States Navy doctor in Japan. The Public Health Service released the virus cultures to vaccine manufacturers on 12 May 1957, and a vaccine entered trials at Fort Ord on 26 July and Lowry Air Force Base on 29 July.[9] The number of deaths peaked the week ending 17 October with 600 reported in England and Wales. The vaccine was available in the same month in the United Kingdom.[3] Although it was available initially only in limited quantities,[10][3] its rapid deployment helped contain the pandemic.[2]

H2N2 influenza virus continued to transmit until 1968, when it transformed via antigenic shift into influenza A virus subtype H3N2, the cause of the 1968 influenza pandemic

5. Oh, Lord, you have searched me and known me. It was you who formed my inward parts; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes beheld my unformed substance. In your book were written all the days that were formed for me, when none of them as yet existed. Wonderful are you rworks; that I know very well. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any hurtful intent within me, and lead me in the way everlasting. - from Psalm 139.

Day One Hundred and Fifteen

Sunday, July 12, 2020

1. Tomorrow is my birthday! I will be 61 years old. I am actually very excited. I will see two of my four daughters and the fiancee of one of them! and their puppy! My husband and I are here at the beach to welcome them. We will social distance, no hugs.

2. In the midst of this pandemic I am fulfilling my lifelong dream, writing and publishing a book. I wrote stories as a child. I still have many of them. I started a journal when I was 12, on November 18, 1971. I have kept a journal ever since. I can see the book coming together, it is so very exciting!

3. The traveling I did last year for the book could not have happened during this pandemic. I am grateful for what I was able to do in 2019. I took many, many writing classes and attended several retreats. I went to Raleigh to disinter the ashes of Martine. I traveled to San Francisco three times. On the first trip, I walked down Minna St. with Diane, my childhood friend. On the second, I rented the room on Minna St. in which Martine died, my friend of this past decade, Kim, went with me. On the third trip, I was joined by my husband, all four daughters and 3 of their partners, my youngest brother and his wife, and my newfound, new brother, David, and his wife, who I tracked down during my research this past year. I found him on May 12, 2019. We rented a boat and scattered Martine’s ashes on the San Francisco Bay. I presided over the brief ceremony. David, Martine’s dear, dear friend from college days, rang the bells traditional for burial at sea.

4. I am grateful. I am blessed. Today I feel so fortunate.

5. Oh, God, thank you for your love which has sustained me my whole life long. I have tears in my eyes as I type this prayer on my laptop in this kitchen, filled with morning light, the beach, not far away. Oh, God, may I refrain from being driven by my ego, may I let go of my desire for fame and acclamation, may I use the resources I have been given, material, emotional, spiritual and hard earned wisdom for your good purpose in this world. Oh, God, I wrote so many prayers to you in my journal starting 49 years ago. I wrote them in private, secret, sometimes in the code I created. Oh, God I prayer this prayer in public, it is accessible through this digital technology of the day. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer. (Psalmd 19:14)

Day One Hundred and Fourteen

Saturday, July 11, 2020

1. I’m worried about the mental health of the helpers.

2. Dr. Lorna Breen was "unflappable-until she faced a new enemy." “Dr. Breen worked at New York-Presbyterian Allen Hospital in Upper Manhattan, where she supervised the emergency department. The unit had become a brutal battleground, with supplies depleting at a distressing rate and doctors and nurses falling ill. The waiting room was perpetually crowded. The sick were dying unnoticed.” The article tells the story of her loving family, the esteem in which her colleagues held her, and her energy and zest for living. She took her life.

3. An April 30 article explore the evolving mental health crisis. Suicides of two health care workers hint at the COVID-19 mental health crisis to come.

4. “Even before the pandemic emerged, moral injury and burnout were rampant among clinicians. Moral injury is frequently mischaracterized. In combat veterans it is diagnosed as post-traumatic stress; among physicians it is portrayed as burnout. But without understanding the critical difference between burnout and moral injury, the wounds will never heal and patients and physicians alike will continue to suffer the consequences. Moral injury was first used to describe soldiers’ responses to their actions in war. It represents perpetrating, failing to prevent, bearing witness to, or learning about acts that transgress deeply held moral belifs and expectations. Journalist Diane Silver describes it as “a deep soul wound that pierces a person’s identity, sense of morality and relationship to society.

5. Oh, God, I pray for the helpers, those working in ICU units, those consoling the grieving, planning zoom funerals, family members of those who serve, caregivers and experts in trauma who offer care and knowledge.

Day One Hundred and Thirteen

Friday, July 10, 2020

1. There is now a controversy over opening schools. It seems to be politicized.

2. I find an article by a journal called Conversation. In an article, they offer 3 lessons from how schools responded to the 1981 pandemic "worth heeding."

3. Sadly, in the current climate, I can’t imagine us implementing any of them. But they are interesting:

   Invest in school nurses. They go on to talk about the history of school nurses and the difference they made in the 1918 pandemic.

   Partner with other authorities. In a study of 43 cities, successful school reopening occured when public health, education and political leaders worked together.

   Tie education to other priorities. I find this very enlightening:

   In 1916 the U.S. Bureau of Education proclaimed that the “education of the schools is important, but life and health are more important.”

   Reformers of the period, known as the Progressive Era, took that notion to heart. In addition to school nurses, they established school lunch programs, built playgrounds and promoted outdoor education.

   They attacked societal barriers to child health and welfare by enacting child labor laws, making school attendance compulsory and improving the tenement housing where millions of children lived.

   By the time the pandemic hit, President Woodrow Wilson had declared 1918 the “Children’s Year.” Schools stood ready to deliver not only lessons but food and health care.

   When schools reopened, children could learn in what Copeland described as “large, clean, airy school buildings” with outdoor spaces.

4. By contrast, we have an education secretary who won't say if schools should follow the CDC guidelines in reopening. The school re-opening debate reveals that we don't listen to teachers about schools, this article states. I could easily find more articles. It is looking like there will be chaos. School districts with greater resources will fare better than others in underserved areas.

5. Oh, God, we are truly in a mess here in regard to caring for our children in this country. Thank you for the teachers who have devoted their lives to young people. Thank you for researchers who study the needs of growing minds and the adults who guide them. Thank you for those who volunteer in schools for their love of little ones and elementary and high school aged students. Oh, God, may your Spirit move in ways unseen for good across this globe, that children may grow up in the midst of this pandemic with experiences which will lead them to positions of leadership in the future.

Day One Hundred and Twelve

Thursday, July 9, 2020

1. Today I received an email from Patient First, free COVID-19 anti-body testing. Conditions and instructions were listed. There is no charge.

2. I am 3 days behind in this Pandemic Diary. It was inevitable. I felt the urgency at the beginning, to record for posterity, for history, for my grandchildren, if I have them, to record what is happening in this time. I’ve grown weary of recording each new day.

3. Does each new day bring bad news? or a glimpse of hope? What have I learned during this time?

4. I have an awesome Twitter list I named “Pandemic.” I am following people around the world, deep into the science, the virology, the epidemiology, the virus and the search for a cure. I will now lift up what M Vlia Antonini, @FOAMecmo, who is in Italy, has learned. She says of the learned community of helpers, “What did we learn from #COVID19? to adapt, not to be broken by surge disrupting routine, to embrace uncertainty/accept fear, to be cautious/critical about results/data, to be prepared, to improve #SOME use to share doubts/knowledge, to learn/teach/train.” She continues, “Caring [for] #COVID19 patients [in] specialized #ICU [with] multidisciplinary staff required adaptability, teamwork, organization/prioritization crucial to offer safe/up-to-date/best feasible care, humility: to learn from others, change habits, embrace failure. #COVIDmarathon.

5. Oh, God, I thank you for M Velia Antonini @FOAMecmo and others like her, the helpers, the wise using their wisdom to find treatments, seek a cure, guide us in this time of uncertatiny. As I follow you, God, and live your love, I find her words to ring true to the life of discipleship: to adapt, to not be broken in the midst of disruption, to embrace uncertainty, to accept my human fear, embrace its power and then let go, for you have said, “be not afraid,” to be humble, to share doubts and knowledge, which your Psalmists do, to learn from others, change habits, and even embrace failure, for this is our human state in which we are broken and healed in your love. Bless her work and others. May I be about the good and offer care.

Day One Hundred and Eleven

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

1. Today I had what hopefully will be the final procedure on my right eye to give me the maximum possible vision.

2. My daughter drove me to the surgery center. She could not go in. I put on my mask while in the car. I entered the building, where I was greeted, my temperature taken, and I walked up the stairs to the waiting room. I registered and waited.

3. They called my name. I was escorted into a back area as the attendant entered the code on the keypad of the door. Three drops she put into my eye. To dilate. To numb. And one other. I was sent back to wait while my pupil enlarged. Except this pupil is stuck in position. I’m not sure if it can enlarge or not, perhaps a tiny bit which I can’t see. With my other eye I look and see it never change.

4. They called my name. I entered the small room and sat in front of the laser machine. One more numbing drop. The kind doctor, instructed me to press my forehead here, put my chin here, and it would not take long. Zap, zap, zap, the laser went. “You have a lot of scar tissue,” he said. “I will sand blast it out.” That is his metaphor! The scar tissue removed, I could see a tiny bit better on the way home.

5. Oh, God, open my eyes that I may see your world with the filter of your compassion. Open my heart that my love may grow stronger, more courageous, increasingly active in expression.

Day One Hundred and Ten

Tuesday, July 7, 2020

1. Why do I want to tell you “bad news?” or do I want to share the truth, what is below the radar, happening now, to our detriment?

2. I see an article in “Florida Today” with the title “Department of Health to medical schools: No COVID-19 data sharing” which goes on to explain how lack of sharing across entities will delay or impair important information in this time. Why is this happening? It appears that such sharing has happened before.

3. I see a tweet from Devi Sridhar, @devisridhar, Professor and Chair of Global Public Health at Edinburgh University, who has other titles, too, she says: “Emerging story of COVID is not only the deaths but the morbidity in healthy, young people, called ‘long-haulers’. Not just about dying but what it means to suffer for months with post-COVID complications. “

4. I see a tweet from Neurology Today, @NeurologyToday, which says: “Research suggests #COVID19 damages neurons in a significant fraction of patients, keven those without clinical neurological symptoms.” @YaleMedbit.ly/2VYJ1C4

5. Oh, God, where is your Spirit? where are you at work in this world? I hear cliches such as “new normal.” Oh, God, it looks to me like this is a transition into an entirely different era for our planet. The Before Times and whatever we will call this era. Oh, God, you are at work here and now, I know it. I trust you. I follow you. I have given my life to you. I will rest in you when my life is over. Infuse with your Spirit those who are doing your work, that they may have increased strength and courage. Melt the hearts of those resistant to your love that they may know your mercy. May we, may I center myself in you, refrain from empty distractions, and focus on the most important of all things: the love you call me, the love you all us, to share.

Day One Hundred and Nine

Monday, July 6, 2020

1. Yesterday was the fourth of July,.

2. July fourth crowds packed beaches despite the coronavirus surge.

3. California coronavirus cases and hospitalizations surge. Florida tops 200,000 coronavirus cases.

4. Yesterday, we sat in chairs here at Virginia Beach. Under an umbrella, the sand in my toes, the waves gentle roll, I reflected. The beach was crowded, with family groups huddled together, some space between others. At sunset, I longed to return and view the large moon setting over the waves. We took two chairs and sat. Then, all around us, small groups with fireworks, began to ignite their wicks and POW! Above us, sprays of red and white and blue exploded! It was so close, we pulled back closer to the dunes.

5. Oh, God, I pray for our country. Since this country was founded, your followers have prayed for this entity. So young a country, in the long view of history. I pray for our leaders. Give them wisdom and compassion. I pray for young people, aspiring leaders. May their dreams be realized of entering public service. I pray for those who have held lffice for decades and those brand new to their roles. I pray for those who refuse to see our failings as a nation. I pray for those who lift up problems and for those who find solutions to what we face. I pray for your blessing on us all, dear Lord, creator of us all.

Day One Hundred and Eight

Sunday, July 5, 2020

1. This is my Pandemic Diary. At the beginning I thought I would get the virus soon. I think now my chances of getting it are high, but perhaps not soon. If i get it, I will write you every day, until I don’t. Until no one can. Until my voice is gone and what remains are words I wrote and spoke.

2. This has also turned in to my journey to becom an anti-racist. Everyone is an Anti-Racist. Now What?is the title of a New York Times opinion piece by Erin Aubry Kaplan, whose sub-title reads: “Recognizing that Black people deserve dignity isn’t progress.”

3. U.S. COVID-19 Numbers Near 130,000; Florida and Texas Report Record Numbers

4. Doctors says the U.S. is in a "free fall" with coronavirus as 32 states struggle with high levels of infection.

5. Oh, God. I’ve prayed a lot of prayers. I’ve hoped a lot of hope. I’ve angered a lot of anger. Oh, God, in your mercy, free us of this virus. Heal the sick. Soften hard hearts. Activate the activists. Open our eyes and our minds. May we love with compassion action. May we survive. May we provide for those most vulnerable. May we beat this thing. May we follow Jesus. May we know your love. May we forgive.

Day One Hundred and Seven

Saturday, July 4, 2020

1. It is the fourth of July.

2. I’ve been reading in recent days about the possibility that Donald Trump wil not be the Republican nominee. I record this here in my Pandemic Diary, for history.

3. We are at the beach.

4. The virus is spreading. The Black Lives Matter movement has had traction for change. I saw the full moon over the water last night, sparkling on the waves. I could have stayed there all night long, lying on the blue blanket with turquoise dots, my toes in the sand, until the tide crept up upon me. I carry the memory.

5. Oh, God, I am grateful for the beauty of the earth. The sea, the sky, the water. What are we that you are mindful of us? How we have spurned the task you set before us, to care for this precious, fragile orb of life. May we awaken to our call, see what is before us, unite in a wave of compassion and seek justice, the mishpat spoken of in the sacred text.

Day One Hundred and Six

Friday, July 3, 2020

1. I woke up thinking “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice in it.”

2. How the Psalmist excells in voicing praise. How the Psalmist knows just how to articulate the word of joy.

3. This morning, I woke up thinking what a mess we all are in. I want to live, I want to help others to live with joy, I want to leave my mark.

4. It is a beautiful day. It is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice.

5. Oh, God, Pandemic Pain is all around. Oh, God, unrest, uprising, empathy is spreading, the desire for knowledge of the past is exploding, the voice of truth about the narrative we have been sold over time, is growing. It is scary, especially for those of us who have felt safe in streets and reaped the privilege perks. I pray for the healing of my neighbor with COVID-19. May she be well and may it not spread further in her home to loved ones. I pray for those who are overwhelmed by changes that seem to make no sense. I pray for those in positions of authority, tasked with crowd control. May they hold back, de-escale and understand. I pray for those who make decisions that are tough, in courtrooms, ICU units, in living rooms, in city parks.

Day One Hundred and Five

Thursday, July 2, 2020

1. Today, on Monument Ave., here in Richmond, Virginia the stature of Matthew Fontain Maury came down. The globe at the top of the edifice will remain for now. A few dozen people watched.

2. Yesterday, the statue of General Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson came down. Hundreds watched in the pouring rain, several friends of mine streamed live video.

3. Yesterday, Mayor Levar Stoney ordered the removal of confederate monuments across the city, using the state of emergency the city is currently under to execute the plan.

4. The monument removal plans include the Confederate Soldiers’ and Sailors’ Monument on Libby Hill and the Fitzhugh lee monument in Monroe Park. The A.P. Hill monument removal is complicated by the fact that Hill himself is interred under the pedastal. Here is an article from NBC news, Richmond, Virginia.

5. Dear God, among my dearest loved ones, there is a variety of feelings about the removal of these statues. The world is shifting, God, “times they are a’changing.” I remember these words from a song I heard when I was much younger. What is my role in this? I have written about it, put words out into the digitial community. Oh, God, I open my heart to you. Show me where I have not seen. May I hear where I refused to listen. May I reach across the boundaries of my milieu and be a conduit of your love. May I let go of pride and need for affirmation and refrain from being neither a “performative ally” nor a silent witness to injustice. Oh, God the virus. Yesterday I read an article about doctors performing triage for lack of resouces for the ill in Texas. Strengthn the healers, melt the hearts of those with power to affect change.

Day One Hundred and Four

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

1. What is happening?

2. Masks, masks, masks.

3. Uptick in cases in several states.

   Uncertainty about the future.

4. Election looming.

5. Oh God, we need your help. Please.

Pandemic Diary: June 2020

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Day One Hundred and Three

Tuesday, June 30, 2020

1. COVID-19 has come to my neighborhood, 3 doors down.

2. In our country, cases are rising.

3. Will it be 3 years before the virus will be “gone?” Or never?

4. This world is different now.

5. Oh God, what shall we do? I want to live, celebrate, hold grandchildren, further my mission, make each day count. I am not ready to succumb. I will not. I dare you. This is not how I am supposed to talk to you. Instead, God, melt my selfish heart, turn me from fear to love and service. Dear God, please heal our neighbors. May they know you enfold them in your love. May they be healed and well and strong. We will support them, meet their needs.

Day One Hundred and Two

Monday, June 29, 2020

1. This is my Pandemic Diary. I started it so many days ago. Now, the update: The CDC says we cannot control the virus, it is too late.

2. Wearing masks works. Social distancing works. Scientists rule. Politicians obfuscate.

3. The U.S. has no formal, centralized system for disease forecasting. Putting one in place is essential to combatting COVID-19 and avoiding similar pandemics in the future.

4. Oh, great. A new strain of flu has the potential to become a pandemic has been identified in China by scientists. It emerged recently and is carried by pigs, but can infect humans,, they say. It could mutate further and spread from person to person, triggering a global outbreak. It is among the top disease threats that experts are watching even as the world attempts to bring an end to the current coronavrius pandemic.

5. Oh, God, I am not happy. I feel our government is spending time on many things other than the health of Americans. Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God.

Day One Hundred and One

Sunday, June 28, 2020

1. I was nine years old at the time of the Stonewall Uprising. I was about to be ten. It was the summer of 1969. I had no idea that something so significant was happening.

2. Martine was 15 years old. What was Martine thinking then? What was it like to be transgender then, in the summer of 1969, in Huntsville, Alabama?

3. I want to know more about the Stonewall Uprising. I want to know the history of the Stonewall Uprising.

4. What was the event known as “Stonewall” and followed by an adjective? A riot, an uprising or a rebellion? Why does it matter what adjective we use?

5. Oh, God, we will soon have 130,000 coronavirus deaths in the U.S. We are not doing well, as a country, in controlling the Pandemic. Texas, Arizona and Florida are in real danger, I have dear friends in each of these states. I have lived in two of them. Oh, God, each day I pray. What can I do? What can we do? Oh, God, your Spirit is at work in the most unlikely of places. The Stonewall Uprising, your Spirit there? The Black Lives Matter protests, you Spirit there? The Pandemic pleading for compassion and action for the saving of human lives, your Spirit there? May I be in tune with the working of your S;pirit, may I embody your love, may I live in your compassion.

Day One Hundred

Saturday, June 27, 2020

1. A good day of celebration with daughters. Social distance, no hugs, but time together, joy.

2. I check social media, see a pastor has died of COVID-19. I am sad, though I did not know him. He could have had more years, more time to see grandchildren grow.

3. It is pandemic. It is disinformation. It is insensitivity is okay. I do not like it. What can I do?

4. I can provide links to articles, but do you care? What do you think? I am sad and angry. Florida and Texas, cases rising. People I care about live in both states. People I have known for years and years live in those states. Is it unreasonable to ask that those in charge of public issues care about loss of life?

5. Oh, God, what shall we do? Where are you in this? I want to end my prayer now, with this question. is that okay? Some Psalmists do. They end their Psalms without a statement of faith in you. They have their doubts? Some Psalmists, most, end with faith acclamations. That’s okay. I like it. The Psalms saved me, after all. Gave voice to my travails. Oh, God, thank you, for your love.

Day Ninety-Nine

Friday, June 26, 2020

1. It is Pride Month.

2. What is your experience with Pride Month? I google “Christians and Pride Month”

3. When did I first hear of Pride Month? I’m not sure. I can’t remember. I look it up. Another Brenda, Brenda Howard is credited with coordinating the first LGBT Pride march which occurred in 1970. Did I know, by 1988, when I become involved with the gay community through ministry with those who had AIDS? I don’t remember. Why did I not pay attention? Because, I was in the conservative church, the Southern Baptist Church, at first. Because in the Presbsyterian Church (U.S.A.) where I fled, there was still controversy. Because I was afraid. But now I know.

   The Human Rights Campaign has a list of faith traditions and their positions.

4. The Human Rights Campaign President Alphonso David has released a statement this year which

   recognizes the importance of both celebrating Pride and reacting to the recent rash of racial violence.

5. Oh, God, I confess my fear over the years, even when I began to know you love us all, create us in variety. Strengthen those who speak for justice, work for human rights, love with passion, act with righteous rage fueled by deep compassion. Lift up the brokenhearted. Melt callous hearts. Speak through us, care through us, love through us. Open our eyes to see and tear down our defenses that we may live in humility. Oh, and, Pride as well. Pride as in

Day Ninety-Eight

Thursday, June 25, 2020

1. I am beyond excited because tomorrow I will receive my manuscript for Martine: A Memoir from my amazing editor, Elizabeth Ferris!

2. I am angry because the virus is being downplayed and dismissed by our highest levels of government.

3. I am afraid for the lives of Black Americans.

4. I am sad because I do not know when I will next see many of my friends.

5. I have kept a diary since November 18, 1971. I have kept this Pandemic Diary for 98 days. For my prayer today, I will share one I wrote precisely 40 years ago, on Thursday, June 26, 1980. I happened to be in Charlottesville, Virginia, at that time, serving as a summer missionary with the Southern Baptist Convention, at the Woolen Mills Community Center. I lift up this prayer again, with the wisdom of 4 decades, having read and studied many times the verses on which this prayer is based: I pray my love will abound more and more in knowledge and awareness of you, God, with depth of insight as I make choices and moral decisions, so that I may be able to discern what is best and so that I may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Chris, to your glory and praise. Amen.

Day Ninety-Seven

Wednesday, June 24, 2020

1. Today, New coronavirus cases soar to highest single day total. There were more than 36,000 new cases reported by state health officials today. The previous record was set on April 25, 2020, at 34,203. Texas, Florida and California led the way, with all three reporting more than 5,000 cases apiece.

2. Dr. Fauci saus the next couple of weeks are going to be critical in dealing with the coronavirus surge in the U.S.

3. Tens of thousands of lives could be saved if almost everyone wore a mask.

4. The CDC now estimates up to 150,000 cases in the U.S. by July 18, 2020.

5. Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord, have mercy. Oh, God, may we break through denial and disinformation and saves precious lives. Oh, Lord, may we wake up and see what is around us. Oh, Lord, may we have compassion for one another. Oh, Lord, strengthen the bold, heal the sick, raise up prophets to tell truth, rewnew the hearts of those who heal.

Day Ninety-Six

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

1. Yesterday, I finished listening to Pale Rider, a book by Laura Spinney, a renowned science journalist. Colin Grant reviewed the book for The Guardian in July of 2017. Some excerpts from his review:

2. Spanish flu in 1918-19 killed 50 million, vastly more people than the world war it followed, yet has remained in the shadows “The title of Pale Rider is taken from Revelation and the apocalyptic “Pale Horse, Pale Rider”, an African-American spiritual in which the rider’s name is Death.”

   Countries blamed each other for the virus’s origin and closed their borders.

   Did the virus change the course of history in its wake?

   Spinney makes a compelling case for considering Britain’s medical negligence in treating flu in its Indian colony as an eventual catalyst to India’s independence movement. She also argues that the flu, by producing sickly German soldiers, had an impact on the timing of the end of the first world war.

   It is from a preserved piece of lung tissue from a victim that we began to understand that virus could be transmitted from birds to humans.

   The mystery of why the Spanish flu was so vicious appeared partly solved when decades later a rare piece of preserved lung tissue from a victim of the 1918 pandemic was examined. Gene sequencing showed that its structure bore a close resemblance to the flu virus found in birds. Until the 1990s, it had been assumed that bird flu virus could not be transmitted to humans. But the virus had mutated and jumped species. Its foreignness meant that the human immune system was vulnerable and, unprepared for the shock, triggered a violent response.

3. People in 1918 had been stunned by the devastation. Afterwards, they chose to protect themselves by not remembering. So severe was the impact of this “mother of all pandemics” on the community of Alaska Natives of Bristol Bay that its elders advised survivors to nallunguarluku, “to pretend that it didn’t happen”. In many other places, decisions were taken to opt for silence, if less explicitly.

4. Are we pretending in real time that our current epidemic is not happening?

   Trump says Covid-19 is 'dying out.' Experts fear his dismissveness could prolong the crisis.

   At this rally in Oklahoma this past Saturday, the president said he asked to slow down testing for the virus. An opinion writer declares that even his best excuse for saying this is horrifying.

   That same day, in General Surgery News: The Independent Monthly Newspaper for the General Surgeon, published this PDF file published this PDF file, by Justin Bbaarr, M.D., Ph.D. He lays out the work of medical historians who have put together a series of stages explaining how societies cope with pandemics such as COVID-19, similar to the stages of grief experienced by individuals. They use the work of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross as a framework.

   “Throughout history, societies and individual citizens have been slow to accept the arrival of pandemics. Sometimes, this reluctance is strategic: The 1918 Spanish flu got its name because other countries with the disease refused to admit the problem in an effort to maintain military advantage. In other cases, economic reasons predominate, like the slow recognition of the 1897 yellow fever epidemic in New Orleans, in an effort to stave off quarantine and the commercial implications thereof.” Thus begins the identification of the first stage of a society’s response to a pandemic: denial and a delayed acceptance that a pandemic is underway.

5. Oh, God. How we humans deny. We deny to protect ourselves from an uncomfortable, terrifying truth. When we are in denial we refuse to acknowledge the situation we are in. When we are in denial we refuse to face the facts of a problem. When we are in denail we downplay the consequences of an issue. How does denial help and hurt us? Oh, God, may we accept the situation in which we find ourselves. May we reframe our understanding of the world. May we see ourselves as in your care, enveloped in your love, strengthened by your Spirit and called to act in compassion and for justice and mercy. Oh, God help us, help me. There seems to be denail on many fronts these days. May we be tellers of your truth who show your love.

Day Ninety-Five

Monday, June 22, 2020

1. 122, 610 coronovirus deaths in the U.S., confirmed deaths, that is. Two million, two hundred eighty-eight thousand, one hundred and fifty-three cases in the U.S., confirmed cases, that is.

2. Florida’s former top coronavirus data scientist has launched a website showing far more COVID-19 information than she said the state allowed her to report as an employee, including statistics contradicting Florida’s official coronavirus numbers and the push to reopen the state. Florida's former top coronavirus data scientist was fired for refusing to tamper with data showing the coronovirus spread.

3. I want to write an update on the Black Lives Matter movement and so I do a search. I see that one minute ago, the press has been asked to leave the White House admit protests.

4. So much is happening, so fast, I can’t keep up. The movement, and the virus. The denials, the atrocities, the killings, the abuse, the evil.

5. Oh, God, I see there are people hurting, injured, right now in Lafayette Square: @DCPoliceDept

   and @USParkPolice just beat the sh## out of a whole lotta people. They are using everything you just made illegal @charlesallen this is why we told you we don’t have time for incremental …reforms. — I see this on Twitter, with a link to a YouTube video here. God, may your Spirit move in the midst of chaos, strengthen those who work for justice, give energy to the healers of wounds, provide wisdom to leaders in charge of structures and institutions, may we speak up, emboldened with love, may we refuseu to look away from the pain, soften our hearts so that our empathy is activated for those whose experiences we do not know or yet understand. Help us to search our hearts, help us to see where we have refused to look, help us reach across boundaries and borders as never before and seek our common humanity as your precious children. I have a feeling, God, that this is going to hurt before it gets better, like the birth pangs of a new era, like the creation of something new. May we flow with the force of love, not fight it, may we be remembered for having stood with love and justice when time has passed.

Day Ninety-Four

Sunday, June 21, 2020

1. It is Father’s Day today, in 2020.. Here you are, Dad, with your youngest, David, in 1964, you are 33 years old.

2. It is Father’s Day today, in 2020. Here you are with your oldest, Martine, in 1953, the night before Christmas. You are 22 years old.

3. It is Father’s Day, today, in 2020. Here you are as a scout master, standing between your two oldest children, scouting was one of the great joys of your life. You served for 5 years, in the late 1960s. This red jacket with patches of all your trips is in my basement closet, where also NASA momentos are displayed.

4. It is Father’s Day today, in 2020. Here you are with Mom and all of us in 1965, we are dressed for church, a grandparent snaps the photo:

5. Oh, God, I thank you for my parents, and today I remember Dad. He has gone to be with you, as I was taught. He is in the heavenly realm with Jesus, as I was told. He understands the mysteries of death as I cannot yet know. What does he see now, God? What is it like? Does he know my love, my memories, my regrets? Can I send love to him now through time and space and realms? Thank you, God, for love and life and family. May I live each day in love, cherish loved ones, and live as you have loved.

Day Ninety-Three

Saturday, June 20, 2020

1. Yesterday was “Juneteenth.” I first heard of Juneteenth when I moved to Texas in the fall of 1985.

2. Celebrations of Juneteenth yesterday, more than ever before?

3. A collection of photos of what Juneteenth looks like in 2020.

4. An article about why Juneteenth has always been worthy of celebration.

5. Oh God, thank you for answering the prayers of people who for centuries prayed for slavery to end.

Day Ninety-Two

Friday, June 19, 2020

1. I’m reading Pale Rider, which means i’m listening to it as I do my chores each day or drive.

2. It is about the 1918-1920 “Spanish Flu,” as it was called, and how it changed the world.

3. COVID-19 is creating seismic shifts around the globe.

4. So much is dejavu, denial of the virus, large gatherings for political purposes which led to virus spread and death, disproportionate effects upon the poor, and mysteries about the way it spread, some now solved and some remain.

5. Oh God, bless those who keep the truth before us, warn and help us to be safe. Bless those who spread compassion, not contempt. Melt our hard hearts and egos. May we love as you love us.

Day Ninety-One

Thursday, June 18, 2020

1. Ninety-One days of writing in this Pandemic Diary.

2. How I’ve grown over these three months. What I’ve learned.

3. I’m eager to write this entry, it is actually Friday morning, and I want to get on with my day.

4. What to say of yesterday? I worked hard, with the help of Kristi, to get my special newsletter written, and a blog post of resources. Now, a prayer.

5. Oh, God. I am grateful. I am grateful for the people you have put in my life over 60 years. Those who have passed on, still present, Granny looks over my shoulder, reads my work, she taught fourth grade. Pappy laughs at something Bob says when he and I are talking on the phone. Pop looks at my husband’s handiwork, household projects, and nods his head. Grandmom looks through my closet of boring casual clothes and shakes her head, she who had a hat for every outfit. Mom giggles at the antics of her grandaughter’s foster rescue puppy, how she loves dogs still. Dad looks to the sky for new scientific endeavors, nostalgic for his NASA years. Martine. Martine nods her head to a funky beat, smiles at retro hippie outfits, watches protestors with glee, lives enfolded in divine love. Thank you, God. When I have left this earth to be with you, may I be remembered for your compassion, love and grace shining through me.

Day Ninety

Wednesday, June 17, 2020

1. I’m starting something new.

2. A series I will invite you to.

3. I’m working on it today.

4. I started this Pandemic Diary to record this historic time, this global threat. The global threat of virus revealed a lasting menace, a fog, that had been always there. I’m starting another writing series to record this historic time, this global pre-existing threat.

5. Oh, God, may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14)

Day Eighty-Nine

Tuesday, June 16, 2020

1. The world continues its seismic shifts.

2. How could I neglect to even mention the virus yesterday?

3. The fog became visible to everyone when virus came and created a deadly mist

4. The fog was always there. It was deadly to us all. To some, a threat to soul, a threat of moral injury, invisible, insidious. To those who saw it all along, felt its impeding force, it was a known and omnipresent threat of death, requiring constant monitoring, exhausting each new day. Now, the murderous mix of fog plus virus ups the stakes of daily looming threats. Those of us who refused to see the fog, walked through it with impunity, now walk through virus threatened, but less so than those who made their way each day through thick fog which not only could they see, it also held them back at every turn.

5. Oh God, who am I to write this morning poem on early Wednesday? Who am I, white woman writer of my age, mother, pastor, descent of uncivil soldiers, north and south, mostly south. Oh God lead me, may I listen to the voices all around me through which you Spirit now is causing seismic shifts.

Day Eighty-Eight

Monday, June 15, 2020

1. Today the Supreme Court issued a historic ruling: Title VII prohibits discrimination against LGBTQ employees.

2. I see celebration in my media windows, as I peer out through platforms that connect me with others, digital friends, some connected through algorithmns someone else created. I am connected with family, with long-terms friends, members of churches I have served, schools I have attended. I am linked with people I have sought out, to support or learn from. What is this world in which we see each other through a screen, look at picture posts, words expressed and sent through wires or air? This celebration of LGBTQ rights, instantaneous, viewed by all with eyes to see, interest to care, and some who find it threatening.

3. I am an awkward ally. I know so little, have learned so much, so much more knowledge to be gained. All the years I served as pastor, I was afraid to be forthright. I listened gently to those whose views I did not hold. I think now, what might I have done differently, had I used my sphere of influence more powerfully?

4. I am an awkward ally. I keep remembering Rabbi Mike Moskowitz, an LGBTQ activist and scholar of the Hebrew scriptures. He is cisgender and an ally for all the rights of humans. He told me, “it is awkward.” It is awkward to be an ally for someone whose experience I have not lived. The awkwardness is in the fact that we would not need to serve as allies if the world were not broken in this way. Awkward as it is, it is more awkward and even deadly, to be silent.

5. Oh, God, I come to you in this public pandemic diary prayer, which others can click and read. Oh, God, may I use this mind you’ve given me to learn more, educate myself, read and listen to the words of others, hear their experience, increase my depth of understanding. Oh, God, may I be a friend and ally, awkward as it may be, may I be brave and courageous. Shall I be unabashed and brazen, audacious, unashamed? - to show love for your children, acceptance and great love, to advocate to power, show up in solidarity, raise up the voices now arising, being heard? Oh, God, you Spirit’s moving in our midst around the world. May we see you, join you, unafraid to love as you have loved.

Day Eighty-Seven

Sunday, June 14, 2020

1. Today is Sunday, Sabbath. I confess. I’m writing this on Tuesday, behind in my commitment to write each day to you.

2. So much has happened. On mid-day Saturday, I withdrew from social media, took a break and did not read. On Sunday afternoon, I opened my windows, the streams of media that is social, my window to the world.

3. Devastation. Another death, Rayshard Brooks. Apparently, intoxicated, sleeping in his car, and now he’s dead.

4. I’m tempted to tell you a story about a white young man I saw, intoxicated, sleeping in his car, engine running, now he’s not dead. I passed by, running, in the neighborhood where I then lived. I saw him, stopped to look. His eyes closed, driver side door, open, in the path of oncoming cars. I heard the rumbling of the motor, saw the keys in the ignition. He was sprawled out, it was mid-day, he had on a bow tie and a blazer, seersucker shorts. I was afraid to touch him or the keys. I climbed the stairs and knocked upon the door, his friends answered, laughing. “He’s okay,” they said. I left. The police were never called.

5. Oh, God, please help us, help me. Help us all.

Day Eighty-Six

Saturday, June 13, 2020

1. Racism is the fog in which we live. The fog mixed with virus, now visible and threatening, harder to deny for those of us who breezed through fog in daily life.

2. Racism is the fog through which we walked, you and I, Jasmine, we met on Friday. I wonder, when did you notice fog? What were you taught, you, the age of one of my four daughters. What is your story? I will join you, I will listen, I see you, I will walk with you, my dear new friend.

3. I record my notice of the fog at age 13, in my diary. At 10 to 6:00 p. m. on Thursday, January 13, 1972, in my room, in the house at 606 Hillmont St., Huntsville, Alabama, I am in 7th grade at Westlawn Junior High. I write:

   “A guy in my class, Earl, did his book report about a book on Martin Luther King, Jr. I just asked Mom what she thought of him.  She said she is not in favor of anyone who is for civil rights.  Once Martin brought home a negro friend and Mom really gave him a talking!  Boy!  She told him he better not bring a negro in our house again!  I disagree completely!  I think that just because a person has a different skin color is no reason to put him down.  Did God make people with dark skin to give the white people something to reject, look down their noses at!  I think that is very wrong!  Why, Mom doesn’t even want me to have Negro friends!  Well, on that subject I am going to rebel against Mom!”

4. That was 58 years ago. Mom has passed away. She lives with Jesus, Blessed Saviour, Love Divine.

   I saw the fog, walked right through it, through the years, only mildly aware of its effects on those around me, those with skin shades darker, my freckled flesh pale in comparison, my pasty white epidermis subject to stinging redness, freckled contrast spots in sun. I saw the fog and named it, at times, reached through it to those who felt its force, in ministry and mission, as church do gooders do. Now, it feels different, my awareness of the fog. I see it mixed with virus. I see it with 60 year old eyes, vision impaired. I try to comprehend it now, as I did then, rebel against those not in favor of anyone who is for the abolution of the fog.

   What of the fog is me, in me, contagious, asymptomatic spread, invisible, denied?

5. Oh, God, you are at work in all this, I feel it, you are here among us, within, about. I am uncomfortable, afraid, self-righteous, and confused. There is violence, death, distress and acts of rage. Where are you? I can’t see you! My vision is impaired! Open my eyes that I may see a vision of your resurrection hope. Use me, my fingers typing, my computer, phone and media that is social, a window to the world through those who own its territory, algorithmns and its speed, and yet you use it for your good purpose, connecting us in love. May I be a vessel of your love and love my Mom, through time, who sees now clearly, face to face.
   
   
   
   

Day Eighty-Five

Friday, June 12, 2020

1. Today I returned to Monument Avenue.

2. This time I wore my mask outdoors, used hand sanitizer vigorously and kept a distance from those around me.

3. Since last Friday, when I last visited, three statues in Richmond have come down, not by sanctioned authorities, but by crowds, at night, witnessed by some I know. One of the statues is that of Jefferson Davis, his figure now missing from the massive structure that surrounded it, 13 Doric columns forming a semi-circle flank around. In the center, on a 12 foot base, stood the statue, 7 and a half feet tall. Still standing, now, high above the empty pedestal, a column with another statue, looming 67 feet high, 7 feet taller than the monument to Robert E. Lee.

4. I looked up, and saw the figure, so high I could not make out contours or read inscriptions. I researched. It is a female form, an allegorical character given the name “Vindicatrix,” also known as “Miss Confederacy,” easier to understand and say, like nicknames are. She is “depicted with her finger held high, as though caught in mid-scold against the rebuke of the Confederate ideal, or testing to see if the winds of history may carry the vindication of the ‘Lost Cause’,” as quoted from a September 29, 2017, Richmond Magazine article

5. Oh, God, I am disturbed. In many ways, these times. So many feelings all around me, my own and those I love. So many thoughts, opinions, judgements, loss and hurting hearts. Oh, God, may I rest in discomfort, breath and not react with my emotions, judgements and dissent. Oh, God, may I listen more than speak, open my heart to change and growth. May I love as you love, with compassion, grace and care.

Day Eighty-Four

Thursday, June 11, 2020

1. There was once the Before Times.

2. In the Before Times we walked through a fog which some saw and named and some refused to see and name, which some of us walked through with impunity and ease and others slowed and blocked and even killed by the presence of the fog and those who pointed out the presence of the fog and its effects were heard by few, and then came Pandemic Days.

3. In Pandemic Days the virus mixed with fog and more began to see the fog, more began to name it, deaths of those whose lives were claimed by mix of fog and virus were made known around the globe, and a new era began.

4. What shall we call this? The uprising? As the fog is named and seen and cannot be denied? The enlightening? As more and more eyes now see the fog and wonder why their blinders of the past? Can we even yet name this space in which we live and breathe in the after of those no longer living, breathing, lives snuffed out by malice of the fog. The Before Times behind us, in which some of us could deny the fog in blissful and adaptive ignorance, in which many strived in vain to move forward through it, point out its epidemic presence to no avail. The Pandemic Days in which some of us thought it was our worst fear and others knew the truth.

5. Oh, God, the monuments are coming down, not just in Richmond, not just in the U.S. Oh, God, the fog is being named even as the virus numbers rise. Oh, God, today I participated in an online chat with pastors and theologians. Your Spirit is moving on the earth, they said. I see it, too. I do not understand what all is happening, but I see, I hear, I read. Disturbance, destruction, denial. Protestations, protagonists, police. Churches open, helpers helping, cries of pain and sorrow. May your spirit move, may we see it, feel it, follow. May we look back on this yet unnamed time and remember how we loved as you have loved. May we hold fast to what you require: to act with justice, to love mercy and to walk in humility with you.

Day Eighty-Three

Wednesday, June 10, 2020

1. I am listening to many voices.

2. I was attuned to epidemiologists and infectious disease experts with rapt attention as I began this Pandemic Diary.

3. I was afraid I would catch the virus and die and soon.

4. Now I am listening to voices from the epidemic which preceded COVID-19, experts in understanding systemic racism, the legacy of slavery. I am listening to White Fragility. I am listening to a podcast, Justice in America, beginning with Episode 5: Excluded from Democracy. I am pondering what my friends say, what my family members say, what is being said on Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram and in the newsletters I receive from various organizations. I received an email yesterday from the church I attend here in Richmond entitled “Commit to the 21 Day Racial Justice Challenge.”

5. Oh, God, I feel the stirring, within and without. I hear voices of anger, righteous indignation, pain, heartbreak, and devastating grief. I hear voices citing data and history and analysis. I hear voices calling us, calling me to action, to accountability, to compassion, to love. Oh, God, may I be open in this moment to use my gifts, my privilege, my context as a white woman of almost 61, my platform, my heart, my all to live out your call to love as you love, with mercy and justice and tenacious solidarity. Oh, God, may I listen more than I speak, may I learn in the midst of my discomfort, may I let go of preconceived notions and open my mind and heart to the new thing you are doing. Isaiah 43 - may I see it! May we see the new thing you are doing!

Day Eighty-Two

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

1. Over two million coronavirus cases in our country. Over one hundred thirteen thousand deaths. The numbers obscure the names. The names are being listed and lifted up so that their stories and the impact of their lives may be remembered. The original pandemic of racism has been among us all along and is now being named as such. The names of the victims are being listed and lifted up so that their stories and the impact of their lives may be remembered.

   The COVID-19 Pandemic exposes "deep health disparities" in our system.

   Health care workers of color fight the twin pandemics of coronavirus and racism.

   Coronavirus deaths and those of George Floyd and Amaud Arbery have something in common: racism.

2. A pandemic is widespread, prevalent, pervasive, rife, rampant, epidemic, universal, global, insidious, surriptitious, clandestine, covert, furtive, even as it is also flagrant, glaring, obvious, indisguised, transparent, brazen and exhibited in broad daylight.

3. Yesterday a stitch was removed from my eye. My eye had been increasingly irritated for weeks. I purchased several different types of eye drops, thinking that would solve the problem. My family noticed the redness and urged me to go to the doctor. I delayed. The pain increased. I finally listened. There was a problem I could not fix by myself. I finally took action and got help.

4. I remember a saying of Jesus. “Remove the massive piece of wood that is big enough to support a whole house that is in your own eye before you try to remove that tiniest particle that you are focusing on that is in the eye of your sibling.”

5. Oh, God, there is a beam in my eye. My vision is obscured by an entity that is providing the foundation for a much larger structure. I cannot see beyond it. I cannot remove it by myself. I am tempted to look for tiny particles in the eyes of my brothers and sisters. Yet, it is I who cannot see. Oh, God, help me. As I listen to the voices of others and read their words, the obstruction falls away. I see my white fragility. I see systematic racism and its system of support. I see those inviting me to understand and act, to join in your work of love and justice. Oh God be Thou my vision.

Day Eighty-One

Monday, June 8, 2020

1. I am writing this the day before, on Sunday afternoon.

2. Tomorrow morning I have an early eye appointment and possibly a minor procedure. A stitch in my eye left from one of my previous eye surgeries has come loose. I’ve felt occasional shooting pain, irritation and sometimes the sense that I have been hit in the head.

3. The words of Jesus come to mind. Matthew 7:3-5:

   Why do you see the speck in your neighbor’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye? Or how can you say to your neighbor, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ while the log is in your own eye?  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.”

4. Do I address the stitch in my own eye before I point out the loose ends in the eyes of others? Do I address my own racism before I point out the racism of others?

   Here is an article about how to stop the racism within: How to Stop the Racist in You

   Am I being called to do more than see my own racism? This past week I heard the invitation to be come anti-racist:

   How to be an Anti-Racist

5. Oh, God, as Monday dawns and the stitch in my own eye is addressed, may I experience physical healing so that I may be without pain and see more clearly. Oh, God as Monday dawns, and I examine my own racism, may I be an anti-racist, educating myself about this term, examining my daily practices and conversations and listening to the voices of others committed to this calling. Oh, God, sustain all who actively work for justice, continue to disturb us in our comfort, and help us provide comfort to those who are hurting. Oh, God, may tomorrow bring hope and promise and the continued movement of your Spirit in our midst.

Day Eighty

Sunday, June 7, 2020

1. I am departing D.C. today. I rode along on a drive yesterday, a mile or so from the epicenter of the earthquake that is an upheaval exposing what is under our facade.

2. I saw a group of people with mahogany melanin walking slowly, placards in hand, going home. I saw a group of pale skinned people who looked like me, subject to redness from the sun and freckled contrast spots, placards in hand, walking slowly home.

3. Today we've had conversations amongst our family about racism and I learned a phrase which names what I have feared i’m doing.

4. “Performative Allyship.”

5. Dear God, my heart is opening today as I learn, reflect and look within. Oh God, I confess my sins of ego, seeking “likes” and “views” and boosts from my words read. May I listen to those who teach me, use my gifts in service of your cause and not my own and may I listen, lift up voices, increase awareness and open myself to your work in this moment, today.

Day Seventy-Nine

Saturday, June 6, 2020

1. Yesterday a friend posted: “Another serious tip for y'all right now. If you are White and in this moment you are again asking Black people to help you for free, then just a gentle reminder that this is ultimately how this all started.”

2. I have seen other posts with related themes and I will come back and include them here.

3. Meanwhile it is Sunday and I will be leaving the D.C. area this morning with my husband after two nights here. The occasion is the joyful celebration of the new home purchase of one of our daughters and her fiancee.

4. As we helped them work on their new home we discussed what is happening, the protests, police violence, the Black Lives Matter movement, the history of the suppression of black voters, and how to talk about racism with your family.

5. Dear God, may we speak with truth and respect with our family members about the changes taking place in our world. May I speak truth with kindness to my husband, daughters, brothers and brothers and sisters-in-law. Your Spirit is at work, your justice proclaimed, your love for all your precious children voiced aloud. May we, may I, I will follow the moment of your Spirit, speak your truth, show your love.

Day Seventy-Eight

Friday, June 5, 2020

1. I am angry.

2. I am angry reading this and other accounts and videos I have watched over the past few days. Here is a U.S. military helicopter used to intimidate peaceful protestors. The national guard has opened an investigation.

The Journal of Emergency Medical Services addresses this in an article published Wednesday. “Military justice experts are now saying that the use of a helicopter with Red Cross markings was an abuse of global norms that could help erode its neutral symbolism….It is common for military to use a helicopter’s rotor wash (the downward rush of air from the rotors) to incite fear, disperse crowds, and as a warning of greater threats, said Kyleanne Hunter, a former Marine Corps pilot who flew Cobra attack helicopters in Iraq and Afghanistan.”

3. I am writing this Pandemic Diary post when I received a text: “Good morning! It’s great day to be anti-racist. Have you called your elected official today?” Followed by: “I wrote my city council member yesterday and he wrote back not with a form but with a direct response to my email. Calling elected officials matters.”

4. So I started by emailing one elected official today, Pastor Tyrone Nelson, of the Varina District in which I live.

5. Dear God, this morning I made one small step to work in my community for justice and compassion. Dear God, help us love one another as you have loved us. Help us remember the words of Jesus in his first sermon, narrated in the fourth chapter of Luke where he quotes from the sixty-first chapter of Isaiah. May we follow in his footsteps, continuing his mission, your mission, as we are the body of Christ in the world, bringing good news to the poor, binding up the brokenhearted, proclaiming freedom for the captives… May we feel your Holy Spirit empowering us for love, infusing us with grace, sending us out to share your mercy.

Day Seventy-Seven

Thursday, June 4, 2020

1. This morning, I had an urgent eye appointment at 8:00 a.m. My right eye has been irritated for weeks and my children and husband insisted I see the doctor. Turns out, a stitch from a previous surgery is causing the problem. So Monday morning I’ll see a different doctor, who can address it. It was my second time to go to the eye doctor during the pandemic.

2. After my appointment, I decided to go home by way of Monument Avenue and drive by the Confederate Statues.

   Yesterday, the Richmond Times-Dispatch announced that the Mayor plans to propose removing the statues which are on city property and the Governor plans to remove the one statue on state property.

3. And so I did. First I passed the statue in honor of Arthur Ashe. In 1996, adding a statue was just as controversial as removing all the others.

4. I drove by the Matthew Fontaine Maury Monument and saw a bit of graffiti. As I approached the Stonewall Jackson Monument I saw two female protestors wearing masks and carrying placards, standing between the statue and the fence that surrounds it. I decided to park, approached and asked if they would mind if I took their picture.

I then approached the Jefferson Davis Memorial, parked my car, walked to the median and sat on the grass to take a photo:

I then drove to the R. Robert E. Lee Monument, pulled over, parked my car and took this picture as I approached the tallest of the confederate monuments.

I walked closer. An African-American man was posing on the statue as a female companion took his picture. Moments later, I would learn his name, Ryan:

A Caucasian woman called out to him: “Where are you from?” He stood up from his pose and said, “Virginia.” “No,” she said, “what organization do you represent?” As he turned to walk down the steps of the base of the statue, he said, “I’m black.” I approached him, and said, smiling, “I’m white!” I asked if he would take my picture on the statue, and he did.

Then I asked Ryan if he would mind if the two of us had our picture taken together. They both agreed. The Caucasian woman approached us, concerned that the sun on this side of the statue was not sufficient, so we moved to the sunny side. Here, Ryan hands his phone to his companion as we chat:

Ryan in the Black power pose, my raised arms are in the “hands up, don’t shoot” pose.

I gave him my card as we parted. I had one more stop, the J.E.B. Stuart Monument. I stopped my car again, and approached the statue and joined a mother and her two children. I said, “Good morning!” She returned the greeting. “This is historic!” I said.

“Yes, that is why I wanted to bring my children here, for the history, before they take them down.”

“Would you like for me to take your picture together?" I asked, and she accepted. “May I take a picture with your children?” I asked, “for the generations.” She said yes and took a picture of us.

5. Oh, God, today I traveled to the places where protestors gathered this wekend. I met new friends, took pictures. I confess I became caught up in my desire for solidarity and did not social distance, and now there is a record of my proximity for all to see. I should have worn my mask, stayed six feet apart. Dear God, I pray that no harm comes from my actions today. Dear God, we are in the midst of two pandemics, a pandemic of racism and a pandemic of virus. The virus threat appears before we are aware, denial and lack of information hasten its path; infiltrating the systems of our body, microscopic, it attacks, then, its presence visible through its symptoms, illness and even death, result. The racist threat appears before we are aware, denial and lack of information hasten its path; infiltrating the systems of our society, laden in words, symbols, attitudes, presumptions, illness and even death, result. Oh, God, may I be aware of my words and actions and even the impact of these pictures on my friends, those who mourn, decry the statues’ removal and those who celebrate, feel unburdened at the thought of no longer living in their shadow. May I love as you have loved, Oh, God, and may I work for the well-being of all your children.

Day Seventy-Six

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

1. It was just days ago that I would check the death toll each morning. I have not even checked it today, at 1:00 p.m., as I write this. My attention has been drawn elsewhere. I checked my phone for text messages from my children first thing, as I wanted to make sure they were safe. One child 2 miles from the site where peaceful protesters were teargassed in front of St. John’s Episcopal Church yesterday.

2. What world is this in which I am checking to make sure my children are not in danger from physical attacks from our federal government? What world is this in which the CDC removes information which could save the lives of church choir members? The pandemic and the protests call me to ponder, what world is this, indeed?

3. I fear for the health of those in close quarters in the past few days, made vulnerable by their physical proximity in support of one another, the hugs shared between protestors and police, heart warming to see until I remember I am not hugging my own children in these days, that hugs put us at risk.

4. This is my diary in days of pandemic and now in days of protest. This is my record, my documentation of life in in this world. Events surprise us, yet some have foreseen both pandemic and protest, looming, threatening, seeds already sown for each.

5. Oh, God, I woke up praying. I shared the words and prayers of others on through my digital window to the world. How are you leading me in this day to work for needed change? I will support Black Lives Matter. I will lift up Transgender People of Color, who are at great risk. Help me be a bridge of peace, have a heart of calm compassion, not let virus or violence take away the joy of love and little things. Dear God, may all religious leaders know your strength and sustenance for their work today. May those in authority de-escalate and strategize for ways to move ahead. Rise up your people to care for those in devastating grief. Renew the hearts and bodies of those who spend themselves these days, providing care for patients and protestors alike. Oh, God, 108, 567 recorded dead in this U.S. Oh, God, how many have died from police violence? Oh, God, bless this honest doctor who shares his realization:

   "It dawned on me," said Dr. Clyde W. Yancy, "my greatest risk is not COVID-19, it's the color of my skin."

Day Seventy-Five

Tuesday, June 2, 2020

1. A walk to church is in the news. A walk to church, Bible in hand, is the subject of works of art. In my grandfather’s house in Birmingham, a large framed copy of a painting labeled “Walking to Church” hung over the piano, on which I played hymns. 

2. A walk to church on a small town road, the church just blocks away, a walk to church in the big city life, past the bar’s closed doors, the shop coffee smell, the thick paper news’ headlines gaping glare.

3. Walking to church, Bible in hand, is an act of hope, a promise of preached good news, a reunion of joy and shared singing of faith. 

4. In Pandemic, our walk to church has been curtailed. Sanctuary presence first cancelled. Now opening slowly, with care and concern for health. Church gatherings in sanctuaries now held with caution, such events have caused “super spreads.” The pain of the absence of choral singing stings. I feel the loss of longed-for hugs.

5. Dear God, I am angry. I am sad. Such a walk to church in the midst of pandemic is a punch in my gut. The tear gassed crowd brings tears to my eyes. The frowning face as a Bible is lifted is an image I cannot forget. I will lift up the art of a walk to church as a counter to what happened yesterday, here, below. Oh, God, I thank you for pastors who will speak this day, Rabbis, Imams and Monks. I thank you for the faithful who will work for change and listen to pain and sweep up the glass and tend to the injuries of tear gassed eyes and wounded hearts and pick up the fallen and stand with them and may we not forget that your love is steadfast and your justice is strong and your mercy will ever last. God, bless America now, north and south, and bless every nation on earth with your love, may we live in that love in this day.

 Dane Tilghman, Going to Church

Janice Huse, Sunday Morning

William H. Johnston, Going to Church

Day Seventy-Four

Monday, June 1, 2020

1. Today, 106,270 confirmed cases in the U.S., the count most surely higher by the thousands, tens of thousands.

2. Today, 45 million people in the U.S. wake up after a night of curfew in their city.

3. In my city, three days and nights of protest.

4. Oh, God, today is a national day of mourning for the victims of COVID-19. The Sojourners community in Washington, D.C. is serving as host. Oh, God today, we pray for those who have lost loved ones to this virus and those who tended them with care.

5. Oh, God this day of mourning is now become a day of lament, bewilderment and anger, as voices rise for justice, actions speak with outraged pain, heated conversations bridge divides. We pray, O Lord, in the aftermath of the death of your precious child, George Floyd, in the wake of so many lives lost by violent means. Help us, Oh, God, help us, may we find the way you call us to speak and live and act in lovingkindness, mercy and relentless compassion that is tenacious solidarity.

Pandemic Diary: May 2020

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Day Seventy-Three

Sunday, May 31, 2020

1. “Today, I have no words. I lift up the words and posts of others.”

2. I wrote, on Facebook, as I shared posts and links. But this is my Pandemic Diary, here I speak and share with you, the reader, wherever and whenever you are.

3. I am angry. I am sad. I am admiring of those who: speak hard truth; lift up words of compassion; analyze historical and current context; provide food for the displaced; preach on such a Sunday as this, in the midst of pandemic pandemonium; provide police protection with kindness; bend a knee in prayer in public with awareness of the multivalent nature of this gesture; call out and call their friends to specific action; pray from their homes, pray in the streets, pray in their uniforms, pray at their desks, pray in their beds under covers, pray in their windows watching flames, pray as they are pelted with pepper balls, pray as they fear approaching strangers, pray without ceasing every day before and after and always.

4. Today, we returned from our walk, entered the garage, as usual, and heard a sound, like a Digeredoo. Indeed, it was coming from a long, thick PVC pipe, leaning against the wall in the corner. A frog? The noise reverberated, pulsed, intermittently. We moved the items around it and pulled the pipe out. A bird flew out.

5. Oh, God, may I listen and may I act, using the gifts you have given me.

Day Seventy-Two

Saturday, May 30, 2020

1. I wake up with Pandemic purpose, present tense.

2. The words of my friend whose parents are our neighbors, I can’t forget. Dr. Anne H. Charity Hudley posted on Facebook and Twitter yesterday: “What are you going to do to help stop state-sanctioned anti-Black violence? Don't just like this post, comment on it and actually tell me.”

3. I start with reading this: A PDF Document about Police and Transgender People of Color. It is a resource from the National Center for Transgender Equality. I find this fact sheet, which informs me that: transgender people are more likely to experience violence form law enforcement. I want to go on, share more links, as I find them. This is my Pandemic Diary, I’m telling you what I’m learning as I continue my project, as I respond to the world around me.

4. Then I open news about protests last night in the city in which I live.

5. I end with a prayer, as I often do. Oh, God, there is a stirring, a movement, an uprising, a visible sign of pain, past hurt, systemic structures which abuse. So many voices, crying out and criticizing, where are you? You are at work in those who speak the truth, prophets of this day, you are at work in those who link in love, protecting. I do not know how to end right now, there is no ending, tidying up, resolution. There is, Oh God, only my resolve, continued, to be about your work. Bless all your precious children. A new day is being born and there is pain. There will be healing and new life.

Day Seventy-One

Friday, May 29, 2020

1. “This is heavy stuff,” a friend said, reading my Pandemic Diary. “I understand your anxieties and fear, and hope that writing about everything is helping you deal. I wonder if writing about other subject matter would maybe help you feel less bogged down. I wonder if your fears are controlling your writing or if you are controlling your fears through writing... just some thoughts. We do all deserve to live and these are very trying times. I love you.” (heart emoji)

2. Yes, it is heavy indeed. Today I had two routine medical tests. It’s different now, will be forever, I imagine. Procedure: wait in car, come in, my temperature is taken from a distance, I’ve paid ahead by phone, I wait, I wear my mask. I try to smile with my eyes. I chat with the woman at the counter. She has lost two friends to coronavirus. A relative, in her 80s, has survived, returned from the hospital. It seems to have been a repairman who entered the home who had it. She was the hospitality queen, the one who hosted all the family and the friends. She shut that down, stayed home, yet the virus came to her.

3. Yes, it is heavy indeed. When I returned from tests and a grocery stop, I laid down with a heavy heart, and read. I peeked into the window that is social and on media, platforms owned by others who track us as we write, watch, and listen to people all around the globe. The news today, the death of George Floyd, the protests in the streets, the arrest of reporters caught on live TV, the grief, the pain, the advice on how to help, what not to say. I took it in.

4. I feel the heaviness. I aspire to listen, lift up other voices, learn from those who speak for justice, coordinate efforts to raise awareness, advocate for change. I aspire to listen, to grief and the history and the context, so often shuttered, of systematic racism in our land.

5. What do you think? Is your heart heavy? Are you ready for words that lift us up? How about Pandemic Joy, Pandemic Helpers, Pandemic Prophets, Pandemic Love, Pandemic Privilege, Pandemic Pride, Pandemic Pentecost - this Sunday, the Spirit’s breath of life? I’d love to hear from you, know how you are doing, in the heaviness of these trying times.

Day Seventy

Thursday, May 28, 2020

1. Pandemic Pain

2. Pandemic Pain is virus, threatening healthy cells, fever, cough, fatigue and labored breathing.

   Pandemic Pain is watching someone you love struggle, fight the virus off, slowly heal, recover, come back to altered life.

   Pandemic Pain is losing someone you’ve spent yourself to save, in spite of every effort to sustain a beating heart, in defiance of all avenues of care for damaged lungs, the virus wins, the family now must know.

   Pandemic Pain is picking up the phone to make a call which devastates, destroys, defeats all hopes for reclaimed life.

   Pandemic Pain is pride let go and humbly seeking help, with food, or rent, or fog of isolation turned to four walls closing in, pressing out the spark of life.

3. Pandemic Pain is looking through the window to the world, the media that’s social, an instrument, owned by others, by which we can connect. Pandemic pain is there, on different platforms, in words and film and images that bring this pain to life. We see the toll of death this virus brings, over 100K in our U.S., and in the world three times that much and more.

4. Pandemic pain is anger coming forth this day for death, remembering #GeorgeFloyd, rendering past loss and cries for justice. His name is now upon a gathered list of needless death, joining other hashtags that represent a life. A hashtag gathers comments from all around the world, some love and understanding, some cries for justice and relief, some hate, misinformation, minds made up and closed. #AhmaudArbery, #BreonnaTaylor, #SandraBland, a registry of rage and loss.

5. Dear God, please help us , may our hearts gather, minds consider, shared and separate history, systemic racism in our land. I plea for help from you and look within, ask how you lead me now. May I use what gifts I have of voice and mind and heart to lift up others, join in this work of love

Day Sixty-Nine

Wednesday, May 27, 2020

1. I sit alone in my house.

2. My husband goes to work each day.

3. I work on my new calling, retired from church work, now I write. “Compassion is a matter of life and death,” my theme, my focus, particularly with regard to transgender people and their loved ones.

4. I take a deep breath. I let it out. In between typing each sentence, I rest my elbows in my desk, my chin in the palms of my hands, my fingers spread on each side of my face. Where to even begin? I wipe two reluctant tears from the corner of each eye above my nose. I blink back more.

5. Oh, God, the magnitude of the loss, the grief, the pain. I sit here, alone, look out the window at the trees, their leaves now full. I look through the window of media that is social, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, my email accounts. I see posts about 100,000 dead, laments about the lost lives of people of color, divisive words, pandemic pain. I look for the helpers, aspire to be one. Oh, God, bless Carolyn Winfrey Gillette, who has written a new hymn for this Pentecost, “Gracious God, We Will Not Gather,” and also, to the tune of “O Sacred Head Now Wounded,” a hymn entitled “We Grieve 100,000.” Oh, God, bless Kenny Wiley, thank you for his piece published on May 26, in which he writes: “George Floyd should be alive, Ahmaud Arbery should be alive, Sandra Bland and Rekia Boyd should be alive” and which he ends with, “we all deserve to live.” Oh, God, may we honor and remember the life of Larry Kramer, AIDS activist, who changed the course of the epidemic. Oh, God, bless the work of activists in this day, who speak the truth, who advocate with passion, whose hearts are big and voices strong. May we each follow your lead to spread compassion in this day, it is a matter of the life and death of others, it is a matter of our own and yours.

Day Sixty-Eight

Tuesday, May 26, 2020

1. 100,580 this hour. The New York Times anticipated when we’d pass 100K in known deaths from COVID-19.

2. I imagine a staff person guessing when the toll would reach this milestone, which the Sunday NYT edition would run closest to the number and so they put together a list of names, historic headline, horrifying truth, humane tribute.

3. Oh, God, we are “reopening” even as the death toll does not drop.

4. I am sensitive to death denied and hidden, death alone, uncounted, death undiscovered, unknown, untold, as I tell the story of my oldest sibling.

5. Oh, God, I pray, for each one close to life’s last breath, each one praying by the side of one whose loved ones cannot come, each one trying hard to save, each one winning over death, each one joyful, welcome home! each one who waits and waits and then the phone rings, news is bad; Oh, God, I pray for each one with power to help the virus not to spread, I pray for those who are able to stay home, I pray for those who must stay hidden, they are the vulnerable, most at risk; Oh, God, I thank you that so far it has not entered here, come to my body or my house; Oh, God, I pray that I may help, inspire, encourage love and caution, that I may hear your voice and follow as you lead me to share your love.

Day Sixty-Seven

Monday, May 25, 2020, Memorial Day

1.It is Memorial Day.

2. Our father was a veteran of the Korean Conflict. We have his medals, they are at my house.

3. Martine was born while Dad was away, in the summer of 1953.

4. Our father received Veterans’ benefits when he and Mom moved to assisted living in 2015, moving here to Richmond, Virginia. Those years of service earned him that. I am grateful. He passed away in January of 2018, joining Mom, who passed away 6 months earlier. They are now in the realm we can only trust and imagine and claim with hope.

5. Oh, God, on this Memorial Day in these United States we remember those who died in wars past, we recognize families whose lost loved ones, I remember our parents, both entombed at the Veterans Cemetery in Amelia, Virginia, at no cost, a service provided in gratitude for Dad’s service. I am grateful. Oh, God, in these pandemic days we count the dead in terms compared to wars long past. May we remember each life lost, each family grief, and live as you have loved.

Day Sixty-Six

Sunday, May 24, 2020

1. Will I get the virus? I’ve wondered since day one. Honestly, I thought I’d get it sooner, but now it’s been sixty-six days.

2. It’s taken much, much longer than I imagined for it to be anywhere near to us. And, now, here it is, close by. On Friday, my husband came face to face with a positive testing worker who’d come to get a check. The worker and two others share a ride to go to work, all positive for coronavirus, as of today, one in the hospital, on oxygen, receiving treatment to save his life.

3. Shall I quiz my husband about the circumstances and precisely what took place? Shall I “freak out” in virus fear? The stakes are high, and our behavior can bring life or death or illness for ourselves, or those we love, or those whose loved ones hold them just as dearly as we do.

4. I did quiz my husband, telling him I’d rather be annoying than be dead! I chuckled as I said this. Then we called his sister, a retired nurse and specialist in infectious disease. She listened, gauged the risk, and assured us all is well. But is it?

5. Oh, God, I am afraid! I confess I find myself policing those around me, in my mind, sometimes out loud! Oh, God, may I be graceful in my vigilance for the safety of the people that I love. Oh, God, may I be loving, concerned for safety of all people that you love. Oh, God, may I see all your precious children through your eyes of love and keep them in my heart, act for all their safety, keep their needs in mind. Oh, God, I thank you for the blessing of my health up to this day. May I trust you always and use your gifts to help others in your wide world.

Day Sixty-Five

Saturday, May 23, 2020

1. What are you pandemic dreams about?

2. Last night I dreamed I purchased the home in which I grew up, 606 Hillmont St., in Huntsville, Alabama. In my dream my exploration revealed secret passages, a space for children, my pink stuffed bear, a house for dolls and many, many books, so much to read!

   Here it is, my childhood home, I find it on a search:

   https://www.google.com/maps/place/606+Hillmont+St+NW,+Huntsville,+AL+35816/@34.7290017,-86.6237025,3a,75y,85.14h,92.02t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sJvqbGPRTI5JIUUeR10-cfQ!2e0!7i13312!8i6656!4m5!3m4!1s0x88626b808adfd337:0x80a78e7c2366d172!8m2!3d34.7289646!4d-86.623433

   Here it is, my childhood home, on the day that we moved in, 1964:

and here I am, in front:

Here it is on zillow, you can see what’s all inside:

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/606-Hillmont-St-NW-Huntsville-AL-35816/92162558_zpid/

3. Have you dreamed of childhood homes? Such dreams recur for me. In one, the owners welcome me inside to look. In another, I am searching for someone room by room. I have never dreamed I owned it. What is that about? I’m writing a memoir, coming to terms with my past. Discoveries abound, as I research family documents, letters, photos and connect with people I did not expect to find.

4. Some discoveries come from simply looking deeper, closer, at what has always been right there. Only now, with a digital copy of the photo of the day our parents bought this house, can I zoom in and see. Someone is at the door. Someone is in the tree:

Martine in the Mulberry tree!

5. Oh, God, you give us dreams, we come to terms, we envision, we are afraid. We fall and catch ourselves, we are embarrassed, unprepared. It’s time to go to school and we are late, our homework is not done. Last night I also dreamed I could not find my mask, others did not wear one, came too close, I tried to escape, got lost, then found my way. Oh, God, may we know you are with us, as we process all that’s past. Oh, God, may we know you are here, now, sustaining us to life, each moment precious, ripe with love to share and to express. Oh, God, may we know you hold our future, give us hope, renew us for our task, which is from you, to love you with our whole heart, mind and soul and to love others as you love.

Day Sixty-Four

Friday, May 22, 2020

1. Sixty-four days of writing this Pandemic Diary.

2. Niney-seven thousand , five hundred and thirty-three deaths, confirmed deaths, that is, in the U.S. today.

3. I sit in pandemic privilege. No one I know has died. One daughter had it, early on, surely, but her doctor’s request for testing denied, denied, denied. One day perhaps she’ll test for antibodies, who knows.

4. I sit in pandemic privilege and stew. Over all these weeks the I see the polarization, masks! no masks! Beware! No, reopen! Such tragedy! They were going to die anyway.. I don’t understand and as I type my eyes water and I feel rage! How can we discount, downplay, deny this massive tragic needless loss of life? Needless number of cases, waste of knowledge, propping up of fictitious facts?

5. Oh, God, your prophets of the past told truth when truth was dangerous to tell. Oh, God, may prophets rise today, tell truth about the numbers of the dead, tell truth about the protocol for health, tell truth about the health care that is denied or out of reach. May I be brave. I sit in privilege, with shelter, food and income. It is awkward to be an ally for those whose experience I know not. It is more awkward still to be silent. So I will speak and use my voice to advocate for those whose voices are not heard.

Day Sixty-Three

Thursday, May 21, 2020

1. How are you doing? I’d really like to know.

2. How have the last couple of months changed your life? Affected your relationships? Impacted your faith? What have you learned about yourself?

3. I imagine a world in which I could sit down in a cafe with you, perhaps at our favorite haunt in Carytown, and have a chat. I would greet you with a hug. We’d order lunch, look at passersby through the window while we talked.

4. I’m O.K., I’d say. My biggest challenge has been my own self: depression looms, anxiety hovers, it is hard to focus on a concentrated task. I’m devastated at the loss of life around the globe, in as much as I can comprehend it. I’m furious at attempts to downplay, discount and even hide the numbers of the dead. Hugs will never be taken for granted anymore. I’ve honed my purpose and priorities. You would tell me what is on your heart, the ways you’ve changed and how you’ve stayed the same, yet grown.

5. Oh, God, I do not understand why this has happened. I never will. You disappoint me with what you allow. I wish you’d use your divine power in ways that make sense to me. Yet, I am your child, you are creator; you are the potter, I am the clay. “Does the clay say to the one who fashions it, ‘What are you making?’ or ‘Your work has no handles?’” Isaiah 45:9. No, indeed, like Job, “I am of small account; what shall I answer you?” (40:4). As the Proverb says, my human mind may devise many plans, but it is your purpose that will be established (19:21). With Job, “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted (42:2). With the proverb writer, I acknowledge, it is your glory to conceal things, and the propensity of human beings in positions of authority on earth to seek information (25:2). Oh, God, I turn from my desire to understand your ways, and I declare with the Psalmist, many are the wonders you have done, numerous the plans you have for us, they are more than could be numbered(40:5). How precious is your loving kindness, your tenacious solidarity with us; we find shelter in the shadow of your wings (Psalm 36:7).

Day Sixty-Two

Wednesday, May 20, 2020

1. I’m having all the feels.

2. I’m experiencing each of the seven feelings identified in what is perhaps the oldest text to categorize them, The Book of Rites, a first century Chinese encyclopedia: joy, anger, sorrow, fear, love, hate and desire.* A 20th century enterprise, the Atlas of Emotions, by Dr. Paul Ekman and his daughter, Dr. Eve Ekman, identifies five basic emotions: fear, enjoyment, sadness, anger and disgust. The book arose from the elder Dr. Ekman’s friendship with the Dalai Lama, who participated in its publication.

3. “What we need is not fewer words for our emotions, we need more,” writes Tiffany Watt Smith in her 2015 The Book of Human Emotions. In her tome, I find more words for what I am currently feeling, such as:

Awumbuk: “From the Baining people of Papua New Guinea, the emptiness we feel after visitors depart.”

Iktsuarpok: The fidgety feeling which sprouts up when visitors are due to arrive. Among the Inuit, “this antsy anticipation” causes them to scan the frozen Arctic plains for approaching sleds.

Verguenza ajena: “A vicarious humiliation, such as when a politician mispronounces an important name but insists it’s been said correctly.”

Zal: This Polish emotion is not directly translatable, but includes “melancholy felt at an irretrievable loss.” It combines disappointment, regret and even violent fury that comes “when some part of our lives has been taken away for good,” a “despair of recognizing the end of things.”

4. Alternately, I feel those basic categories of joy, anger, sorrow, fear, love, hate and desire, as well as sadness and disgust. I also feel Iktsuarpok as my children are due to arrive for a social-distancing visit: masks, no hugs, I’m prancing ‘round the kitchen looking out the window for their car. When the visit’s over, awumbuk sinks in, the emptiness after visitors depart. Listening or reading the news, it’s verguenza ajena, as I squirm, watching politicians give misinformation and insisting these are facts. Above all, it is Zal, the final word in Tiffany Watt Smith’s book. It is a sense of loss, regret and raging anger as it sinks in, it is now the end of what we knew. There is no new normal, we are not going back.

5. Dear God, your sacred text invites us to emotion, Jesus weeps, the Psalmist laments, the father of the lost son rejoices, there is joy in water turned to wine. You turn our stony hearts to living flesh, in the words of Ezekiel 36:26, you enable us to feel. May we have all the feels this day, great sadness and lament for lives lost, righteous anger at denial of the pain, and loving kindness for those around us. May we share your divine love and grace.

The Book of Human Emotions, Tiffany Watt Smith, 2015, Little, Brown and Co.

“Backed by funding from the Dalai Lama, Dr. Paul Ekman and Dr. Eve Ekman announce the launch of the Atlas of Emotions,” www.paulekman.com/blog/atlas-emotions-press-release

Neel Burton M.D., “What Are Basic Emotions?” Psychology Today, www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/hide-and-seek/201601/what-are-basic-emotions

Day Sixty-One

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

1. Is this current pandemic virus an “alien work of God?”

2. Ron Ritters, in an article published today, in Christianity Today, says that Martin Luther, the German reformer, would call COVID-19 an “alien work of God.” * The phrase appears in his earliest lectures on the Psalms. The word “alien” holds two truths together, two truths, strangers, foreign to one another.

3. Ritters reminds us that Luther believes the one truth that the sovereign God is in complete control of the world. If God is in charge of the pain and loss and agony of this virus, is God not punishing us, inflicting this upon us with divine purpose?

4. No, Ritters, points out, because Luther also believes the truth that God is good, that self-giving love is the core of God’s nature. Luther holds these two truths together with his overarching perspective that God is mostly hidden from our view. We have but a glimpse of God’s grace in this life. These glimpses give us hope that our loving and yet hidden God beholds us in grace even as the present pain obscures a more complete view of God’s presence in the world. The virus, then, is God’s work, but “alien,” a stranger to God’s loving self.

5. Did Martin Luther use the German word der Auslander or the word Fremde? Der Auslander is a person from another country, who I might or might not know. Fremde is someone from the same or different country, who I definitely do not know. God, your ways are mysterious, yet your love steadfast. Oh God, your role in virus is as der Auslander, you are from some other place, maybe I know you, maybe I do not. Oh God, your role in virus is as Fremde, from around here or somewhere afar, either way I do not, definitely do not, know you. Dear God, I find you not, not here, not there. God, der Auslander, God, Fremde, you are always hidden, everywhere, present in your absence, full of grace and hard to find. You leave us crumbs, a taste of holy bread, a sip of lifeblood wine, a view obscured that one day will be clear. May we hold fast to hope, let go of despair, may we love as you have loved, shown to us by your Child, and trust that one day we shall see fully, the frosted glass made clear.

*Ron Rittgers, “Martin Luther Helps Us See Divine Love in Pandemic Suffering,” Christianity Today, www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2020/may-web-only/martin-luther-coronavirus-black-plague-alien-work-of-god.html

Day Sixty

Monday, May 18, 2020

1. How will this pandemic end? How long must I social distance from my daughters and their partners? How long must I worry that I may carry a viral load to my brother in law, who is quite vulnerable to this disease?

2. How long must I refrain from hugging, maintain vigilance as I interact with others, no matter where I may be? How long will the silence of church choirs leave a gaping hole in our hearts? How many years will Ramadan fast and Passover take place over Zoom?

3. No one knows. “This coronavirus is unprecedented in the combination of its easy transmissability, a range of symptoms going from none at all to deadly, and the extent that it has disrupted the world. A highly susceptible population led to near exponential growth in cases.” *

4. The Scientific American article says the question of how it plays out is at least 50 percent a combination of how we take precautions and how effectively governments respond. The other 50 percent, it says, will come from science. Researchers have banded together like never before and are working on multiple fronts to develop remedies.

5. Dear God, how will this end? Do you know now? Or in the present do our actions further your good purpose for the health of humankind, your children, creation and precious ones around the globe? You call us to extend love, protect each other, tend the vulnerable, use our gifts to bring a cure. What are you teaching us in this time? May we be learners, may be kind, may we let go of self-preoccupation and see the world the way you do, may we let go of striving for ourselves alone and actively seek the welfare of our neighbors near and far, as we live your love.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-the-covid-19-pandemic-could-end1/

Day Fifty-Nine

Sunday, May 17, 2020

1. 89,433 today, confirmed deaths in the country in which I live.

2. Soon, over 100,000, in our U.S. will have passed away. Most likely more, the numbers surely lower than the actual count, for lack of testing, or cause of death unknown.

3. Tomorrow is my husband’s birthday, 66.

4. We are at the beach, social distancing with family. Are we safe from each other? Dangerous birthday celebration, how could this be? Yet it is. Our daughter and her boyfriend wear their masks as they dance around the kitchen, making dinner for us four.

5. Dear God, thank you for birthdays, another year, another day of life upon this earth. Dear God, thank you for our four children, millennials, finding their way, in this new world, working from home, quarantined. What is our chance? Of transmitting virus to each other? They, young and strong, still vulnerable, there is no guarantee, we, older and at risk, yet we may survive, as some have done. Dear God, may we celebrate your love, our birthdays, moments of joy, even as we wear masks, refrain from hugs, and protect ourselves from harm.

Day Fifty-Eight

Saturday, May 16, 2020

1. Today I cried at the thought of my daughter’s upcoming wedding. What were my tears about?

2. Grief? -at the loss of the day we’d planned, 150 friends and family gathered at sunset at the vineyard, watching my dear pastor friend perform the ceremony under an arbor the bride and groom would keep, vows exchanged, music sung, a kiss, cheers, feasting, dancing, the blessing imparted with great joy. Now, communal singing spreads the virus, hugging, kissing, not to be, laughing across a candlelit table is risky, such gatherings have been a source of spread.

3. It’s not the dresses or the flowers or the tasty food and wine, I grieve the loss of community surrounding them with love, the physical presence, showing up for love and hope and moving forward in a life begun anew.

4. Pandemic scatters dreams of first dance in front of loving onlookers, bridesmaids, siblings, friends and parents, uncles, aunts and neighbors. Virus turns over tables filled with flowers, wine and tasty food. Like an ancient plague, it renders isolation, fear and fever, weakness and despair.

5. Yet hope prevails, the blessing will be given, the couple will be cheered. I will be the officiant, as well as mother of the bride. Just a few will gather by the water at our home as vows are said, sealed with a kiss. And then, those who could not gather close will come, and honk and wave, an entourage of cars, cast petals on the road, their blessing given from a distance but blessing just as strong. Love wins, prevails and lasts, it is the final word.

Day Fifty-Seven

Friday, May 15, 2020

1. Are we not in a national state of mourning? Italy, China and the Holy See, observed a day of mourning. Brazil set aside three such days. Ecuador declared a national mourning for 15 days. *

2. Eighty-six thousand, nine hundred and forty-two recorded lives lost in our country as of today.

   Three hundred and four thousand, one hundred twenty-seven, recorded lives lost around the globe.

3. What is the difference between grief and mourning? * Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt, author, educator and counselor, has spent more than 30 years exploring the human experience of loss, and explains the subtle difference between grief and mourning

   Grief is internal. Mourning is external.*

   Grief is our”initial, private response,” our “thoughts and feelings on the inside.”

   Mourning is the “shared, social response to loss,” mourning takes our internal grief and externalizes it in the form of an action, a symbol, a ceremony, or a ritual that activates social support. It is essential for creating forward movement in a state of grief.

   Without external mourning, grief turns into “carried grief.”

4. Dr. Wolfelt uses the term “carried grief” to describe “unacknowledged and unmourned grief.” When we experience loss but do not mourn, we “carry that grief forward” into our future. This carried grief results in “a muting of one’s spirit, or divine spark,” or what Meister Eckhart described as “that which gives depth and purpose to our living.” And, “when the spirit is muted, there is an ongoing hampering” of our ability to live life with meaning and purpose.

5. Why are we not in a national state of mourning? Why have we not designated a nation-wide shared, social response to loss? What is the cost of lives lost? What is the cost of carried national grief? Oh, God! Help us! May we rise up and recognize our need to come together in this time. Thank you for Dr. Wolfelt. I see he is sharing his expertise, responding to this crisis, bless him, may his wisdom travel wide and far.*

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_day_of_mourning

https://www.elcomercio.com/actualidad/moreno-decreto-duelo-nacional-coronavirus.html

https://www.funeralbasics.org/what-is-the-difference-between-grief-and-mourning/

“shared grief” described in https://www.centerforloss.com/2016/12/living-shadow-ghosts-grief-introduction/

https://www.centerforloss.com/2020/05/dr-wolfelt-in-the-news-scottsdale-independent/

Day Fifty-Six

Thursday, May 14, 2020

1. At this critical moment, we “are sitting with the stark awkwardness that the world we knew is gone. There is no going back.” Rabbi Nahum Ward-Lev, from the Foreword to “Virus as a Summons to Faith,” by Walter Brueggemann, where the Rabbi gives us a glimpse into the content of the book:

2. “The Torah and The Prophets were gathered and edited to meet the needs of the Israelite people who had suffered the catastrophe of the Babylonian destruction and the subsequent exile in the 6th century BCE.”

3. “These writings were held scared because they helped people absorb the loss of the world they had known and offered a vision for a way forward.”

   Brueggemann lifts up these ancient texts and shows us how they provide vital insights to help us meet the challenges of the disaster in our day:

4. “In this current devastation is the same summons all prophets hear in the midst of calamity:

   the call into right relationship with the Living Presence and

   a call into deeper, more caring, mutually beneficial relationship with all that is.”

5. Dear God, this virus is not your doing, your punishment, your anger, your vengeance. There is a stream of thought in the Hebrew scriptures, an understanding of your covenant with us as quid pro quo. You provide blessing if your people obey, and curses if your people do not. There is another stream of thought in the Hebrew scriptures, an understanding of your covenant with your people as divine lovingkindness, chesed, mercy, forgiveness, given freely, undeserved. There is also a new covenant, drawn from Hebrew scripture,a summation of the Law and the Prophets, lifted up by a Rabbi whose friends wrote down his words: “I give you a new covenant, that you love one another, as I have loved you.” In this massive disaster, dividing before and after, may we come to you in prayer, trusting that your love holds fast, may we care for neighbors, mirror the expansive nature of your great love, may we find a new way, your way, forward.

Day Fifty-Five

Wednesday, May 13, 2020

1. While I’ve been batch cooking, packing my husband’s lunch for the past 55 days since local restaurants closed, sorting through my hairline, estimating the ratio of silver to brown, binge-watching “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel,” scrolling through Room Rater (@ratemyskyperoom), and battling serious depression as I watch the death toll mount…

2. …Old Testament scholar Walter Brueggemann has written another book: “Virus as a Summons to Faith: Biblical Reflections in a Time of Loss, Grief and Uncertainty.” You can order it on Kindle for $9.99.

3. Rabbi Nahum Ward-Lev writes in the foreward: “As a rabbi and a lifelong student of the Hebrew Scriptures, I find biblical wisdom speaking into the present moment with more relevance and power than at any other time in my life. At this critical moment, many people are sitting with the stark awareness that the world we knew is gone.” In the chapter “Praying Amid the Virus,” Brueggemann sets forth prayer as the primary way we live out and deepen our relationship with God. “Brueggemann’s meditation on Psalm 77 takes us to the heart of the matter,” Ward-Lev points out, focusing on the turn we are summoned to make, “the turn from the small, preoccupied self to the larger Self we find in God.” This turn toward God frees us to take bold and creative action to love our neighbor and create a community of care and generosity in the world.

4. I am reading this book today. Would you like to join me? Kindle says it will take us a little over an hour. I will be sharing with you how this book affects my current prayer life, inspires me to loving action and expands my understanding of God’s presence and mercy in the midst of devastation.

5. Oh, God, I come before you in prayer now, in this moment. Open my heart, increase my understanding. May I trust in you in the midst of my questions and uncertainties, may I follow you into the unknown and live the known, which is your love, steadfast and always.

Day Fifty-Four

Tuesday, May 12, 2020

1. 289,920; 82,237; 891; 110.

2. Oh, God, these are not numbers. These are your precious children, lives cut short by virus spread. Worldwide, U.S., Virginia, the county in which I make my home.

3. I find a list of notable people who have died from coronavirus on Wikipeida.

4. Dr. Liang Wudong of Wuhan, China; Hadi Khosroshahi of Tehran, Iran, Cleric and diplomat, former Ambassador to the Vatican; Italo De Zan, Treviso, Italy, cyclist; Lee Cha-su, Daegu, South Korea, Politician and activist; Marcelo Peralto, Madrid, Spain, saxophonist; Aytac Yalman, Istanbul, Turkey, General; Nicolas Alfonsi, Ajaccio, France, Politician; Stephen Schwartz, Seattle, United States, University of Washington pathology professor; Rose Marie Compaore, Ouagadougou, Burkina Fasto, Vice President of the National Assembly; Aileen Baviera, Manila, Philippines, political scientist; William Stern, United Kingdom, survivor of the Bergen-Belson concentracion camp; Mike Longo, New York, United States, jazz pianist, composer, author; Zororo Makamba, Harare, Zimbabwe, Journalist; Dr. Usama Riaz, Gilgit, Pakistan; Jenny Polanco, Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic, fashion designer; Harry Aarts, Tilburg, Netherlands, Politican; Martinho Lutero Galati, Sao Paulo, Conductor; Olle Holmquist, Sweden, trombonist; Rodolfo Gonzalez Rissotto, Montevideo, Uruguay, Politician; Ken Shimura, Tokoyo, Japan, comedian; Milutin Knezevic, Belgrade, Serbia, Orthodox Bishop; Manuel Adolfo Varas, Guayaquil, Ecuador, sports journalist; Viktar Dashkevich, Vitebsk, Belarus, actor; Pape Diouf, Dakar, Senegal, journalist; Gita Ramjee, Umhlanga, South Africa, HIV prevention researcher; Bernardita Catalla, Beirut, Lebanon, Philippine Ambassador to Lebanon; Juan Gimenez, Mendoza, Argentina, Comic book arist; Nirmal Singh Khalsa, Amritsar, India, singer; Aptripel Tumimomor, Makassar, Indonesia, politican; Marguerite Lescop, Longueuil, Canada, writer; Hans Prade, Rotterdam, Net,herlands, Surinamese diplomat. The list goes on, new names are added day by day.

5. Oh, God, the people on this list lived public lives and shared their gifts. May they be remembered, their stories told, their lives inspire others to carry on in music, medicine, research, journalism, comedy and public service. Oh, God, so many names not on this list, but known to you: those who lived quiet lives of service, teaching children, cleaning schools, tending patients in their final hours. Oh, God, lament is on my tongue, oh, why, this needless loss of lives? May we, may I not feel helpless or despair, but focus on your love, live your compassion, grace, and serve your precious children, all around.

Day Fifty-Three

Monday, May 11, 2020

1. I dreamed, I could see the ocean, looking up toward the sun from beneath the waves. I saw a whale and calf circling the globe counter clock wise, a shark passed by them, aligned with ticking hands of time.

2. I dreamed I could see satellites circling earth. If I turned my head just so and looked up and focused right, I saw them circling up above, metal appendages seeking data down below.

3. I have long recorded dreams. I find them in my diaries from 40 years ago. They make me laugh as they reveal the ways of the world back then.

4. Are you having vivid dreams? Deidre Leigh Barrett, Ph.D. has written a book about the importance of dreams and is consulted about the dreams people are having during these pandemic days. *

5. Oh, God, dreams appear in our sacred text. Joseph, an interpreter of dreams reveals what is to come. Kings, instructed as to when and where to travel. The wife of Pontius Pilate dreams of the innocence of Jesus. Oh, God, you speak still in dreams today. May we pay attention, learn from your gift of dreams. May we trust that you hold us close, night and day.

*https://www.latimes.com/lifestyle/story/2020-04-07/coronavirus-quarantine-dreams

*https://www.amazon.com/Committee-Sleep-Scientists-Athletes-Solving/dp/0982869509

*https://www.amazon.com/Committee-Sleep-Scientists-Athletes-Solving/dp/0982869509

Day Fifty-Two

Sunday, May 10, 2020, Mother’s Day

1. Oh, Mom, you made dresses for me, pink, full skirts, smocked, trimmed in lace, with a sash that tied in the back.

2. Mom, you made a rag doll for me out of light pink cloth with a stuffed torso, floppy arms and legs, brown yarn for hair, pigtails and button eyes and an embroidered mouth and nose. No ears. I called her Annie.

3. Mom, you taught me to sew, and I sewed with fury.

4. Mom, you stayed home with the four of us while Dad went to work and sent men to the moon.

5. Mom, my world was a different world entirely when you left this earth. Dad joined you six months later. You have entered the realm we can only trust and imagine, the arms of Jesus, the face of God, the fullness of the spirit. Your absence, a life-altering identity shift and a mountain load of grief and pain upon my soul.

Day Fifty-One

Saturday, May 9, 2020

1. We arrived at the beach this evening. My husband hung out with his sister and brother-in-law and I went for a walk before socializing.

2. I prayed. Prayers of gratitude, for the waves and the sand, for coming to this place where my husband’s parents played with giggling grandchildren.

3. I prayed. Prayers of intercession for parents of children lost from COVID-19, for researchers searching for answers as to why inflammation comes to these little ones, for medical staff, tending to bedside, offering comfort and care as their hearts are breaking.

4. I prayed. Prayers of lament, for 80,037 deaths in the U.S. . My God, my God, why? why? why?

5. I prayed, Prayers of lament, for 280,431 deaths worldwide. My God, my God, why? why? why? Oh, God, may we never downplay grief, loss, needless death. Oh, God, may we lift up each precious life, each child of yours, may we have compassion, it is a matter of life and death.

Day Fifty

Friday, May 8, 2020

1. Today it’s just puppies and plants.

   Molly and Toby, my brother and sister-in-law’s little rascals:

Pistol, head of household in the home of my best friend from childhood:

Pistol

Wes, a 9 month old cockapoo, who is enjoying no longer having to hide his toys and bones in his new home with friends of mine:

3. Maple, my daughter and her fiancee’s first foster, in the arms of her forever family, and the next foster puppy, coming May 31st:

Maple

Foster pup coming May 31, 2020

4. Bell pepper and cherry tomatoes from my brother and sister-in-law’s garden:

Bell Pepper

cherry tomato

5. Dear God, thank you for puppies and plants. The soulful eyes, the tender leaves, are signs of hope. May we nurture new growth, around and within us. May we guide the young and vulnerable and treasure their playful joy, by which they never see a stranger, only a friend. May we join in their delight in each present moment. Dear God, help us open our hearts even as we cover our faces out of respect and love for those around us. May we grow in love and bear the fruit of your spirit.

Day Forty-Nine

Thursday, May 7, 2020

1. I feel good this morning.

2. Praise the Lord! I say.

3. To be honest, there have been mornings when I did not feel good, even went back to sleep after my husband left. Depression looms, it is like an anvil. Yet it does not stay. It comes, I feel the weight of it, I ruminate, the suffering of the world is visceral, in my bones.

4. Then it lifts and I feel hope, even joy, a sense of purpose and my calling is clear. I will use my energy to spread the message I have been given, have received myself and now proclaim:

5. “Compassion is a matter of life and death.”

Day Forty-Eight

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

1. How are you doing? I’d like to know.

2. Everything I can think of to say to you sounds like a cliche in this moment. “This is hard.” “Hang in there.” I would never say: “this will all be over soon,” or “live into the new normal.”

3. I’m vacillating between hope and despair, a sense of great purpose and depression, anger at what I perceive to be the downplaying of this tragedy, and admiration for those on the front lines, caring for the sick, researching treatments and vaccines, and speaking the truth about what is happening without softening the news for fear of reprisal.

4. I am transcribing my journals from forty years ago, I turn twenty, then twenty-one, just as I now have turned sixty, will be turning sixty-one. I read about my mental health struggles then, how I coped. I read scripture, modeled myself after friends who had constructive habits and laughed with gentle ease. I discover I am a feminist. I become aware of world hunger and racial justice and my own privilege. I realize I can become a pastor, seek ordination, “even though” I am a woman, despite having never seen nor heard of a female minister.

5. Dear God, keep me from becoming numb to the sufferings of others. May I remember your love conquers fear, your hope sustains us when we are tempted to despair. May I look beyond myself in these pandemic days. Help me ease the pain and grief of others. Help me send out your message of justice and hope and service to your children everywhere. I have served you forty years. I may not have forty more, but I offer myself in service to the world for you for all my days left upon this earth.

Day Forty-Seven

Tuesday, May 5, 2020

1. Today, the death toll in the U.S. surpasses 70,000.00 people.*

2. Today, COVID-19 deaths are predicted to rise to more than 3000 people per day by June 1*

3. Today, is #GivingTuesdayNow, a global generosity movement*

4. Today, dogs are being trained to detect the smell of the novel coronavirus.*

5. Today, you can see Good News about the Coronavirus on this website, including the number of people who have recovered.*

*https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/health/2020/05/05/coronavirus-live-updates-trump-arizona-reopening-kroger-fda/3079735001/

*https://www.ft.com/content/e32ddbf7-0826-4cf7-9a73-18611eb29c23

https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2020/05/04/coronavirus-update-us/

https://now.givingtuesday.org/about/

https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/dogs-joining-fight-against-covid-by-sniffing-out-virus/

https://thegoodnewscoronavirus.com/about

Day Forty-Six

Monday, May 4, 2020

1. From the time I was 12 years old, when I have been afraid, insecure, worried about the future, and in dialogue with God, I have turned to scripture. For fifty years, I have found comfort and guidance in the fourth chapter of the New Testament book of Philippians. The apostle Paul writes from prison. He is incarcerated, facing the death penalty. Here is what he says to his friends in Greece, in the first Christian community established in that country:

2. “Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

3. “Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Keep on doing the things that you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.”

4. On Sunday, my sister and brother-in-law went to “on line church” and heard the pastor’s message: “Do not be anxious.”

5. God, I rejoice in you. With the breeze of your Spirit swirling ‘round me, I embody your gentleness. I let go of worry and anxiety and I lift up prayers for Rhonda, Dean, John, Diane, workers and residents at Beth Shalom, grandparents, graduating seniors, politicians, pastors, respiratory therapists, reporters, immunologists and artists. Use me, God. Your peace comes, it is beyond my understanding, my heart and mind are yours. I look now for truth, honor, justice, clarity, delight, respect, distinction, and all that is commendable. I hold fast to all I have learned, all I have been taught, all I have received and experienced in faith. Thank you for your peace. Use me to extend your peace into the world.

Day Forty-Five

Sunday, May 3, 2020

1. I am angry.

2. I am angry when I think about states opening up, lessening restrictions, even as efforts are being made for workers to have no protections, businesses to have no liability for customers or employees.

3. I am grateful for so many things, but still I find depression looming.  Maybe if I get in touch with my anger, depression will lessen.

4. Maybe if I start a gratitude list it will help so here goes. I am grateful:

   for a sunny day, with my husband and sister and brother-in- law, as we social distance at the beach.  

   for my children and their friends who support them in this time of COVID-19, getting “check on the boomer parents” phone calls from all four daughters each week.

   for my pastor friends who are finding ways to worship and care for flocks during this time and for the fact that this is not my calling right now.

   for my Muslim friends and I think I should join them in their fast, as suggested in an opinion article I read in the Washington Post this morning.*

   for those who protest injustice, those who work and are essential, for the satirical piece in the Washington Post I read this morning about how they are called heros, but given nothing.

   for the record I left of my prayers and favorite scriptures and insights from psychology and theology and heart break and misery and joy during college and seminary, which I now transcribe, speaking into a Google doc, as I trace the months leading up to the death of Martine.

   for your love, O God, and for our imperfect perfect love as humans, which mirrors your divine.

5. God, I am indeed grateful, for the gift of this day, the joy of spring sunshine and clear sky, the connection with friends at Life in 10 Minutes today over Facebook Live, for the bonds of family, for your call to live your way and will and love in this time. Use me, use my anger and my ruminations, use my knowledge and my heart, use my energy and my connections so that I may serve you this day.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/04/30/american-muslims-fast-this-ramadan-maybe-rest-america-should-consider-joining/?arc404=true

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2020/04/30/heroes-we-cannot-possibly-repay-you-your-sacrifice-so-we-will-make-no-effort/?utm_campaign=wp_week_in_ideas&utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&wpisrc=nl_ideas

Day Forty-Four

Saturday, May 2, 2020

1. I could not sleep last night, got up for an hour, went back to bed.

2. Could not sleep still, got up, stayed up until 3:00 a.m. Back to bed, slept until 8:30 a.m.

3. So much is on my mind. I cannot fathom the death toll: 65,783 today. I am reading an article, published this morning. As we passed 60,000 deaths in the U.S. on Wednesday, we also recorded a new peak in single-day deaths: 2,700. The article explains the story a new daily peak tells: when we eventually reach the peak of daily deaths, the decline will be surely be slower than the ascent, which means considerably more than 60,000 deaths.

4. The data is astounding, horrific, I cannot comprehend the loss, the grief, the pain, the exhaustion of helping workers on front lines.

5. Oh, God, I am angry. Over these pandemic days, I’ve heard the virus downplayed, de-emphasized, discounted. God, I confess I am judgmental, blaming others for mistakes, misinformation, mismanagement. God, through ages you have brought forth prophets to proclaim uncomfortable truths. Bless the truth-tellers of today, scientists, physicians, nurses, medical examiners, epidemiologists, data processors, virologists, respiratory therapists, and more. Bless those in positions of power and authority who make decisions that affect our lives each day. May they heed the prophets and have compassion on your precious children. Dear God, may I let go of judgement and center myself in you, speak truth in love, align my words and actions with your grace, love as you love us.

Day Forty-Three

Friday, May 1, 2020

1. When will we get back to normal?

2. “New normal” is a common search phrase. I can’t help myself, I conduct a search for the earliest use. It is, perhaps, in December of 1918, as cited here:

   In the years immediately after the end of World War I, a spate of books and articles addressed “the new normal” that was expected to emerge after that conflict. One of the earliest is from Henry Wise Wood, “Beware!” in National Electric Light Association Bulletin (December 1918).*

3. In the midst of the pandemic of 1918, Wood speaks of the transition from war, to the future. He says: “To consider the problems before us we must divide our epoch into three periods, that of war, that of transition, that of the new normal, which undoubtedly will supersede the old.… How shall we pass from war to the new normal with the least jar, in the shortest time? In that respect should the new normal be shaped to differ from the old?”

4. Dear God, we long to return to what is familiar, safe, secure. Or, if we must, a new familiarity, a new sense of safety, a new security. God, what am I learning during this time of disruption?

5. That love reigns supreme, above all else? That compassion is a matter of life and death? That our fragile planet is a living organism, your good creation, entrusted to our common care? That global health is a shared trust? That each life is precious, each needless death breaks your heart anew. Help us, O God, for you have not called us into “normalcy” but into a life of grace, love and service to our neighbors, your children, all over the world.

   *https://english.stackexchange.com/questions/215012/origin-of-the-new-normal-as-a-freestanding-phrase
   

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Pandemic Diary: April 2020

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Day Forty-Two

Thursday, April 30, 2020

1. I have a headache. Do I have the virus?

2. I don’t know, but I can rest, take a nap, see how the day unfolds.

3. Not so for many, those with no paid sick leave, who must go to work.

   https://www.huffpost.com/entry/working-while-sick-coronavirus_n_5e70eb84c5b63c3b648571da

   https://qz.com/1841763/us-grocery-workers-risk-coronavirus-but-most-lack-paid-sick-leave/

4. Those who return to work after the shutdown, will provisions be made to keep them safe?

   https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2020/04/28/coronavirus-can-you-sue-if-you-get-covid-19-work/3035422001/

5. Oh, Lord, strengthen all those who advocate for workers, plead for compassionate policies, and care for those who are ill. May I, may we not close our eyes and turn away from the needs right before us. Please, God!

Day Forty-One

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

1. I am transcribing my journals from college and seminary. On this date, 40 years ago, April 26, 1980, was a Saturday. On that day I wrote this prayer:

2. “God! Teach me to be loving and giving. I am complete in you. I don’t need anything external except your grace. Love through me, use my inadequacies. I want to take a giant step with you now, Lord. I want to grow up in my attitudes, to grow up in you, to learn to live your love, to live within your acceptance. I want to get rid of all the foggy haze, to understand reality, to stop fooling myself, to stop letting myself be conformed to the pattern of this world, to understand what is important above all else! Show me how to look at my fellow humans - as whole, total people.”

3. Three years after writing this prayer, in April of 1983, I would find out that my oldest sibling had died, four months prior, in December of 1982. In May of 1983, I would be ordained by the First Baptist Church of DeLand, Florida. In June of 1983, I would be married, to someone I would meet in the fall of 1980. In 1988, I would bear my first daughter, then my second, and 35 years later I would also gain two “grace” daughters through a joyful second marriage. Forty years ago today, I had not yet met a female pastor, or even known of one, and now I have retired, after decades of serving churches.

4. God, in these pandemic days, as deaths from this virus approach 60,000 in our country, and exceed 200,000 worldwide, teach me to be loving and giving, now, in this time and moment. I am still complete in you. I don’t need anything external but your grace. Love through me, use me, inadequate as I still am. May I take a new giant step with you, now, Lord, to grow up in you. Grown up I am now, quite grown, yet may I still grow in you. May I grow in attitude, knowledge, and love. May the current foggy haze be cleared that I may see the world as you do, filled with your precious children. May I refrain from conforming to the destructive patterns of this world and may I conform myself to you, your spirit, grace and joy. May I, Lord, bring your word of hope and comfort to a broken and hurting world.

5. What was your prayer 40 years ago? Your most precious dream or fear? What have you experienced since, how have you grown? Or if you’ve not lived as long as I, what is your prayer for now? What is your dream, desire? May you feel God’s love enfold you in these times, may you find joy in serving, strength in loving, and rest in the greatest love of all.

Day Forty

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

1. Negative forty is the unique temperature at which the Fahrenheit and Celsius scales correspond; that is, -40 C = -40 F. It is referred to as either “minus forty” or “forty below.”

2.  Forty is the sacred number for the ancient Sumerian god, the deity of crafts, mischief, lake and seawater, intelligence and creation.

3. In the Hebrew Bible, 40 is often used for time periods which separate two epochs.

4. Before his temptation, Jesus fasted for forty days and forty nights in the Judean desert. Forty was the period from Jesus’ resurrection to his ascension.

5. What can happen in 40 days? What can be unraveled, undone? What can be restored, rearranged, reworked, retooled? Forty days of faces perched on Zoom. Forty days of fear of getting sick. Forty days of grief, for loved ones lost. Forty days of learning a new way. Oh, God, what’s next, what 40 more will bring?

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/40_(number)

Day Thirty-Nine

Monday, April 27, 2020

1. Text thread from yesterday:

   Diane (in Alabama): Just read your diary for the last 2 days. Praying for you.

   Me: (in Richmond): Do I sound like I need prayer? Ha ha

   Diane: Yes, we all do.

   Me: Maybe need to be more upbeat?

   Diane: No, you are being honest. Reflecting the feelings of many.

2. We are in Eastertide. There was no getting back to normal for the disciples, who longed for chats on Mt. Arbel, shining faces of those healed by Jesus, long walks with their teacher, worn leather sandals kicking up dust as they listened to his words. There was the before and there was the after, a signifier which much of the entire world took on, even to this day. B.C. and A.D.

3. It was a new chapter. A New Testament, which means a new covenant, a new understanding of what it meant to be human. It was a new world to be navigated, the only directions being the words of the one whose physical presence was now gone. They were left to figure out how to decide the application of those words. They were not alone, however, the Spirit was breathed upon them.

4. We are in a new chapter. There is no returning to pre-coronavirus days. It is not the only point of no return in history, not the first shift of magnitude. Here we are. I have a google alert for “getting back to normal,” which sends links to my email inbox. Article after article, the topic is explored. Bottom line: there is no “normal,” there is just “now.”

5. They had to navigate A.D. , an unknown future, a shaky political landscape, a world of injustice and great suffering. They had one guiding rule by which to live: “love one another as I have loved you.” It is ours, too, the way we will get through, move forward, find our way. We do not know how this will unfold, but we can choose the way in which we move forward, we can choose what matters most, what guides us, undergirds - the way of love, compassion, care for each one, precious child of God.

Day Thirty-Eight

Sunday, April 26, 2020

1. I could not sleep again last night. After I heard my husband’s soft, steady breath, I tiptoed out. I read my phone, of course. I do not recommend this. I finally slipped back into bed, dreamed I had the virus.

2. This is my pandemic diary which I write for you each day, send out for permanent digital posterity. On November 18, 1971, I started a diary, at age 12, writing in code I created, a symbol for each letter, dozens of characters for feelings I could describe no other way.

3. Last night I read excerpts from my diary at age 21. It was a Sunday then, too, on April 26, in 1981:

   “It seems to me that there is a basic attitude problem that is being reflected in every area of my life. I am tense and not at peace. I am wearing myself out. This is not good. I need to have a moment of realization. I need to have a fresh vision of God’s grace.

   When I am overcome by life, when things start to snowball, when I haven’t lived up to the expectations of me for me, or of others for me, when I feel my limits and barriers, what is God’s word of hope? What do you say, God?

   I believe that God says, ‘I love you, Brenda. I offer to you all the good and positive. I offer you peace that passes all understanding. I offer you joy. I offer you life. I offer you love.’

   “But the answer is not simple. I cannot quite grasp it. You love me, God, and yet you give me the freedom to flounder around on my own. I have trouble having confidence in myself. I haven’t reached it, yet, what exactly am I reaching for?”

4. I smile when reading my diary from this date 39 years ago, written not just in the Before Times, before the pandemic, but the before times, before I went to seminary, before Martine died, before I married for the first time, before my children were born, before the Challenger exploded, before so many things, events and marks of time.

5. Oh, God, I was your struggling child, wrestling with the meaning of my life. Oh, God, more life behind me now than is before, I am still your struggling child, yet I know the meaning of my life. It is to serve you, be your expression of love in the world, to give myself to you each day, that you may live through me. Oh, God, I pray for all struggling children of all ages, that they may feel your love sustain them, that others called to care may meet their needs, that all who grieve and fear would be touched today by those who share compassion, which is to say, those who live your love.

Day Thirty-Seven

Saturday, April 25, 2020

1. A diary is “a daily record of personal activities, reflections, or feelings.” *

2. According to the online dictionary, pandemic is a noun as in: “an outbreak of a disease occurring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high proportion of the population” or an adjective as in: “The 1918 flu was pandemic and claimed millions of lives.”

3. At what point will the example be: “The 2020 coronavirus was pandemic and claimed … how many lives?”

4. I record events, my observations, activities, reflections, feelings. I often write a prayer. Wedding plans disrupted, funerals by zoom, hugs no longer welcomed, shopping with a mask, daily calls from daughters, brothers texting jokes, praying for my pastor friends whose calling is transformed, praying for my Muslim friends whose Ramadan’s begun, praying for my new Rabbi friend, who ministers in the heart of New York City. Looking for the helpers, listening to stories of lives lost, feeling anger rising over what could have been done, finding that distraction easier than “What can I now do?”

5. What can I do but write words now for you? Oh, God, may I lift up words of hope, for death does not have the final word, I know. Oh, God, may I lift up deeds of kindness, for they are all around, those who have no time to pray are praying with their lives, their hands your hands, their voice speaks your compassion. Oh God, I now feel tears stinging in my eyes. Am I mad at you, wishing you would stop this madness? Is my broken heart growing, as I’m forced to look within, remember what’s most precious, and cast off all else now? Oh, God, use me. Oh, God, may each one reading this know your love surrounds them, even in this valley of the shadow of death.

*https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/diary

Day Thirty-Six

Friday, April 24, 2020

1. Pandemics reveal who we are.

2. My tendency to depression, revealed, turning inward, feeling sluggish, cocooning in bed, scattering my clothes about, wearing the same jeans for 36 days.

3. Pandemics reveal our optimism, pessimism, cynicism, racism, heroism, our bonds of love, priorities, values, coping skills, compassion as well as the way we live out our faith tradition.

4. The first thing I read this morning was a scathing article about what this pandemic reveals about our country.

5. Dear God, I am afraid. I am afraid I will succumb to despair, inaction, lethargy, and sink into the comfort of my privilege. May I wake up this day, dear God, open my eyes to the reality around me, open my heart with compassion, and serve you as part of your presence in the world.

Day Thirty-Five

Thursday, April 23, 2020

1. We set out to walk. I ran back and grabbed my phone. I wanted to record the birdsong for you. I heard a new noise, what is it?

2. Holocaust Remembrance Day ended yesterday at sundown after 24 hours. In April of 2014 I was in Jerusalem on April 22. At 10:00 a.m. sirens blare for two minutes as traffic comes to a standstill, drivers open the door to their vehicles and stand, heads bowed. Pedestrians freeze in place. “Never Forget: Never Again.”

3. Over the past 24 hours I watched The Pianist, a 2002 film based on the memoir of Wladyslaw Szpilman, a Polish Jewish radio station musician who survived the holocaust and died in 2000.

4. Oh, God, as I read these headlines, I am filled with grief and fear and worry:

Over a million people will not receive coronavirus relief funds because they are married to immigrants.

Yesterday, the education secretary announced that DACA students will not receive relief funds, even if they are under federally protected status.

Chinese-Americans facing harassment and fears of violence.

Coronavirus is disproportionately taking the lives of people of color.

5. Oh, God, help us. We fear “the other” until we see they are our own, our brother, sister, mother, father, friend. Oh, God, Wladyslaw Szpilman survived in part because of the kindness of a Nazi Captain, recognized posthumously in Yad Vashem as one of the Righteous Among the Nations. Oh, God, what is that new noise? What is that sound? It is the voice of your servants, speaking up, speaking out on behalf of immigrants, lifting the voice of vulnerable communities. Oh, God, may I, may we be your voice of compassion and love for all your precious children.

www.timesofisrael.com/siren-blares-in-israel-opening-virtual-holocaust-remembrance-day-events/

.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pianist_(memoir)

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilm_Hosenfeld

www.miamiherald.com/news/coronavirus/article242170256.html

www.nytimes.com/2020/04/22/us/politics/coronavirus-funds-colleges-dreamers.html

www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/asian-americans-describe-gut-punch-of-racist-attacks-during-coronavirus-pandemic

www.tolerance.org/magazine/how-to-respond-to-coronavirus-racism

Day Thirty-Four

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

1. The birdsong was exquisite on our morning walk today, the trees lush with deep green leaves. Some of the trees have trunks so thick three people could wrap their arms around.

2. Should I tell my husband that he has a short gray ponytail sticking out of the back of his baseball cap? I don’t want him to get it cut, even when the salon opens. I am finding out the color of my own hair. Dark brown, with scattered silver tinsel threads.

3. I woke up thinking about my dear friend’s friend, who took a turn for the worse yesterday after rallying in her battle against COVID-19 in a local hospital. A contemporary of ours, she was made a DNR. My heart breaks for her husband and young adult children. I just found out she passed.

4. I see on Twitter, those who have lost loved ones, share the news, tell the stories.

5. Today I work on editing Martine: A Memoir. I will take a paper draft to Elizabeth on Friday. It is a tale of loss and love. It is the story of my own transformation, my coming to terms. Oh, God, may we be connected to you and one another as we share our grief, as we send out love, as we cling to you with hope.

Day Thirty-Three

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

1. Today, the good, the helpers, the many kindnesses and acts of love, as promised yesterday.

2. Ironically, the lockdown is saving lives in more ways than just preventing the virus’ spread. A researcher calculated that the reduction in CO2 emissions in January and February in China could save as many as 77,000 lives, more than 20 times the number of people who died from the coronavirus in that time.

3. Some animals are flourishing, such as Thailand’s rare leatherback turtles. They have built more nests than at any time in the past two decades.

4. Meet The Helpers offers content for children about coronavirus. It is a website created by a Florida public radio station with the purpose of teaching children about important community helpers so that they are better prepared for emergencies. It was created after the Pulse Nightclub shooting in Orlando on June 12, 2016.

5. Dear God, be with the helpers today, cleaning, caring, parenting, delivering, researching, praying, reading stories to children from their homes. May they know your strength, may they feel our love. May we be inspired by each act of kindness brought to our attention. May those whose actions are never revealed know the inner joy of showing love. “Be ye kind to one another,”* I was taught. Infuse us, all your children, everywhere, with your kindness that we may be your acts of love. And also, God, may those exhausted, spent and tired be given rest and may acts of kindness find their way to them.

Ephesians 4:32

https://www.meetthehelpers.org/about

https://www.cnet.com/news/coronavirus-chronicles-good-news-amid-the-dire-reports

Day Thirty-Two

Monday, April 20, 2020

1. I went to bed at 10:00 p.m. last night.I could not sleep. My mind was racing. I had ideas of what I might write for you. I finally got up. I would take a pen and scribble some thoughts on paper, words of encouragement and hope.

2. I made a key mistake. I took my phone. I got on Twitter, scrolling through my Pandemic List. I read of refrigerated trucks, lined up in a row, serving as an overflow morgue. And, then, not only that. They called a carpenter to go in and create more shelving, so each truck might hold more.

3. The carpenter. I imagine him or her, given this grave task. Was it cold in there, or did they turn the humming motor off? What was he thinking, as he measured to increase capacity for more bodies in this space? Had she lost loved ones, wondered whether someone she knew might end up on these shelves? How long did it take him to complete this job? Days or hours, even longer? Is he still at work?

4. I also found a list of loss in the history of the U.S.: September 11, 2001, attacks, the Revolutionary War, the Post-9/11 War on Terror, the H1N1 flu pandemic, the Korean War, all surpassed by COVID-19 thus far. The low projection, that it will surpass the Vietnam War and the 1968 flu pandemic, even with precautions we now take. The high projection, that it will surpass the 1957-1958 flu pandemic, and World War I, even with precautions we now take.

5. Tomorrow, I’ll focus on the good, the helpers, the many kindnesses and acts of love. I promise. This morning, I return to the carpenter. You might guess why. Yes, I’m thinking of another carpenter.* One who said: “love one another as I have loved you.” I do not know why, the virus, I do not know what, the future, but I do know how to live. I’ve been told. I’ve been shown. Oh, God, may I show your love this day in all I do, may I feel your grace enfold me, and may I not fear, for you are with me in this valley of the shadow of death. Infuse those serving with your spirit that they may feel your strength, they who serve at bedside wearing masks, they who with the tools of carpentry create space for loved ones lost.

*Mark 6:3

Day Thirty-One

Sunday, April 19, 2020

1. I woke up, praying for my friends leading worship this morning.

2. I woke up, praying for two of my friends’ fathers.

3. I woke up, grateful for connections even in these pandemic days. An unexpected communication yesterday with an author I admire, a walk with my sister-in-law on the beach and the sound of birds singing.

4. I woke up thinking of my “new” brother and wondering how he is.

5. Dear God, thank you for the gift of this day. Use me as your vessel to share your love and peace. This morning I feel good, but there have been times when you have seemed so far away, the future so bleak. May I “cast my burdens on you”* for I know you care for me and each human being, all your precious children around the globe.

*I Peter 5:7

Day Thirty

Saturday, April 18, 2020

1. Is anyone reading my Pandemic Diary? Are you out there? Send me a message, please.

2. I’m editing Martine: A Memoir. I’ve pushed back my deadline 3 weeks. I set that deadline in the Before Times.

3. I’m writing blogs. “God and COVID-19,” “Dying Alone,” “Pandemic Reveals Who We Are,” “Why ‘When Will We Turn to Normal?’ Is the Wrong Question.” I’m alone and it is raining. Do you want to hear from me?

4. I want to hear from you. How are you doing? What keeps you sane, makes you laugh, brings you joy, breaks your heart in these pandemic days? We cannot meet in person, but we can connect in other ways. Send me a picture. Tell me who is inspiring you in the midst of this chaos. Who is your rock in the wind? What do you need right now?

5. God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.* My husband is my rock in the wind. My children and my extended family lift me up with laughter, watching over me, and keeping me connected. My friends are my anchors in the storm. I am sending love to you, you who read this, today, tomorrow, or even after I have gone. I love you, you are loved, we are love, my dear.

*2 Samuel 22:2

Day Twenty-Nine

Friday, April 17, 2020

1. Yesterday, a dear friend of my sister-in-law passed away with symptoms similar to COVID-19. Her husband and daughter were able to be with her. Thank you, God.

2. Yesterday, another dear friend was escorted out by police after she had entered the medical building with her significant other. She was finally able to sit in the waiting room, praying for good news. May he be well and healed, God.

3. Yesterday, a plan for “opening up the country” was unveiled. God, give those in power and those with knowledge wisdom in decision making and compassion in implementation.

4. Yesterday, depression loomed, anxiety appeared. God, may I live in hope, not fear, may I extend compassion, let go of confusion, may I hold fast to you as you hold me in your everlasting arms.

5. Today, the sun is shining. I have a call, I have words to write and love to give. Oh, God, may I know your peace which passes all understanding and may my heart expand with the knowledge of your grace. Amen.

Day Twenty-Eight

Thursday, April 16, 2020

Five Things COVID-19 is teaching me:

1. I will die. Pema Chodron: “Since death is certain, but the time of death is uncertain, what is the most important thing?” * COVID-19 puts our mortality and that of our loved ones and the fragility of our planet front and center. The gift of mortality is to give us the opportunity to focus on what is most important.

2. I don’t know why but I do know how. My faith doesn’t give me a tidy, wrapped-up-in-a-bow, logical, complete and total understanding of “why.” It does give me the “how.” I am to live as one loved sent out to love. It is as simple and as all encompassing and as life changing as this.

3. It is time to call my brothers. Not just when I’m finally free from distractions, but often, even daily, consistently. My brothers as well as my others. Staying in steady touch with my siblings, my children, my friends, my extended family is of utmost importance. It is our life line.

4. I am in control of my response. I am not in control of when and how I die, but I can decide how I will live. I am not in control of the speech and behavior of politicians, but I can decide what I will say and how I will behave. I can control what I listen to and watch on screens and when.

5. I am privileged. I have space to social distance. I have food and healthcare. I have a strong support system. COVID-19 is calling out my privilege.* It is time for me to join the conversation.

https://www.lionsroar.com/waking-up-to-your-world-pema-chodron/

https://gen.medium.com/how-to-tell-if-your-privilege-is-showing-amidst-the-covid-19-pandemic-f43e3ac5cd05

https://www.nasponline.org/resources-and-publications/resources-and-podcasts/diversity/social-justice/understanding-race-and-privilege

Day Twenty-Seven

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

1. It is raining. I wake up, prepare to post, my fingers on the keyboard of my laptop. To my right, a cup of hot green tea, my phone.

2. I pull up a website. * Confirmed cases around the globe: 2,016,861. Confirmed deaths from COVID-19: 128,008. I click on USA: 614,246 confirmed cases, 26,064 confirmed deaths. I click on Virginia, 6,171 confirmed cases, 154 confirmed deaths.

3. I search for the most recent article* about Canterbury Rehabilitation and Healthcare Center, in the west end of Richmond. The death toll has risen to 45, as of yesterday. “Nearly all of Canterbury’s residents rely on Medicaid funding for care of health problems that in many cases were the product of a lifetime of poverty. It lacks the amenities and space to keep people apart. And it lacks the pay to hire and keep enough staff.”

4. I read the quote by Dr. James Wright, Canterbury’s medical director:

   “A publicly funded nursing home is a virus’s dream…. People are close together. Their immune systems are compromised. It is just a tinderbox for that match.”

5. In 2017, Dr. Wright stood beside my mother, tending her with kindness as her dementia fueled confused and hateful speech toward him. I was embarrassed, he was patient. Mom was in a rehab facility after being discharged from the hospital, then returned to Spring Arbor.

   Oh, God, you are the champion of the poor, the advocate for the sick, the Shepherd who seeks the lost. We are your resurrected body in the world, doing your good work. May Dr. Wright feel your presence and your strength, may each of us rise up, filled with the compassion of your Holy Spirit, may we feed your sheep and tend your lambs.*

   https://www.reuters.com/article/us-health-cornavirus-italy-hospital/watching-patients-die-alone-breaks-doctors-hearts-in-provincial-italy-hospital

   https://vadogwood.com/2020/04/14/virginia-nursing-home-one-of-the-deadliest-in-the-nation

   John 12: 15-17

Day Twenty-Six

Tuesday, April 14, 2020

1. I am at the beach. The sun is shining, The windy storm has passed. I’m here to work, editing Martine: A Memoir, other related tasks.

2. Shall I find us a word of hope?

3. I fetch my Bible, the blue one, with thin pages and small print, with my former name in the front. Isaiah 43 is highlighted. Yes, this is it. I change the pronouns to make it fresh:

4. “But now thus says the Lord, she who created you, O Jacob, she who formed you, O Israel:

   Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.

   When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

   and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

   When you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

   And the flame shall not consume you.”

5. Oh, God, may we remember that you are with us, you have called us by name, we are yours.

   Nothing can separate us from your love. May we be bearers of this love to others; may we show compassion to all people, for your grace extends to all.

Day Twenty-Five

Easter Monday, April 13, 2020

1. This morning, wind and rain. The cardinal sang its spring song outside our bedroom window.

2. On April 13 of 1983 my mother typed a letter to her in-laws. I found it this year, in a box of papers we sorted through after Mom, then Dad, passed away. She wrote to explain to Grandmom and Pop how “Martin” was surely dead but not yet found, no body, no death certificate, no hard evidence as yet, but once a person missing is so long not heard from, the news is rarely good.

3. The evidence unfolded. They called me at Princeton Seminary when they knew. “Martin is dead!” I now know to call her by her name, Martine. The name she chose, made legal, lived as in San Francisco. Her body had been found on December 15 of 1982.

4. Over twenty-thousand people are dead, but that is only those who’ve been counted, tested and confirmed. My heart aches for those who died alone, as Martine did. My heart breaks for those unclaimed and stored, as Martine was. My heart hurts, for family members who cannot visit in the final hours, the transition from life to death. My heart expands with gratitude for hospital staff who tend the dying, link them to their families through a phone.

5. Jesus, you wept with those who grieved, you spread you word of love, you sent then your disciples to share this message for you. Fill our hearts with love this day that we may share it, by your grace.

Day Twenty-Four

Easter Sunday, April 12, 2020

1. We walked to the beach before dawn.

2. The water was calm. Four ducks paddled by the shore. A pelican dipped, diving below the surface.

3. Others were gathered, in blankets and chairs, scattered about. The sun lit up a soft cloud covering, pink-orange peeking through textured gray clouds above, purple-blue water below. Blues across the spectrum, textures of cloud and sand.

4. An Easter Like No Other, I wrote, earlier this week. Now it is here, this Easter day.

5. In John’s gospel, Mary steps through the darkness of dawn, heading to the tomb. The stone is gone. She runs back, tells Peter and John. She takes them to see the empty space. John gets there first, does not enter. Peter arrives second, goes in immediately. They find grave cloths, neatly folded, two pieces, one for the head, the other for the body, placed with care. They go back home.

   Mary stays, weeping. Angels ask her: “Woman, why do you weep?” “They have taken my Lord away,” she says, “and I do not know where they have laid him.”

   She hears a rustling, and she turns. There is a man. It must be the gardener. “Do you know where he has gone?” she asks.

   “Mary,” and now she knows. It is him. She reaches to embrace him. “Do not touch me! Go and tell what you have seen and heard!”

   On this Easter like no other, Lord, we cannot touch all those we love. Give us words to tell what we have seen and heard from you, the great, Good Shepherd, the God of lovingkindness, the Resurrected One.

   May those who touch in scary times to heal, transport and serve the sick feel your love and embrace. May we find ways to show your compassion to a hurting world.

Day Twenty-Three

Holy Saturday, April 11, 2020

1. It is the day before Easter and the last day of Holy week.

2. There is an ancient liturgy of Easter Vigil for this day.

3. When I was at Princeton Theological Seminary, the students and faculty put together a glorious Easter Vigil, with music and drama and scripture and candles and processions in and out of doors, culminating in the dawn of Easter and singing “Hallelujah!”

4. Was that the Easter of 1983? Sunday, April 3? An Easter I would have celebrated, not knowing Martine had died four months prior. Ten days before the phone call from Dad and Mom?

5. On this Holy Saturday my Easter Vigil is here, in this space, in this particular Week of Holy, and I pray: God, we wait, we watch, we do not know what comes, it is a time of mourning, a time of watchfulness, a time of isolation and washed hands. May we know your presence with us, may we be your presence here, now, may we cling to resurrection hope and live your love with all our heart and soul and strength and mind.

Day Twenty-Two

Good Friday, April 10, 2020

The cross

Describes the realities

Of human suffering,

No matter what you believe about Jesus:

Human suffering

Cruel treatment

Torture

Being deserted by your

Closest friends when

Trouble comes

Abandonment

Death at the hands of a 

Powerful institution

Religious extremism.

The final words of Jesus,

Remembered,

Give voice to

Human experience in death.

The liturgy

Of the seven words, seven phrases,

Is not chronological,

But has a sense of movement,

Of a person dying,

Focusing outward

Then letting go

Jesus speaks: Forgiveness for others

Care for his family

Expressions of his humanity

Letting go, releasing himself to death

“Father, forgive them, they do not know what they are doing,” of the soldiers and

“Today, you will be with me in paradise,” to the thief and

“Woman, behold your son, son behold your Mother,” to his loved ones and

“I thirst,” vocalizing his suffering and

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” identifying with Psalm 22 and

“It is finished.” Jesus offers himself up. 

It is a letting go, expressing: “I can do no more in this body. I am spent. I have nothing more to offer in this form. This body is bruised and broken and, although not old, it is violated with nails and a spear and exposure to the elements and thorns, and

I can’t breath,

I can’t breath,

I can’t breath,

In this crucified position.”

Oh, God, on this Good Friday, the suffering of Jesus echoes the suffering of your children around the world. Equip us with the power of the Holy Spirit so that we may be now the body of Christ in the world, serving with compassion, for compassion is a matter of life and death.

The Seven Last Words of Jesus

1. Luke 23:24 Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do

2. Luke 23:43 Today, shalt thou be with me in paradise

3. Mark 15:34 My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

4. John 19:29 Woman, behold thy son, son, behold thy mother

5. John 19:28 I thirst

6. John 19:30 It is finished

7. Luke 23:46 Father, into thy hands I commend my Spirit

Day Twenty-One

Maundy* Thursday, April 9, 2020

1. As we walked back to the house, it started to rain lightly. First, a single drop upon my check, as if it were a tear.

2. Surgeon General Jerome Adams: Coronavirus rivals Pearl Harbor, 9/11. On Sunday, he said: “This is going to be the hardest and saddest week of most Americans’ lives, quite frankly.”**

3. “How long will it go on and how many Americans will die before the pandemic is played out….Will it be …100,000 to 240,000…49,000 to 136,000 by Aug. 1….Or something closer to the 1.2 million death scenario?…. We don’t know. We can’t know…. The safest bet is that this week will be the worst, followed by an unknown number of even worse weeks.”***

4. Oh, Jesus, on that hardest and saddest week of the lives of your disciples, you gathered them and told them what to do: “A new commandment I give you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you.” Oh, dear God, and Holy Spirit, may I love as you love me, may we love as you love us, may our hearts expand this week to transmit love around the globe.

*Maundy is an Anglo-French word derived from the Latin “mandatum” which means “commandment.”

* *"Surgeon general: 'This is going to be the hardest and the saddest week of most Americans' lives'" The Hill, April 5, 2020.

*** “Editorial: This could be the first worst week of many worst weeks to come. Prepare yourselves” Los Angeles Times, April 7, 2002.

Day Twenty

Holy Wednesday, April 8, 2020

1. This morning we set out to walk. I became afraid.

2. The super moon was shining golden yellow through the trees before me. Behind, the dawn light preceded sun.

3. It started out like any other spring morning walk, then clouds, dark gray, moving fast, and wind, trees creaking, bending, back and forth. Half the sky was light and fair, the other half filled with a looming cloud, a moving force, above. I turned back, but stayed outside to watch the sky until he returned.

4. Oh, God, a storm has come. John Prine has died. Where is your Holy in this Week?

5. Psalm 57: In you, O God, I find refuge, in the shadow of your wings, I rest, until the devastating storms pass by. You send forth your steadfast love and faithfulness. May your love flow through me this day, O God. May I be a conduit for your everlasting love.

Day Nineteen

Holy Tuesday, April 7, 2020

1. On Holy Tuesday of 2019, in the Before Times, I wrote:

   God, Notre Dame is burning. The cross hangs in mid-air, having been ripped from the top of the spire, it is now perpendicular to the jagged edges that point upward to the sky, through flames and smoke.

   God, thank you for the tender young green leaves and sunbeams shining through tree branches, newly sprouted and glistening on the pond.

   Oh dear God, a girl is separated from her mother and placed in a case, a toddler washes up on the shore of the Mediterranean Sea, the child of desperate refugees. My heart is breaking.

2. God, this Holy Tuesday of 2020, I remember the spring of 1983, thirty-seven years go. Mom and Dad called me to tell me that Martine had died, four months before. Martine died alone, not found for days and days, in room 303, 487 Minna St. This broke my heart, there is a scar. There will always be.

3. God, I lift up to you the families of those who die alone, in isolation, for fear of contagion and spread. May their loved ones feel their embrace and gentle kisses, even from afar. May we be your loving presence in this time of grief and fear.

4. All those years ago, I clung to the Gospel of John, chapter 11, the death of Lazarus and the raising of Lazarus, where his sisters, Mary and Martha, each say, separately, to Jesus: “If you had been here my brother would not have died.” Jesus weeps bitterly and is - the Greek words reveal - utterly devastated. Deeply moved in spirit and greatly troubled.

5. Oh God, come to us on this Holy Tuesday. May we feel you walk beside us through this Holy Week. Sunday is coming.

Day Eighteen

Holy Monday, April 6, 2020

1. I woke up remembering last year, Holy Monday of 2019, in the Before Times.

   The leaves had appeared over the weekend as we laid Tyrion to rest that Saturday.

   Dan put on rubber boots and huffed and sweated as he dug the grave.

   I was sobbing softly.

   Tyrion, my daughter’s elderly rescue fluffball was with us, in May of 2017, in January 2018, part of the bedside watch for Mom and then for Dad.

   Lovingkindness Veterinary Care gave him a sweet and gentle passing. https://www.lovingkindnessvet.com/

   I wrote a full on funeral for this precious one.

2. Tyrion’s headstone is made of colorful, magnetic alphabet letters and gives the universal rescue dog birthday and a year we can only guess. Underneath, the phrase, “Dancing with Dragons,” the Game of Thrones episode title I found online and offered up, having never watched the series.

3. Last year, Holy Monday, of 2019, in the Before Times, I wrote:

   “ Hi, God. Remember the other night when I was lying in bed and silently spoke to you? It’s been a while. A tear fell down the left side of my face. I’m mad, God. I am trembling. God, I told a lot of people over the years when they were mad at you that you have a lot to account for. Indeed, God, you have a lot of explaining to do.”

4. God, it is Holy Monday of 2020. The first day of Holy Week, when we remember that Jesus overturned the tables in the temple.

   Have the tables turned on us? My thoughts fragment, remembering what was, noting now what is. The layered loss this time last year reflected other losses. The worldwide loss this year I cannot comprehend. The threat of unknown future loss, looming, just as this spring unfolds.

5. God, may I remember this right now: You are the same yesterday, today and forever.* You love us with an everlasting love, You enfold us with your lovingkindness.* You give us your peace, not as the world gives, may I not let my heart be troubled, may I neither be afraid.*

* Hebrews 1:8; Jeremiah 31:3; John 14:27

Day Seventeen

Sunday, April 5, 2020

1. It is Palm Sunday. Churches are streaming worship, Holy Week begins.

2. Passover starts this Wednesday. Ramadan two weeks after that. Around the globe, faith communities grapple with the changes in our world.

3. I open my Bible. I turn to Matthew 21, the account of Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem. I flip to Mark 11, Mark’s version of events. I find Luke 19 and John 12 where it is also told.

4. I am thinking like a preacher. I want to tell you about these texts, about the talk about the donkey and the colt, about the custom of the lauded Emperor, entering the city in gaudy glory, about the contrast with Jesus’ humble journey, about what happens next.

5. We are afraid of crowds, we limit where we enter, who we dare let in. It is too dangerous to gather, to sing Hosanna praise, it is too risky to wave a leafy branch together, side by side. What can we do now, God? What would you have us do? Remember what he taught us? and live the love he showed?
   
   
   

Day Sixteen

Saturday, April 4, 2020

1. I wake at 8:00. I sit at my computer. An open Bible at my side. A mismatched set of USBs, some labeled. Scattered piles of manuscript for Martine: A Memoir.

2. The morning sun is shining on apple green new leaves while birds converse in flight from tree to tree. How can each spring day be more exquisite than the last? The force that through the green fuse drives the flower,* all around, at play.

3. As spring grows and shows, I know that if I check, I’ll see the toll. I do not want to. I want to sit here, pretend this is an ordinary day in ordinary times.

4. Psalm 8: 1, 3: O Lord, you are our Sovereign, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars that you have established; I wonder, what are we that you are mindful of us? We mortals, that you care for us?

5. I remember. I was taught. You so loved this world you gave your child who broke the power of sin and death in resurrection glory. I sigh.

   *Dylan Thomas, The Force that Through the Green Fuse Drives the Flower.

Day Fifteen

Friday, April 3, 2020

1. I am at St. Mary’s hospital for a sonogram. I am most likely, most certainly, fine. Should I have cancelled?*

2. I am sporting a lovely mask I received in the mail yesterday, sewn by my daughter’s soon to be mother in law. I am grateful.

3. I am grateful for all who work here, tending patients in ICUs, scrubbing sinks, entering insurance information, making a plan for triage and treatment in days to come.

4. I awoke with this thought: I will write a funeral for you, you who die alone, sequestered from family for risk of contagion, you whose loved ones cannot gather to mourn you, cannot embrace with tears and kisses, you who know now what we can only trust and imagine, you who are in the bosom of Abraham, you who know now what we claim with quivering voices: death does not have the final word.

5. I am the resurrection and the life, says Jesus, to Martha, who has lost her beloved sibling, who has felt abandoned and angry, whose sister is weeping. Says Jesus to the weeping sister Mary: “………..” He simply weeps with her.

*Doc gave me the “all clear!”

Day Fourteen

Thursday, April 2, 2020

1. I do not know what to write. I do not know which verse of scripture to share. I turn to Jesus’ first sermon in Luke 4.

2. Here Jesus tells us what he is about: “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim release to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to let the oppressed go free, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.

3. Jesus, the poor are desperate for good news, those with the fewest resources around the globe are more vulnerable now than ever. Jesus, the incarcerated are fearful in their crowded quarters, longing for release. Jesus, we are blind, unwilling to see, unable to visualize what we now need to see clearly. Jesus, the oppressed, living on the margins, isolated, hidden, barely scraping by in the Before Times, now in full despair.

4. Jesus, through the words of the prophet Isaiah, you proclaimed the year of the Lord’s favor.

5. What shall we, your followers, proclaim? We who are hurting, grieving, afraid. Can we bring good news, proclaim release, recovery of sight, freedom and divine favor upon all people? Help us, O God. Help me, Jesus. Fill me, Spirit. May I be about your work.

Day Thirteen

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

1. The serenade on our morning walk was full of life. Cardinal, Chick-a-Dee, Mockingbird, even the hoot owl chimed in.

2. The bounty of spring unfurls.

3. My husband reads the paper. I reach for my Bible. It is deep blue, the pages thin, the print small. I look for a word of comfort and hope.

4. Matthew 6:25 and following. “Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Do do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

5. Today’s trouble is enough, indeed, dear Jesus. May I let go of anxiety and in its stead set my intention to spread a sense of calm and trust in you.

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Pandemic Diary: March 2020

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Day Twelve

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

1. This morning the dawn chorus was the backdrop for trees stretched out against morning sky, showing off the tips of branches ready to unfurl new leaves.

2. It will happen, this week. Buds will burst into blossoms. Foliage will fill the forests. The force that through the green fuse brings forth life will surround us.*

3. Also this week, exponential growth of disease and doom and death.

4. Attorneys advertise their services. Friends gather important papers. Is 100,000 dead a best case scenario?

5. We are entering the valley of the shadow of death. Thou art with us. You are the good shepherd. Oh God, help me be a shepherd too! Help us comfort one another and love as you have loved us!

Day Eleven

Monday, March 30, 2020

1. I am waiting outside the Virginia Eye Institute Building B. This is a follow up exam to my last surgery.

2. I pull out my bright blue Gideon New Testament with Psalms and Proverbs. It is the color of hyacinths. It was given to me at the state fair. I keep it in the console.

3. Psalm 7, verse 1: “O Lord my God, in thee do I put my trust.”

4. I check in. My temperature is taken but I am not touched. I smell the latex glove she wears as she pronounces me 97.8.

5. This afternoon the governor extended the stay at home order through June 10. O Lord, my God, in thee do I put my trust. I can only imagine what lies ahead. In you I put my trust.

Day Ten

Sunday, March 29, 2020

1. Yesterday we saw the USNS Comfort, the U.S. Navy hospital ship, as it departed from Norfolk.

2. It came out of the bay, far up the shore, to our left, then passed before us.

3. On to the waters that would set it on a course north to New York City.

4. Isaiah 40: 1-2: “Comfort ye, comfort ye, my people,” saith your God. “Speak ye comfort to Jerusalem,” to New York City, to Wuhan, to South Sudan, where more than 1.6 million displaced people are hours or days from healthcare facilities.

5. Isaiah 40:11: “He shall feed his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry them in his bosom, and shall gently lead those that are with young.”

Day Nine

Saturday, March 28 2020

1. Yesterday when my husband came home from work, I cried.

2. A dear friend is grieving two loved ones. Services will likely not be held. One died of COVID-19.

3. A jazz band in New Orleans is playing “I’ll Fly Away” for those whose services cannot be held.

4. I have joined the chorus of voices streaming Facebook live. I read a Psalm.

5. Here is another, Psalm 27: 7, 8: “Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud, be gracious to me and answer me! ‘Come,’ my heart says ‘Seek God’s face!’ Your face, Lord do I seek.”

Day Eight

Friday, March 27, 2020

1. These days our morning walk coincides with the dawn chorus. The cardinals sing, indigo branches stretch out above us against blue gray canvas.

2. We shared our dreams from last night. He was back in his childhood home. Once again, I dreamed about the church. I was asked to return. I am needed, I was told.

3. Jesus says to the weary, broken Peter, “Feed my lambs.” “Tend my sheep.” “Feed my sheep.” *

4. Then the physical presence of Jesus disappears.

5. “Where I am going, you cannot come. I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you. By this everyone will know who you are.”*

*John 21:15-17; John 13: 33-35

Day Seven

Thursday, March 26 2020

1. I rise early and reflect. My husband's eye exam, my daughter's dental appointment, my mammogram and bone density scan, cancelled.

2. I heard the quiver in the guttural voice of the governor of New York. Like a good shepherd he pleas for the life of his people. His voice rises in the wilderness.

3. Someone said, “I see the churches filled again on Easter Sunday!” Someone started the hashtag #EasterMassacre. Someone taps a chart with lines and names of nations, trending upward.

4. The virus does not hear these voices. It is the wolf, threatening the sheep. To live, it seeks a human host.

5. The lost and vulnerable sheep are shivering, feverish, need assistance to breathe.

Day Six

Wednesday, March 25, 2020

1. I do not check the infection count, the death toll, or social media. I find my Bible.

2. Philippians 4:6, 7: “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

3. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”

4. Words I memorized as a child. Words I clung to as a troubled teen. Words I preached over 4 decades. Words I come to now.

5. Oh God. Oh dear God. My God, my God. Help me. Comfort them. Thank you. Give us your peace.

Day Five

Tuesday, March 24, 2020

1. For two hours yesterday my husband did not know whether his business was included in the shut down. It was not.

2. John, who lives with us, works at a grocery store. He is an essential worker.

3. I stay at home and edit Martine: A Memoir. I pray.

4. God, you are our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though your earth has changed, ravaged by a virus scouring the globe, though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble with its tumult.

5. God, are you in the midst of our cities, will you help us? Are you our refuge and strength? Shall we be still and know that you are God?*

   *Psalm 46

Day Four

Monday, March 23, 2020

1. Last night I came to you in a dream, Mom. I found you in your bed, asleep, at 606 Hillmont.

2. I approached you, expecting you to disappear. You did not.

3. You did not wake as I lifted you gently to me and wrapped my arms around you and called out, “Mom! Mom! I’m sorry, Mom!”

4. As I held you, I felt a visceral sense of warmth. I clung to you as someone came and gently separated me from you.

5. What is it like, Mom, in that place we can only trust and imagine? I don’t know. There is so much I don’t know.

Day Three

Sunday, March 22, 2020

1. Psalm 23: “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Thou art with me.”

2. We are entering the valley. Many are already in its shadow.

3. Faith leaders are broadcasting good news, pews sit empty, Easter plans askew.

4. You are with me? In the midst of the looming fog? I do not see you!

5. Ah, yes, there you are. You are hungry. You thirst. You have no covering to protect your body. You are incarcerated. You are a stranger to me. You test positive as you struggle to breathe.*

*Matthew 25: 35-40

Photo by Silvana Palacios from Pexels

Day Two

Saturday, March 21, 2020

1. I dreamed about the rate of transmission.

2. The effect of the one upon the many.

3. The slow spread of good will, good news, new insight, or a new tune sung by whales around the globe.

4. They do, you know, transmit their song from pod to pod and sea to sea.

5. What am I going to transmit today?
   

Day One

Friday, March 20, 2020

1. This is day one of my diary, not day one of the pandemic.

2. I packed my husband's lunch today.

3. Someone I love very much is recovering from the virus.

4. The virus has reached Haiti.

5. My heart is breaking.

Thank you for reading my Pandemic Diary.